Present Moment, Quality of life

Not My Plan

I-may-not-have-gone-where-I-intended-to-go-but-I-think-I-have-ended-up-where-I-needed-to-be-5

I have so enjoyed my three week break from Chemo. It caused me to be pensive, and think about what I want to do next. Yes, I know by now, my plans are not necessarily His plans.

Did I plan on getting a divorce 3 years ago? Better yet, did I plan on my marriage becoming unrecognizable 15 years in, and me staying an additional 10? No, that was not my plan.

Did I plan on moving to the country with my daughter when she turned 13, and raising her alone? Nope. That wasn’t my plan either.

Did I plan on being diagnosed with Breast Cancer near the beginning of 2016, and spend a year focused on that? Well, that was not my plan, but maybe my worst nightmare.

You know what? All these things, and more, have put me exactly where I need to be.

Catching glimpses of my new self during this break, I often pondered what I would be like with Chemo completely out of my system. The doctor assured me there would be no lasting effects of Chemo Brain. My mind would clear back up, once the Chemo was gone.

My daughter says, “You may not be as physically strong as you once were, but you have a new strength.” The physical strength will be simple enough to get back, once this journey is complete. I enjoy that she noticed the new inner strength.

Everything we go through in this life, takes a certain measure of strength. Where I get into trouble is depending on my own strength to get me through. That doesn’t work very well.

God wants us to depend on Him, and pull from His strength. I can feel the difference, and I would much rather trust, and rely on Him to pull me through. Just like trying to plan my life. I can look at what He has given me, writing being one, and use it to the best of my ability.

Allowing myself to be used by Him through my writing is even better. That is when my plan, coincides with His plan, and my options are endless. Let’s roll with that plan.

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