Timing and Expectations

My daughter has left to go visit her Father, so let the weekend begin! Let’s see how long it takes her to realize, she left her favorite CD’s in the CD player at home. Thank you Darling!

As she drove away, I turned on the stereo to listen to this song I’ve been bingeing on for a month. You can hear it on Feel the Music. This song soothes me even though it makes the house vibrate. Gotta love a good stereo, and sub woofer.

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This weekend I am taking a social media fast. Social Media and I have had a long loved, and unloved relationship. It has been good for me, and not so good. Spending the weekends, doing whatever I wanna, the timing feels right to take this break. Will let you know next week what it taught me.

Life has a lot to do with timing, and expectations. They are our teachers. I have high expectations for myself, but realize everyone’s expectations vary. We can be our own worst enemy, so my weekends are spent being extra kind to myself.

Something social media has given me are Memes. Friends tease me about my life being one, big Meme. I love them, and will eventually make a Meme compiled with all my favorite quotes, but I almost allowed a complete stranger turn me against them altogether. This happened a year ago.

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Searching for Memes to post on Letitgocoach Facebook page, I was becoming burned out over seeing the same ones. There had to be better, and more, is what I felt in my heart. I found an online software that was free, and user-friendly, and began making my own, like the one above.

My heart was right, but I had no clue what I was doing. All I knew was, they should be pretty, and say something that you don’t see everyday. Looking for Memes to share, there were times the saying was almost what I wanted, but not quite. Or, I would find the perfect one, and it would have a typo in it.

This online software was not the best, or the most popular to use, but it was simple. It had limited choices for font, and pics. It didn’t stop me though. Between my daughter’s photography, and Google, I could find pics. The software provided freedom to share whatever I felt led to share, but they didn’t look like ordinary Memes. Here’s one of the first.

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One of my first Memes.

One of my favorite meditative readings is a book by Melodie Beattie entitled, “Journey to the Heart: Daily meditations on the Path to Freedom.” Googling quotes from the book, pulled up very few Memes, but that is what I wanted to share. It wasn’t going to change the world, but it could make a difference. Then, in walked the stranger with my lesson.

My Facebook page was growing, and this guy that owns a couple of pages decided he would help me out. He sent a message, and here it is copied and pasted in it’s original format. His personal info has been omitted for anonymity. “If I may suggest, your messages are great, just need to work little on your images. Use picmonkey for editing images Pixabay for images and pintrest for free fonts and quotes.”

I thanked him for his advice, and did more research. Was his comment discouraging, or encouraging? I saw it as both.

Having done research beforehand, I knew of his suggestions, and they were not what I wanted. The one I was using was simple, and had everything right there, it just needed to offer more. Recently, I went back to his pages to see if his style had changed, and it had. The Memes were all black and white.

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From SC Lourie’s journal, “How the Light Gets Out.”

One year later, and full circle. Looking through SC Lourie’s journal, and wanting to share. I pulled up the Meme software to see if they had made any changes, or if it still existed. There it was with many new enhancements. It just took time. They know they have a good thing going, but they also know it can always be better. The one above is for my new Blog.

It’s not about being perfect, or pleasing other people. It’s about what makes YOU happy. Learning to take constructive criticism is a work in progress, but it makes me want to do better, and be the best I can be. Making memes is fun, and it’s one of the best, and free ways to advertise who you are.

Just for grins, I Googled Letitgocoach, clicked on images, and there they are! A lot of what has been posted here, or used on Letitgocoach Facebook is displayed on Google. Even some of the early ones! (slight cringe) Well, here ya go Google. Latch onto one of my faves! Much love lovelies!

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Letting Her Go

My daughter is still at her Dad’s house, but she is packing to leave. Not to come home, but to fly to Missouri to spend time with her boyfriend, his family, and attend a wedding.

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My daughter used to struggle getting out of the house in a timely manner. We both did! This Meme became our sage advice. The first time she heard,”Get your shit together!”, it was out of frustration. She was doing more than she needed, like making the bed, turning all the lights off, and checking for a lit candle. Preparing the house, and herself, to leave.

That was a skill she learned from her previous environment, but that was different. My home was still my haven, but leaving normally meant getting in the car with her father, or driving to meet him somewhere. That is another topic, but my reason for dawdling was to avoid more pain. When I was ready to leave one last time, she was ready to come with.

My shit was not together, but God has a better plan for us. (Jeremiah 29:11)

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My daughter has been navigating airports since she was a toddler. Her father traveled for business, and we went with him, so she learned early. Today, at 17 years old, she can gracefully and confidently get through any airport. When we fly together, she’s responsible for getting us on the plane!

Yeah….I’m the one emptying my pockets, and pulling off my boots, trying to get through security. She has already passed through, and is standing there hoping I don’t hurt myself, or others! Sometimes she gets sent through TSA Pre, and it used to make her feel guilty for leaving me. The airlines view her as low risk, or non threatening, but give her time!

Being her Mama, my heart swells thinking of her flying solo, in more ways one. You could say, our lives together over the past 4 years, has been preparation for today. It’s practice for ‘letting her go‘ gradually. Sometimes, I’ll text her while she’s away from home and say, “Just yell if you need me!” She responds with, “I’ll always need you Mama.” She’s sweet!

I’m not convinced but, ‘Roots and wings’ baby girl. Literally!

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My babe.

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What a Savage!

My daughter has been at her Dad’s since Friday. Yesterday, we decided to meet up at one of our favorite coffee houses. Stepping outta my truck, she was walking across the parking lot towards me. I was in awe of her grace, and beauty.

Her hair was woven in this messy bun atop her head She was wearing a white, knit top, loose-fitting jeans, and comfortable looking heels. Wanting a picture of her, I handed her my phone, and asked her to snap one. Next time, I’ll be more specific, because this is what she did.

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She will be screaming that I shared this, but she knows her Mama. This is her ‘egg’ look she often sends to her best friend. Her bestie is Japanese, and has darker skin, so she is referred to as ‘brown egg’, and my daughter is ‘white egg’.

Their most obvious differences, yet they are besties. They speak to one another like savages, but they love one another. Her friend knows her true beauty. Her heart.

People see my daughter, and may think she knows she’s beautiful. The sad part is, my daughter doesn’t know it. No matter how often she hears it, she just laughs it off. Do you know what causes her to question herself?

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She compares herself to what she sees on Social Media.

So, she knows this. 2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2 NIV)

“The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life.” (Job 33:4)

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My daughter doesn’t need my preachin’. She knows my heart, so I pray for her instead. So one day she can do this.

“I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139:14) Her soul needs to know.

We live together, so she hears some preachin’, and sometimes too much! Her new thing to say is, “It’s okay Mama. I still love you, just a little less!” Hah! What a savage!

Set Me Free

I want to show you my hair.

As you may have read in Repeat if Desired, we were trying to bleach it to white. Then my daughter was going to put lavender on it, but it has evolved into something on it’s own.

My hair grows fast, which I learned Thanks to Chemo. By the time we got it to the lightness we wanted, it had grown out of the style we were shooting for. So, we shaved the sides, and back.

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This entire process has set me free from the stigma placed on hair. We have had so much fun with it! I told her today, “When you homeschool, and my hair becomes the project?”

God works like that. We started out with a style and color in mind, but over time it became something we could not have done if we tried. My daughter just keeps experimenting with it. There is nothing she can hurt. It’s only hair, and during Chemo, I was skinned bald for months!

I received my first Patreon this morning!!!

My daughter was in the shower when I received the email notification. You better believe I starting squealing with delight, ran into the bathroom, jumped up and down, and told her over the noise of the shower, “I.GOT.MY.FIRST.PATREON!!!!!” I believe I put some people off because I get excited, and refuse to contain it. I used to play it cool, but no more. If you get me excited, you best run for cover! You will know without a doubt that I am enjoying the moment!

Isn’t that what God wants us to do? Be excited for what He’s doing in our lives!?!

When I received the email notification from Patreon, it was like God was saying, “See? Thanks for listening, and obeying Barb!” God worked through her to encourage me to keep on writing! I was looking at the email thinking, “She believes in me. She wants to be a part of this book.”

Are you curious as to what picture Publicize used to post with this mornings Blog?

It didn’t pick up any of the cute Meme’s I used in the Blog. No, it used the last thing I posted which was the ginormous Patreon Logo!!! I left it alone, and just rolled with it. What we have in mind, and what God has in mind are two totally different things. Even when things don’t look exactly the way we intended, He will use it for His glory. It just sets me free!

Flying the Nest

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Stepping out on my front porch this morning, I looked up at the bird’s nest that has housed four baby birds, and saw only two. They have grown up so fast! Just a few weeks ago, I saw four bald heads up there. They had a few, small random hairs on their heads. I could relate!

I have raised my daughter to the best of my ability, and trusted God to do the rest. I have not said ‘No’ to her very much because I trust her judgement. I would rather her learn everything she can, while she’s still in the nest, so when she flies, she will know what to expect. I want her to have strong wings, like the eagle, but watching her learn to fly sucks.

She is going to a concert tonight without me. I have always told her, “I trust you. It’s just the people around you I have a problem with.” The band is Twenty-one Pilots. She was introduced to this band by a boy that came into her life a year ago via social media. This boy was in a world of pain, and she was there to listen. It was hard to watch, and she got hurt, but she learned a lot from that boy. God’s grace was upon her, and He healed her ruptured heart.

I prayed for God to send the right person to accompany her to this concert. I wanted her to go with someone I felt would protect her from the crowd. One of her very best friends is a guy she doesn’t get to see very often. One time they were hanging out together, and she asked to ride his skateboard. He handed it to her, and she hopped on. When he saw she was going to crash, he dove toward her and landed between her and the pavement. He is going.

Yesterday, I did something completely illegal. She received a letter from her boyfriend, that lives in Missouri, and she wrote him right back. He had gone on a mission trip, and didn’t have his phone for 10 days, so her wrote her a letter. The good ol’ days right? She wanted to mail her letter to him immediately, so I sat still and told her, “Go ahead. You know how to drive.”

She has been driving since January with a permit, and will have her license in a couple of weeks. She is an excellent driver. Better than most adults I know. She drives me to Chemo once a week, and I usually sleep on the ride home. That is how confident I am in her ability to drive. I believe she has been uneasy about driving alone, so she has lingered getting her license.

I saw this letter as a good opportunity to let her fly. She hopped in her car, and drove off to the Post Office. We live in a very small town, so the Post office is less than a mile away. The only thing you have to worry about here, is a cow, or tractor, stepping out in front of you. When I first learned of my Breast Cancer, she drove me in and out of downtown Austin, so this was cake.

After she had left, I stepped out on the porch, and leaned against one of the large posts. I was filled with peace, and knowing that God had this. Now with this concert, I have to believe, God will protect my daughter from the world around her. There is a prayer I have been praying over her since she was tiny. It has saved my sanity as a parent, and gives me strength.

Prayer of Protection for Your Family by Kellie Copeland Kutz

Allowing her to be a part of this world, but not of this world is rough. She knows more about what’s going on in the world, than I do. We talk about everything, and she shares with me all the crazy stuff she sees on social media. It’s a scary world out there, and I’m not excited about letting her go into it without me. Mama’s…Do your best, and let God do the rest.

In honor of @twentyonepilots tomorrow and my impeccable driving

A post shared by Bailey Holmes (@christiannbay) on

A footnote: Right after I finished writing this, I stepped out onto the porch to get some air. The bird’s nest is now empty, and they are flying around the front yard. Exactly as planned.

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Living In Enoughness

Today’s magical word for me is ‘Enoughness’. I love taking words such as, Awesome, and Fabulous, and adding ‘ness’ to them. Then you have Awesomeness and Fabulousness!

Let’s look at Enoughness. Leo Babuata of Zen Habits, is one of my Hero Writers. He inspires me, and prompts me to think. Leo has been writing for 25 years. I’ve been struggling with writing thanks to Chemo, because it fogs the brain. I want to write everyday, but it’s a challenge. I’m whining after not even 3 years of writing, so thank you Leo for continuing to write, and inspiring us babies.

I have found over the years, that God has given me more than enough. Am I happy with what I have? I am overjoyed! Simplifying my life has brought me tremendous freedom!

How can less be more than enough? Time, patience, gratitude, and God.

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I am free to dream. What are those dreams? Well, one is writing. God has opened the door, just recently, for me to pursue another life-long dream. I will share more about that later. Focus Barbara.

Yesterday was my 12th Chemo Treatment, and now I will enjoy a 3 week break. I am so excited! Hopefully, the time off from Chemo, will allow me to practice my writing skills. You will see more of me, and in different ways.

To stay in practice, I have posted what’s on my heart, on my Letitgocoach Facebook Page. A writer has to write, so even though they are small, they are being well received. Thank you.

So, back to Enoughness. All I needed to start Blogging was a laptop. Well, that was easy enough. Looking around at my life, I always have what I need, when needed. The other day, my daughter needed a Sharpie. I knew we had to have one, I just wasn’t sure where. Looking through all the drawers to no avail, I opened a cabinet, to pull out a bowl. There was the Sharpie. It had fallen from the back of the drawer, and landed in the stack of bowls below.

Gratefulness. Staying grateful for everything God has given us. Even that Sharpie.

My mind is shutting down, so I leave you with Leo’s wisdom. This is his Blog about Enoughness, which I hope you will take a minute to enjoy. “All You Need, You Already Have.”

Much love. ❤

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Sprawl Out

I looked at my bed, after getting out of it recently. Half of it is smooth, and still made; almost untouched. I lay the covers back to get out, and you can see only one person sleeps there. It made me wonder what other areas of my life, resemble my bed. I’m an overthinker.

It made me think back, when God opened the door, for me to leave my marriage. My daughter was looking for houses available for rent. The house God led us to, on 40 acres, had one ginormous bedroom. I paused and considered if that was a good idea. That house was 795 square feet in size, but was perfect for us. It was exactly what we needed, and when.

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It was close quarters, so we were always near one another. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

We took what we loved, and what was necessary, to our new home. We took her bed, and I left the other one there. We slept in the same bed, and we learned to stay on our own side. It amazes me what your mind can train your body to do. Even after I bought a new bed, over a year later, my body still chose to sleep on it’s own side, just like she was still there.

Lastnight, I sprawled out.

It also made me think how I had trained my body to sleep before I went to the doctor. The lump in my breast was painful, and I went from lying flat on my back, to one side, to eventually sitting up to sleep. It gradually intensified each day just to see how much pain I could take. Unfortunately for me, I can take quite a bit, but I finally surrendered and went.

I made a point lastnight, to lay on my stomach, with pillows propped under my head, elevating any pressure on my port. Then I sprawled out, and took up all of the bed I could.

It was a very freeing feeling, almost exhilarating actually. My body was extremely pleased with this new found freedom. It also made me think, “What other areas in my life do I need to sprawl out? What have I trained myself to live with? Where do I need to trust God more?”

The most obvious area is going through Chemo, and believing for His perfect healing in all this. I believe there are more areas though, so I get to dig deeper. Cake with icing for the overthinker. Prayer and meditation, and asking God to show me where I need to sprawl out.

Are you feeling this today?

He had me write it for a reason, so maybe it spoke to you. If so, I pray for us to ‘let go’ of who we have trained ourselves to be, and open our hearts to His plan for our lives. Just like Nike says, “Just do it,” we can say, “Let’s sprawl out.”

 

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was what stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Fly With Me

Receiving compliments has been a work in progress for me. I hear what people say, but to actually receive, accept and store it inside is a mighty action. We can work and work at something, but sometimes we just need to loosen our grip and it comes together more easily. It’s not about forcing a change. Let It Go and watch the transformation.

airplaneWhen I found the Letting Go project it was exactly what I needed. Starting a new life and leaving everything I knew as normal, had put me in a space of not knowing. It was time to go in search of the real me and see what that looked like. I had no restrictions, so my options were endless.

I received Lesson One via email, and started reading. It spoke about the mind and body and was very interesting how they affected one another. Reading through the Introduction brought me to the actual lesson about Negative Thinking. Being a positive minded person, I reasoned, “This is not going to help me.” Welp….. I was wrong.

starve I was like a ball of clay that needed to climb up on the potter’s wheel and let ‘er rip! I went through one lesson a week, for 10 weeks. Some weeks were hard, but that is where I would receive my biggest growth. By the time it was complete, I knew who I was, what I wanted and loved my life. It made such a dramatic impact on me, I went on to become a Let It Go Coach, so I could help others let go of their old selves and embrace the new.

I’m hosting an Online workshop in 3 weeks. If you are interested, just click here to find out more. It will be open to 10 participants and we’re half full, so connect with me soon. You cannot always wait for the perfect time. Sometimes you must dare to jump.

 

Look For Signs

When I first moved to this little farm house on 40 acres, I had no clue what God had in store. I was hoping this was His will, but concerned that maybe this was my move and not His. There was nothing out here but grass, trees and a pond with a pier beside the house. This is what nothingness looked like and I slowly recalled mentioning to God, that is what I wanted. Give me nothingness.

blueheronThe entire story of the Blue Heron, or the Stork we named Elvis, is written in my Blog, Just Breathe. He was my sign that I was at the right house and exactly where I needed to be. There are actually two storks. The Blue Heron was the first one to show up and then a white Egret came to visit.

The white one, named Marilyn shows up often, so we don’t pay much attention to that one. She is here almost everyday, stays for a bit and leaves. Elvis is very majestic and carries himself with intention. Sometimes he makes himself known, like this morning, as I was gazing out the window. He purposefully strolled right into sight as if to say, “Good Morning Barbara. I’m here.”

At other times, I have to search for him. His coloring blends in with the brush and trees around the pond, so I have to look for movement for him to come into view. Sometimes, I just know he’s there without even looking. His presence fills me with peace and promise of good things to come. When he shows up, I can almost guarantee, a change is coming in my life.

Stork is fearless. I’m looking out the window now and it’s pouring down rain. He’s just standing there, watching for his morning catch of fish. The rain is not going to deter him from his mission. He is focused on eating and is not bothered by his environment. Now, if I go outside with gusto, and the screen door slams, it will disturb his focus and he will fly away. They are instinctual animals, so a loud noise resembling a gunshot will prompt him to flee to safety.

Look for signs. They are there because God always gives me a heads up before He swoops in and moves. Just like the Egret, God moves swiftly in my life, but he shows me little things leading up to the event. I may see nothing at first and that within itself is a sign that something has changed. Watch for the slightest movement. It will step into view when I’m strong enough to handle it.

 

 

 

I Am Free

There’s a song the Newsboys came out with years ago called, I Am Free. I used to stand on my pier in the early morning and scream this song st the top of my lungs. Almost two years later, God reminded me of this song this morning and where I am today. God has brought me a long way, but I still have far to go.

free I hold high expectations for myself, and that’s okay. It’s when our expectations of self, fall onto others that we get disappointed. God showed me in the early hours of morning, that by expecting people to treat me a certain way, limits their actions. Today, I’m taking all limits off my life.

Joyce Meyer used to say, “I don’t expect much. That way if I don’t receive much, I’m not disappointed.” I recoiled from that statement thinking it was extremely negative. I expect great things and serve a great God, but I was getting disappointed. With God? No. With people? Yes.

God never disappoints us. We can disappoint ourselves, or allow the actions, or lack thereof, of others to disappoint us, but God won’t do it. He’s incapable. When people treat us a certain way, if we like it, we cling to it. It brings additional happiness to our lives and we all want that. The flip side is, that limits them in treating us with all their capabilities. If they treat us a little bit good, which may seem like a lot depending on how hungry we are for goodness, are they capable of more?

God is. I have a very sweet life today and if I don’t limit God, I’m sure He has a lot more in store. Today, it would be difficult for me to handle much more than He’s already given me, but that is one of the great things about God. He won’t give us more than we can handle. I need to open my heart and mind, expand my capacity to receive more of God’s goodness. What He has to offer is only limited by me. Today, I free myself from any and all expectations from people and God. I am free.