Don’t Be Angry

I woke up thinking of a lady I saw at Radiation. She was agitated in my presence, and I couldn’t grasp how to comfort her. I thought she was scared, but I found out later, she was angry.

There are 5 stages of grief, and when I found out I had Breast Cancer, I went through them all. Some people get stuck on a certain one, but you need to keep going. Don’t get stuck, and roll around in one. If you do that, you are going to miss out on the point of the journey.

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I stayed in Denial for quite a while. Every doctor I met, told me the same thing, and I just sat there ready to bolt. My daughter would go with me to the appointments, and listen for me. Even though I was sitting right there, I wasn’t actually hearing what they were saying.

Then I got just flat out pissed off. In came the yelling match with God. Have you ever noticed, God doesn’t yell back? He just patiently waits for the fit to subside. All the questions, but the most popular one was, “Why?” I had plans for 2016, but now I was going to spend it killing Cancer? Well, God and Chemo took the anger right out of this girl.

Good ol’ Chemo. That is where I learned the most. I could write a book on that alone.

I was bargaining my way through every chance I got. Let’s face it. I usually get my way, but the doctor’s wouldn’t budge. “Can I take a longer break?” No. “Can we just stop right here?” No. “Do I have to come back and keep doing this?” Yes. They were focused on the cure. They had a plan to kill this lump in my breast, and they succeeded. I’m glad they told me no.

Waves of sorrow would wash over me during Chemo. I wouldn’t say I was depressed, but I definitely felt sorry for myself. I couldn’t do anything about anything! All I could do was open my eyes to a new day. Sometimes it took a few days to become stable enough to shower. I just laid in bed thinking of what I would write, if I had the well being to write it.

Acceptance.

This was the sweetest part of the journey. Once I finally accepted the journey.

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God didn’t do this to me. Being an overthinker, I went through every scenario trying to pinpoint what caused this Cancer. Does it really matter? It wasn’t about the lump. It was about what God was going to do for me, that I couldn’t do myself. When I got to that point, and I had to ask for help from God, and others, I believe God started to smile down on me.

God doesn’t want us to walk through this life on our own. He is with us every moment of everyday, but we tend to only call out to Him when needed. In my anger stage, I told God, “I can’t do this on my own.” He was there every step of the way, and my heart is full of His goodness and grace. Don’t be angry. This wasn’t done ‘to’ you, but God will use it for you.

 

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. She is in the midst of writing a book which you can help support with Patreon. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

It’s So Quiet

God found a home for our Blue Heeler on Saturday. I have been wrestling with finding him a new home for months. We knew he deserved more than we could give him, but to let him go? After years of practice, it still gets to me. The actual physical and emotional part of it. I could see God’s hand all over the situation, so that helped. It’s been a very quiet morning.

By now Gus, the Blue Heeler, would be making a squeaking noise to get out of his kennel. It has surprised me how much I accommodated this dog. I was loading the Keurig lastnight before bed, until I realized I didn’t need to do that anymore. I used to get it ready, so the next morning all I had to do was push the button. Not making noise means not waking Gus.

He was actually my daughters dog, but both of us cared for him. It was going have to be her decision to let him go. All I could do was point out what I saw, and plant seeds.

Accepting Gus for his true self, and seeing he deserved more than we could give. He’s a working dog, and needed a job. Someone rents the acreage behind us to use for cattle. The cows would come up to our fence and Gus would start barking, and running the fence line trying to herd them. He knew what he was, and the day I saw that, it truly broke my heart.

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I envisioned Gus with a man that drove a truck. He would be a good truck dog. Someone with a ranch, so he would have plenty to do. Gus knows his purpose, and should fulfill it just like we should. Praying for our hearts desire for Gus, my daughter placed an ad for him. We knew if it was meant to be, God would send the right person, and God being God, He did.

The day the ad was placed, a man responded. He had been looking for a Heeler for a while, and wanted one that was instinctual. He lived an hour away, but was happy to drive and meet Gus the next morning, and bring his wife. He asked, “How early is too early for you?”

They came early Saturday morning, and not surprisingly, he was driving a big truck. It was love at first sight for Gus, and them. He started throwing the ball for Gus, and I mentioned how I thought he would be good with a Frisbee. He runs after the ball, and then jumps high in the air to catch it. The man walked over to his truck, and pulled out a brand new Frisbee.

God showed us things that morning assuring us that this was his new family. I texted them over the weekend, and Gus had already been to a park, and walked around the neighborhood twice. They also have a weekend ranch with lots of livestock. They sent me a picture of him laying on a pretty rug surrounded by new chew toys. I had already warned her ahead of time about the dog hair. He found happiness.

What are you holding onto today, that both of you would be happier by letting go?

 

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Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

Gratitude and Acceptance

This is the beginning of the busiest time of life called, the Holiday season.  Menus are being hashed out among family members. It will be a short work week for most, so they can load up the car and start their journey to be with family Thanksgiving Day. I hope people will pause this week and be thankful. I believe we should pause every day for this.

blog1The first thing I learned in sobriety was being grateful. Waking up without a hangover was miraculous for me and gratitude began. It was suggested I make a Gratitude List. There were days, looking at my circumstances, I didn’t see much to be grateful for.

This forced me to look within myself and to stop looking at what was happening, or not happening around me.

Waking up and waking up sober was enough for me. Having those two things made everything else possible.

Do you accept where you are in life right now, at this very moment?

This week people will ponder being thankful. Accepting where you are and being grateful for everything you have, even if that is just breath in your body; be thankful. It may look like nothing, but it’s actually everything you need. Be patient and have a good attitude while you wait. God will give us more when we can be grateful for what we have and patiently wait for more.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer, die hard Entrepreneur and a Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and will only eat cake with real buttercream icing. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name given. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and God’s goodness. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com