Love and Light

Today is her birthday and she turned 21.

She’s not here though. She’s in England.

It’s an odd feeling for both of us. We were texting the other night about her turning 21, and she said, “I wish I were five.” Well, my darling. I remember five, and wondered if I’d do anything different? Then she said, “We have a beautiful life.”

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Here she is at 5 years old.

She is the reason I started this Blog.

Just because I’m  taking a break from Blogging, doesn’t mean I cannot celebrate this day with you. The meaningful work-To serve the people I care about by writing another chapter. Let’s write more chapters.

One of my favorite pictures of us was right after we moved into our first home together. It was a tiny house situated on 40 acres of land. I kept her hook baited, while she fished from the pier. That pier is where I stood with God every morning before dawn. That was also the house that taught us how to kill scorpions.

We were walking to the truck, and you grabbed me for a selfie. We weren’t wearing any makeup, and I had forgotten to use eye drops that morning, but it was a moment. Even blurry-eyed, we have that ‘deep in your heart’ happiness. Our life felt groundless, as the only thing we knew we had was God, and He has us.

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March 2014

We’ve had chickens, kittens, dogs, and a baby duck live with us. You think it’s normal to hang a disco ball in an old oak tree. When we decided to move, I had to leave it there because it was infested with ants, but you bought a new one for here.

The light from the disco ball dances across the kitchen table where you sit, but today even though your chair is empty, the light is still there. Our life is made of love and light.

I’m here to wish you a spectacular birthday! It’s a new chapter and you’re holding the pen. Touch it to the paper my darling, and make it what you want. Feel and see the love and light.

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Just Say Yes

I didn’t know she is an artist.

It’s not surprising that she is, but she lives right behind me and I was clueless. She sent me a message via Instagram, and like any good neighbor, I stalked her page. Walking over for a visit, we sat down and talked about her art. She laid out her portfolio, and as I looked through it, I was in awe of every, single piece of paper.

She offered to give me one, and this one really spoke to me. I tell myself no too easily, and don’t say yes nearly enough.

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I brought this one home and sat it above my desk.

Over the weekend, I worked on my bedroom. It needed some attention to resume haven status. I noticed how the room has a gold and silver theme flowing through it. Noticing this reminded me of a small trashcan I saw a year ago, and really wished I’d bought it after looking at my room. It would be perfect!

God reminded me that I saw that same trashcan at a store just a few weeks ago. I hopped in my truck, and drove to the store to see if it was still sitting on the shelf. The shelf was empty. 😦

I kicked myself all the way back home.

There was no real reason not to say, ‘Yes’, the day I saw it. Even a year ago, the first time I laid eyes on it, there was no reason not to bring it home. I really struggle with buying simple pleasures for myself. For other people, I’d buy the moon.

That night, I looked at the website of the store with the trashcan. It was available online and could be here with a few clicks of a button. This time there was no hesitation saying yes.

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Walking by my bedroom, I glance at it sitting there shimmering in the light, and smile. I know it’s just a trashcan, which won’t be used often in the bedroom. It’s a rather frivolous purchase, and that’s where I hesitate in saying yes. The silly things are what I enjoy the most, and are usually the most fun.

Someone recently asked, “What do you do for fun?”

I had to think about that a minute. I’ve been in work mode for over a year, and couldn’t think of anything recently that was just for fun. I responded with, “Nothing. I work.” Work can be fun sometimes, right? That was not the answer he was anticipating, and I don’t want to use that answer again.

There is fun in this life my darlings, if we just say yes.

Keep Washing Mugs

It feels like I’ve been washing coffee mugs all week. Walking through the house, making my way to the kitchen and picking them up on the way there. I’m not complaining my darling.

It’s actually a blessing. Used coffee mugs equal out to really good coffee consumed, and magical moments. When the tray that holds our mugs is empty, I see it as a good week!

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Empty mug tray.

The tray for the mugs is a cake stand.

I fell in love with it at first glance. Knowing it was a cake stand made it an even sweeter purchase, (‘cuz you know how I feel about cake), but I envisioned it holding our mugs on the coffee bar. When it’s empty, it’s a beautiful reminder of what it holds.

This meme has been on my mind.

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I was given a subscription to Blue Bottle Coffee for Mother’s Day. Micheal, over at Kuched, reminded me a while back of the French Press. Mine had seen better days, so I ordered a new one for Mother’s Day. The color I wanted was out of stock, but I believe it’s worth the wait. It’ll be here tomorrow.

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Caribbean Blue by Le Creuset

Life doesn’t gets much better than mugs full of Blue Bottle coffee. Walking through the house picking them up to wash, was like gathering up moments. Becoming more aware my darlings of what’s truly worth your one, short, important life.

I’ll keep washing mugs.

Worth the Wait

The candle display looked sparse.

My friend who owns the local Shoppe had placed an order for new ones, but they hadn’t come in yet. The display looked like it was in waiting.

I went back to the Shoppe a few days later, but still no candles. There was a holdup in the shipment, but I could wait. If there’s one thing Breast Cancer taught me is how to wait. ‘You wait patiently Barb, holding the highest expectation of outcomes.’

There’s goodness in the waiting.

More days passed and I called the Shoppe. They had located the shipment and it was to arrive that day or the next at the latest. A couple of days later, I entered the Shoppe to find a breathtaking display. My friend had ordered so many Voluspa candles, the candle display spilled onto other displays.

It seemed like a natural effect for this much beauty.

I’ve written quite a bit about waiting. We tend to wait for the big things in life, but it’s an accumulation of little things that equal big. The day comes where you sit down to write a Blog, and there’s this knowing that every little thing has been worth the wait.

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Worth the Drive

My daughter said, “That was the most magical shower ever! Between the soap, the razor holder and the Waterpik…it was amazing!” Yes, I bought a Waterpik at my hygienists nudging. I’ve always put off buying one because they spray water everywhere, but she showed me a cordless one for the shower.

In yesterday’s post, I revealed the soap at a local shoppe that is my new love, but what really caused me to revisit the shoppe three days later?

It was this dish.

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I saw it last week, but try not to make impulsive purchases. I’m particular about what comes into our home, but this little dish spoke to me about the tea cart.

Our home offers a coffee bar and tea cart. The cart came to us through a neighbor. It’s been used as a chopping station for her kitchen, but I saw it as a space for tea. The wood surface reveals stains and scarring, but I see it as evidence of serving it’s purpose.

In our home it holds a new purpose.

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I bought the dish to hold our tea utensils, and give space for the tea bag to rest and cool before discarding.

It’s like that little dish knew where it’s home was. All I had to do was say, ‘Yes’, and go back and get it. I’ve learned there’s power in the pause. If I would have walked into the shoppe and it was gone, then it wasn’t meant for me, but it was still there days later.

My friend Julie knows the power in the pause. She was a witness to it recently and you can read her story here.

Driving back to the shoppe for this dish, also gave me a new soap to love. Follow your heart. It’s worth the drive.

Best Thing Ever

Earlier today, my daughter and I were talking about our little book of ‘Never Agains‘. Then she flipped the conversation around and began talking about the best thing ever. Like, the ginormous bag of cotton balls we purchased, just because it’s the biggest bag we’ve ever seen. (pillow size) We can always use cotton balls.

A couple of weeks ago, we were out shopping, and came across a Valentine’s Day display. It was in the kitchen area of the store, and my daughter fell in love with a little whisk. She’s uses her favorite whisk so often, we were questioning how much longer it would last.

I scooped up the whisk from the Valentine’s display as we continued walking through the store. I didn’t look at the price.

When we arrived at the self-checkout, we scanned it and stared in disbelief at the register display. The whisk cost $1.00.

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Today, we flipped the book of ‘Never Again’s’ over and began writing ‘Always Again’s’, from the back of the book. This little book now has two covers. One is ‘Never’s’ and the other side is ‘Always’.  I’m curious to see where they meet.

The bag of cotton balls, and this whisk are written in the ‘Always Again’ side. As you can see, the hearts stamped on the handle are fading from use. It’s been loved.

Tonight I believe our little book, and what we’ve written in it, is the best thing ever.

My Front Yard

This is one of my favorite memes.

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Last year, I wrote about The Bird Feeder.

I loved it, but spent a lot of time agonizing over the squirrels. They wouldn’t stay off the feeder and wound up destroying one of them.

Fast forward to today, I feed the squirrels.

I pour the feed right on the ground. Didn’t realize they make a feed for squirrels and birds to share. I found it at the local hardware store. My daughter laughs at me for doing this.

At first, she saw it as defeat. I’d given up on having a pretty feeder and the squirrels won, but I don’t see it as that. I see it as making a difference in their lives. If they come into my yard, they’ll be fed without a fight.

I don’t dump food out everyday, but this is the year of making a difference in community. Last year prepared me for this year.

I added to the meme.

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I didn’t spend a lot of time on this meme to make a difference in what it says.

Last year was preparation. This year is to make a difference. It seems that begins in my own front yard.

 

You Are Loved

Two days ago, I posted this meme on Letitgocoach Facebook page. I thought it’s sweet, but didn’t realize the impact it would have. People are drinking it up like water.

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I was thinking, to find our true selves, it really is in the unbecoming. To peel off the layers of what has adhered to us. What this world has told us we should be and how we should act.

Who I am in private, when nobody’s watching, is who I truly am.

Do I like her? I love her.

Do other people like me? Some do, but I’ve been single since March and I see myself embracing the New Year single. I’m on that part of the journey to walk alone, but I don’t feel alone. My higher power is leading the way. Whenever I have moments of loneliness, someone reaches out, and that moment fills with love.

I’m grateful to this community.

You reassure me I am loved. When I hear notifications from the WordPress app coming in on my phone, it sounds like love. WordPress is the only app I have set to receive notifications, so I know it’s you!

Thank you for being here. You are loved.

It Was Time

“Do you want a new Christmas stocking?”, she asked. I hadn’t thought about it till that moment.

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I haven’t had a new Christmas stocking since the divorce. The one I brought with me is laying in a box of unused Christmas items. These items that at one time, we enjoyed having, but they no longer resonate. That was my stocking.

Letting go of what you once were makes room for the new.

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My new Christmas stocking is completely different than the other one. This is how my daughter sees me today. She knew before I did that it was time.

Just Be Sweet

There’s memes floating around this time of year about, ‘finishing the year strong.’ It’s tiresome being strong all the time and I want to finish the year more gently. I’m taking the rest of the year off from being strong.

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I’ve been told, “You come across a little strong.” Well, that’s what I’ve become, but it doesn’t have to be who I am.

I’ve also been told, “You’re so sweet’, and not solely from my daughter. Even though she tells me, I’m not very accepting of it. It’s like the words won’t sink into my skin, they swerve.

This morning I had a message from SC Lourie waiting for me. She’s so sweet and that is why I started following her so closely. I tend to follow the heart I want to have.

There’s two weeks left in the year. In what way do I want to spend it? I’m going to just be sweet.