Search Results for: stork

When Stork Stares

IMG_20161128_104228This morning, Stork perched on the railing of this pier. He felt me watching, turned his head and stared straight back. It’d been years since he did that.

The stare was an acknowledgement. “You are sitting still, watching, and I have your full attention. Good!” It was scary, but exciting at the same time! If you don’t know about the Great Blue Heron in my life, you can read more here. Stork is my sign from God that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

My morning meditation, “You are on the path of my choosing.

To be on the path of God’s choosing. It may begin on a path we choose, but God will come in and straighten it out. He is always with us on our journey, and if we lose our way, we can follow Him. He doesn’t judge, and loves unconditionally.

That is my hope.

 

 

 

 

Do Hard Things

At 6:00 am I was sitting on the bathroom floor with a stressed out doggo. There was a tornado warning for our area.

A couple of hours later, the sun is shining, and the birds are chirping. We are enjoying the breeze coming through the screen door, and that little dog that was pacing the house, is laying on her bed completely entertained by a squirrel in the front yard.

That is how suddenly things change.

I’ve been paying attention to my kitchen this week. Since purchasing the planter, to use as a tool caddy, inspiration ensued. Sitting at my kitchen table, I’m beginning to enjoy the view.

This painting was hanging in another part of the house, but I sat it in the kitchen as a much needed reminder.

painting

I don’t read it as a question. I start with the word ‘You’, and go up to ‘can’ before returning to the statement. For me it reads:

Beautiful Girl. You can do hard things.

Pandemic = Way too much time on Etsy.

These cabinet knobs sparkle from across the room. The Great Blue Heron holds a special place in my heart.

stork

Things change suddenly my darling, and you can do hard things.

These Two Worlds

If I sit in the presence of Mr. Smith long enough, the conversation tends to grow deep. Not from me, but from him. I listen, become more quiet, until no words can form. I feel it.

This morning, we were sitting on the back porch, coffee in hand, watching Stork fly in over the lake. I feel a sense of peace when I see Stork. He has always revealed I am in a safe space. This morning, I felt my layers being peeled back one by one, and it was a gentle process. Smith was pointing out how I visit on the weekend, and then I pack up and leave.

I have two lives. The one with Smith on the weekends, and the one with my daughter during the week. My daughter visits some, but that is all it looks like is a weekend visit. My heart is torn between these two worlds.

16388036_1298028700236006_5808028556618898766_n

Smith has never loved me like I imagined I would be loved. He loves me better.

This morning was one of those times where he gently dug down to the heart of the matter. No more skimming over the surface, and the end result was a feeling of rawness. I thought I was holding it together pretty well, living this double life. But, I don’t have to ‘hold it all together’ anymore.

It’s always been my daughter, and me. Even when I was married to her father, it was really just the two of us. There comes a time where you don’t know which way is home. I have two houses, but which one is home?

Bringing three lives together, and enjoying one life. People say it’s a hard thing to do, but from where I sit, it’s harder not to.

The Right Path

Three years ago, I told God I wanted nothingness. Just put me in nothingness. Well, it’s true when they say, “Be careful what you ask for. You just might get it!” He plopped me on 40 acres, with my daughter, and a new beginning.

piermcdade

When I knew it was past time for me to leave my marriage of 25 years, I prayed the God would show us where to go. At first, I was hoping my daughter and I would be able to stay in our home, and that my husband would leave. He wasn’t leaving, and I guess he thought I wouldn’t either, but we did.

I was so hungry for more. Beauty, peace, joy, happiness, and a life reflecting His very best. I couldn’t really fathom what that would look like, but I knew it had to be better than where I had allowed myself to be. It was that faithful day, I was standing outside, and my daughter walked up to me and said, “Mama? Are you ever gonna smile again?” It was time for a huge leap of faith.

If you want to read all about Stork, and what He’s meant in my life, you can do so here. I believe God will give us signs we are on the right path. Stork has been mine.

stork

I didn’t know where to go. Where would be our new home? My daughter started looking, and found a house an hour away from where we were. We looked at several houses, but none of them seemed quite right. When she found this one, I asked, “Where the heck is McDade, TX?” We drove to find out.

After looking at numerous houses, I was ready for a sign. I asked God to make it crystal clear, if this was going to be our new home. Make it obscenely obvious, because sometimes I need that. We met the owner of the little house, at the house, and he showed us around. I knew it was when Mr. Rick said these exact same words, it was my sign from God.

He said, “What do you think? Is this your new home?”

I had asked God to show us our new home.

It was still a scary process, waking up out in the middle of nowhere. We were surrounded by 40 acres, and lots of wildlife. Mr. Rick, and his wife, Patricia, lived across the pond from us, so we weren’t completely alone. God has His Angels firmly planted. I still laugh when I think back at the first time I called them at 2:00 am, after hearing footsteps on the front porch.

I-know

No honey, those were hooves, not feet. (wild boar)

Stepping out onto the front porch of that little house for the first time, coffee in hand, it looked just like nothingness. I asked God, “If this is where we’re supposed to be…If we are on Your path, You gotta show me something please.”

My eyes were drawn down to the left, where a pond and a pier stood still. At the end of that pier, was the most beautiful Great Blue Heron! He was just standing there majestically, with complete confidence, which at the time I didn’t have. He looked at me as if to say, “Good morning Dear. God sent me to tell you. Welcome home.”

That was years ago, but Stork is still in my life today.

That leap of faith was the first step of a new life, and a life of beauty. I don’t know if I will ever know what God’s very best looks like, but I’m going to enjoy the journey, and the little glimpses He gives. I’m obviously on the right path.

The Greater Good

I sit here this morning looking out at a lake. It was not here a few months ago, but it’s coming back. When I first came here, the area was filled with Bluebonnets. There was no water, but the area knew it was supposed to be full.

blueheronIt’s mornings like this that remind me of Stork. We don’t realize what we miss until it’s no longer there. This massive Blue Heron gave me comfort the first year of my legal separation. Knowing I was on the path God had for me, even though I was headed toward a divorce. I miss seeing Stork.

I saw a post this morning that reminded me of a lesson I am continuously learning. I am learning to love myself enough to do what’s good for me. Walking away from a 25 year marriage was one of the hardest thing I ever did. Mustering the courage to walk away from what was not good for me.

I think every relationship starts off good. It’s new and exciting when someone walks into your life that brings more happiness. Make sure it continues to bring you joy. The first sign of sadness should be a red flag because the heart knows.  Just like this once dry land knows it’s a lake.

My daughter used to ask me why I looked sad. If I was with someone that loved me, my face should be smiling. If my heart hurts it will show on my face. The look of sadness means an empty heart, smile means happy and a laugh means overflowing.  Don’t wait for a person to see what’s on your face and question whats in your heart. Walk away.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 15 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Let It Go Coach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is working on her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Let it Flow

I am sitting firmly in my sweet spot. It’s mornings like this I used to look out my window and gaze at Stork as I write. My new house doesn’t have a pond, so there is no Stork.

thankful

I miss Stork, but I love our new home.

Sometimes we have to pull away from what we once loved to love again even more. Letting go of one home to move into another was bittersweet, but the rewards have been endless. Everyday I notice little things that this house has that I’ve always wanted. Just little things that are there waiting for me to use. I wanted to hang my two flower baskets up on the porch, but only saw one hanger. Looking more closely, there was a second hook already in place, patiently waiting.

My daughter and I are going to have a busy weekend! Preparing the email to send her father, letting him know his time with her will be different days, used to stress me out. I’m looking at it today as doing the next right thing. Making him aware of a change in schedule is a courtesy. Just because I couldn’t love him as a wife, doesn’t mean he’s not a good father.

whoyouallow

Walking away from a 25 year marriage was the hardest decision I ever had to make. In a few weeks, it will have been two years since the U haul went from one home to the next. The hardest decisions are always the best.

That was the last hard decision I had to make. There have been important decisions everyday, but nothing quite so life altering. People and situations simply flow in and out of my life. Everything happens for a reason, for the greater good and God’s glory. Allow what you wish to keep.

I have learned and loved these past two years. None of it has been painful enough to scar me, but it has changed me. Being grateful or thankful is the key to my happiness. I love my life today, and my life loves me. Let it flow.

Nothing Left Behind

I love to love. It hasn’t always been that way. When I didn’t feel loved, over a period of time, my heart hardened. Then came the fortress I built around me. God works through people, so when someone told me, “You’re a hard woman,” that got my attention. I didn’t want to be hard, so it was time to make some changes within.

Fall-in-love-love-process

As I sit here this morning, gazing out the window over the pond, I see Stork. He has been here everyday since we decided to move. My daughter and I have been moving stuff over to the new house this week. This morning came the prayer, “Father God. If this is not your will. Stop me now!”

We have always called this home our Safe Haven. It will be two years in May that we left everything we knew and landed on these 40 acres. Today, we are following a path of another adventure, and new beginnings. It feels like we did good here, and are healed, whole, and ready for more. We’re just following God and the process of packing everything up, and moving one foot in front of the other.

Cannon RebelSL1 024

Yesterday, as we were unloading our truck and walking everything into the new house, I paused and took note. Everything little thing was pretty, meant something to us, and had a place waiting in the new home. Opposed to the move two years ago, where we were sorting through a house full, trying to find the items we wished to take. We had gotten our lives down to only having things we love and wish to take with us on this new journey. Nothing will be left behind this go round.

Cannon RebelSL1 053

I love this house. It’s a bittersweet morning Inbarbsworld. Today, we go pick up a new bed for the new house. Everything is new and we are just following the process. It is falling in place seamlessly like only God can do. We get to fall in love with every little piece of it, until we wake up one morning very soon in our new home. Glory to God.