I’ve written quite a bit about this Breast Cancer Journey I’m on. Talking to a dear friend earlier, it made me realize I haven’t really summed up the changes in writing. It’s easy for me to forget all the small things I went through. My journey has been relatively easy compared to others, but maybe that is so I can encourage them, and continue writing.
All of the hair completely fell off my body. The hair on my head was messy, but the rest went without a sound. I was looking at my arm one day, noticing the longish hairs thinning out. The next time I looked, it was gone, and replaced with a layer of fuzz. The same with my legs. The sun came through my bedroom window one morning and revealed a layer of peach fuzz. It almost seems cruel to shave them because they fought so hard to get here.
It’s easy for me to look at this now, and see how God has gone before me. I had no idea what to expect, but He knew, and He has been with me every step of the way. Thank you Jesus.
The doctor told me, this last round of Chemo would show me extreme fatigue. I thought I knew what tired was, because my body was very tired. No…extreme fatigue is something completely different. I will be doing something, or planning to do something, and my body just marches off to the bedroom and lays down. Sometimes I sleep, and sometimes I lay.
I lay differently now. Where I used to curl up under the covers, I now lay on top with my favorite throw. During the night, I get hot, and then cold, so it easier with a throw instead of sheets and blankets. Pillows are thrown all over the bed, so I have many positions to choose from. The body will heal itself if we only be still and let it do what it was made to do.
I cannot drink coffee anymore. Anyone who knows me, knows this is huge. It tastes awful, and makes my body feel bad. I don’t get hungry, and feel no hunger pains. After losing almost 20 pounds, I learned I had to make myself eat regardless of my body being quiet.
It’s like my body only wants good things. Oh, I’ve eaten cookies, and cake for quick calories, but my body is not happy afterwards. Just like we are coming into the new fall season, God is making me new. Everything that I thought was so important before Chemo, is really not important at all. God has scraped my plate clean, and is preparing me for new.
Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.” I have carried that verse with me this entire journey. That has been my daily lesson. I haven’t really done anything in this journey to help it along. I don’t have an agenda anymore, but somehow everything gets done. All I needed was to surrender myself to Him, and trust Him completely. He has caught me every time I fell across my bed, as a reminder to rest my body, so I will be strong enough to fly.