Not My Plan

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I have so enjoyed my three week break from Chemo. It caused me to be pensive, and think about what I want to do next. Yes, I know by now, my plans are not necessarily His plans.

Did I plan on getting a divorce 3 years ago? Better yet, did I plan on my marriage becoming unrecognizable 15 years in, and me staying an additional 10? No, that was not my plan.

Did I plan on moving to the country with my daughter when she turned 13, and raising her alone? Nope. That wasn’t my plan either.

Did I plan on being diagnosed with Breast Cancer near the beginning of 2016, and spend a year focused on that? Well, that was not my plan, but maybe my worst nightmare.

You know what? All these things, and more, have put me exactly where I need to be.

Catching glimpses of my new self during this break, I often pondered what I would be like with Chemo completely out of my system. The doctor assured me there would be no lasting effects of Chemo Brain. My mind would clear back up, once the Chemo was gone.

My daughter says, “You may not be as physically strong as you once were, but you have a new strength.” The physical strength will be simple enough to get back, once this journey is complete. I enjoy that she noticed the new inner strength.

Everything we go through in this life, takes a certain measure of strength. Where I get into trouble is depending on my own strength to get me through. That doesn’t work very well.

God wants us to depend on Him, and pull from His strength. I can feel the difference, and I would much rather trust, and rely on Him to pull me through. Just like trying to plan my life. I can look at what He has given me, writing being one, and use it to the best of my ability.

Allowing myself to be used by Him through my writing is even better. That is when my plan, coincides with His plan, and my options are endless. Let’s roll with that plan.

I Like We

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Strong and independent is she. Slaying dragons in her world, and anyone else’s dear to her heart.  Pushing her way through every storm, and obstacle. She is strong, but tired.

She is not alone. Those same people she wields her sword for, have swords of their own. They may not be just like hers, but they are fit for a battle none the less. Can she rest her weary bones, and allow others to stand guard? Can she trust others to fight and win?

I believe so.

There is not much difference between being a “loner”, and being “alone”.

Do you feel alone in your battles of life?

There is a quote I have in my house that reads, “The battle is God’s, not yours.” It’s a little reminder that I don’t have to fight every battle today. To be honest, I stay away from drama, and my sword is pretty dusty from not being used. I have fight in me, but it’s has to be of high importance for me to release that fight. Breast Cancer falls into that category of fight.

I do what I can, and let God do the rest.

Letting people help me through this time in my life, was extremely difficult, but I finally surrendered, and became good at it. If I am to win this battle, I must take care of me. The people I love want me around for a while, so to do that, I must pick and choose my battles.

It’s not all about me. It’s about ‘We’. I like we.

 

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Noticing the Nuances

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My daughter, and I went to the Fourth of July celebration lastnight, in our tiny town. It was quaint, and sweet. It was enough walking through town, and soaking up the stares from strangers. My daughter, as you know is stunning, and today, so am I. She tied a flag scarf around my bald head, so I’m sure we were a sight! It was all good until I heard that song.

Standing in front of an old schoolhouse, in the midst of the crowd, I heard Luke Bryan singing this song from a few years ago. I used to love Luke Bryan, but he lost me after, “That’s My Kinda Night.” My daughter was standing beside me, and she immediately noticed the change in my demeanor. She said, “Remember when you used to love Luke Bryan?”

My body froze, and my head dropped when I heard that song. It brought back memories of when I left my marriage of 25 years, and moved to nothingness with my daughter in tow. I’m sure my friends thought I had lost it, leaving the security of what I had always known. That first year, on our own, was such a season of learning. Of unbecoming who I’d become.

When I started this Blog, it was to share my experience, strength, and hope with others. I would take a life lesson, and share how it impacted my life today. Staying above the water line with it, being careful not to go too deep, and reveal to much about me personally. Walking through this Breast Cancer Journey is causing me to burst out of my cocoon.

There was a man in my life that is borderline genius. We both have the gift of writing, except he was able to utilize smart people words. One of his favorite words was ‘Nuances’. I never could wrap my mind around the full meaning of that word, until today. Noticing the nuances of life. One of his favorite quotes was, “The only constant in life is change.”

That man is no longer a part of my life, so it’s ironic that I am still learning from him.

My soul has healed enough to share many personal lessons with you. I believe people come into our lives for a reason, and sometimes, only a season. I am sitting in a circle of healing.

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Living In Enoughness

Today’s magical word for me is ‘Enoughness’. I love taking words such as, Awesome, and Fabulous, and adding ‘ness’ to them. Then you have Awesomeness and Fabulousness!

Let’s look at Enoughness. Leo Babuata of Zen Habits, is one of my Hero Writers. He inspires me, and prompts me to think. Leo has been writing for 25 years. I’ve been struggling with writing thanks to Chemo, because it fogs the brain. I want to write everyday, but it’s a challenge. I’m whining after not even 3 years of writing, so thank you Leo for continuing to write, and inspiring us babies.

I have found over the years, that God has given me more than enough. Am I happy with what I have? I am overjoyed! Simplifying my life has brought me tremendous freedom!

How can less be more than enough? Time, patience, gratitude, and God.

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I am free to dream. What are those dreams? Well, one is writing. God has opened the door, just recently, for me to pursue another life-long dream. I will share more about that later. Focus Barbara.

Yesterday was my 12th Chemo Treatment, and now I will enjoy a 3 week break. I am so excited! Hopefully, the time off from Chemo, will allow me to practice my writing skills. You will see more of me, and in different ways.

To stay in practice, I have posted what’s on my heart, on my Letitgocoach Facebook Page. A writer has to write, so even though they are small, they are being well received. Thank you.

So, back to Enoughness. All I needed to start Blogging was a laptop. Well, that was easy enough. Looking around at my life, I always have what I need, when needed. The other day, my daughter needed a Sharpie. I knew we had to have one, I just wasn’t sure where. Looking through all the drawers to no avail, I opened a cabinet, to pull out a bowl. There was the Sharpie. It had fallen from the back of the drawer, and landed in the stack of bowls below.

Gratefulness. Staying grateful for everything God has given us. Even that Sharpie.

My mind is shutting down, so I leave you with Leo’s wisdom. This is his Blog about Enoughness, which I hope you will take a minute to enjoy. “All You Need, You Already Have.”

Much love. ❤

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is It Real

With modern technology today, we are only limited by our minds. Scientists are creating things we don’t know about, and probably don’t want to know. We have tools like Facebook, and other social medias, to encourage, and reach people, but it’s outreach is limited by the people in charge. This is a huge controversy today among encouraging pages, but is it real?

I enjoy reaching people through social media, but I had to learn some lessons. At one time, I was too wrapped up in the numbers, which is easy to do. Then God did something crazy.

To show me that He is still on the throne, and I better have a sense of humor, He did this.

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Months ago, I posted this. It was cute even though the information is dated. I just thought it would cheer somebody up. Well, do you see how many people it reached? Over 10 million.

That was unreal. It is still floating around out there, because I still receive notifications of people liking it, and commenting. It brought so many people joy, and they had a lot of fun with it. The one Meme, that I slapped up there just for fun, God took it and ran with it. I couldn’t control any of it. I tried to keep up with the comments, but there were too many.

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Learning I have Breast Cancer, has caused me to pause and look at my life. Was it as beautiful as it could be? No. It had become off balanced, and things had been overlooked, or neglected. Was everything in order? Was the kitchen clean?

My daughter and I have lived in this house for over a year. When we moved in, we sat things in their designated room.

Yesterday, I looked at my bedroom, which should be my haven, but it was a mess. I wasn’t happy with how it was arranged, so I moved everything around. God has provided everything I need for a beautiful life, it just needed some time, care, and consideration.

After the big pieces were moved, which takes patience thanks to Chemo, I was ready to beautify. I wanted new drapes for my room, but didn’t feel led to go buy any. I have always loved the ones in the den, so I swapped the bedroom drapes, with the den. There is a large painting hanging in the den that has always brought me joy. It’s now in my room too.

I added more color to the bed, with down stuffed pillows, that had been laying on a shelf. Just little things from around the house, that I love, but they were in the wrong room.

My room is now a happy, serene haven once again, and my kitchen is clean. I won’t get so wrapped up in the virtual world, that I lose site of my world. It is beautiful, it is real, and that I can share.

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time and Patience

I have read a lot of frightening articles about relationships. You can barely define the word anymore. In an ever changing world, God hasn’t changed His definition. It is still the same.

To have any type relationship, I believe first comes some type of love. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 says, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Maybe we have forgotten what love is?

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Firmly planted in my mind, was an idea of how I wanted to be loved. Based on parts that felt good in the past. I had to let all that go, to receive what God had planned. It didn’t look familiar, but there’s that connection you cannot avoid. Maybe people are looking for that immediate connection, and get lost in it instead. Stay connected, and grab some bricks.

Sometimes sex occurs after the connection. Well..That is another ‘feel good’ moment, and will not be a brick, or the glue to hold you together. You can find sex anywhere, and very easily today. If that is all you’re looking for, you may not be ready for a relationship. The one thing I see people running from today is ‘Commitment’. Your life is a commitment.

Are you a trustworthy person? Are you loyal? Do you strive to do the next right thing?

What you have inside you, is what you have to offer that other person. Be complete within yourself, and not look for someone to complete you. If you feel you’re missing something, or have a void inside, find that first. Did I mention it’s a God shaped void? I drank for many years trying to fill that speck of emptiness inside. Pouring in what the world had to offer.

It didn’t work, and almost killed me. The day I asked God for help, He did, and I was whole.

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Love is happiness. I smile a lot today, and have a circle of people who give me that smile.

My unconditional love comes from God. He loves me no matter what I say, and forgives me when I mess up. I allow Him to mold me, and form me into what He wants me to be. Loving is not for wussies. It takes courage in allowing someone to love you just the way you are.

To love and to be loved is the greatest gift of all. Time and patience. Brick by brick.

 

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Beauty Will Rise

The light came into the room early this morning. It was overcast outside, but the house seemed to be filled with light. At 5:30 am, and cloudy, that light could only be from God.

I’m taking a break from social media this weekend. It was time, to take some time for me, and my soul. The verse, 3 John 1:2 says, “Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper, and be in health, even as your soul prospers.” My health is a priority, and with God’s guidance, and His healing hand, I will become whole. He is not done with me yet.

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There were a couple of men fishing early this morning. I sat at my writing room window, and gazed at the peaceful scene. They knew good things happen, early in the morning.

They floated out of sight, as some other boats rode by, and the lake became full of excitement. You can see from this picture, the once peaceful scene, suddenly got choppy.

That is how quickly our circumstances can change, from calmness to chaos.

I sat down, and started responding to email that came in a few days ago. One that I responded to, was from the most amazing woman on this planet, in my opinion. She walked into my life, literally, to become my daughters Nanny, when she was an infant. She loved my daughter as her own, and changed my perspective on life in so many ways.

If you are reading this right now my lovely…This is for you.

Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

This is a song from one of my favorite artists, and I found this guy when I met this lady.

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding

Click this highlighted title to watch, Steven Curtis Chapman, The Glorious Unfolding.

God’s plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing Love
And the story has only begun

Bad things happen to good people. In 2008, Steven’s little girl, Maria, was struck down, by an SUV, driven by her brother. You can read the full article here. Steven has done amazing things for the children of China. He and his wife adopted three girls over a period of time. They started a foundation to help couples do the same called, “Shenandoah’s Hope.”

I cannot imagine the devastation of that family. Steven has loved the Lord for many years, and is one of the most popular Christian artists to date. Did his marriage fall apart? No. I am sure his wife and him went through hell, and back, but I hope they are stronger than ever before. Did he stop singing? Almost. Here’s an excerpt from Hallels, with more about it.

“Chapman’s subsequent album, Beauty Will Rise, focuses on Maria’s death and its aftermath. Chapman almost quit his singing career due to Maria’s death and he nearly chose to never sing “Cinderella” again, but soon realized that Maria would have wanted him to continue singing and to honor her memory by singing “Cinderella“.

Hold on tight, just like Steven. God is nowhere near done with you yet. Beauty will rise.

 

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com