Moving On, Present Moment, Quality of life

Calling Myself Out

I wrote a Blog lastnight thinking I would publish it this morning. It was everything I wanted to say at the moment. When I pulled it up today, I thought it needed some help.

Sometimes I make life more difficult than it should be.

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I love being in a New Year. I look at it as 365 new opportunities. Every new day, brings new possibilities. To stretch myself, I want to write a Blog a day. Now, a lot of writers do this in January, so it’s no big deal. When you write what’s on your heart, you must believe God is going to put something there to write about each day. This morning, He gave me three!

I had the one from yesterday poised to be published, and He put two more on my heart as I was driving to Radiation. Getting ready and out the door early every morning has turned into a very sweet time for me. I almost changed my appointment time for tomorrow, so I wouldn’t be so rushed, but I didn’t want to miss out. God is using that time for His Glory.

When I was going through Chemo, it was rough being a writer. A friend asked me the other day if I wrote much during that phase. No…I did not. My mind was full of things to write, but I couldn’t get them to a page. That darling Chemo brain was a challenge for sure, but I am grateful that has passed. Now, if I can just let these Blogs flow, and stay out of the way.

Just like the Blog I wrote lastnight. I felt an urge to post it, but I have never posted two Blogs in one day. You’ve heard the expression, “Use it or lose it?” That is what happens.

If I don’t use it as soon as God puts it on my heart, I will mess with it until it loses all validity. This is my year to Speak Your Heart. I will trust God to fill it, and let it flow.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Bailey being blessed, Flying Free, Moving On, Quality of life

Flying the Nest

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Stepping out on my front porch this morning, I looked up at the bird’s nest that has housed four baby birds, and saw only two. They have grown up so fast! Just a few weeks ago, I saw four bald heads up there. They had a few, small random hairs on their heads. I could relate!

I have raised my daughter to the best of my ability, and trusted God to do the rest. I have not said ‘No’ to her very much because I trust her judgement. I would rather her learn everything she can, while she’s still in the nest, so when she flies, she will know what to expect. I want her to have strong wings, like the eagle, but watching her learn to fly sucks.

She is going to a concert tonight without me. I have always told her, “I trust you. It’s just the people around you I have a problem with.” The band is Twenty-one Pilots. She was introduced to this band by a boy that came into her life a year ago via social media. This boy was in a world of pain, and she was there to listen. It was hard to watch, and she got hurt, but she learned a lot from that boy. God’s grace was upon her, and He healed her ruptured heart.

I prayed for God to send the right person to accompany her to this concert. I wanted her to go with someone I felt would protect her from the crowd. One of her very best friends is a guy she doesn’t get to see very often. One time they were hanging out together, and she asked to ride his skateboard. He handed it to her, and she hopped on. When he saw she was going to crash, he dove toward her and landed between her and the pavement. He is going.

Yesterday, I did something completely illegal. She received a letter from her boyfriend, that lives in Missouri, and she wrote him right back. He had gone on a mission trip, and didn’t have his phone for 10 days, so her wrote her a letter. The good ol’ days right? She wanted to mail her letter to him immediately, so I sat still and told her, “Go ahead. You know how to drive.”

She has been driving since January with a permit, and will have her license in a couple of weeks. She is an excellent driver. Better than most adults I know. She drives me to Chemo once a week, and I usually sleep on the ride home. That is how confident I am in her ability to drive. I believe she has been uneasy about driving alone, so she has lingered getting her license.

I saw this letter as a good opportunity to let her fly. She hopped in her car, and drove off to the Post Office. We live in a very small town, so the Post office is less than a mile away. The only thing you have to worry about here, is a cow, or tractor, stepping out in front of you. When I first learned of my Breast Cancer, she drove me in and out of downtown Austin, so this was cake.

After she had left, I stepped out on the porch, and leaned against one of the large posts. I was filled with peace, and knowing that God had this. Now with this concert, I have to believe, God will protect my daughter from the world around her. There is a prayer I have been praying over her since she was tiny. It has saved my sanity as a parent, and gives me strength.

Prayer of Protection for Your Family by Kellie Copeland Kutz

Allowing her to be a part of this world, but not of this world is rough. She knows more about what’s going on in the world, than I do. We talk about everything, and she shares with me all the crazy stuff she sees on social media. It’s a scary world out there, and I’m not excited about letting her go into it without me. Mama’s…Do your best, and let God do the rest.

In honor of @twentyonepilots tomorrow and my impeccable driving

A post shared by Bailey Hølmes (@christiannbay) on

A footnote: Right after I finished writing this, I stepped out onto the porch to get some air. The bird’s nest is now empty, and they are flying around the front yard. Exactly as planned.

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Moving On, Present Moment, Quality of life, Small Town Charm

Noticing the Nuances

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My daughter, and I went to the Fourth of July celebration lastnight, in our tiny town. It was quaint, and sweet. It was enough walking through town, and soaking up the stares from strangers. My daughter, as you know is stunning, and today, so am I. She tied a flag scarf around my bald head, so I’m sure we were a sight! It was all good until I heard that song.

Standing in front of an old schoolhouse, in the midst of the crowd, I heard Luke Bryan singing this song from a few years ago. I used to love Luke Bryan, but he lost me after, “That’s My Kinda Night.” My daughter was standing beside me, and she immediately noticed the change in my demeanor. She said, “Remember when you used to love Luke Bryan?”

My body froze, and my head dropped when I heard that song. It brought back memories of when I left my marriage of 25 years, and moved to nothingness with my daughter in tow. I’m sure my friends thought I had lost it, leaving the security of what I had always known. That first year, on our own, was such a season of learning. Of unbecoming who I’d become.

When I started this Blog, it was to share my experience, strength, and hope with others. I would take a life lesson, and share how it impacted my life today. Staying above the water line with it, being careful not to go too deep, and reveal to much about me personally. Walking through this Breast Cancer Journey is causing me to burst out of my cocoon.

There was a man in my life that is borderline genius. We both have the gift of writing, except he was able to utilize smart people words. One of his favorite words was ‘Nuances’. I never could wrap my mind around the full meaning of that word, until today. Noticing the nuances of life. One of his favorite quotes was, “The only constant in life is change.”

That man is no longer a part of my life, so it’s ironic that I am still learning from him.

My soul has healed enough to share many personal lessons with you. I believe people come into our lives for a reason, and sometimes, only a season. I am sitting in a circle of healing.

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Letting Go, Love, Moving On, Quality of life

Soft and Strong

I woke up early this morning, and was able to think. There is a distinct difference between thinking, and having thoughts. Thank you Chemo for teaching me that difference.

A lot of thoughts came rushing in, once I had my coffee. Most of them were pictures of my past, and mainly my Mother. Pieces of the path that helped make me who I am today. She was such a strong woman. I don’t recall seeing her sit much, and if she was napping, it meant she had worn herself out. The same with crying. She would hide somewhere and weep, and if my siblings, or myself, heard her weeping, something was big time wrong. My daughter sees me cry quite often, and I’m glad.

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My Mother grew up as an only child. Her Mother was of small stature; maybe 5 feet tall. Her Father was a big man, and stood soundly at over 6 feet tall. My Mother was built like her Father, so this ain’t good. She was told, her birth was so traumatic on her Mother’s body, her Mother couldn’t have anymore kids. She grew up believing it was her fault she was an only child.

What a burden to carry. I think because of this, she thought she had to be everything to everybody. I’ve seen a lot of similarities between my Mother, and me, over the years. The first time I went through the ‘Letting Go’ process, I looked at what I learned growing up, and if that served me today. I loved my Mother, but I saw areas in me that needed to change.

My Father was an alcoholic, and so am I. My Grandmother, Mother, and Sister all had Breast Cancer, and so do I. Some traits we inherit, or call it genetics. We might not can change that, but we can change what continues. God is a master at breaking chains, and strongholds, so through Him, we can choose what is good to pass on to our generation.

Do I really want or need to be that strong? Not today Satan. Not today.

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I didn’t quit. I stopped it dead in it’s tracks.

My Mother waited until all four of us kids were grown, and then she left my Dad. He bought her a beautiful house, with everything we didn’t have growing up. Air conditioning was one of those things, and this new house had that. Her walking away pissed me off in more ways than one. This new house had everything she could ever want, but it didn’t have that one thing she craved. It still lacked love, and acceptance of who she wanted to be. She was tired.

I can relate to Mother because I stayed in a marriage that fell out of love, and became for the kids.

I was the same age as her when I walked out of mine. That was my first clue that something needed to change, and it was probably me. Mother stayed strong, and stubborn till her death, but I wanted a different ending to my story. I wanted a story filled with love, and goodness. I refused to allow my daughter to grow up, and not see her Mama truly loved.

Strong will get you through, but soft will get you more. I walked into the bathroom this morning, and noticed a package of toilet paper sitting on the counter. It was being advertised as ‘Soft and Strong.’ I thought, “Well heck! If a roll of toilet paper can be that, then surely I can too!” I am hoping God sees me as more than something we use to wipe with.

I mean really? You gonna one up me toilet paper?

I will fast forward to the end. My Mother’s funeral. I believe she gave of herself her whole life. She was always busy, and helped anyone at the drop of a hat. She gave, but she sucked at receiving. From the simplest compliment, all the way to, “I can do this myself’ mentality. The people that came to her funeral, were the people that felt indebted to her.

We need to receive as much as we give. This is what fuels our flame, and gives us even more to give. Maya Angelou said, ‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’ I hope a lot of people are at my funeral, and not because of what I did, or who I was, but how I made them feel.

It’s gonna be lit fam!

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

Moving On, Quality of life

Dream A Sweet Dream

I love Steve Jobs. He was an unmatched Entrepreneur. I saw a quote from him this morning and shared it to my Letitgocoach Facebook page. It reminded me why I do what I do. Encouraging people on the daily is what I love to do. In person or virtually, I want to give you hope. It was 3 short years ago that I felt alone and hopeless, so I have learned a thing or two. This month alone has been a major growth and learning experience, so it’s time to write.

This month was nothing like I planned. It was supposed to be a month of reflection and meditation to prepare for the upcoming year. My Mama passed away a couple of weeks ago and even though it was an answered prayer, I wasn’t ready. She had been living with Dementia for several years and the family was at a breaking point with care. My sister and I put our hearts together and prayed. Two days later Mama didn’t wake up. God moves swiftly in my life.

calendarI walked through my house into the kitchen and noticed the window fogged up which told me it was cold outside. My calendar was stuck on 15, and at first glance it looked like December 2015. A closer look made me realize that was the last day I had been in my home. “My ways are not your ways”, say the Lord. You would think I’d get this by now.

This is the first Blog I’ve posted since the 13th. I’ve been reading, watching and trying to assimilate what God is doing in my life. God knows my heart and has taken what I laid my hand to, and turned it into His. At first I was a little disappointed in myself for not reaching my goal, but now I see God is giving me more than I ever hoped for going into next year!

Do what you love and love what you do. That is the extent of my plan, and the rest is God’s.

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer, Entrepreneur and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and will eat cake with real buttercream icing. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name given. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

Moving On, Quality of life

Coming of Age

I am growing. Not old or up, just growing. It took half a century to get here and my hope is that you get this sooner, but if not, I can tell you it’s well worth the ride. Looking over my life, I can see it took every step and every storm.

treeThe tree went up this week! Long ago are the days of the artificial pre-lit tree stored in the attic. I remember supervising the hanging of the ornaments, only to spread them out or rehang them once the kids were in bed. My daughter and I have chosen a real tree for a few years now. She picks the tree, and I string the lights. Together we hang the ornaments.

When we first moved out together and were on our own, we didn’t have many ornaments. Half my life of collecting ornaments from all over the world, and I left them in the barn. Our first Christmas was Martha Stewart jumbo pack from a home improvement store. We started picking up an ornament here and there, and three years later we have a tree full.

For us each ornament pinpoints a certain time in our journey. We also went back to the barn and chose a few of our favorites. Some make us laugh, while others put us in awe of their beauty. I used to have a decorator come out and decorate our tree. My daughter doesn’t remember that because she was a baby, but she will always remember these trees. snowman

There is a lady in town that makes beautiful wreaths all year round. She does it just for fun, and it brings joy to peoples lives. My daughter and I bought one last Christmas and loved it, but I left it for the couple that moved into our house. When we moved to this house, we had no Christmas Wreath. I pondered getting one, but nothing caught my attention.

That same lady posted a Snowman wreath on Facebook. It was too big for our little screen door. It was huge! My daughter saw it and loved it like I knew she would, but agreed it was way too big. I thought about asking my friend to make a smaller one for us, but let it slip my mind. Two days later a smaller version of the Snowman wreath appeared on Facebook.

Have I mentioned God knows your heart?

God prompted my friend to make a smaller version, and as soon as she posted it I saw it and contacted her. My daughter will be surprised when she gets home from her Dad’s. It’s just a little thing that she wouldn’t expect, but will make her smile. Just like the ornaments and the wreath, it’s all the little things that have added up over time to manifest into one big, beautiful life. Maybe it’s my age, but I sure am to enjoying the journey.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer, Entrepreneur and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and will only eat cake with real buttercream icing. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name given. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Moving On, Present Moment, Quality of life

Learning To Live

We are getting much needed rain here in Texas. I have three chickens in the side yard that have not witnessed rain in a long time. When it started to pour from the sky, they freaked out and started running around. They have a coop to provide shelter, with the door standing wide open, but are huddled up against the house instead. They are called chickens for a reason.

blog1Maybe we forgive and forget how things feel. Forgiveness has to come first, or the forgetting will not take place. It will haunt us and make us miserable until we forgive. God wants us to forgive others for wrongdoing, but we often forget to forgive ourselves.

The house my ex-husband lives in is the same house we shared. When I left, I only took a few things, so you couldn’t tell at first glance, that anything was missing. The furnishings remained the same as I left them, with a few replacement pieces. I don’t know how he has lived there. I guess he hasn’t. It has just been sheltering from the storms of life.

brokenI saw that house as a slow brewing storm or vortex. My ex-husband blames himself for the dissolve of our marriage. It’s not true, but that is how he sees it. Recently, I sent him an email asking him to forgive me for hurting him. I don’t know that he can because he is going to have to find forgiveness for his soul first. He needed to leave that house.

His favorite Bible verse is Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” His life is not reflective of his favorite verse. When you are stuck in the past, there is no future.

I started praying for God to move and show my ex His goodness. It was passed time for him to leave that house, and all the haunting memories it stored. Last weekend, my ex took our daughter to look at a house he saw in the newspaper. She showed me pictures of it, and it’s the perfect house for him! He is moving in November!

When my ex and I first met, he lived in a condo on a lake in Virginia. This house is reminiscent of that condo, and is overlooking a lake! God is restoring the years lost, by placing him in the last place he was his happiest. Now he can have a beautiful shelter, surrounded by God’s goodness and start the forgiving process. Let the healing begin.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 16 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Letitgocoach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is writing her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Letting Go, Moving On

Open and Close

I posted a meme on my Letitgocoach page on Facebook and this is a matter that has been on my heart for a while.

I am a thinker, and used to analyze every situation. If someone left my life, I had to know why. Closure was critical.

doorThat is not the case today. The freedom of allowing people to walk in and out of my life is huge. When I truly grasped the idea of ‘Letting Go’, that included people too.

Did your parents ever tell you, “Because I said so,” and that was your only reason?

When we follow God and, a door closes, and we wonder why, isn’t that like questioning God? He has a plan for our good, even when we don’t. Our stupidest mistakes can turn around for our good and His glory. There should be no question. When people disappear out of my life, God has quietly closed a door.

If it doesn’t open it’s not our door, but when one closes, I trust God and leave it. That is all the closure I need. Put there by the King of Kings, and that is enough.

Feel free to comment. Would love to hear your thoughts.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 16 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Letitgocoach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is writing her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Moving On, Quality of life

Say So Long

Do you have projects left undone? I have acquired vintage pieces with the sole intent of painting them. Giving them new life with lots of color. If it’s been a year and they are still sitting in their original state. Probably time to move on.

I had a rocking chair that was very old. It was solid wood with a rattan seat insert. The wood carving was very pretty, but it made an enormous amount of noise when you sat in it. I’m sure a cushion would fix that, but it needed some time I wasn’t willing to spend. I had good intentions with the chair, but it wasn’t a priority anymore. In it’s natural state, it didn’t bring me joy and wasn’t being restored to it’s greatest potential. This morning, I had to let it go.

blogToday is trash day, so I took it down the driveway and sat it by the trashcan for pick up. The chair came into my life in a season and for a reason at the time. My thought was to make it better. I have friends post pictures often of pieces they have restored and they’re beautiful!

My thought never turned to passion.

I know my passions. These are the things that set my heart afire. Ideas or thoughts from the heart that have fuel in them. That is what I love.

After I sat the chair at the end of the driveway, I was inspired to write this Blog. It was about 30 minutes later, I grabbed my camera to go snap a picture, to include here to show you the chair. It was gone. The trash man had not come, because the trash was still there, but no chair.

That made my heart happy. Someone had driven by and saw it and wanted it for themselves. Maybe they loved restoring furniture and saw it’s potential like I had a year ago, or maybe they just loved it as is. Whatever the reason, I am happy that the chair lives on in someone elses life. I was not enjoying it, but I’m grateful that somebody else will.

Do you have things in your life that you’re just keeping to keep them? Take time to let them go. They will serve someone else and bring joy to their life for a season. That will bring you happiness and give you a simpler life to enjoy.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 16 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Letitgocoach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is writing her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

Moving On, Quality of life

Permission To Move

Did you enjoy playing Simon Says as a kid? Or red light green light? I did. It wasn’t so much as someone telling me what to do, as it was the anticipation of what that may be. The anticipation of the move was exciting. We have lost that somewhere along the way. Now people dread moving and make it sound horrendous. Well, I got news for ya.

Get good at moving.

moveTen years ago, when we lost our home to foreclosure, I thought I would die. It was the hardest thing for me to accept and I got mad at God for allowing it to happen. I couldn’t blame God, I knew we were living above our means. That was the beginning of trusting God for every move.

I told myself right then, I would not own a house again. I couldn’t go through the pain of having something that substantial that could be lost overnight. Every two years, since the foreclosure, I have rented houses. You can rent a home with a year lease almost anywhere nowadays.

When I left my marriage, it didn’t matter to me where I lived. It had to be close enough for my ex to see our daughter, but other than that, I was open. God led us to a small home on 40 acres in McDade, Texas.

I had never heard of it, but was willing to go check it out. Fell in love with it, loaded up a U-Haul and made it our home. We knew no one and it was literally a fresh start. I remember friends asking me why we moved to McDade. There was no reason. It’s just where God led us and we trust Him.

December of last year, my daughter and I sat down and talked about wanting a little bit larger home. We had been going to the Laundromat for over a year and a washer and dryer would be like heaven for us. The house we were in didn’t have room for a washer and dryer, so we kept a grateful heart for the Laundromat and got it down to a science.

Three months later, the house we are in now appeared. We went to go look at it and saw a clothesline in the backyard. It was in another small town on 5 acres of fenced in property. The house had everything on our list, including a new washer and dryer. God knew our hearts and then came the willingness. People ask why we moved to this town and I have no clue. God was blessing us for our faithfulness and He wanted to see how fast I could move.

Do you love your life? God wants us to. Whatever is holding you back from living the life of your dreams, you need to look at that and see which is more important. It doesn’t take money. I was a single Mom with no credit and a part time job the first time we moved. God will place the right people in your path to rent from. People believe it takes so much to move, when really it takes less. Simplify your belongings. Keep what you love and be willing to make a move.