Search Results for: Mr. Smith

Different Is Good

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When I’m at the lake, the coffee maker usually wakes me up. It’s set on a timer to start brewing, but this morning that didn’t happen.

I overslept because I forgot to add water.

This year has been so different. Not only walking through Breast Cancer, but my daughter and I were apart for Thanksgiving.

This was when having two separate lives showed up. She felt led to be with her father, and I wanted to be with Chef and his family. I missed her terribly, but it was nice cooking with Chef, and having Thanksgiving here.

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I have spent twenty something years cooking the entire Thanksgiving dinner myself. This year I was only responsible for two dishes. The dressing, and some sweet potatoes. Chef had everything else under control. We were going to cook the entire dinner for his family. It’s funny looking at it now, but I was so nervous about cooking the dressing!

His Mother has always made the dressing, and I was in charge of making something they had certain memories of. Keeping it Grandma’s Dressing recipe, all I could do was my very best. Thanksgiving morning, Mr. Smith went to his families home to put the turkey in the oven, and I started making my dressing. Why was I so nervous about making this one dish?

Meanwhile, my daughter had volunteered to cook Thanksgiving dinner for her Dad, and brother. She called me stressed out about cooking the ham. Being a mother, I just wanted to step in and help her, but I couldn’t. This was something she chose to do, and at 17 years old, I had faith that she could.

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She did all of this. I love the way she put the pottery I left behind to good use. This picture reflects what she saw over the years, and she duplicated it amazingly well at her young age. She make it look like Thanksgiving, even though we were apart.

The expectations we place on ourselves can be brutal.

My daughter and I both have a bit of perfectionism we struggle to let go of. The dressing turned out well, and we had a beautiful Thanksgiving. Chef did an amazing job in his Mother’s kitchen, pulling the entire meal together in record time. It’s incredible to watch him, and he only burned his fingers twice.

Maybe your holiday’s look different this year, but I am finding that different is good.

Letting go of expectations of myself, allows me to enjoy what’s in front of me instead.

 

You Are Sexy

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I came home from Chemo treatment today, and it wasn’t long, I was ready to rest. It’s important to listen to my body now, more than ever. There is one area I have been struggling with though. The changes on the outside are messing with my sexiness.

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I sent my man this pic today, letting him know I was going to rest. It reminded me of a picture I sent him early on in our relationship. He had gone to Colorado for a week, to a family reunion. The pic was like this one, except I was wearing white.

You can tell by my eyes, I miss him, even though, I just saw him hours ago. He went to listen to the doctor, and he sat through Chemo with me. He sat across from me, and watched me sleep. He said I was cute in the chair.

His response to this pic today was one word. “Sexy.”

That is all I needed to hear. He is such a magnificent, “Beholder.” Talking over the weekend, he swears I haven’t changed. He still sees me as the woman he fell in love with.

I see less hair, and I’ve lost a little weight. I now know how men feel about that receding hairline. My hair was grey in front, so when Mr. Smith shaved it super short, the grey patches look very interesting. They are vague, so it looks like nothing is there. Just fuzz.

I have a Blog in mind to tell you what God did in that doctor’s office today, but this has been on my heart and mind. He doesn’t see what I see. Ladies…give your man a break. We are much too hard on ourselves.

The first picture I sent to Mr. Smith, while he was in Colorado, he liked. He liked it so much, I think he sent it to his Mother, and showed everyone at that reunion! I was so embarrassed, but he saw nothing wrong with it.

The eye of the Beholder. It’s not what we see, it’s what they see, even if we think it’s not so pretty. You are still sexy, even during Chemo.

Wish Me Goodnight

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I fell asleep texting Mr. Smith lastnight. We were talking and I dozed off and felt bad for doing that. Woke up in the middle of the night searching the bed for my phone. He knew what had happened, but he still wished me goodnight.

I have only had three long lasting relationships in my life. Some would say the first one doesn’t count because I was young and stupid. They all count and prepare you for what’s next. Each one gives you a sense of what is good for you.

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I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not the easiest person to love. Being an independent woman and following God’s path, there is not a lot of needs. Maybe every man wants to feel needed, but I have learned to need God.

What I want and what God wants for me are two different things. The same applies to my relationship with Mr. Smith. He is not love on demand and he will Make Me Wait. What I want and what he thinks I need are two different things, just like between God and me. Mr. Smith is good for me.

I tease him frequently that he doesn’t treat me right and he watches while I have my fits. I have had many a fit before God too and He watches and waits for me to get done. Sometime I feel like the child in public putting on a show trying to get their way. This usually mean a big time out for me.

God and Mr. Smith have my best interests at heart. Mr. Smith can touch me through technology or in person. He knows the little things are important and even though I fell asleep, he still texted me our goodnight message. Waking up and seeing that filled my heart into this day. A full heart is what God wants and that’s good for Mr. Smith and me.

No More Hair

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I woke up this morning before the alarm was set to go off. My body was trying to protect me from that annoying cell phone alarm we discussed yesterday. If you’re new here, welcome!  You may want to read Sweeping Dog Hair first.

blogI took the clock radio off the shelf and placed in on my bedside table before bed. It has two alarms, which works well for me! I set the first one for 6:20 am, which would allow the amount of sleep I need. It would buzz, so I set the second one a little later and with music. Neither was needed.

Before God showed us this house, I was praying for a fenced in yard for Gus. We lived on 40 acres at the time, but near a dangerous curve. I watched him get more brave in his ventures of heading down the driveway toward that curve. He’s a dog and being a Blue Heeler, he likes to run!

There were two Great Pyrenees on that country road that always ran out in front of me and started chasing my truck. Never saw the logic in that because I am driving a truck. I didn’t want that life for Gus. He deserved better. God showed us this house we’re in today and the yard is fenced.

Gus is a dog, but he needs boundaries. As I was gazing at my beautiful hardwood floor, covered in dog hair, God reminded me, “I gave you a fence.” Mr. Smith had already reminded me, he’s a dog and he can stay outside some.

Gus ran around outside yesterday and had fun. When he got hot, or missed his people, he would jump on the screen door. This doesn’t work for me, so this habit needed to be stopped. As I was sweeping, I would politely open the door, see him on the other side of the screen, look at him and give him a firm, “No”. This went on for a while, just like disciplining a child, until I opened the door with the broom in hand. Gus doesn’t like the broom, so he chilled out.

Maybe Gus made the connection that I was using the broom to sweep up his hair, and he was next. I don’t know. I was just grateful he got the message his behavior was stealing my joy and it was to be stopped. Gus is a good boy!

I gave Gus everything he needed, but didn’t tolerate what was not needed. He played outside later than normal, which meant he would sleep later too. I got up early, grabbed coffee and went to the porch to sit with God. Sitting in the swing and having quiet time was a beautiful thing. Looking at the floor while typing I see no dog hair. Gus has always quietly napped when he hears me typing. He knows I like quiet, and Gus wants to please. Gus and I work.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 15 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Let It Go Coach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is working on her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Feed Me Good

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We need to be fed. What we choose to feed ourselves determines our health and well being. Whatever goes into the mind will eventually take root in the heart. Guard your heart and mind because out of it flow the issues of life.

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I love good food, but had no desire to cook.

That chapter of my life has passed. There are people at the local Farmer’s Market that create delectable dishes for my daughter and I to enjoy. They have paid attention to our choices and make them available to us if we get there on time. They feed us.

I love to read and take 30 minutes a day to feed my mind. A motivational book or, God’s word feeds my heart, mind and soul.

Mr. Smith is a Chef. He feeds me in many ways, but recently has started cooking for me.  I enjoy watching him cook, but do not enter the kitchen or get in his way. He is laser focused on the task at hand and uses big, sharp knives!

The food is prepared quickly, turns out beautifully, and it seems within minutes he has an entire meal displayed effortlessly. The kitchen is a wreck, but dinner is served!

I ask him if I can clean the kitchen and he always says, ‘No”. It’s the least I could do for the meal he prepared but he never allows it. A couple of meals will be prepared and the kitchen continues to pile up, which drives me crazy, but leaves him undaunted. I asked him, “When are you going to clean it then?” He politely said, “When you’re not here.”