A Lazy Day

I believe sometimes we just need to admit to this. It is a lazy day, and that’s okay.

I’m sitting in my room overlooking the lake. It’s windy, but sunny, and I love watching the wind blow across the water. It wouldn’t be fun in a boat, but it’s soothing from where I sit.

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I’m to a point in my life, where I don’t feel guilty for taking a day to do absolutely nothing. The busy bee season is long gone, thank God. Today, I will allow my soul to catch up with the rest of me. I’m giving myself permission to not do shit today, and that includes writing.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she had Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is going through Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

I Don’t Wanna

I didn’t really wanna write today. This is Day 20 of challenging myself to write everyday for 30 days. It comes very easily for me now, but as you can see, I waited all day to do it!

I woke up this morning physically tired. It’s not unusual for a Friday because I just had 5 straights days of driving back and forth to Radiation. It’s a 45 minute drive there, and back, for a 15 minute appointment. Today, I slowed way down, and took some time for myself.

More life. Less rush.

Yesterday, I thought more coffee was the answer to get me through the day. After leaving Radiation, I drove to one of my favorite coffee shops downtown. Beside the coffee shop is one of my favorite shops. It’s owned by a mother, and daughter, and they have some of the prettiest things! They have a floral department in the back, so I popped in there first.

I have become friends with the mother, and she knows all about my Breast Cancer Journey. We talked, and got caught up on each others life. By now, I am standing in front of the cooler gazing at the flowers. I asked about the purple Hydrangeas, but she wasn’t sure they would last long. There were three of them, and one had started to wilt, so the others would too.

She said, “They might last a day.” I told her I would take them and love them for today.

She opened the cooler, and pulled them out. We walked over to the counter where I was ready to pay her for them, but no. She handed them to me with a wink and a big smile.

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I leaned over the counter, gave her a hug and whispered in her ear, “I love you!”

She responded with the same, and I made my way over to the coffee shop. I brought them home, cut the stems short, and put them in water. By the look of them, I knew they would be pretty for at least one day, but I wasn’t sure if any longer than that. When I saw them this morning, they were more beautiful than yesterday! They had perked up and in full bloom!

“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” ~Alexander Den Heijer~

 

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Barbara is a Writer, a Letting Go Coach, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she had Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is going through Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

Humble and Kind

I woke up this morning thinking of these words. Humble and kind. They go hand in hand. When I stay humble, kindness  seems to pour out of me. I learned this lesson the hard way years ago.

Then of course, living in Texas, these words reminded me of a Tim McGraw song.

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“When the dreams you’re dreamin’ come to you. When the work you put in is realized. Let yourself feel the pride, but always stay humble and kind.” Do you have a dream you’re dreamin’?

My dream is for people to feel loved. To encourage them through whatever life is throwing their way. I have to believe by starting this Blog in 2014, God will use it to reach people. To let them know that life is a beautiful thing, even when it doesn’t look, or feel very beautiful.

I believe it’s easy to get wrapped up in the likes, follows, and numbers attached to it all. This was a struggle of mine, because I like statistics, but numbers are not always accurate. What about the silent numbers. The people who are in so much pain, that silence is all they have.

I have been touched by those people, so I know they are there. They won’t hit ‘like’, or make a comment, but they breathe in what you’re saying. I’ve received private messages from these wounded souls, and I treasure those messages. The souls without a number attached.

My week has not been pretty. Having frozen water pipes over the weekend, and then running out of gas were unexpected events, but both those things could be easily fixed, with time. I want you to know, that whatever you’re going through will be fixed with time. Time is truly your friend. It may not feel that way right now, but give it time. Time tells all, and heals all.

As I say this to you, I am also saying it to myself. My left breast is burning from the radiation.

I pointed this out to one of my radiation technicians yesterday, and she said it was normal with where I am on this journey. I have reached my limit with the radiation, so my skin will stay burned until it’s over. A couple of weeks, after my last treatment, it will go back to normal. This translates to me that I have two more weeks of feeling the burn, but it will end.

We live in an “I want it now”, society. It’s funny how the lessons show up quickly, but the good things take time. I have spent a lot of time on this Breast Cancer Journey, but so have the people around me. The pace is slow, and is physically and emotionally stretching, but I’m gonna take my own sweet time. Even through the frustration, I will stay humble and kind.

 

mescarf (135x240)Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she had Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

People Mean Well

My daughter and I live in a very small town. We found out recently, that people ride by and look to see if our vehicles are here. They know when we’re home, and when we’re not home. I’m sure they mean well, but in today’s world, that could be considered ‘stalking.’

There is a man who lives in this little town that seems to know everybody’s bizness. He knew when I was going through Chemo, when I had my surgery, and he knows I’m going through Radiation. He didn’t hear it from me, but somehow he knows these things. I wonder how?

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His wife has had Breast Cancer, and from what I gather talking with him, she is battling it again. He didn’t go through doctor’s to heal her. He knows people from years ago that cured Cancer naturally. He stopped by my house yesterday, and handed me a bottle of dark liquid.

How do we discern the right path? I believe there are signs along the way.

God has healed me, and He used everything I went through to do so. Will the Cancer return? I don’t know, but will cross that bridge if it appears. I thank God everyday for healing me, and I haven’t asked Him to send backup. In other words, I haven’t prayed this man into my life.

That was the first sign for me. Another sign is, whatever he just handed me is illegal. He told me he could go to jail for giving it to me. That was a big red flag because I don’t do illegal.

I would love to meet his wife one day. To see her, and hear her story. He said she has lost 40 pounds, and is healthy as a horse. Going through Chemo, I lost 20 pounds, and I didn’t feel healthy. I felt very frail, and missed that extra weight. Slowly, I am gaining it back, and 20 pounds kept me in the safe zone. Losing anything more than 20, I would be skin and bones.

As if I hadn’t heard enough, he just had to throw this in. This liquid tastes like death itself. For it to work, I will need to cut out ALL sugar, wheat and pasta. Welp, that did it for me!

I love wheat! My man has taught me how to make our own pasta, and I cannot imagine my life without chocolate. So, he was handing me something illegal that tastes like death, and I may lose 40 pounds because I would have to stop eating! I eat healthy, but love my treats. Everyday just happens to be an occasion to celebrate with a piece of dark chocolate, or two.

When people come into our lives, there is always a reason. I haven’t quite figured out the reason behind this man, but God will show me in time. He is pretty comfortable barging into people’s lives, so maybe no one has told him ‘no’ before. God knows I have learned how to do that too. Whatever the reason behind it, I know it will be for my good, and God’s glory.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she had Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Please Pay Attention

I am guessing when you live in a 1940’s farmhouse, you need to leave the water running with more force so it doesn’t freeze. I left it running slowly lastnight, but awoke to frozen pipes again.

This is really testing my character. Like so many things in life, I know patience and waiting will resolve the issue. The sun is out, and it’s going to be warm today, so we wait. It’s the patience part I’m having to work on this morning. I’m finding gratitude even without water.

I haven’t talked much about my divorce, mainly because it’s going in the book I’m writing, but I wanted to touch on one thing in particular this morning. Actions.

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My then husband was very hurt when I left. I refused to live in mediocrity, and I took our daughter with me, so he had a right. After almost four years you would think the hurt would have healed for him, but it hasn’t. He did things to create chaos in my newfound life, but I chose not to react to his actions. Once I stopped reacting to his actions, the game was over.

Hurt people will hurt people.

The only residual left from my married life is the IRS. Again, he didn’t do what was right, so the IRS has a way of haunting you about that. I am working with them, and believing God to make things right. Just like the thawing of these water pipes, it will take time and patience.

I pray for my ex husbands heart. That God will heal the hurt he carries inside, but it is up to him to receive my prayer, and allow healing to take place. When the time is right, he will heal. One thing I know is, his actions will be used by God to make me better, and stronger.

He did something rather sneaky last year, that will effect my new year. Somehow he got ahead paying child support without my realizing it. He bundled some of the payments, where instead of one monthly, he did three at once. I wasn’t paying close enough attention.

In November of 2016, he sent me a text informing me that he was ahead on payments, so I would be without child support for a while in 2017. I didn’t respond. I just sat still until I found peace. He knows this action has the ability to make my life difficult, but I know I’m going to grow through it. God has never let me down, and He’s not going to start with this.

It’s how we react to other people’s pain that fuels the fire, or extinguishes it. I also believe when people do things out of hurt, those things have a way of coming back to bite them.

I am guessing it’s not just me; he does hurtful things in other areas of his life. My daughter has a good heart, and she enjoys doing things that bring people joy. This brings her joy.

Our holiday schedule per the divorce allowed me to have her home for Christmas Day. My daughter made a decision to split the day between him and me. She knew it would cause disruption in the plans we had for that day, but everyone was willing to make adjustments.

We knew what she chose to do was good, and from her heart. So, she spent half of Christmas day with me and the ones I love, and drove to her Father’s house that afternoon. He was unaware of her decision, because she wanted it to be a surprise. Well, it was a surprise alright.

She got to his home, and rang the doorbell, and he was completely shocked when he opened the door and saw her standing there. She said, “Merry Christmas Daddy!” Can you imagine? He sent me a text that evening, thanking me for allowing her to come. I had nothing to do with it, accept to help make it possible for her. She is a big girl, and makes her own decisions.

I am grateful she makes them from the heart, and they are good. His text went on to say, “It was the nicest thing that has happened to him in a very long while.” I believe we know why.

Keep your side of the street clean, your heart pure, but please pay attention.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she has Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

It Wasn’t Pretty

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This is Day 6 of my 30 day Blogging Challenge. I didn’t join a group, or sign up for this. It’s something I want to do to challenge myself to become better. It’s not easy, but I’m digging it.

It’s cold here in Texas, and lastnight it got down below 20 degrees. Guess who forgot to leave a faucet dripping? Yes darling, I woke up to frozen pipes, and no running water.

My daughter and I decided to leave the house around noon, which by then, it had warmed up to 30 degrees. I knew I would need to stop and get gas, because my truck had beeped at me yesterday when I arrived home. Normally when he beeps, I have 50 miles until empty, but his data has been rather random recently. We drove 10 miles down the road, and ran out of gas.

It was pretty funny because I have NEVER run out of gas. That is one of my things, to always have gas. If I have to choose being on time getting somewhere, or a few minutes late to stop and get gas, I will opt for a few minutes late and get gas. I’d rather make sure that I actually get there. So, when my truck stopped running, I wasn’t sure what was happening.

We pulled over on the side of the road. Fortunately, we were on a straight stretch of a pretty popular road, and not a back road. For half a second I thought, “This is when having a husband would be nice.” Let’s face it, men know what to do when things like this occur.

But, that is not the case, so I did the next best thing. I called a male friend. He was out of town, so he called a couple of friends, and one of them brought us gas. We were saved!

We sat on the side of the road in our truck for about an hour, watching cars go by. Living in Texas, I was surprised that nobody stopped. Which, I didn’t bring attention to ourselves like turning on the flashers. I wasn’t really sure that I wanted anyone to stop this day and age.

My daughter and I just hung out in the truck, and talked about what was going on around us.

Even being stranded on the side of the road became an opportunity for quality time.

Once we returned home, the pipes had thawed out, and we had water again. It was all good. I guess that is the moral to this story. Life isn’t always pretty, but today, I saw a lot of good.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

Calling Myself Out

I wrote a Blog lastnight thinking I would publish it this morning. It was everything I wanted to say at the moment. When I pulled it up today, I thought it needed some help.

Sometimes I make life more difficult than it should be.

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I love being in a New Year. I look at it as 365 new opportunities. Every new day, brings new possibilities. To stretch myself, I want to write a Blog a day. Now, a lot of writers do this in January, so it’s no big deal. When you write what’s on your heart, you must believe God is going to put something there to write about each day. This morning, He gave me three!

I had the one from yesterday poised to be published, and He put two more on my heart as I was driving to Radiation. Getting ready and out the door early every morning has turned into a very sweet time for me. I almost changed my appointment time for tomorrow, so I wouldn’t be so rushed, but I didn’t want to miss out. God is using that time for His Glory.

When I was going through Chemo, it was rough being a writer. A friend asked me the other day if I wrote much during that phase. No…I did not. My mind was full of things to write, but I couldn’t get them to a page. That darling Chemo brain was a challenge for sure, but I am grateful that has passed. Now, if I can just let these Blogs flow, and stay out of the way.

Just like the Blog I wrote lastnight. I felt an urge to post it, but I have never posted two Blogs in one day. You’ve heard the expression, “Use it or lose it?” That is what happens.

If I don’t use it as soon as God puts it on my heart, I will mess with it until it loses all validity. This is my year to Speak Your Heart. I will trust God to fill it, and let it flow.

mescarf (135x240)

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com