Present Moment, my daughter

Listening to Kneads

The silver bracelet I wore during Chemo was inscribed with, “Be still and know that I am God.” That is all I knew then, and now. Each part of our journey prepares us for what’s next.

Monday afternoon, I stretched out across my bed to rest, as I waited for my daughter to get home. Our semi-feral kitten, John Cena, was in the house, and my bedroom door was open. He hopped up on the bed, and began kneading the blanket lying next to me. To be in that moment of laying there, and listening to him kneading prepared me for today.

johncena1

Just being here as she does her thing on her Mac. I stared out her bedroom window for hours, but I was present. When I would get up to go do something, she would ask, “Are you leaving me?” I would smile, go do my thing, come back and sit on the bed. “No darling. I am not.” It’s been a glad day.

Present Moment, Quality of life

It’s Pretty Ugly

I took a friend to meet Stephanie today. You may or may not recall but, Stephanie is who gave me the courage to care for plants. Everyone needs a Stephanie in their life.

Getting out of my truck, this caught my eye. It has been hanging there for some time, and I have walked by it a countless number, but today it spoke to me.

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My daughter is still in shock that I brought it home!

She asked, “How much was it?” I cheerfully replied, “Stephanie let me have it for 9 bucks!” My daughter looked confused. This was so unlike me to buy something that wasn’t pretty.  I have already received $9 worth of joy from it.

Some days look pretty, but some days feel ugly, and it’s okay to have both.

Letting Go, Present Moment, Quality of life

Catch the Overflow

I still drench the Boston Ferns twice a day. It is hot in Texas, and they hang outside. I would want to be drenched too.

Letting go is a continuous process. Before I brought home my first plant, I drank my own medicine, and posted this. seewhatstays

A lady commented, “If you don’t like what stays, you have a decision to make.” I let it all go, and chose what stayed.

I thought I was clearing my platter to make room for more.

When I was actually clearing a space to make room for me.

There is an Asparagus Fern on the porch, that has been moved a dozen times. It didn’t look happy, or that it was getting everything it needed to thrive. Knowing they can take full sun, and shade, it was a challenge finding the right spot.

“I’m loving the metaphor of your plants as they bloom and grow. Your posts feel like fresh water to my dry roots xx”

Thanks to that comment, I knew where to move the Asparagus Fern.

It receives the overflow from the drenching of where this began. My cup runneth over. Catch the overflow.

trickleofwater
Can you see the trickle of water?
Letting Go, Moving On, Present Moment

The Don’t Wants

To discover what I want, I journey through the don’t wants.

Earlier this week, I walked into the kitchen wanting coffee.

I had set the machine up the night before, but instead, there was black liquid oozing all over the kitchen counter. The pot wasn’t fully engaged to allow the hot liquid to flow. The basket inside was filled with water, and grinds were everywhere. It was not pretty, so after cleaning up the mess, the coffee maker went into a cabinet. The don’t wants.

pressed
This is pretty.

Really good coffee beans deserve to be fresh pressed.

When our hearts are happy, we know what we want.

 

coffee

Now my morning coffee is relatively ceremonial.

We recognize our wants, when we realize our don’t wants.

Letting Go, Present Moment, Quality of life

Shades of Pink

Once my daughter painted her room, it prompted a change in mine. My bedroom is already a color, and it’s a pleasant neutral, so this is not a need. It’s been a slow burning want.

My favorite color has always been Red, but I surprised myself.

Walking into my room with two paint samples. One was a good, solid red, and the other was a pale version of red. After trying each on the wall, I chose the softer one. It feels good.

shadesofpink
Courtesy of Shades of Pink

This morning, this photo came up on my Facebook news feed.

It was posted by one of my favorite pages called Shades of Pink. I have settled into no social media apps on my phone. Checking it via laptop a couple of times a day is sufficient.

Melody Beattie’s words that resonated today are:

“Stay open to every opportunity.” (Doing that)

“If you’re tired, rest. If you’re sad, cry.” (Did that)

“Let destiny have it’s way with you.” (Thought-provoking)

Right before falling asleep lastnight, I read this. “Maybe that relationship that made you doubt yourself so much came along to help you learn to listen to and trust your inner voice.

I’m not bold Red. Presently, I am various Shades of Pink.

Present Moment, Quality of life, Unbecoming 2016

Trust the Process

ferns

It was early morning as I was sat in the front porch swing, pondering my sobriety. November 10th will mark 19 years sober. It’s scary getting close to the 20 year mark because you want to keep it. God spoke to my heart and said, “What are you doing to protect it?” I had lost track of that piece of me. It was time to go back and visit Alcoholics Anonymous.

Walking into a meeting the topic was ‘Unity.’ That felt good.

Sitting, listening to people share, and gathering up wisdom from the room. I was taking notes for later, and my pen started writing without a thought. Looking at the page it read, “I don’t need an intimate relationship, but I do need/want love.” The date was Sunday, July 2nd, which was right before I Bled Out, and then came, You are Good.

I’ve been reading Melody Beattie. My heart is tender now, and I want to keep it. To keep a tender heart you have to douse yourself with the tender-hearted. Like the ferns on the porch that get drenched everyday, I’m going to trust the process.

 

Love, Present Moment, Quality of life

A Healthy Environment

bloom

My daughter and I are learning about life through plants.

I’ve only killed one, but I learned a lot, and I’m not giving up.

My Blog introducing the Boston Ferns, caused me to pay attention to their needs. What started out as something important for my daughter, became important to me as well. A lady commented on the Blog, and this part stuck with me. She said, “Drench them.” At the end of the day, I pour a gallon of water over them. They drain, and I watch as the stream of water falls to the porch, like a waterfall. Our kitten drinks the water from the porch, and plays in the puddle.

A healthy environment brings new growth. Sometimes it’s obvious, like when it sprouts from the top. At other times you have to look for new growth underneath.

plant3

My daughter re-potted her Philodendron. Who wouldn’t thrive in that pot? It’s ceramic, and has deep scars filled with grey, to match the theme of her room. I just enjoy the scars.

This plant was so root-bound, they started growing upward. The lady who sells us our plants said, “It’s part of it’s character, so you can leave them uncovered.” They are beautiful, and well-earned, so not dirt it is.  The pot is huge, so the plant has plenty of room to grow. Everyday it sprouts a new leaf. It’s so heavy, we had to buy a stand with wheels.

Back to the ferns, a bird built a nest in one. At first it concerned me because she was taking out part of the fern, for the nest. Then I realized she loved the environment so much she wanted to live there. I have to be gentle, but it still gets drenched daily.

fern1

 

Present Moment, Quality of life

You are Good

I went down to the corner store this morning, and was greeted by my friend behind the counter. We love one another like good friends do, even though I just met him a couple of years ago. He is a real life superhero in my book.

I don’t know his story, only what I’ve seen. He has a heart the size of Texas, but he isn’t native Texan. He is from another country, and he runs the only store in little Dale Texas.

Last Thanksgiving, he was overwhelmed with gifts of food from the locals. He said it was a huge difference from the previous year. He received a couple of pigs that year, but last year it was in the double digits. He has a good heart, but it took time for people to see it, believe it, and trust him.

saveyourself

He asked, “You missed the fireworks lastnight?”

I responded, “I saw them from my front porch.”

He asked, “Are you okay?” Tapping his chest in reference to last years Breast Cancer.

I reassured him, “I am good, just tired I guess.”

Then it was like God entered the conversation, because he said, “Of people?” We were talking about health, so this comment surprised me. The fireworks celebration brings in a lot of people, so it hit me right in the heart when he said this.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at him and said, “Maybe.”

He started shaking his head furiously, and said, “NO NO NO.”

He opened his arms, leaned across the counter, and pulled me into his arms, like it was forbidden for me to be tired of people. He hugged me, let me go, and said, “You are good.”

 

Letting Go, Moving On, Present Moment

Choose to Connect

My daughter arrived home yesterday from her Father’s, and we fell asleep together while talking. When she was a child, she wasn’t allowed to crawl in bed with us. My mother never let me, so I felt it was important for my daughter in becoming self-sufficient. Mama would always walk me back to my bed, tuck me in and leave. She would do it as many times as needed in one night, and it taught me that Mama was there, but I could sleep on my own. My daughter is self sufficient.

At almost 18, she made a choice to stay put, and sleep.

enjoy

It really is the little thing in life, that are big things to me.

Okay lovelies, I promised to share what I learned last weekend, by stepping away from Social Media. My phone is still inactive, and it will most likely be reactivated later on this week, but this is interesting. It’s not about the phone, as much as what it can do. For me, it’s about the connection.

I thought about calling my sister, but oh…my phone is dead. Lol If you are confused as to what’s going on, please read It’s a Choice. I made a choice not to pay my phone bill last week.

My phone didn’t have any service, but it would still connect to WiFi, so I wasn’t disconnected from my friends. We messaged one another using Facebook messenger all weekend. The thing I missed about my phone was calling my sister. She chooses not to own a computer, but the reason shocked me. You know why she doesn’t have a computer?

Fear.

My sister lives in North Carolina, which is a ways from Texas. She enjoys her privacy, like I do, but she has different reasons. She has let the fear of the corrupt part of this world to keep her from enjoying the connection. She is afraid someone will steal all her personal information, and or identity.

courage

By not having a computer, she is missing so many life moments. She could video chat her son that lives in New York, and see his face. She has never read any of my Blogs, or seen Letitgocoach Facebook page. She admitted that she loves using Google on a friend’s computer when they visit, so that is as a good sign. You go Google! I encouraged her to go look at some, buy one, and I would help her set it up.

Sometimes, I have to make a choice where to spend my money, but my sister doesn’t. To spend money on my phone bill, or go sit at my favorite coffee shop with friends, is an easy choice. Maybe we need to put the word, “Mobile”, back in front of ‘phone’, because that is what it is. It allows a connection while being mobile. When I go mobile, I have become accustomed to leaving my phone at home.

So, this got me to thinking. How can I become more real in the virtual world? Facebook has made all these fancy advancements in technology, so the tools are there. The only thing stopping me was me. It’s been 3 years since Letitgocoach was born, and no one has seen her. Writing about everyday life, and seeing it are two different things.

challenge

Yesterday, I was mopping my floors, and it became clear what to do. Mandy Hunter popped into mind. Mandy is a huge inspiration, and we have a special bond, because we are so much alike. Mandy has a popular Facebook page called One2One Healing, and that is how we met. One day, I hope to meet her in person, but the woman lives in Ireland!

Mandy started doing ‘live streams.’ She goes to the beach, or hikes through the woods, and takes us with her virtually! It’s an amazing feeling, and it’s like we are there with her! We can talk with her during it because it’s happening live!

“Mandy uses her phone”, I thought, but I have a laptop.

Is it a choice, or a fear that needs to be faced?

Look around you, and choose to connect.

 

Present Moment, Quality of life

Live and Learn

Today will be spent painting the wood trim in my daughter’s bedroom. Since she recently painted the walls a light color, the trim looks like a gross white, instead of bright white.

To some, this may not sound like fun, but I love it.

I’m no painter, but there is something about holding a good trim brush, and paint. You become one with the tools in hand. Make it a meditative stance, instead of a chore. When my daughter comes home, her room will have a lighter, brighter feel, and I will have a feeling of accomplishment.

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You can do anything you want to do, if you want to enough.

My daughter and I consider our bedrooms our havens.

I really appreciated this mindset during Chemo for Breast Cancer. Once the Chemo Treatment was complete. my daughter would drive us home, and I would fall onto my bed. I would lay there for a couple of days, allowing my body time to do what was needed. It made me grateful I had bought a new bed the previous year. It felt good to my body, and soul.

Be inspired today Lovelies. Do something for your soul.

Talking with a friend yesterday, she asked if I had any vacation plans for the summer. That is something I rarely think about. My life feels like a vacation everyday, so I told her, “I’ve created a life I don’t need a vacation from.” She gasped and said, “I want to do that!” I assured her she could.

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