There’s memes floating around this time of year about, ‘finishing the year strong.’ It’s tiresome being strong all the time and I want to finish the year more gently. I’m taking the rest of the year off from being strong.
I’ve been told, “You come across a little strong.” Well, that’s what I’ve become, but it doesn’t have to be who I am.
I’ve also been told, “You’re so sweet’, and not solely from my daughter. Even though she tells me, I’m not very accepting of it. It’s like the words won’t sink into my skin, they swerve.
This morning I had a message from SC Lourie waiting for me. She’s so sweet and that is why I started following her so closely. I tend to follow the heart I want to have.
There’s two weeks left in the year. In what way do I want to spend it? I’m going to just be sweet.
I saw a paper tree with lights for our coffee bar. The display was magical at the store, but once I got it home and on the bar, I didn’t like it.
I gave it some time to see if it would grow on me. There’s so many shiny things that get my attention this time of year. The paper tree is going back in the box and back to the store.
Surprisingly, I had the right tree all along.
It’s a crazy looking little tree made up of tinsel and red lights.
We bought it the first year my daughter and I were out on our own. It was sitting in a treasure/junk shoppe in Elgin, TX for $5.00. After all the moving around we’ve done, it’s made it through unscathed.
Now, plugging the tree in is an adventure.
You never know what you’re gonna get.
Sometimes the lights behave and stay solid red. At any given moment, they’ll start flashing, but after a while go back to solid red. They all work, you just never know in what way. It’s part of it’s charm.
Like so many things at Christmas, it’s not about the tinsel tree. It’s the moments wrapped around it.
And just so you know…
There’s Christmas wrapping paper with Unicorns and Rainbows. Life is complete. 🙂
I woke up early this morning to a message from a dear friend of mine in the UK. She knew I had my last Radiation treatment, and was expressing her joy. She asked an interesting question. She said, “Are you free”? She meant from Cancer, but there I went to pondering!
None of my doctors will ever come out and tell me, “You are Cancer free.” I guess they can get into a lot of trouble for saying that, but I know my body, and my God, and I am free.
I feel free. My life reflects how free I am, so how free is that?
I found this place on the way home from Radiation last week. There was road construction, and the detour took me here. I had heard of it, but never knew where it was until that detour. I don’t eat a lot of meat, but when I do, it’s gotta be good. I’m pretty much in love with this place, and I get a kick out of the name of the town it’s in called ‘Uhland.’
This General Store holds a special place in my heart. My daughter would’t stop there with me because she thought it looked creepy. I drove by here twice a day during Radiation.
I had to stop in just to relay to my daughter if it was creepy or not. It was like stepping back in time. There were men sitting on the bench outside seeing who could tell the bigger lie. They looked at me like I was not from here, but little did they now, I live in the next town over. The woman at the counter inside gave me a warm welcome and asked, “Where are you from?”
I laughed as I walked over to the coffee pot to inspect their brew. She said, “It ain’t no Starbucks, but it’s made with love! I have walked here before just for a cup of that coffee.”
I poured a cup, added creamer, and walked up to the counter to pay. She charged me $1.00, and I went outside to enjoy the sunshine on the front porch. That was, and is the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had. I stopped by this morning on the way home from Uhland for a cup.
Pulling away from the General Store, this is the next thing I see. My daughter was amused that I pulled off the road to take a picture of this sign. Driving home from Radiation, it always gave me great comfort to see it. Just one more mile, and I’ll be home.
The meat from the market went in the fridge, except for the roast. It went into the Crock Pot. While at the market, I spotted some candles that were made by a local woman. I don’t need anymore candles, but she had some wax melts, which I was out of. They were $3.00 a pack, and I chose the scent entitled, ‘Sunkissed.’ I will pay $3.00 all day long to be sunkissed.
I was ready for a cup of tea, and chose one from the cabinet named, “Zen.” Thinking ahead, I chose another one to go with dinner. I had some large, steeping tea bags of, “Pure Peach” that sounded good. They are from Zhi Tea, in Austin, one of my fave tea shops. You fill a pitcher with water, drop the tea bag in and let it steep sitting on the counter. It’s called a cold steep.
This is what one corner of my kitchen looks like. The rest of it is reasonably clean. The wax warmer with the wax melts went into the bathroom. The bathroom looks like three girls lived here this weekend, but now it smells good. My daughter just said, “This is the best smelling bathroom ever!” She is preparing to take her friend home that spent the weekend.
I hope you are free. To answer my friends question, in more ways than one, I am free.
It is cold here in Texas, which is okay because it doesn’t last long.
I believe the main thing I learned from challenging myself to write for 30 straight days is this. I am not in control. It’s not about me, and what I want to write. It’s about God, and Him placing something on my heart to share with you.
I have plenty of topics to pull from, and can make myself write something. That is not what brings me joy. For me, the joy of writing is to be inspired, and the words just flow through the fingers, to the keyboard, and appear on the screen to share.
God didn’t prompt me to challenge myself. This is something I chose to do.
I can see God still blessed it. He is good like that. Some of the Blogs were inspired by Him, and some of them I just wrote. I don’t know if you can tell the difference, but I can. Maybe it’s not so much the finished product, but the feeling I had while typing.
We will see what happens in the next two days. I have learned a lot this month from the challenge, but I’m thinking I would rather wait to be inspired.
It has been a day of celebration for me. No more Cancer, and no more treatment!
Just three more days, and my 30 days of writing will come to an end. God knows I have a thing about 3 days. He always shows me something in that amount of time.
I am curled up on my bed, and sitting on one of my favorite blankets
Just look at that Mama. It is an awesome cloud of gentle goodness! This is the blanket I took to Chemo with me each week, and wrapped myself in it during the treatment. A friend gave it to me for that reason. She wanted me to have some type of comfort in that uncomfortable position. It gave me great comfort, and still does.
Have you ever met someone online, and hit it off with them immediately? Now, I know some of you probably have some horror stories about that, but I have a few girlfriends I have met through social media, but not in person. It feels like we have known each other forever, but we haven’t. Just kindred souls it would seem.
Today I got to meet one of them face to face. It was my last Radiation treatment, and we met for lunch afterwards. She started my day, celebrating my journey on Facebook, and then she met me in person to continue the celebration. We met at a lovely restaurant, and had the place pretty much to ourselves. We shared an appetizer, and then this happened.
Before we could decide what to order for lunch, the waitress brought these.
The manager had given us a serving of each one of their desserts. Now, everyone knows I love cake, and I had mentioned that we would be eating cake today, but this?
It is just like God to give me more than I was expecting. It was beautiful sitting there chatting with Seymour, (her pen name) and willingly placing myself in a sugar coma!
My daughter stayed home today while I was away. She did her schooling, and even took a Grammar and Composition test, which I will check once I’m done typing. I have learned to take advantage of the quiet moments. To do things in that moment, that generally flow better, opposed to when there are distractions. The house looks and smells beautiful.
That is what we do. We care for one another, and bring beauty in focus. She cleaned the kitchen, tidied up the house, did her schooling, and probably 100 other little things I have yet to notice. Her best girlfriend is spending the weekend with us, so they are at dinner now. She got pushed for time, and was distressed that her closet had landed on her bed.
After she left, I went into her room, and hung everything up. Then I lit a candle and closed the door. When she walks into her bedroom, her bed will look inviting, and her room will smell like the peach candle. We do this type thing for each other all the time, and I love it.
This is her mug, but I borrowed it for today. It’s holding one of my favorite red teas, and I brought it to the bedroom to enjoy in closing. Thank you for sitting here, and sharing in my day of celebration. The Cancer treatment is over, but thank God the journey continues.
A year changes you a lot. It’s hard to believe that a year ago, the lump in my left breast was so painful, I could hardly breathe. Fast forward to this moment. I have one more Radiation treatment left. That lump is not there anymore, and this Breast Cancer Journey is ending.
Every ending has a new beginning. Sitting here at my laptop, I’m not certain what that looks like, but I know it will come. My daily routine will have a hole to be filled.
My daughter didn’t sleep well lastnight because Numi was in her room. She wouldn’t settle down, and go to sleep like she normally does in the hallway, so tonight Numi will have different sleeping arrangements made for her. A good night’s sleep is very important. It sets the tone for the following day, and tomorrow is a day of celebration.
There were parts of this journey that taught me to celebrate something as simple as breathing. I couldn’t have coffee during Chemo, but today I am savoring a cup of freshly ground drip. Each day is a celebration. It has taken time, but it’s almost over.
I don’t know why, and I never know when, but they always do. I have learned to not make things happen. To not force that square peg into a round hole anymore. When things happen, I pause and know it’s going to be for my good.
Walking into Radiation this morning, I was feeling a lot of emotions. This is my last week, and I only have two more treatments. I didn’t choose this Cancer path, but it’s been an incredible journey. The people who have come into my life because of it will be forever in my heart. My technicians said they are happy for me, but will miss me. I feel the same.
It was a beautiful drive home.
The sky was mesmerizing, and I was gazing at it thinking, “Only God could make a sky like that.” I made a mental note to stop at the post office to pick up a package that was delivered yesterday. It is a red, silicone honey dipper with a stainless steel handle. My daughter had bought a beautiful jar of honey a couple of weeks ago, not knowing this would be needed. One thing leads to another.
Pulling into the post office parking lot, I see my daughter’s car, and her getting out of it. We started laughing at the irony of both of us having the same idea. I backed out of the parking lot, and headed home.
She pulled in a short amount of time afterwards, and I waited as she unloaded her car. First came Numi, who came galloping across the yard when she saw me. Then I watched my daughters arms and hands fill up holding mail and, and to my delight, our favorite coffee. She had gone to Lockhart before the post office.
She had already told me she was making brunch. Around here, we don’t do three meals a day. We do brunch, and graze on healthy snacks until dinner. Here is a pic of our brunch.
We sit down and eat every meal together. It should look like a special occasion in my opinion, and each meal does. There has not been a paper napkin in our home in years.
My radiologists asked me this morning, “What are your plans for today?” I responded, “No plans. I’m just going to let things happen.” That within itself is a very good plan.
I awoke early this morning, to the sound of Doggo trying to scratch an itch. She laid in the hallway lastnight, and slept through the night. It’s pretty funny when she starts snoring.
I didn’t take time to write yesterday. Challenging myself to write everyday for 30 days has taught me many things. One is that I am challenging myself, so I need to be kind to myself when I miss a day. It was a busy day, but I believe I composed three Blogs in my head. Stopping, and taking the time to let the words flow onto the screen is what I missed.
We gave Doggo a name yesterday. My daughter didn’t want a human name. She wanted something unique, but something that fit her. She watched her over the weekend, hoping her personality would spark inspiration. If that were the case, her name would be ‘Lazy!’
My daughter and I frequent this coffee shop in Marble Falls, TX. The name of the shop is Numinous. It means, “Describing an experience that makes you fearful, yet fascinated, awed yet attracted-the powerful personal feeling of being overwhelmed and inspired.”
This definition describes all the feels upon meeting Doggo. I was fearful, yet attracted. When I found her hiding in the barn, I felt overwhelm. I could tell she had some Pitbull in her, and people still fight them around here. I didn’t know what she had been through, or how she got here, but I could see by her scars it hadn’t been pretty.
After a couple of days, I brought her up to the front porch so she could lay in the sun. I sat down face to face with her, and took this picture. A picture says a thousand words indeed.
Her name is now Numinous, but we call her Numi for short. To give her a chance to become what she is called which is pronounced, ‘New Me.’
I believe sometimes we just need to admit to this. It is a lazy day, and that’s okay.
I’m sitting in my room overlooking the lake. It’s windy, but sunny, and I love watching the wind blow across the water. It wouldn’t be fun in a boat, but it’s soothing from where I sit.
I’m to a point in my life, where I don’t feel guilty for taking a day to do absolutely nothing. The busy bee season is long gone, thank God. Today, I will allow my soul to catch up with the rest of me. I’m giving myself permission to enjoy a lazy day.
We all need a place to hide from time to time. That is where the healing takes place.
My hope is that you find this Blog, this space, a safe place to be. It is my honor and privilege to be led by God, and create such a space. I welcome all comments, and will respond. Your injured soul is safe.