That is Love

This morning, sitting still in the front porch swing, I felt an overwhelming sense of love. It was the most wonderful feeling. It welled up inside of me, and wanted to become tears, but I held it inside to hold onto that moment.

It only got better from there.

You know I frequent a small town coffee-house.

The coffee is a bonus. It’s the people I gravitate toward. Today, their love and kindness blew me away. God had it all lined up for me to walk in at just the right moment. The owner was making something specifically for my heart.

I walked in and he yelled, “Barbara! I am making something for you!” The timing is what amazed me, because I rarely walk in the same time of day. My daughter said, “When they know you all too well at the coffee shop?” That is true love.

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He had bought a beautiful pour over, along with my favorite kettle! I was literally screaming in awe of this magnificent sight! He was beaming with excitement. It was a moment.

He said that he envisioned my daughter and I sitting at a table, sharing this moment. He would be right. Just the other day, my daughter said she wished he had a pour over.

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God gave me another Patron! That is love.

A friend takes time out of her busy schedule each day to send a video of her life, and thoughts. That is love.

You are here, taking time to read this. That is love.

A Vintage hat box full of stars. That is love.

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Listen and Follow

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Where is your heart leading you? What is it saying?

In the post, To Be True, I painted a focal wall in my bedroom dark red. This past weekend it began bothering me. It felt as if it were yelling when I walked into the room.

I went to a hardware store that carries paint, and left with a sample of lavender. It was pretty, but after painting the wall, it was bright, and reminded me of a preschool nursery. Going back to the hardware store, I had a cornflower blue in mind, and left with a sample of that. It looked like Carolina Blue once applied, and was not the least amount soothing.

The 3 remaining walls of the bedroom are a pale yellow named Tea. I added some strokes of Tea to the blue and purple, and the photo below was the result. It was good for my soul to blend the 3 colors, on a wall, without any expectations. My heart said, “Leave it alone for a few days.”

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Allowing myself to do this unleashed some creativity, and felt good. My daughter saw it, and gasped with excitement. It broke all the rules growing up, having to be careful around walls. I smiled at her, and encouraged her to do the same, but she’s creative in her own style with her room. She found her perfect color, so she’s creating a wall of photos.

The container the plant was in didn’t make my heart happy, so I chose one that did. That was good because it was sitting in way too much water. This plant was one of the first ones I bought, well actually the second of it’s kind, because I killed the first one.

This plant was bought before the Boston Ferns, and reflects how I felt at the time. It’s a very touchy plant. I haven’t pinpointed it’s exact need. It enjoys light, but not full on sun, and it likes to be sprayed with water, but not too much. We will see how long it lasts, because the plant doesn’t reflct any part of me anymore. After repotting the plant, I knew my color.

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Everyday is Different

My daughter brought home a case of these yesterday.

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This is happiness. Butter and coffee. What is not to love?

Our dog was laying by her bedroom door today, while she was on the phone. She opened her door to step out, and he moved out of the way.  She asked, “Was Mochee laying by my door this whole time?” She was barefoot, and noticed the warmth of the hard wood floor where he had been laying. I love that she notices these small details of life.

Our landlord is burning brush in the field next to us, and all we can think about is wanting to roast marshmallows.

Now it is night, and I stepped out on the porch a few minutes ago. Living in the country, you always where shoes stepping out there at night. Every now and then you will find a Scorpion hanging out on the porch too. Our ginormous, white, barn cat is laying on the step. He will take down a Scorpion for the person who cares for him.

I feel more at ease with him laying there. We named this cat ‘Meh’. because he doesn’t fully meow, he just says, ‘Meh.’

Everyday is different, and I love that about our life.

At night before bed, my daughter and I talk about what we would like to accomplish the next day. It’s not set in stone. We stay flexible throughout the day, and let life flow. We make a plan, but also make adjustments where needed. If it’s that important, it will get done, but when it’s time.

I haven’t found anything more important than just spending time together, and making adjustments throughout the day for each other’s happiness.

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We Always Do

Today is one of those days you just go with the flow of the day itself. My daughter came home yesterday, and will leave tomorrow. She has a busy couple of weeks ahead, thanks to her father, but the last thing I told her lastnight was…

We will get through it. We always do.

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One of my faves taken 9/19/2015. 

Pure-Hearted Humility

My first year of Blogging, a lady commented on one of my posts that I had been nominated for a Blogger award. I had no clue what that meant, so I thanked her, and continued writing.

I read a Blog this morning by Liz at My Well-being and Learning Journey. She had been nominated for an award. By being nominated, you are asked to nominate 15 other Bloggers. (When I began Blogging, I didn’t know 5, much less 15.) She didn’t pinpoint any nominees. By reading her post, consider yourself nominated. Liz is pure-hearted humility.

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My Darling Daughter

This Blog began 4 years ago by a suggestion from my daughter. We had moved, and packing up in haste had caused me to lose track of my journals. My daughter said, “What goes on the Internet, stays on the Internet.” This will be here for her and her children, when I am no longer here. Which by God’s grace will not be for another 50 years.

My daughter has a happy Mom, and is quick to notice otherwise. She spent the younger years of her life seeing me unhappy. If I’m unhappy today. she is quick to say, “Is this what you left a 25 year marriage for?” Listen to the heart.

My darling daughter… I hope you always follow your heart.

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When Brett visited in 2017, and you drove him to this Milo field.

We laugh all the time. You have your favorite quotes by me written in your phone. CPS would have been here years ago if they read them. This is my favorite look on you. All natural, and with no makeup, You turned 18 last week, and believe this world doesn’t look your way unless you to look like this.

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Instagram famous.

I asked you to send me some birthday pics, and you sent these. Which girl looks happier? Release the happy one.

I have studied this picture of Brett and you. He is the love of your life right now, but years from now, will he still be? Will you be married, and have puppies instead of children?

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The cool kids.

Looking into your eyes, I can’t see you, but you are in there.

The authentic self is hanging on by a thread. Don’t wake up one year before your 50th birthday and decide to follow you heart. Let it lead and guide you down a path of happiness.

Ready to Bloom

healI was on my way to an AA meeting yesterday, and stopped by to see Stephanie. She is my plant Guru. I’m not sure she realizes the magnificent healing she has brought to my life through these plants she encouraged me to bring home. It was time to buy my first one that would bloom. I spotted a pot that made me smile, and the plant we chose is big!

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Yes. I blew my Saturday budget on a pot and plant. No regrets.

She told me it is a good plastic one, but it looked real!

On the way home, I stopped at a small Farmer’s Market.

There is something about people sitting in 100 degree heat, that deserve our attention. A young lady was sitting at a table filled with bottles of honey. We began talking, and she invited me to her church. I listened as she told me more.

What made my ears perk was a study they have on Wednesday nights. It’s by Beth Moore, entitled, “Believing God.” I did this study years ago, and it was enlightening.

Believing God is what I’ve been doing, but it would be nice to do the study again. She is going to text me a reminder, but I was standing there because of the label on her honey.

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Aren’t we supposed to Bee Love? I believe so.

As I was walking away she said, “I am looking for a mentor! A Godly woman I can model my life after.” I didn’t respond, but Wednesday night I will be at that study. I hear you God.

This journey  began with my daughter wanting Boston Ferns.

As I was leaving Stephanie’s, she said the main thing people ask her is how to grow a Boston Fern. The thought intimidated me too, but they are huge now! I told her about mine, and she said, “If you can grow a Boston Fern, you are the bomb!” All I did was care. I hugged Stephanie and said, “You make my life more beautiful.” She exclaimed, “That made my day!” She helped give me my beautiful life back.

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Double bloom Pink Hibiscus and Mochee.

God knows when we are ready to bloom. Can you feel it?.

A Healthy Environment

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My daughter and I are learning about life through plants.

I’ve only killed one, but I learned a lot, and I’m not giving up.

My Blog introducing the Boston Ferns, caused me to pay attention to their needs. What started out as something important for my daughter, became important to me as well. A lady commented on the Blog, and this part stuck with me. She said, “Drench them.” At the end of the day, I pour a gallon of water over them. They drain, and I watch as the stream of water falls to the porch, like a waterfall. Our kitten drinks the water from the porch, and plays in the puddle.

A healthy environment brings new growth. Sometimes it’s obvious, like when it sprouts from the top. At other times you have to look for new growth underneath.

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My daughter re-potted her Philodendron. Who wouldn’t thrive in that pot? It’s ceramic, and has deep scars filled with grey, to match the theme of her room. I just enjoy the scars.

This plant was so root-bound, they started growing upward. The lady who sells us our plants said, “It’s part of it’s character, so you can leave them uncovered.” They are beautiful, and well-earned, so not dirt it is.  The pot is huge, so the plant has plenty of room to grow. Everyday it sprouts a new leaf. It’s so heavy, we had to buy a stand with wheels.

Back to the ferns, a bird built a nest in one. At first it concerned me because she was taking out part of the fern, for the nest. Then I realized she loved the environment so much she wanted to live there. I have to be gentle, but it still gets drenched daily.

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Soft and Strong

I woke up early this morning, and was able to think. There is a distinct difference between thinking, and having thoughts. Thank you Chemo for teaching me that difference.

A lot of thoughts came rushing in, once I had my coffee. Most of them were pictures of my past, and mainly my Mother. Pieces of the path that helped make me who I am today. She was such a strong woman. I don’t recall seeing her sit much, and if she was napping, it meant she had worn herself out. The same with crying. She would hide somewhere and weep, and if my siblings, or myself, heard her weeping, something was big time wrong. My daughter sees me cry quite often, and I’m glad.

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My Mother grew up as an only child. Her Mother was of small stature; maybe 5 feet tall. Her Father was a big man, and stood soundly at over 6 feet tall. My Mother was built like her Father, so this ain’t good. She was told, her birth was so traumatic on her Mother’s body, her Mother couldn’t have anymore kids. She grew up believing it was her fault she was an only child.

What a burden to carry. I think because of this, she thought she had to be everything to everybody. I’ve seen a lot of similarities between my Mother, and me, over the years. The first time I went through the ‘Letting Go’ process, I looked at what I learned growing up, and if that served me today. I loved my Mother, but I saw areas in me that needed to change.

My Father was an alcoholic, and so am I. My Grandmother, Mother, and Sister all had Breast Cancer, and so do I. Some traits we inherit, or call it genetics. We might not can change that, but we can change what continues. God is a master at breaking chains, and strongholds, so through Him, we can choose what is good to pass on to our generation.

Do I really want or need to be that strong? Not today Satan. Not today.

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I didn’t quit. I stopped it dead in it’s tracks.

My Mother waited until all four of us kids were grown, and then she left my Dad. He bought her a beautiful house, with everything we didn’t have growing up. Air conditioning was one of those things, and this new house had that. Her walking away pissed me off in more ways than one. This new house had everything she could ever want, but it didn’t have that one thing she craved. It still lacked love, and acceptance of who she wanted to be. She was tired.

I can relate to Mother because I stayed in a marriage that fell out of love, and became for the kids.

I was the same age as her when I walked out of mine. That was my first clue that something needed to change, and it was probably me. Mother stayed strong, and stubborn till her death, but I wanted a different ending to my story. I wanted a story filled with love, and goodness. I refused to allow my daughter to grow up, and not see her Mama truly loved.

Strong will get you through, but soft will get you more. I walked into the bathroom this morning, and noticed a package of toilet paper sitting on the counter. It was being advertised as ‘Soft and Strong.’ I thought, “Well heck! If a roll of toilet paper can be that, then surely I can too!” I am hoping God sees me as more than something we use to wipe with.

I mean really? You gonna one up me toilet paper?

I will fast forward to the end. My Mother’s funeral. I believe she gave of herself her whole life. She was always busy, and helped anyone at the drop of a hat. She gave, but she sucked at receiving. From the simplest compliment, all the way to, “I can do this myself’ mentality. The people that came to her funeral, were the people that felt indebted to her.

We need to receive as much as we give. This is what fuels our flame, and gives us even more to give. Maya Angelou said, ‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’ I hope a lot of people are at my funeral, and not because of what I did, or who I was, but how I made them feel.

It’s gonna be lit fam!

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

Soften Your Heart

Whenever I mention attending a public event to my daughter, she says, “No. I don’t like people.” We laugh after she says it, but there is a lot of truth in it. I hear other people saying it too. God wants us to love; He doesn’t mention like.

It is said the word ‘love’ is mentioned 365 times in the Bible. That would signify enough love for each day of the year. It depends on what version of the Bible, but I can see where that might be true. God wants us to be filled with love each day. Where we get hung up is spilling it out on others. The amount of love we give will be the amount we receive.

I went to a community event lastnight. Living in small town Texas, I have not taken time to plug into the community.

They had their annual tree lighting in the square. Not sure you can call it a square, more like the grassy area near the four-way stop. This town consists of one intersection, a Post Office, Fire Department and one gas station.

treeblogIt was windy and misting rain, but I felt led to go. There were probably 30 or 40 people there at one point, and the atmosphere drew you in. They had a bonfire blazing with colorful metal barrels placed around it for seating. An old pickup truck pulled up near the fire, opened the doors and let the stereo blare Christmas music. We learned to talk over it.

There was a table with hot chocolate and cans of whipped cream. A young lady was walking around with a container of homemade cookies, holding them under our noses. I sat on one of the barrels and talked to the people around me. It was nice to sit and listen to their stories and to laugh at ourselves.  A few knew that it was God that brought them here.

It was my first time in the community, and being in a small town, everyone knew I had moved there. I had become known as the lady with the giant Rooster in her yard. When they asked where I live, and I pointed down the road, they would gasp and exclaim, “You live in Pete’s old house and have the giant Rooster!” Well, I guess I could be known for much worse.

As I said my goodbyes and turned to leave, a man yelled, “We need volunteers at The Community Center.” I stopped walking, turned toward the man and started walking back to the group of people. I gave him my number and told him I would be happy to help anytime. His wife was standing next to him, and she said she would call. I asked God earlier in the day to use me to serve others. The day was almost over, and I almost didn’t go because of the rain, but He did.

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer, Entrepreneur and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and will only eat cake with real buttercream icing. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name given. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com