Love, my daughter

My Darling Daughter

This Blog began 4 years ago by a suggestion from my daughter. We had moved, and packing up in haste had caused me to lose track of my journals. My daughter said, “What goes on the Internet, stays on the Internet.” This will be here for her and her children, when I am no longer here. Which by God’s grace will not be for another 50 years.

My daughter has a happy Mom, and is quick to notice otherwise. She spent the younger years of her life seeing me unhappy. If I’m unhappy today. she is quick to say, “Is this what you left a 25 year marriage for?” Listen to the heart.

My darling daughter… I hope you always follow your heart.

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When Brett visited in 2017, and you drove him to this Milo field.

We laugh all the time. You have your favorite quotes by me written in your phone. CPS would have been here years ago if they read them. This is my favorite look on you. All natural, and with no makeup, You turned 18 last week, and believe this world doesn’t look your way unless you to look like this.

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Instagram famous.

I asked you to send me some birthday pics, and you sent these. Which girl looks happier? Release the happy one.

I have studied this picture of Brett and you. He is the love of your life right now, but years from now, will he still be? Will you be married, and have puppies instead of children?

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The cool kids.

Looking into your eyes, I can’t see you, but you are in there.

The authentic self is hanging on by a thread. Don’t wake up one year before your 50th birthday and decide to follow you heart. Let it lead and guide you down a path of happiness.

Letting Go, Love, Moving On

Ready to Bloom

healI was on my way to an AA meeting yesterday, and stopped by to see Stephanie. She is my plant Guru. I’m not sure she realizes the magnificent healing she has brought to my life through these plants she encouraged me to bring home. It was time to buy my first one that would bloom. I spotted a pot that made me smile, and the plant we chose is big!

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Yes. I blew my Saturday budget on a pot and plant. No regrets.

She told me it is a good plastic one, but it looked real!

On the way home, I stopped at a small Farmer’s Market.

There is something about people sitting in 100 degree heat, that deserve our attention. A young lady was sitting at a table filled with bottles of honey. We began talking, and she invited me to her church. I listened as she told me more.

What made my ears perk was a study they have on Wednesday nights. It’s by Beth Moore, entitled, “Believing God.” I did this study years ago, and it was enlightening.

Believing God is what I’ve been doing, but it would be nice to do the study again. She is going to text me a reminder, but I was standing there because of the label on her honey.

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Aren’t we supposed to Bee Love? I believe so.

As I was walking away she said, “I am looking for a mentor! A Godly woman I can model my life after.” I didn’t respond, but Wednesday night I will be at that study. I hear you God.

This journey  began with my daughter wanting Boston Ferns.

As I was leaving Stephanie’s, she said the main thing people ask her is how to grow a Boston Fern. The thought intimidated me too, but they are huge now! I told her about mine, and she said, “If you can grow a Boston Fern, you are the bomb!” All I did was care. I hugged Stephanie and said, “You make my life more beautiful.” She exclaimed, “That made my day!” She helped give me my beautiful life back.

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Double bloom Pink Hibiscus and Mochee.

God knows when we are ready to bloom. Can you feel it?.

Love, Present Moment, Quality of life

A Healthy Environment

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My daughter and I are learning about life through plants.

I’ve only killed one, but I learned a lot, and I’m not giving up.

My Blog introducing the Boston Ferns, caused me to pay attention to their needs. What started out as something important for my daughter, became important to me as well. A lady commented on the Blog, and this part stuck with me. She said, “Drench them.” At the end of the day, I pour a gallon of water over them. They drain, and I watch as the stream of water falls to the porch, like a waterfall. Our kitten drinks the water from the porch, and plays in the puddle.

A healthy environment brings new growth. Sometimes it’s obvious, like when it sprouts from the top. At other times you have to look for new growth underneath.

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My daughter re-potted her Philodendron. Who wouldn’t thrive in that pot? It’s ceramic, and has deep scars filled with grey, to match the theme of her room. I just enjoy the scars.

This plant was so root-bound, they started growing upward. The lady who sells us our plants said, “It’s part of it’s character, so you can leave them uncovered.” They are beautiful, and well-earned, so not dirt it is.  The pot is huge, so the plant has plenty of room to grow. Everyday it sprouts a new leaf. It’s so heavy, we had to buy a stand with wheels.

Back to the ferns, a bird built a nest in one. At first it concerned me because she was taking out part of the fern, for the nest. Then I realized she loved the environment so much she wanted to live there. I have to be gentle, but it still gets drenched daily.

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Letting Go, Love, Moving On, Quality of life

Soft and Strong

I woke up early this morning, and was able to think. There is a distinct difference between thinking, and having thoughts. Thank you Chemo for teaching me that difference.

A lot of thoughts came rushing in, once I had my coffee. Most of them were pictures of my past, and mainly my Mother. Pieces of the path that helped make me who I am today. She was such a strong woman. I don’t recall seeing her sit much, and if she was napping, it meant she had worn herself out. The same with crying. She would hide somewhere and weep, and if my siblings, or myself, heard her weeping, something was big time wrong. My daughter sees me cry quite often, and I’m glad.

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My Mother grew up as an only child. Her Mother was of small stature; maybe 5 feet tall. Her Father was a big man, and stood soundly at over 6 feet tall. My Mother was built like her Father, so this ain’t good. She was told, her birth was so traumatic on her Mother’s body, her Mother couldn’t have anymore kids. She grew up believing it was her fault she was an only child.

What a burden to carry. I think because of this, she thought she had to be everything to everybody. I’ve seen a lot of similarities between my Mother, and me, over the years. The first time I went through the ‘Letting Go’ process, I looked at what I learned growing up, and if that served me today. I loved my Mother, but I saw areas in me that needed to change.

My Father was an alcoholic, and so am I. My Grandmother, Mother, and Sister all had Breast Cancer, and so do I. Some traits we inherit, or call it genetics. We might not can change that, but we can change what continues. God is a master at breaking chains, and strongholds, so through Him, we can choose what is good to pass on to our generation.

Do I really want or need to be that strong? Not today Satan. Not today.

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I didn’t quit. I stopped it dead in it’s tracks.

My Mother waited until all four of us kids were grown, and then she left my Dad. He bought her a beautiful house, with everything we didn’t have growing up. Air conditioning was one of those things, and this new house had that. Her walking away pissed me off in more ways than one. This new house had everything she could ever want, but it didn’t have that one thing she craved. It still lacked love, and acceptance of who she wanted to be. She was tired.

I can relate to Mother because I stayed in a marriage that fell out of love, and became for the kids.

I was the same age as her when I walked out of mine. That was my first clue that something needed to change, and it was probably me. Mother stayed strong, and stubborn till her death, but I wanted a different ending to my story. I wanted a story filled with love, and goodness. I refused to allow my daughter to grow up, and not see her Mama truly loved.

Strong will get you through, but soft will get you more. I walked into the bathroom this morning, and noticed a package of toilet paper sitting on the counter. It was being advertised as ‘Soft and Strong.’ I thought, “Well heck! If a roll of toilet paper can be that, then surely I can too!” I am hoping God sees me as more than something we use to wipe with.

I mean really? You gonna one up me toilet paper?

I will fast forward to the end. My Mother’s funeral. I believe she gave of herself her whole life. She was always busy, and helped anyone at the drop of a hat. She gave, but she sucked at receiving. From the simplest compliment, all the way to, “I can do this myself’ mentality. The people that came to her funeral, were the people that felt indebted to her.

We need to receive as much as we give. This is what fuels our flame, and gives us even more to give. Maya Angelou said, ‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’ I hope a lot of people are at my funeral, and not because of what I did, or who I was, but how I made them feel.

It’s gonna be lit fam!

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

Love, Present Moment, Quality of life

Soften Your Heart

Whenever I mention attending a public event to my daughter, she says, “No. I don’t like people.” We laugh after she says it, but there is a lot of truth in it. I hear other people saying it too. God wants us to love; He doesn’t mention like.

It is said the word ‘love’ is mentioned 365 times in the Bible. That would signify enough love for each day of the year. It depends on what version of the Bible, but I can see where that might be true. God wants us to be filled with love each day. Where we get hung up is spilling it out on others. The amount of love we give will be the amount we receive.

I went to a community event lastnight. Living in small town Texas, I have not taken time to plug into the community.

They had their annual tree lighting in the square. Not sure you can call it a square, more like the grassy area near the four-way stop. This town consists of one intersection, a Post Office, Fire Department and one gas station.

treeblogIt was windy and misting rain, but I felt led to go. There were probably 30 or 40 people there at one point, and the atmosphere drew you in. They had a bonfire blazing with colorful metal barrels placed around it for seating. An old pickup truck pulled up near the fire, opened the doors and let the stereo blare Christmas music. We learned to talk over it.

There was a table with hot chocolate and cans of whipped cream. A young lady was walking around with a container of homemade cookies, holding them under our noses. I sat on one of the barrels and talked to the people around me. It was nice to sit and listen to their stories and to laugh at ourselves.  A few knew that it was God that brought them here.

It was my first time in the community, and being in a small town, everyone knew I had moved there. I had become known as the lady with the giant Rooster in her yard. When they asked where I live, and I pointed down the road, they would gasp and exclaim, “You live in Pete’s old house and have the giant Rooster!” Well, I guess I could be known for much worse.

As I said my goodbyes and turned to leave, a man yelled, “We need volunteers at The Community Center.” I stopped walking, turned toward the man and started walking back to the group of people. I gave him my number and told him I would be happy to help anytime. His wife was standing next to him, and she said she would call. I asked God earlier in the day to use me to serve others. The day was almost over, and I almost didn’t go because of the rain, but He did.

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer, Entrepreneur and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and will only eat cake with real buttercream icing. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name given. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

Love, Present Moment, Quality of life

Live Love Learn

People fascinate me. Taking time recently to read about the differences between men and women, relationships, friendships, and it’s all fascinating. The month of December is when I set aside time for awareness and to learn.

blog2This month will be a time to reflect over 2015. What worked and what didn’t? What is working now and what is not? If it hasn’t worked all year, do I really want to bring it into next year? How much room do I have on this platter of life? I left room to try some new things next year.

Not having a successful marriage caused me to question having a successful relationship. We all have parts of it that worked, but will they work in the next relationship? From what I can gather, it’s a new relationship, so everything is new. This is what will make a new you too.

Every day is new as is every moment. Treat the new person as new.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer, Entrepreneur and a Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and will only eat cake with real buttercream icing. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name given. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Bailey being blessed, Love

Box of Love

When I began Blogging, my thought was, this is for my daughter Bailey. To have a place to go and read about our journey together. What goes on the Internet, stays on the Internet, is our motto. I never want her to forget this day.

This guy in Missouri has been talking with her for a while now. His name is Brett, and he works at Starbucks for now. There are two thumbs up already. His name starts with a B, like all our family members, and he works at our favorite coffee shop. Brett bought Bailey a reusable cup from Starbucks. This one cup is how the box of love began.

He started dropping stuff in the cup when he came home from work. The items were random things he had laying around his room that he thought Bailey would like. Guitar picks and a cool guitar capo. The capo was so unusual; it took us a minute to figure out what it was. He wanted to tell her, ‘You Rock,’ so he taped a rock to a piece of paper and put it in the cup. There was more he wanted to send, so the cup went into a box, and he started adding to the box.

FullSizeRenderHe wrote messages on index cards. The cards were in a stack, as she went through and read each one, her smile growing larger all the while. I noticed how she pulled each item out and looked at it like a mysterious treasure. Knowing that his hand touched it, his thought was behind it, and the t-shirts smelled like his cologne. It was a box of love and light.

The joy that each item brought her was priceless, even though the only money he spent was on the postage. The box took some time, effort and thought, which is important to any relationship. Brett showed us you can put love in a box, and send it, but the secret is not to keep it in the box. Unpack it, feel it, give it back to the giver and everyone around you.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 16 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Letitgocoach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is writing her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

Letting Go, Love

Just Being Me

There is a reason it feels good to be loved when we are going through pain. That is why we go to a funeral home, to see the family of the deceased, to show them care and help them through their loss. It’s human nature to want to isolate and be alone to lick our wounds, but that doesn’t heal, it only forms a scab. Love will heal our wounds, but we have to be loved very well and with no agendas.

blogI love the way SC Lourie writes. It’s like her very soul breathes and forms words on paper. Plus, she begins each writing with the word, ‘darling’, in the opening line. Being from Texas, I find that to be sweet.

Do you ever feel accused of changing?

We do change, but I believe it’s a peeling process. God creates us to be whole and promises that we are enough. The outside world comes at us and our being can become hidden. Do we allow the world to change us, which is stealing our natural state of being, or do we continually look inside and release new parts of what was already there?

I believe love is very healing. No matter what has happened in our past, if we can come to terms with who we really are, and love ourselves, healing begins. To let go of every negative feeling and thought, and what other people think and say about us. To get to know your one true self and be good with sitting in your own skin.

I look back at this journey I began a couple of years ago, and it’s miraculous seeing the life I have today. It’s not what I did so much as what I gave up. Letting go of past hurts, peoples words and opinions about me. If they’re talking about the person they once knew, I’m not her anymore.  I have changed. I was in there all along, but time, patience and love is bringing her out to fully blossom. I had to stop being a magnet for the world to latch onto, and just be me.

Love, Present Moment, Quality of life

I Love Weekends

I love weekends. There is something about the weekend, that gives me a deeper sense of pleasure. It’s when I take extra time, walking through my world and noticing every little thing. What needs some extra attention and what grabs mine. Then that ADD moment when one of my fave songs comes on,  Somebody Like You, by Keith Urban.

blogsprinkleThe first thing that needed some love was my chickens. I raised Exotics and Layers a few years ago. Today, I only have three. Could I handle more? Why sure, but three is enough for my daughter and me to enjoy. When you start to have more, there is more money and maintenance involved. Plus, they lay eggs and for two people, you don’t need many eggs. That is when you have to start selling them and it turns into a weekend business. Uh, no.

After checking on their needs, I turned on the sprinkler. The ground is dry and they enjoy scratching the earth. I caught myself standing in my kitchen, staring at the sprinkler for several minutes. There is a trumpet vine growing along the fence that I would love to see bloom one more time. The sprinkler will make the chickens, the vine and the earth happy.

blogflowerI fertilized the Bougainvillea yesterday going for one more massive bloom with it as well. There are two of these hanging from my front porch and they have been a labor of love. I have learned a lot watching these guys grow from twigs in the planters to the size they are now.

I had always loved the fullness and the blooms of this plant, but have not been successful with them until now. Deciding to try again, I bought these guys the first year of my legal separation and loved them as much as I could. I remember wanting them to bloom so badly, but being young plants, it was taking time and patience. Right at the end of summer, I walked outside to find them in bloom. They held their blooms until cooler weather set in.

blogmushroomWalking back into the house, I noticed some mushrooms growing underneath my daughters strawberry plant. Probably gave it too much water late in the day yesterday, but it’s cool, they are pretty to look at. My daughter saw this plant at a local Farmer’s Market months ago.

It was small and had two strawberries hanging from it. The plant was marked down to $2.00, so she had to have it. It was heading toward the end of it’s season, but grew a few more strawberries after we replanted it. We were picked on by friends, in a loving way, about having a strawberry plant vibrantly growing on our porch in the heat of the summer. It was happy. Part sun and shade, besides, what plant wouldn’t thrive in that colorful pot.

blogteaWhile enjoying everything on the porch, I forgot the water I had turned on for tea. Have become quite attached to Rooibos. It’s one of those things you pour into you body and your body thanks you for it. Feels good. Once it was ready, a full cup came with me to sit and write.

My daughter is at her Dad’s this weekend, otherwise today would look somewhat different. We would be enjoying the moments together, but probably in town instead of home. After spending many years driving her to swim, dance, martial arts, various activities and those weekend birthday parties, it’s nice to enjoy my world today. I used to rush through it with her.

It’s never too late to stop and start over. Our life together the past three years has been phenomenal! It hasn’t always been easy, but it is still beautiful. How many 16 year olds say, “Mom? We are a great team. We have each others back no matter what.” Not many.

We have done this life together and we are best friends. I am still her Mother and get to lecture her about her data usage over and over again, but she knows I love her and want the very best for her life. It’s not about having a lot. It’s about loving what you have and enjoying every moment. Here’s to a beautiful weekend, Beautiful Souls ❤

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 16 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Letitgocoach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is writing her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Love, Present Moment, Quality of life

Good To Me Or Good For Me? Let’s Do Both

Something happens when I step into this virtual world of Blogging. As soon as I enter, it feels like home. Thank you for being here, reading and sharing my words. The reason I come in is to share, but the reason I stay is for you.

You can always come here to find encouragement. That is my purpose in life is to love people and help them along their journey. I don’t claim to have all the answers, just sharing what is on my heart and what God is showing me today. We can walk and learn this life together, which is so much better than alone. This life is our gift and it’s meant to be opened and enjoyed daily. How we use it directs our path, but I thank God today, I only stumble and don’t fall.

pickyouThis is one of the first memes I made. The first few I made have words on them out of a journal I carry around all the time. When God tells me something, I write it down. It may be something I’ve heard before, or something original. Any worthwhile thought gets written in that book.

God prompted me months ago to start making memes. I looked at free software online and was discouraged rather quickly. I’m not super technical, but I can usually figure things out. Some of these software’s are not meant to be figured out. They are merely there to frustrate.

PicMonkey is one that is zero fun. It has all the whistles and bells, but it even frustrates my teenage daughter, who has artistic ability. Red flag number one and the name says it all. Coming across the one I was able to use was a God send. It’s called Picfont and again, the name speaks.

linedry1So when is something ‘good for you’? When it feeds your soul is my indication. There are going to be lessons in life, but should life be one continuous lesson? I think not. If that were the case, I would feel beat up, worn down and defeated, which is the complete opposite of who I am. I wouldn’t be able to share my gift and lift people up if I were down.

If something is good for you, it can be good to you in a loving manner. My mother was good to me and what she taught me was good for me, but eating all those veggies when I was little did not feel like love to me.

IamThis last meme was the first one I made. If you know me at all, you should know, this is my mantra for my life. It’s what I had to tell myself everyday for a year until I could look comfortably in the mirror and own it. Feel free to click, print and tape it to your mirror. That is what I had to do and it was hard work, but it laid the foundation of who I am today.

Picfont is good to me and is set up to lovingly assist. I will grow and get better at making memes and dive in to more challenging software. It will have to be good to me to be good for me, or I will not stick with it. Challenge is good and helps us grow, but it needs to do so with love.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 16 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Letitgocoach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is writing her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com