Be a Friend

Going with the flow is sometimes difficult.

It’s so worth it if you can allow it to happen.

I was sitting at my desk, planning parts of my day. I had typed up a message, but hadn’t hit send yet, when my daughter walked up, and stood at my desk. I looked up at her, and grinned, knowing that she wanted something.

She asked if I could take her to pick up her car from the shop. It was ready. I deleted the message, and said yes. I had been playing message tag with this gentleman all week, over a piece of furniture I have for sale. It can wait.

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My daughter gave me this for Christmas.

Opening the pantry in search of a bottle of water, I find one bottle of water sitting there. My daughter and I drink water by the case! She left the last one for me. It’s what we do. We leave the last of something for the other person, but I have been known to become selfish over the last piece of chocolate.

Unfortunately, my daughter believes it’s normal how we treat one another. She expects the same treatment from friends, but they weren’t raised in our home. She wants to make new friends since our move, and she asked me yesterday, “Mom? How do you make friends?”

I believe we show people how we want to be treated.

My daughter went to one of her favorite coffee shops, to take a break from studying. Her friend texted her, she shared her location, and invited her to meet. Her friend walked into the coffee shop, and sat down with her.

Twenty minutes later, my daughter was home.

Their meetup was brief, because my daughter cut the visit short. She revealed her friend was on her phone the entire time,  and actually face-timing another friend. After several minutes of seeing that her friend had no plan of getting off her phone, she excused herself, and came home.

Maybe our standards are too high in today’s world?

Yesterday, my daughter received a text from a friend. He was hosting a Bible study, and asked her to come. I encouraged her to go, not only for herself, but to be there for him. She was apprehensive not knowing the other people she may see, but wanted to see her friend.

I believed she saw her answer to her question from earlier in the day. The best way to make friends, is to be a friend.

Letting Her Go

My daughter is still at her Dad’s house, but she is packing to leave. Not to come home, but to fly to Missouri to spend time with her boyfriend, his family, and attend a wedding.

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My daughter used to struggle getting out of the house in a timely manner. We both did! This Meme became our sage advice. The first time she heard,”Get your shit together!”, it was out of frustration. She was doing more than she needed, like making the bed, turning all the lights off, and checking for a lit candle. Preparing the house, and herself, to leave.

That was a skill she learned from her previous environment, but that was different. My home was still my haven, but leaving normally meant getting in the car with her father, or driving to meet him somewhere. That is another topic, but my reason for dawdling was to avoid more pain. When I was ready to leave one last time, she was ready to come with.

My shit was not together, but God has a better plan for us. (Jeremiah 29:11)

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My daughter has been navigating airports since she was a toddler. Her father traveled for business, and we went with him, so she learned early. Today, at 17 years old, she can gracefully and confidently get through any airport. When we fly together, she’s responsible for getting us on the plane!

Yeah….I’m the one emptying my pockets, and pulling off my boots, trying to get through security. She has already passed through, and is standing there hoping I don’t hurt myself, or others! Sometimes she gets sent through TSA Pre, and it used to make her feel guilty for leaving me. The airlines view her as low risk, or non threatening, but give her time!

Being her Mama, my heart swells thinking of her flying solo, in more ways one. You could say, our lives together over the past 4 years, has been preparation for today. It’s practice for ‘letting her go‘ gradually. Sometimes, I’ll text her while she’s away from home and say, “Just yell if you need me!” She responds with, “I’ll always need you Mama.” She’s sweet!

I’m not convinced but, ‘Roots and wings’ baby girl. Literally!

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My babe.

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Show Me Love

My daughter and I have the most amazing relationship. She is my very best friend, and my hero. She just celebrated her one year anniversary, dating a guy that lives in Missouri. I’ve been sitting here pondering how she at 17, can have a better relationship than most adults.

Some things I see them do is they accept one another for who they are. Flaws and all. They also communicate constantly. If something is bothering her, no matter how trivial, she tells him, and they talk it through. They have their own lives, but they make one another a priority in it. Her philosophy is, “Treat him the way I want to be treated in return.”

That has worked for us for years. My daughter and I never fight, and have not even raised our voices to one another. We treat one another the way we want to be treated. I firmly believe children copy what they see. When the time came to leave her father, one of my reasons was, I didn’t want her to grow up and think what she saw was a healthy marriage.

I wanted her to see love.

They give true meaning to the word ‘relationship.’ It’s a work in progress. They are grounded within themselves, so they don’t look to one another for completion. They enjoy their lives, but being together makes life that much sweeter. Watching what they have is like seeing everything love is. I believe we’ve lost sight of that in today’s techie world.

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In this pic, she is super made up. She is a natural beauty, and doesn’t need all this makeup, but it was prom, and they sent me this silly moment. They tried to make me feel included.

They met online, so I will give technology kudos for that, but that’s about it. If a problem ever arises it is thanks to social media. Some girl will make a comment about one of his pictures with a million heart-eye emojis. This gives my daughter a twinge of insecurity, but I always remind her, “Who is his girlfriend?” Then I threaten to beat that girl with my stick.

This boy is coming to visit on Wednesday. He has never visited us, so this is very exciting! All those airline miles her father and I collected over the years came in handy. Her father has flown with her to see him once every 90 days. They are going to ACL is Austin, TX which is exciting enough, but the anticipation of seeing each other face to face is pretty intense.

She is beyond excited, and has it all planned. She is picking him up from the airport, and has an itinerary planned for each day he is here. She wants to show him the best in Texas, but what she may not know is, he’s going to be ecstatic just being in the same room as her.

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Maybe you are reading this and thinking, “Oh, young love.” I am writing this and thinking, I want what they have. It can be like this at any age. When you love someone they should be an intimate part of your life, even if you’re not together. They call to hear one another’s voice, and rarely text. They write letters and mail them to each other. Their hearts overflow.

Will they last? Only God knows that because He has her life plan. Even if they don’t, to be able to have such an amazing relationship at such a young age. What a gift! She has told me before, “I live in amazement of your daily life.” Well my darling daughter, I get to live in amazement of you and yours. May God continue to bless you in all you do, and in who you love.

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Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

Them Gilmore Girls

I heard the best line ever yesterday. My daughter, and I were sitting in a restaurant, when this little old man approached our table. He nodded at my bald head and said, “Is it medical? Or do you want your head to look that way?” I busted out laughing, he smiled, and it was all good.

I thought when I lost my hair thanks to Chemo, I would learn how to tie all these beautiful scarves to cover my head. Well, that didn’t happen. I live in Texas so, scarves are hot! In the beginning stages, I thought I was covering my head to make myself less scary looking.  It turns out, I was covering it to mask what I am going through. No scarf? People approach.

This has been a week of love, and learning. My daughter turns 17 on Monday, August 8th. I took time and gave her a little something each day that reminded me of our life together, or something I wanted her to know for the future, along with a note. On Day 5, yesterday, she looked at me after reading the hand written note, and said, “It’s sounds like my Mom, and a Writer.”

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She texted me this picture last week, and it made my heart smile. I’ve been chastised for being her friend, more than a Mother. Who says I can’t be both? She is my very best friend, and these last 3 years have held the happiest moments of my life. This week, we have been Netflix binging on a show called The Gilmore Girls. This show describes our life perfectly.

We are only into the first season, so I will be upset if the Mother turns into a skank, but for now, it makes us laugh. My daughter and I drink coffee together, and yes, I am addicted. Every now and then I cut myself off, just to show it I’m boss. This week, I have barely had any coffee, so by the time Saturday morning rolled around, I was ready to lay my face in it.

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Our life was once ran by a calendar. It was one of those large ones that covers your desk. I haven’t had one of those on my desk since I left my marriage, and took my daughter with me. Living life day to day is what we do. Being grateful for waking up, and watching for what God has in store that day. Everyday is different, and it’s never boring. Living life together.

I give her some of the craziest advice coming from a Mother, but to her, it always makes sense. She would write the really good ones down, and go back and look at them later, when she needed a good laugh. I have always asked her not to call CPS on me, and she never has.

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Some of the things that come out of my mouth, amaze even me. My Mother was a good Mother, but we were not friends. I went to my friends for advice, which didn’t always pan out well, so I wanted my girl to always come to me. We talk about everything, and now with social media ablaze, there are never ending topics. Nothing is forbidden, and we learn a lot.

When I left her Father, it was right before my 50 birthday. I told my daughter, “I’m not counting anymore birthdays for me. I will buy cake, because we will always eat cake, but no counting years.” It worked too, because when people ask me my age, I have to really think before answering. With her birthday coming up, she made the same announcement to me.

Growing up is bittersweet, but growing old is optional.

My darling girl, always remember, “Where you lead, I will follow, Anywhere that you tell me to. If you need, you need me to be with you I will follow where you lead.”

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Flying the Nest

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Stepping out on my front porch this morning, I looked up at the bird’s nest that has housed four baby birds, and saw only two. They have grown up so fast! Just a few weeks ago, I saw four bald heads up there. They had a few, small random hairs on their heads. I could relate!

I have raised my daughter to the best of my ability, and trusted God to do the rest. I have not said ‘No’ to her very much because I trust her judgement. I would rather her learn everything she can, while she’s still in the nest, so when she flies, she will know what to expect. I want her to have strong wings, like the eagle, but watching her learn to fly sucks.

She is going to a concert tonight without me. I have always told her, “I trust you. It’s just the people around you I have a problem with.” The band is Twenty-one Pilots. She was introduced to this band by a boy that came into her life a year ago via social media. This boy was in a world of pain, and she was there to listen. It was hard to watch, and she got hurt, but she learned a lot from that boy. God’s grace was upon her, and He healed her ruptured heart.

I prayed for God to send the right person to accompany her to this concert. I wanted her to go with someone I felt would protect her from the crowd. One of her very best friends is a guy she doesn’t get to see very often. One time they were hanging out together, and she asked to ride his skateboard. He handed it to her, and she hopped on. When he saw she was going to crash, he dove toward her and landed between her and the pavement. He is going.

Yesterday, I did something completely illegal. She received a letter from her boyfriend, that lives in Missouri, and she wrote him right back. He had gone on a mission trip, and didn’t have his phone for 10 days, so her wrote her a letter. The good ol’ days right? She wanted to mail her letter to him immediately, so I sat still and told her, “Go ahead. You know how to drive.”

She has been driving since January with a permit, and will have her license in a couple of weeks. She is an excellent driver. Better than most adults I know. She drives me to Chemo once a week, and I usually sleep on the ride home. That is how confident I am in her ability to drive. I believe she has been uneasy about driving alone, so she has lingered getting her license.

I saw this letter as a good opportunity to let her fly. She hopped in her car, and drove off to the Post Office. We live in a very small town, so the Post office is less than a mile away. The only thing you have to worry about here, is a cow, or tractor, stepping out in front of you. When I first learned of my Breast Cancer, she drove me in and out of downtown Austin, so this was cake.

After she had left, I stepped out on the porch, and leaned against one of the large posts. I was filled with peace, and knowing that God had this. Now with this concert, I have to believe, God will protect my daughter from the world around her. There is a prayer I have been praying over her since she was tiny. It has saved my sanity as a parent, and gives me strength.

Prayer of Protection for Your Family by Kellie Copeland Kutz

Allowing her to be a part of this world, but not of this world is rough. She knows more about what’s going on in the world, than I do. We talk about everything, and she shares with me all the crazy stuff she sees on social media. It’s a scary world out there, and I’m not excited about letting her go into it without me. Mama’s…Do your best, and let God do the rest.

A footnote: Right after I finished writing this, I stepped out onto the porch to get some air. The bird’s nest is now empty, and they are flying around the front yard. Exactly as planned.

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Happiness and Heroes

As I strolled into the kitchen this morning, I noticed it looked clean. My daughter had tidied it up before she went to bed. There was the Kuerig, standing at the ready with a pod in place, waiting to be pressed. One of my favorite mugs underneath, ready to capture the hot liquid.

Before grabbing the handle, I noticed a piece of paper rolled up behind the pod. It was a note from my daughter that said, “You’re still my hero. I love you so much.”

HappinessLooking up the word Happiness, I saw many perspectives of what it meant for others. There are a few things I’ve learned, that a lot of you probably have as well, but let’s ponder.

I am a happy person. My circumstances don’t dictate my state of well being anymore. Happiness comes from within. My daughter says after Chemo, I’m going to be all new inside. That sounds like a  place with endless possibilities for me. Sometimes we have to burn down all the crap inside of us to uncover the seed of happiness.

Can people make me happy? No, but they can bring additional happiness into my life.

Once you find inner peace, happiness follows suit. Holding onto that happiness is something I work on the daily. Keeping my peace makes everything going on around me seem lighter. If something, or someone takes my peace, that is something I will look at more closely. For me, it usually means I have stepped out of God’s will in some small way.

IMG_20160410_094432My daughter has called me her hero since she was five. I don’t believe it’s anything I’ve striven to do. Just caring for her in the most loving way possible, while still allowing her to test her wings. I love how she used the word ‘still’, in the note she left for me this morning.

I left her father when she was 13, and took her with me. It has been a marvelous journey, and one that continues to get more glorious with time. Has it been easy? No, but God has made every piece of it possible. We never know exactly where the journey will take us, but we trust God and His plan for us. Just like the Chemo coming up Tuesday is not a welcome part, but it seems necessary if I want to see her grow up and give me a grandchild, or ten.

So beauties, no matter where you are on your path, God has your back. I believe God wants me to trust Him completely in this, not just when it’s convenient. I also believe He wants me to actually ask people for help, which has always been hard. He is placing people in my path I can depend on. People who suit up, and show up, and look like heroes to me.

Being a visual person, i have purchased wooden signs, and placed them throughout my home. If I ever need to be reminded of Happiness, all I have to do is walk into my bedroom. It’s hanging larger than life above my bed. Much love to you and may you hold your peace, and happiness.

 

 

 

For My Daughter

I woke  up very early this morning with a mind full of my daughter. She is sleeping in her room across the hall, but since this Blog began with her in mind, here’s one for you Bailey.

You have watched me your whole life and know my every mood. When you were around 12 years old, you saw me standing in the backyard, staring into the abyss. Walking up and sliding your hand into mine you asked, “Are you ever going to smile again.?” I wasn’t sure at the time if that was possible, but I knew something drastic was going to take place.

We had a farm called Hope Tree. You named it, drew the logo and we met with a graphic artist to bring it to life. We opened it up to the public and brought in families that have never held a chicken, or seen a baby pig. We educated them about farm life, the kids got dirty, and we went on to host birthday parties. Three years later, people still call wanting to visit.

We had ducks, and you took a Vet Science course, so we incubated their eggs. I still recall how mesmerized we were watching through the little window of the incubator as they broke free from their shell. Then we had a huge cardboard box full of baby ducks. That was the noisiest box ever, but a friend of mine saved us and took almost all of them to her farm.

That farm was the last good part of our life while married to your Dad. It got me through so much, and kept me sane as my marriage crumbled. I don’t know which broke my heart more. Finally walking out of the marriage, or saying goodbye to every animal, and leaving Hope Tree. The very best part of it all was taking you with me. God has led us through it all.

We knew it was past time to leave, but didn’t know where to go. Being homeschooled, we were not tied to any school district, so we could live anywhere. You found an ad for a house on 40 acres in McDade Texas. I looked at you in dazed confusion and asked, “Where the heck is McDade?” It was an hour away, and I’ll never forget the look on our faces as the road to the little house got smaller, more treacherous, and finally ran out of pavement onto a gravel driveway.

Mr. Rick was waiting to show us the little house. It was so beautiful out there, and I recall how everything was so green. Rick and his wife Patricia lived on the 40 acres as well, so it wasn’t like we would be alone. I had asked God to make it crystal clear if this was our new home. We had looked at quite a few, but nothing felt quite right. Mr. Rick was standing in the dining area, by the bay window, and looked at me and asked, “Is this your new home?”

My heart swells when I think of that little house. It was our new beginning.Walking this path of life together, with God at the lead, has been an amazing journey. Rick and Patricia were so sad when we left, but a year and a half later, we were ready to fly the nest, onto a little bit bigger one. It was like God has chosen them to watch over us, just like where we are now.

You found this house too, and again, a lovely couple own it. We downsized and moved to 5 acres, but Mr. Pete has his woodworking shop on the acreage, so we’re never alone. God always puts the right people in your path as just the right time. The house in McDade was a safe place for us to grow and learn how to depend on God for every little thing, but there were three things we yearned for. Things we took for granted before. Do you recall what they were?

The house was a one bedroom, but it was a massive room. We shared it which I wouldn’t have had it any other way. At the time, I don’t think we were willing to be separated by rooms. We were ready for our own bedroom, a bathtub to soak in, and a washer and dryer.

You learned the ins and outs of the laundromat for a year and a half. We were grateful, but tired of going every week. We had a shower, but no tub, and you couldn’t very well go hide in your room from me, because we shared it. This house on 5 acres has all that and more.

This is probably the longest Blog I have written in a long time, and I could go on and on, but I don’t need to. You remember it all, because you experienced it all with me. I am so grateful for you and how brave you have been your whole life, but especially these last 3 years. You are moving toward adulthood quickly, and I couldn’t be more pleased of who you’ve become.

Don’t ever forget your worth. You wrote about it here right after we moved into this house. You are beautiful inside and out, but way too hard on yourself. You get that honestly, but I hope you see me being kinder to myself and will follow suit. You have told me that “I’m your hero”, since you were 5, but what you may not know is, you are mine too. I love you.

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