Breast Cancer Journey

That Was Bad

I haven’t mentioned my Chemo treatment recently. It has been running along smoothly, so I haven’t had much to say. God reminded me yesterday, why I’m here, because that was bad.

I am here to shed a positive light on Chemo. Talk about a complete change of mindset. My initial reaction was sheer terror. God has shown me so many things through this, and the first thing was trust. I had to trust Him on this path, and that He was going to perform His miracle through this. I still believe that, but He shows me I have a part. To ask questions.

By placing my trust in God, I tend to not ask many questions. God always uses physical pain to grab my attention. He doesn’t put me in pain. Let’s be clear, but if I am experiencing physical pain, He will use that for all it’s worth. Then it becomes a match of tug of war, but I eventually surrender. I have a high tolerance for pain, but do have a limit. God will win.

Yesterday, was my seventh treatment. I only have five more, and then I get a two week break before starting four treatments over a twelve week period. Lesson One. Don’t get too comfortable where you are. God doesn’t like complacency. I remember my mission today.

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Yep, this is one of my favorite Memes. Yesterday, as I was curled up in the fetal position in my Chemo chair, I wasn’t feeling much like a Badass. The complete opposite actually.

Of course I waited to say anything, thinking my body was just overreacting. Lesson Two. Listen to your body. By the time the nurse came over, all I could say was, “I don’t feel good.” Then I started sobbing. By then it was too late.

Come to find out, the insurance company had changed one of my premeds. I will call them today, and find out the reason, but I am thinking they found one to make more money with. My thighs started aching severely, but I tried to walk it out. Then, I couldn’t walk, because it felt like someone was stripping out the veins in my legs, and I started having severe abdominal cramps to boot.

The nurse stopped the premed, and gave me saline to help flush it out. She also gave me an anti-nausea medicine, because I had been looking around for the nearest empty trashcan.

It was the premed, because once she stopped it, the pain ceased immediately. Then I just got pissed. How dare they change my meds without consulting me first? It never dawned on me to ask if I was getting the same medicines every week, but I will now. Ask questions.

That was yesterday, and today is a new day. I feel fine, just a little worn out physically. Chemo can be a beautiful thing, so have no fear. They had me on the perfect dosage of meds, and I felt great! I actually felt better during Chemo, than I did before Chemo. I guess because it is fighting the bad guy and is winning. Have faith in God, but question man.

 

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

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