Unbecoming 2016

Love You More

Today is Valentines Day. I felt like writing last night at 11:45 pm. I thought that would be sweet to press publish around midnight of the day that points it out. I chose sleep instead.

I’m sitting at a large table, overlooking the lake. The sky has been thick with clouds all morning, but now, I can catch a glimpse of the sun trying to break through. This reminded me of how my heart felt right after I left my marriage. My heart had been closed off for so long, it was thick with clouds. Slowly it started to crack open, and I could feel light within.

Was the light penetrating in or pressing it’s way out?

I had been filled with God’s love for 20 years, but life had hardened my heart. I didn’t feel loved where I was anymore. We had long ago let that die. I believe you have to nurture love to keep it alive and allow it to grow. Not knowing how to depend on God for that, I was expecting it from others. Other people cannot give love when they don’t have it to give.

God’s love is endless, deep and pure. I will never match the love He gives me, so why try?

It’s good practice. I believe what God gives us, He wants us to share with others. Our highest calling is to love, and it starts with ourselves. I had to forgive myself for what I thought were mistakes, or bad choices. Looking back, they were just part of my path, and have made me wiser. I made a decision to start over, and I still do that today. Do overs.

When we stop the ‘do overs’, we lose the practice. I believe to be really good at something, it takes practice. Allowing my heart to melt, and become pliable is what gave me a new heart. A clean heart, to love and live again. Today, I practice keeping my heart full and allow it to overflow onto others that will receive my love. The ones I have chosen, give it back in spades.

mug (206x340)This mug was given to me by Mr.Smith for Valentine’s Day. The entire mug says, “I love you more Barbara.” At first glance I thought that is just the sweetest thing ever! This morning, it was sitting here with me holding my coffee as I pondered this Blog. This picture says something more.

Don’t be afraid of more. Love is one thing you can have an over abundance of. It’s in the overflow that we can freely give. This picture reminded me not only of more love, but more Barbara. When you think you love enough, love more.

 

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