Tag: #30daybloggingchallenge

In the Moment

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Sitting here this morning, I’m rethinking the timing of my last post. I thought it would be more efficient to write the post before bed and schedule it to post after midnight. Writing is not about efficiency for me.

Posting everyday this month is challenging, but what I think is my biggest challenge. I gave myself this challenge as a little push before the New Year. Here’s something I know. If I don’t enjoy it or feel I’m not giving it my best, I won’t continue.

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This is today and I’m in the moment.

That is when I enjoy writing the most.

Forgive me for reverting my earlier post to a draft. There’s more to be said about the day of the tattoo. I have yet to write about our matching tattoo’s and that happened in October.

That is the main thing I’ve learned this month. I’m an ‘in the moment’ writer and cannot schedule my postings. I was hoping to find a flow where I post the same time each day, but that hasn’t happened. Moments are not scheduled and that’s what I love to share. I’m sticking to once a day to keep us both, in the moment.

Enjoy the Journey

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“Relax. You’re on a journey of discovery. Let life reveal itself to you.”

Melody Beattie

My daughter was packing to go to her Dad’s and asked, “What are you doing this weekend?” I replied, “I’m going to not think so much.” I’ve just been enjoying the journey.

I once told my daughter, “I don’t have any problems,” and compared to the rest of the world I don’t, but I can create them in my mind. It takes just as much time to pray as it does to worry. It doesn’t zap your energy, it’s healthier and much more effective.

In listening to my meditation last night, the teacher was talking about ‘acceptance’ of things as they are. Some things in life can be changed quickly, some more slowly and some are out of our control.

“Ah…This is the way things are for now.”

Time passes and things change. Sometimes it’s our perspective and other times God steps in. I remembered telling my daughter, “I don’t have any problems”, but then came to this realization.

Just because there’s nothing wrong, doesn’t mean everything’s right. In the interim I can continue to enjoy the journey.

Have a week of splendidness. ~ Barb xx

And It’s Over

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It has been a day of celebration for me. No more Cancer, and no more treatment!

Just three more days, and my 30 days of writing will come to an end. God knows I have a thing about 3 days. He always shows me something in that amount of time.

I am curled up on my bed, and sitting on one of my favorite blankets

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Just look at that Mama. It is an awesome cloud of gentle goodness! This is the blanket I took to Chemo with me each week, and wrapped myself in it during the treatment. A friend gave it to me for that reason. She wanted me to have some type of comfort in that uncomfortable position. It gave me great comfort, and still does.

Have you ever met someone online, and hit it off with them immediately? Now, I know some of you probably have some horror stories about that, but I have a few girlfriends I have met through social media, but not in person. It feels like we have known each other forever, but we haven’t. Just kindred souls it would seem.

Today I got to meet one of them face to face. It was my last Radiation treatment, and we met for lunch afterwards. She started my day, celebrating my journey on Facebook, and then she met me in person to continue the celebration. We met at a lovely restaurant, and had the place pretty much to ourselves. We shared an appetizer, and then this happened.

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Before we could decide what to order for lunch, the waitress brought these.

The manager had given us a serving of each one of their desserts. Now, everyone knows I love cake, and I had mentioned that we would be eating cake today, but this?

It is just like God to give me more than I was expecting. It was beautiful sitting there chatting with Seymour, (her pen name) and willingly placing myself in a sugar coma!

My daughter stayed home today while I was away. She did her schooling, and even took a Grammar and Composition test, which I will check once I’m done typing. I have learned to take advantage of the quiet moments. To do things in that moment, that generally flow better, opposed to when there are distractions. The house looks and smells beautiful.

That is what we do. We care for one another, and bring beauty in focus. She cleaned the kitchen, tidied up the house, did her schooling, and probably 100 other little things I have yet to notice. Her best girlfriend is spending the weekend with us, so they are at dinner now. She got pushed for time, and was distressed that her closet had landed on her bed.

After she left, I went into her room, and hung everything up. Then I lit a candle and closed the door. When she walks into her bedroom, her bed will look inviting, and her room will smell like the peach candle. We do this type thing for each other all the time, and I love it.

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This is her mug, but I borrowed it for today. It’s holding one of my favorite red teas, and I brought it to the bedroom to enjoy in closing. Thank you for sitting here, and sharing in my day of celebration. The Cancer treatment is over, but thank God the journey continues.

You’ll Find Me

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There is a song by Big Daddy Weave entitled, “You Found Me.” It describes the day God found him, or he was saved. It goes on to say, “To be held so tight, I’ve never felt so free.”

To be saved. That has numerous meaning today. Life will shoot us full of holes, and we long for those hole to be filled. To feel a sense of completeness. To feel like a whole being. I used alcohol for many years trying to fill in those gaps, but that hole I was using everything to fill, was a God shaped hole. He was the only one that could fill me up.

He found me. God is always there. It’s up to us to let Him into our hearts. So, in essence, He didn’t find me, I found Him. It was just like the song says, “When I saw a flash of light and I heard the sound, of a voice like thunder shake the ground. It was the first time I remember ever feeling my heart beat.”  God and I have been forever friends for 18 years.

Lose yourself. Sometimes you have to lose yourself in the moment to be found.

Maybe everyone wants to be found, but it’s best to find yourself first. That is an evolving experience for me. I learn new things about myself, and the people I have in my life help bring that about. Be a student of life willing to learn, and with that, a teacher will appear.

My daughter and I were watching one of our favorite shows. The woman in the show was going to break up with the main character. It scared her that she lost herself in him. Her Mother had a talk with her and she said, “You didn’t get lost in him. You got lost in the love you have for one another. That is where you find each other.”

To be found you need to be good with getting lost. We try to hold it all together, and be strong, but that makes for a lonely life.

To love, and be loved. That is where you’ll find me.

There’s A Doggo

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My daughter spent the weekend with her Dad. She got sick, and is still there getting her strength back. I am not happy she was sick, but I’m pretty relieved she is not here yet.

I pulled into my driveway yesterday afternoon, and parked in front of the barn. Laying in the barn was a dog. We have doggo’s come around from time to time, but they never stay. They are usually just looking for food, and are too afraid to come near ya. In case you don’t realize the dilemma here, my daughter loves dogs, and she will want to keep it.

My daughter would have 40 dogs if allowed. She is to stay away from animal shelters for that reason. She sees them on the side of the road while driving, and wants to stop and pick them up. She has a huge heart, and that heart is not only for humans. The doggo is high on her list of faves, so I have no idea what to do about this one living in my barn.

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I walked up to the barn this morning to feed the cats. Standing in the barn, I hear a rustling noise coming from a dark corner. There is a stack of boxes over there, and out walks the doggo. I didn’t expect her to still be here, so the noise startled me a bit. She had made a bed on top of the boxes, and she was hiding. From what, I’m not sure yet.

She looks healthy, but is less than a year old. You can tell she still has puppy in her.

She wagged her tail so hard when she saw me, her whole body moved along with it. I decided to feed the cats somewhere else, and bring her some food. She had to be hungry by now. When I poured the food into the metal bowl, she inhaled it. She was indeed hungry. I then brought her some water, but she was hoping it was more food. Oh…what have I done!

There is something to be said for being chosen.

This doggo found us, and I am pleased that she has made our barn her shelter. I am guessing someone dropped her off after seeing this little farmhouse, with a fenced in yard, and barn. If she stays, she stays. If she goes, she goes. We will see once my daughter gets home. If she is still here when that occurs, pray for me now, because doggo will be home.

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The Cone Down

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A pretty sight for me is this red tea in a pink mug. It’s cold and rainy here in Texas, and I am back at my farmhouse. I learned today that Radiation is going to get better tomorrow.

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Radiation is better than Chemo. Thanks to Chemo, I guage life’s upsets upon it. If something happens that is disturbing, and going to take some walking through, I ask myself, “Is it as bad as Chemo?” Nope. I haven’t found anything as bad as Chemo.

Tomorrow at Radiation, they begin my cone down. I’m excited because the radiation will no longer be pointed at my chest. It is already looking quite lobster like, so no more burn.

For these final few sessions, they pinpoint an area about the size of a quarter, where the lump used to be. This is the left side of my breast, up under the armpit. They will zap me right there in that spot, and after 8 more zappos, it will be over! That is called a cone down.

I have met an amzing group of women at Radiation. It’s worth going just to bond with them each day. They were intrigued to discover I write, and looked up my Blog. Those sweet souls asked if they could refer other patients to it. I am humbled and honored.

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We do life together, and so did the women at Chemo, but I was usually unconscious within minutes at Chemo. Those women took care of me when I couldn’t. They still hold a space in my heart, but Radiation is nothing like Chemo.

You walk in, and you walk out. You drive yourself there and back, and you don’t feel the urge to take a nap as soon as you get home.

Every part of this journey has held me exactly where I needed to be.

I am so grateful to have had this journey, but I’m also excited that it’s almost complete. If you or someone you love is going through Cancer, just know, Chemo is the worst part in my opinion. It does getter better, and so do you.

One More Day

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I am going to post two Blogs today. It doesn’t happen often, but I have another one in me. If you are reading this, you may want to read the one from this morning, “Which Way Home.” A change of events occurred after posting that one, and I got my one more day.

Note to self. Do not let the dog outside as you’re loading up your truck.

Mr. Smith has a Min Pin, (miniature Doberman Pincher), that decided to race out the door as soon as I opened it. I didn’t think too much about it because he usually comes back in a few minutes. Once I finished loading my truck, I noticed the time was moving closer to my Radiation appointment, and he hadn’t returned. I was going to have to go look for him.

My left breast has a deep burn going on after 21 treatments. I started putting pure Aloe Vera on it yesterday, and thought, it would be nice to have one more day to keep it covered in Aloe. Thanks to Mr. Smith’s dog, I got my one more day. He came home an hour later.

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There was one thing I wanted to do while Smith was at work. To clean up my room.

Smith gave me this room to enjoy as I write, and tinker with stained glass. It got covered up with boxes from Christmas, and the table was full. I love this room and the view! By taking one more day to soothe my soul, I would also have it to heal my burned boob. I took a shower, put on Aloe , my Yoga pants, a comfortable t-shirt, and walked into the room.

I tore down all the empty boxes, and have them ready to be picked up. Then it was time to organize all this glass. Smith’s grandmother used to work with glass, and I am blessed to have all her leftover pieces. The tool caddy needed to be put together completely, so I did that as well. While looking at what I had in the caddy, I realized two things I would need.

While doing a Google search for the items, I felt my heart prompting me to look through the box of glass. Pulling out all of the pieces, and getting down to the bottom of the box. There is where I found the items I needed. The tool caddy is complete, and the room is cleaned, and organized. Sometimes the body and soul just need that one more day.