It was one year ago I saw her post with a picture of the ragged bible and went looking for my Bible. It was sitting on a shelf of books collecting dust, but it had a cover on it which I wrote about here. This … Continue reading Leaving the Throne
Today is her birthday and she turned 21.
She’s not here though. She’s in England.
It’s an odd feeling for both of us. We were texting the other night about her turning 21, and she said, “I wish I were five.” Well, my darling. I remember five, and wondered if I’d do anything different? Then she said, “We have a beautiful life.”
She is the reason I started this Blog.
Just because I’m taking a break from Blogging, doesn’t mean I cannot celebrate this day with you. The meaningful work-To serve the people I care about by writing another chapter. Let’s write more chapters.
One of my favorite pictures of us was right after we moved into our first home together. It was a tiny house situated on 40 acres of land. I kept her hook baited, while she fished from the pier. That pier is where I stood with God every morning before dawn. That was also the house that taught us how to kill scorpions.
We were walking to the truck, and you grabbed me for a selfie. We weren’t wearing any makeup, and I had forgotten to use eye drops that morning, but it was a moment. Even blurry-eyed, we have that ‘deep in your heart’ happiness. Our life felt groundless, as the only thing we knew we had was God, and He has us.
We’ve had chickens, kittens, dogs, and a baby duck live with us. You think it’s normal to hang a disco ball in an old oak tree. When we decided to move, I had to leave it there because it was infested with ants, but you bought a new one for here.
The light from the disco ball dances across the kitchen table where you sit, but today even though your chair is empty, the light is still there. Our life is made of love and light.
I’m here to wish you a spectacular birthday! It’s a new chapter and you’re holding the pen. Touch it to the paper my darling, and make it what you want. Feel and see the love and light.
Sitting at my desk enjoying the day, in pajamas, and coffee within reach. The radio is quietly playing in the background. This entire time it felt like Sunday, but it’s Saturday.
Listening to the music in the background, this song was playing. It’s one of the songs I played to praise, and worship God with while standing on The pier. That was where I re-connected with God.
In this song, “Words”, by Hawk Nelson, it feels like he is shouting out to God! That is how I felt then, and sometimes now. Plus, as writers, we have a thing about ‘Words’. Enjoy!
I know I have been sharing a lot of Christian music recently, but that is what I have been listening to.
Music was not a part of my life for a season.
Four years ago, I had this phone I absolutely loved, and it had free music on it. You may recall, it’s the phone I used to play my praise and worship music on the pier in Praise Him Anyway.
My phone carrier stopped offering the free music feature. When my daughter received a stereo for Christmas, music was back in our home. God wants us to hear, and feel the music.
Psalm 95:1 says, “Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.” This week, I have been singing so much, and so loudly, my throat is sore.
It all started when my daughter hooked up the sub-woofer. It was more than just hearing it like before. I could feel it.
This is song number three this week, but every time it comes on the radio, I jump up and start singing along with it. I’ve danced so much, my dog tries to dance along with me. If my 12-year-old dog gets excited, my hope is God does too.
Through this song, God is saying, “If you could only let your guard down. You could learn to trust me somehow. I swear, that I won’t let you go.”
I’m finally to the point of not letting Him go either.
I have done a lot of things that make me look like an idiot. Probably one of my all time favorites was when I would praise and worship God on a pier.
I woke up this morning, snagged a cup of Joe, and stepped outside. I love to stand on my front porch, feel the cool breeze, and just soak in the moment. The sun breaks through these two ginormous oak trees right in front of me. It’s like God’s way of saying, “Good Morning.” I walked inside, flipped on the stereo, and stepped back outside.
This moment brought back memories of McDade.
This pier is where I stood and worshiped God. This picture was taken on a crisp, and frosty morning, but that didn’t stop me from going down there. I still remember the warmth of my feet, breaking through the frost, as I jumped up and down, and danced around. That pier was completely thawed by the time I was done, and so was my heart.
The wooden spool is where I sat my coffee, and laid my phone, which was playing the music to worship Him. I miss that pier. My heart was longing for that feeling this morning, but all I have now is a front porch. Plus, there is a road in front of my house!
I still live out in the country, but since we moved to this little farmhouse in Dale, I haven’t enjoyed that outside ‘praise and worship’ moment. This morning, I could feel, and hear the music coming through the screen door, as I stood on the porch. Instinctively, my feet started bouncing to the beat.
My heart began to swell, and it felt like mild electrical waves flushing through my veins. I had goosebumps from head to toe, and it’s just the most exhilarating feeling ever!
I heard a car coming, so I withdrew.
It was the same feeling when I would hear a car coming down the driveway in McDade. I lived on 40 acres, so the only car that drove by was my landlord. He was probably thinking, “We really need to size her up for a little white jacket that ties in the back.” What would this person coming down the road think, if they saw me dancing around my porch? In my pajamas no less!
This is a picture of my daughter taken in McDade. She is gazing out the window, on a rainy day, looking at the pier. That is how we treat God sometimes. We can feel in our heart what He wants us to do, but let’s just stand here a minute and think about it.
The Bible is full of stories where God asked followers to do things that made them look like idiots. My favorite is Noah. Let’s build an ark, and wait for the rain. The people in this town already shake their heads at me. It wouldn’t surprise them at all to see me building an Ark in my front yard.
They know I’m a writer that lives with my daughter. I wear pajamas way too late in the day. Sometimes the entire day. I had Breast Cancer and walked around bald-headed last year, but….”She’s always happy.” They know what they see, but you can’t see God.
You have to feel Him.
When I left my marriage, my daughter and I moved to a little house on 40 acres of land.
It had a pond with a pier standing over it. Early in the morning, I would walk to the pier with my coffee, and phone for music.
Pulling up my playlist of Praise and Worship, I would jump up and down all over that pier praising Him. That was most mornings anyways. There were some mornings all I could do was stand there and whisper the words. Even though I was still praising Him, I was broken.
To me if felt broken, but God hears the Hallelujah.
This week, I have been reflecting on growth and the progress made. My daughter suggested I look at that and she is always right. This brings us to matters of the heart, which mine had grown hard over the years. God has a blowtorch.
Loving and being loved are two different things. It’s a simple act of kindness to love others, but to let others love you? There are many levels and the higher we go, the more difficult it gets. I can let someone in, but only so far.
What I found is the level I let them in, is the level the relationship stays. The more I give, the more they give and receive. I remember standing on the pier, asking God, “When are you going to send that special someone to love?” God promptly replied, “When are you going to let me?”
God will send someone to nudge their way into your heart, mind and soul. You don’t have to be ready, but you need to be willing. They won’t settle for just a little bit of you, or a part time love. No, they want all of you and in a big way. God won’t send a sissy. No, it will be someone strong enough to handle every piece of what you have to offer.
Let go of your heart and allow someone in to love you. It’s not as hard as you think, and the letting in is worth it.