Category: Letting Go

Prioritize the Meaningful

I just logged off of work, to come over here, and finish this post. This is my happy place, but I tend to make work my first priority. I’m Finding That Balance, to prioritize the meaningful.

Going through my archived posts, was one of the best things I’ve ever done. A year ago, I deleted photos from media to free up memory. That worked, but it also left broken links in the published posts. My God knew that would bother me just enough to have to go in and fix it.

I started at the beginning, (2014) and read almost 500 posts.

At first it seemed overwhelming, and a lot of work, but at the end of 2018, I was pleased with what’s here. In 2017, I caught the first glimpse of the voice I have today, but it took another year to relax into it. I didn’t have to read many posts from last year or this year, because I found my voice, and am using it.

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I saw how many times I almost quit Blogging.

I saw the struggles I’ve had with social media.

I saw so many moments within those archives, but I also saw gradual growth by prioritizing the meaningful.

Other Blogger’s posts I had shared were no longer active. Even if I decided not to Blog anymore, I’d leave this site here. The 30 day challenge took on a whole new meaning while reading 30 straight posts. Won’t do that again. 🙂

On another note, I’m two weeks into the self trust cultivator, and will stick with it two more weeks, and reassess after 30 days. I already see myself no longer putting things off for a more convenient time, or tomorrow.

My plate of life has open space which is new. As I ponder refilling it, it’s time to prioritize the meaningful.

Creating That Space

Last November, I went to the lake near my home and sat down to just stare at the water. I knew there was too much on my plate, but had forgotten, I’m the one holding the spoon.

My daily life was full of unfulfilling acts. Life is designed to be fulfilling, but my actions were fulfilling a need in others, and draining me. It’s been a gradual process beginning in January.

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I sat down at the lake craving calm. This stack of rocks was sitting to my right, and I wanted my life to be as Zen as this moment. I wondered where the rocks came from, but saw it as a divine appointment. They were sitting there, so I would see them. In the stillness, I heard three words, ‘Scrape your plate.’

I was raised in an era where I was responsible for everything I put on my plate. At dinner Mama would watch as we scooped out large portions of mashed potatoes, or took one too many slices of ham. She never forced us to eat everything she offered, but she expected us to eat what we took out.

Before leaving the table she’d say, “Clean your plate.”

She was never angry if I didn’t eat everything, but she wanted me to learn the value of her time. I learned to take out what I knew I could eat, and go back for seconds if still hungry, but I lost that lesson somewhere along the way. We control the spoon.

I’d help clear the table, and Mama would open the kitchen trashcan, point to it and say, ‘Scrape your plate’.

There’s a balance to life, but also a timing.

As soon as the new year began, I knew what needed to be scraped. Some people would be upset, and others disappointed, but I’d get through it. Anything I laid my hand to that wasn’t fulfilling got removed from the plate. By the end of June my plate was clean, except for my one job taking up adequate space.

And I haven’t picked up another spoon. Finding that space.

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This is in continuation of Finding That Balance.

Finding That Balance

For brunch, I chose a different chair to sit in at the dining room table. One I don’t normally use. Still disrupting patterns.

This dining room chair offered a spectacular view of the front yard. A warm breeze was blowing, and I noticed the Whirligig, with it’s one side spinning. It’s double-sided, but only one side of it spins. The other side stands still.

My daughter reminded me that the Whirligig fell over in the yard once, so it must be bent. I’ve tried fixing it, to help it spin to no avail, so today I took a more gentle approach, to observe.

whirlygig

I didn’t see anything majorly bent, but it was off balance.

I saw it as two sides of life. Sometimes it’s moving rapidly and spinning freely, and other times if feels as if nothing is happening, and it’s still. I studied one side, and the other, then noticed this difference. The side that spins freely, has some extra space.

Where one set of circles end, and another set begins, there’s a gap. I put some space between the circles on the non-spinning side by gently separating the ends. It began rocking back, and forth, like it could finally breathe and find it’s balance.

Putting space between our thoughts, creates pause between our actions. There’s a balance. If we move too quickly after the thought, it’s an impulsive move. If we keep putting it off, it can fall into procrastination, or soon be forgotten altogether.

I’m using the self trust cultivator to move more promptly with my thoughts. If it seems like a good idea, or something that can easily be accomplished, I do it and it becomes a part of the done list.

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But I had to create space first. Up next, creating that space.

Sharing is Caring

My daughter and I love receiving packages.

We’re slowly getting our life delivered to us, instead of going to public places. Bath and Body Works came in the mail, and my mail lady walked it up to my front door. (It wouldn’t fit in the mailbox) She does that with a lot of our packages, no matter the size.

She laughs when I squeal over the package.

Opening the box, I felt a nudge to give some away. It was just lotion, but it was my favorite lotion, and this scent has been retired. I’ve worn it for years, and it’s become my smell, but why would God be prompting me to give a bottle to my mail lady?

We don’t know each other very well, and I didn’t know if she would like something so girlie, but I was willing to take a chance on it.

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I wrapped a bottle of the lotion in a note, placed it in the mailbox and went for a walk.

About halfway through my walk, I looked up to see the mail lady’s car coming down the road. She was beeping the horn to get my attention, and I walked over to her car. Her window was rolled down a bit, and looking inside, I could see she was rubbing her hands together. The smell of the lotion floated through the open window.

She was so excited! She thanked me and said, “I never buy myself girlie stuff like this!”

When God gives us more than enough, we can give it away. This feels different than giving something away I don’t use anymore. With it being out of the box new, it’s more like sharing.

Finishing my walk home I remembered, sharing is caring.

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Faith than Fear

To be a Badass woman, you gotta have a mentor. Another badass woman.

My friend sent me this meme this morning. It was in her FB memories, and I had tagged her on it two years ago. Today she returned it and it’s just what I needed to see.

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This is the same friend I meet for coffee when time allows. I wrote about her in Women Like Us. I aspire to be her level of badass. The words that jumped out at me this morning were, ‘more faith than fear.’

It’s as simple as that.

My daughter is home from England.

She flew there March 11th and three days later, all flights were canceled. It would have been easy to let fear creep in, but I’m too stubborn for that. My Mama was a badass woman and she raised one.

I had faith my daughter would return home eventually, but with each passing day I didn’t see any indication from the airlines. That is when my talks with God became more ‘high spirited’ and I laid all that fear at His feet. My fear was overcome by faith.

When my daughter’s text came in that said, “Virgin is still operational, I’ll be home tomorrow night.’, I burst into tears!

The tears were a combination of relief and joy. I knew God had heard me and He knew I couldn’t take much more. I reached out to my friend and asked her to ‘pray that girl home with me’, and she jumped on it. I’m grateful to all of you for praying.

Thank you my friend for reminding me to continue blossoming into a Badass woman with more faith than fear.

Showers That Shine

“Get your shit together”, is what I’d tell her.

Of course, I was referring to her need to pack for her weekend with her Dad. She was much younger then, but now that’s she’s a young adult, we say it to one another in jest.

Hugging her goodbye I’d say, “I’ll try and get my shit together while you’re away.” 🙂

I spent some time Sunday, scrubbing the shower, which I’d been putting off, but now it shines. Then I saw the plastic liner to the shower curtain. It’s supposed to be clear, but it wasn’t. Into the washer it went. One thing led to another and what began with the tub/shower, the entire bathroom benefited.

Life just flows, until we hit a bump.

I’m in a moment of uncertainty with one of my jobs. The email came in over the weekend as an announcement to the Team that someone else will be taking over the phones. The phones are part of my job, but not after this Friday. A door is closing.

Sitting at my desk today, I don’t really feel like I have my shit together, but at least the bathroom does. I appreciate how God helps us leave a situation when it’s time, even if we’re not entirely ready.

Here’s to trusting the process my darlings, and showers that shine.

Wait For It

I forced myself to stop Blogging.

When I challenged myself to post a Blog a day in December, over time I hit a stride. That groove of posting everyday became a daily ritual, but was it fulfilling?

On into January, I was still posting everyday, but began to slow the pace. After posting The Mindless Activity I made the decision to stop for one week. That’s not easy once an action becomes ingrained.

It was as if I had created a new daily habit, but I don’t wish to become a daily Blogger.

I thought about it everyday, but told myself to wait. I’d hit the pause button and let the Blog ideas go. I knew from past experience not to pause too long. It’s very difficult to come back to it, with that struggle of paused to restart.

Some wait too long and don’t come back. That’s not for me, but I do want to hit a stride that works. Timing means a great deal while writing. To wait for that stillness, that deafening silence once the dust settles from the day or the week. Even if it drops to once a week, I’m going to wait for it.