Once is Enough

Last week, I deleted my Facebook account.

It’s been on my heart to do so all year. One of those last things to ‘let go’ of. The key to doing something like this, and be filled with peace afterwards, is to do it a non emotional state. Sitting calmly in front of my laptop, staring at the number of followers, I let go, and clicked deactivate.

Two weeks ago, I almost got myself fired from my job.

One of my virtual assistant employers asked if I would receive their incoming calls, and I agreed. They were forwarded to a cell phone, and it took a couple of weeks to discover why they wanted them forwarded. It was like politely fencing with a sales person every time the phone would ring. By week three I was done taking those calls.

My salary might decrease, but my joy will increase!

13-Motivational-QUotes

It’s okay to let go of things that are no longer fulfilling.

What do I want to do to bring in income? I’m not sure, but I’m staying open to whatever God has in store. He’s good at signs, and sometimes he has them printed out on neon paper, and hangs it on a door. That occurred last week.

There was a ‘help wanted’ sign on the door of a local drugstore I walked into. I’ve never thought about working at a drugstore before, but it makes sense. The people coming in there want to feel better. Maybe they are going through a Cancer journey of their own, and I can relate.

I don’t know the reason, but I responded to the sign.

I filled out an application, and they called the next day for an interview. The only real experience I have is customer service, and I care about people. It’s been 30 years since I ran a cash register, and they look a tad bit different today!

I’m excited about doing a job I’ve never done, and plugging into community! The application process has been lengthy, but God keeps nudging me along. I’m encouraged that it hasn’t been easy, but it’s moving quick. I’m just waiting for the papers to go through, and they will give me a start date.

I told my daughter this morning, “Here I am again, living in the unknown.” The unknown is beginning to feel normal.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

My Kinda Midlife

I was spending way too much time sitting at my desk.

Now, I’m pondering selling my desk. What changed? I did.

begin

Today, I attended a class about Ayurveda. Yesterday, I attended an ‘Adult Children of Alcoholics‘ meeting, and Saturday I’m learning how to make a smudge stick.

How did I get to where I am today? I began months ago.

Since moving out of the country, and into civilization, there are endless opportunities to plug-in. I saw signs that God had me right where He wanted me, but oh, this little prayer!

“”What do I want to do?’ can be, “Dear God, what would you have me do?”

One thing leads to another. One conversation with the right person leads to another conversation with another person.

Stepping away from social media has me stepping out of my house each day.

This is my kinda midlife. Marianne Williamson writes,

“At midlife, you suddenly see an endgame where you used to see an endless stretch. You know now on a visceral level that this lifetime will not go on forever. There’s no more time for five-year detours. No more time for getting it wrong. No more time for relationships that don’t serve, or for staying in situations that aren’t authentically you.”

How do you want to spend the rest of your life?

(Feel free to respond in the comment section below)

Pieces of Me

letitallgo

Last year, I let it all go, to see what stayed.

I believe a lot of people are trying to decide what they want to do with their life. I asked a friend, “What were you doing, and at what point in your life were you doing it, that made your heart happy?” We can go back and see what’s there.

My most favorite job was working in a custom frame shop.

It was my first real job, in my 20’s, and I loved cutting glass.

In my 30’s, I was visiting a friend, and she took me on a tour of her stained glass studio. She has just begun making it, and had a few pieces hanging in her home. I loved the way the light came through, and became colored light.

She was a good bit older than me, and her kids were grown.

I admired her for doing this later in life, like there were no rules on when to begin. Visiting with her that day planted a seed in my heart. Now, some twenty years later, I have taken my first stained glass class. It was a basic cutting class, and there I was, loving the sound of the glass being scored. Breaking it into desired the pieces.

The teacher strolled by and said, “You are a natural at this.”

There was a next level class to take, but it had a waiting list. The teacher put my name on the list, but I didn’t think much about it. As life would have it, I forgot about it until they called with an opening, asking if I was interested.

The class starts next week, so I went in yesterday to choose a pattern of what to make. This class walks you through from start to finish. There are four classes total. One a week, with practice in between. I get to practice breaking things.

Letting go of the pieces of me that have accumulated over the years, revealed a piece lost, and forgotten. Here’s to making something beautiful with the broken pieces.

 

Listening for quiet

Making a coffee pour over has a calming effect over me.

Once I go through all the steps of setting it up, I’m forced to slow down, and enjoy the process. Watching as the boiling hot water, slowly escapes from the spout of the pour over kettle. It hits the coarse grounds, and they begin to bloom. (My fave) Today, I poured the water very slowly, in attempt to keep the bloom alive for as long as possible.

bloom1

That magnificent bloom.

I listened intently during the process. When the water first hit the grounds, and the liquid drained into the empty cup, it was noisy. I could hear it trickling. As the cup filled with the hot liquid, the trickling became quieter, and quieter.

pourover

I knew the cup was full when it was completely quiet.

Bénisse Cette Maison

Letting go of what is comfortable. Even though I knew there was more, where I stood felt okay, and it was easy. There wasn’t anything wrong, except my heart wanted more.

2017 was a year of following my heart, and believe me, my heart and mind were conflicted. What was logical thinking, didn’t feed my heart, and when my heart soared, my mind told me I was bonkers. It was time to set my heart free.

Richard Rohr says, “Houses are meant to move out of”.

I pondered that quote for what seemed like a long time, until it took root in my heart. My mind kept pointing out all the positive aspects of where we were living, but my heart wasn’t happy. The thought of moving was uncomfortable. We had lived in a country setting for a few years, and it was peaceful. No complaints, unless you asked my heart.

I mentioned that quote to a man in our community, and he was flabbergasted! He quickly opposed it, and said, “Oh No! Houses are meant to be lived in, and filled with family and friends!” I was living in my house, but it wasn’t filled with family and friends. They lived an hour away. For two years, my daughter had been driving an hour each way, every weekend to see her Dad. She was tired.

A couple of friends came to visit, and showed me what my heart was missing. Connection, and love in real-time.

This house had it’s season, and was meant to move out of.

I came across a picture of our porch, right after moving in.

before

6/2015

We had been in this house less than a year, when I found out I had Breast Cancer. My Breast Cancer journey was in 2016, so 2017 was a year of healing, growing, and discovering the woman Cancer left behind. I let go of a lot last year, which I will slowly write about, but there were some major heart-strings tied to this little country home.

This home was perfect for healing, and offered privacy.

Here is the last picture taken of that little house of healing.

after

11/29/2017

My daughter and I have moved away from country living.

We spent the month of December packing up everything except the Christmas tree. On January 2nd, we moved into our new house. It’s been a week now, and it feels like home.

blessthishome

Bless this home.

I’m Not Going

I’m not going to my appointment today.

There are two ways God knows He can get my attention. Money, and physical pain. God also knows I’m continually on the lookout for the next right thing being done. What happened yesterday, was not the next right thing for me.

My health insurance ran out in March of this year.

When I made the appointment with my breast surgeon a couple of weeks ago, the lady on the phone assured me that the cost of the appointment could be broken down into payments afterwards. A lady from the surgeons office called yesterday to tell me that the appointment would need to be paid in full at the time of service. Sorry, but no.

That is not what I was told when I agreed to come in.

That decision has placed me on a new path this morning.

Thank you for your love and prayers. Forgive me for not going.

godsway

Letting Go of One Connection, for Another

Some days require a do-over. The dogs were up way too early. I hadn’t had enough coffee to deal with their playfulness. I let them get some of their energy out, and in their houses they went. It was that easy to find some peace.

I drove down to the corner store to grab a cup of coffee. Walking in, I notice a table full of people. They are usually there in the mornings, and this brought a smile to my face. We said our, “Good mornings”, as I took a look at their table.

There were no cell phones in sight. The newspaper was opened to the crossword puzzle, like it was a team effort to fill it in. They were laughing, talking, and enjoying time together.

As I was walking toward the door to exit, an elderly man walked in and said, “Good Morning Ms. Barbara.” I gave him a hug, and he grunted like I squeezed him too hard.

Getting into my truck, I spot two women on horses. They are prancing through the grass in front of the Post Office. I wished I had my phone to take a picture, but it was at home.

Once I returned home, I drank my coffee, and called a friend. We spent an hour talking, and making a game plan for the week. We are meeting tomorrow to implement some small changes in her life to regain her independence.

I let the dogs outside, and stood on the porch. It was almost time to drench the Boston Ferns. They are ginormous! Denver, one of our dogs, acted like he was listening intently to something. I could barely hear a woman’s voice, and then I heard two women talking. It was the women on horses!

They came to a halt, and turned the horses around, bringing them up to stand by my front yard gate. What a beautiful sight. They said, “Good Morning! We love your ferns. They are huge!” I smiled and thanked them for their kindness. They asked if I rode, and I told them, “Yes. I used to.” They said, “We have one more horse that needs a rider if you’re interested.” I laughed, thanked them, and will ponder it.

Life is happening right in front of us, and I am connected.

 

Me…Not Worried

I love the way God prepares me for what is next.

Everything you step out and do in life is practice.

It may not be a part of your plan, but by being willing to go forth, and just do, it will lead you onto the next thing.

worried

I was reminded this week, I cannot help people unless they are ready for change. It’s healthy for me today to set that boundary, and step away. I cannot save souls by posting on Social Media. It may make them feel better for a moment, but that is just a band-aid for something that runs deeper.

God gave me an idea on Monday, so this is day 3 of praying, pondering, and asking questions. I’m gonna move forward with it and see what happens. It is something I’ve done before, and it’s normally successful, but even if it’s not hugely successful, it helps others, and causes me to become better.

The biggest thing God has prepared me for recently is, not having Internet since Saturday. A short time ago, I would have come unglued. Slowly becoming disenchanted with technology, and letting go of all that a phone can do, has brought me to this peaceful space. The Internet will be back, but it’s nice to know, I’ve been able to enjoy life without it.

Pure-Hearted Humility

My first year of Blogging, a lady commented on one of my posts that I had been nominated for a Blogger award. I had no clue what that meant, so I thanked her, and continued writing.

I read a Blog this morning by Liz at My Well-being and Learning Journey. She had been nominated for an award. By being nominated, you are asked to nominate 15 other Bloggers. (When I began Blogging, I didn’t know 5, much less 15.) She didn’t pinpoint any nominees. By reading her post, consider yourself nominated. Liz is pure-hearted humility.

disrupt

 

Catch the Overflow

I still drench the Boston Ferns twice a day. It is hot in Texas, and they hang outside. I would want to be drenched too.

Letting go is a continuous process. Before I brought home my first plant, I drank my own medicine, and posted this. seewhatstays

A lady commented, “If you don’t like what stays, you have a decision to make.” I let it all go, and chose what stayed.

I thought I was clearing my platter to make room for more.

When I was actually clearing a space to make room for me.

There is an Asparagus Fern on the porch, that has been moved a dozen times. It didn’t look happy, or that it was getting everything it needed to thrive. Knowing they can take full sun, and shade, it was a challenge finding the right spot.

“I’m loving the metaphor of your plants as they bloom and grow. Your posts feel like fresh water to my dry roots xx”

Thanks to that comment, I knew where to move the Asparagus Fern.

It receives the overflow from the drenching of where this began. My cup runneth over. Catch the overflow.

trickleofwater

Can you see the trickle of water?