A Curated Life

Most people have made, or at least entertained the idea of making some sort of resolution or intention during this end and beginning of years. Even vowing not to make resolutions is in itself a resolution. We like the idea of grand gestures, big promises and dramatic results.

However, any lasting and significant change in our lives is not some instantaneous transformation. The big events we go through that we call major life changes are more of a wading into difference. A marriage, a move, a divorce, a birth or a death…they happen in moments, over days and seasons of time. Joining your life with someone isn’t just the big day when you say “I Do”. It’s the weeks and years where you live out the highs and lows of life together. Losing someone isn’t just the moment of loss. It is the hours and days that follow where you have to navigate a life without them.

That’s why, if you feel stuck and are wanting to embark on a journey of transformation, you have to learn to start with today, and each moment contained within this little block of time. It takes an appreciation of moments in time, to settle into lasting change.

Twenty-one months ago, I made a big promise to myself in a small moment of darkness. I promised to no longer be carried by the current of addiction, but to find my footing, and start to walk. My drinking habit, the behavior that had been with me for the majority of my life, had completely overtaken my sense of self, any ambitions I may have harbored, and all of the authentic relationships within reach. In the small hours of that long night, I’d finally had enough.

But hitting a wall isn’t the change. The promise isn’t the change. The resolution isn’t the result, it’s a starting point. Any meaningful change that you want to see in yourself happens in the moments, days, weeks and years that follow. Whether or not you are successful in making the change depends on what makes up the living you do in the moments.

It is in showing up and doing the work each day that we keep our promises to ourselves. However, merely showing up and going through the motions isn’t enough. Life needs our participation. Moments don’t simply arrive to pass us by; they are meant to be lived. And it is by living in the small moments, the often mundane and repeated moments, that we create a life. A life of our choosing, orchestrated by our engagement in the process.

It is not until we learn to appreciate and be taken up in and by the moments of our day that we actually learn to live. The wonderful part is that we do have some say in what those moments will be. Tasks and obligations are inevitable, but we can choose our attitude while performing them. We also get to choose the way we set up our daily routine, whether it’s taking in the sunrise with God each morning, or taking a meditative walk with the dog each evening.

If it is truly important to the journey, we will commit to living these moments with consistency and authenticity. So, don’t be taken in by the idea of overnight change, or dramatic “before and after’s.” Instead, be taken in by the moments you live each day.

Because that is how you curate a life.

This is a guest post written by my friend Collette, who I met on WordPress. You can visit her Blog, Wine to Water here. Thank you Collette.

Plug Into Life

I’m really trying to plug into this little community.

That means leaving the house, and making myself visible.

After moving here, my daughter announced, “Hey Mom. You can always go hang out with the bikers on the weekends!”

Now, it’s one of my favorite things to do. A restaurant called Rolling Thunder Roadhouse is less than a mile from my home, and I go there often to sit and read, or engage in conversation. The owner’s Roger and Donna have pretty much adopted me.

Roger is a French Chef, and his wife Donna has done a little bit of everything. We had an instant connection, plus, they make the best cold brew coffee!

roger
Cold brew and Chocolate Biscotti. On my way!

When my daughter and I moved here in January, I was pondering what should come with me. Do I really want to continue doing everything this year, that I had been doing last year? Was it a fruitful path?

I had a job offer last week. It would still be working from home, but the company would have their calls forwarded for me to answer the calls. The owner knows I have phone skills, and will pay good money for them. A friend of mine busted out laughing when I told her my initial response.

I don’t know. I think I want to harvest seeds from the Hydrangea flower, and grow them to sell to my neighbors.

The company didn’t really have a response to that. 🙂

Do I want to continue Blogging? That has been the big question this year. I’ve posted more this week, than I posted the entire month of April. January through April, I posted one a week, and that used to be daily, so there’s progress.

Maybe I will go see Roger and Donna this morning, and take a book I’ve been reading with me. It’s a gorgeous day outside, and I just want to be out there, instead of in here.

It’s time to unplug from the computer, and plug into life.

Don’t Be Sad

My daughter saw me standing in the backyard, staring off into space. I felt her small presence beside me as she lifted up her hand and slid it into mine. She said, “Mommy? Are you ever going to smile again?” Seems like a lifetime ago.

blog It doesn’t seem real when I think of it now, but I remember her voice like it was yesterday. My daughter, at a young age, knew the depths of my sadness. She brought it to my attention like, the secret is now out. I didn’t smile anymore and hadn’t even noticed. She knew so now my time was up.

I got sober and found out I was pregnant. My daughter is what we call a sobriety baby. My marriage was over from what the alcohol had done, but God gave me a gift for giving Him my addiction. Being pregnant that first year was so good for me. I clung to the women and the men left me alone.

I stayed in that marriage for almost 25 years, hoping it would work. When you’re drunk the day you get married and get sober 12 years into it, chances are you’re gonna change. Just like my drinking, I had to hit bottom on the happiness meter too. When other people notice how sad you are, it’s bad. Don’t wait. It’s time to do something.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 15 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Let It Go Coach and helping others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is working on her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com