Giving Me Practice

I went shopping yesterday and left my phone at home. It was intentional, just to check myself and make sure it didn’t bother me, and it didn’t.

I spent years addicted to my phone.

The day I deactivated my Facebook accounts was the day they congratulated me for spending six years with them. They sent a notification, and I was mortified. Six years, and what did I have to show for it?

Thank you for all of your kind comments on my Blog posts recently. They absolutely terrify me.

It takes time for me to respond, because I still overthink the response. I don’t have the WordPress app on my phone, so I don’t receive immediate notification. I let notifications run my life for years.

The past couple of weeks, I’ve been sharing things with you that took a long time to admit. It may look like Blogging tips, but for me it was painful lessons.

It’s not even about me, it’s about the lessons, and being used by God to prevent someone else from going through the same heartache. It’s by God’s grace that I’m able to sit here and share. Palms sweaty and hands shaking along the keyboard.

I don’t realize all the activity on my Blog without the app. Two or three times a day, I open my laptop, logon to this site, and see that you have visited.

I read the Blogs in my Reader, and love on others. It’s natural to give love, and leave comments on what you write, but I stare at the screen in awe when that same love and kindness is returned.

Sometimes I don’t know what to say, so I just ‘like’ the comment, and come back later to respond. I don’t know how people do it that have 100’s of comments a day. I would be so overwhelmed.

I enjoy living a calm, quiet life, but to live that way, I turn off all notifications, and my phone is usually in another room of the house. I’m not quite ready to tell you exactly how bad it got with 6 social media accounts giving me a feeling of importance.

Wow. That slipped out.

I don’t run my Blog in the normal way, because if I did, it would begin to run me. Thank you for your love and kindness, and taking time to comment.

It’s becoming less terrifying with every response, and you are giving me practice.

Plug Into Life

I’m really trying to plug into this little community.

That means leaving the house, and making myself visible.

After moving here, my daughter announced, “Hey Mom. You can always go hang out with the bikers on the weekends!”

Now, it’s one of my favorite things to do. A restaurant called Rolling Thunder Roadhouse is less than a mile from my home, and I go there often to sit and read, or engage in conversation. The owner’s Roger and Donna have pretty much adopted me. Roger is a French Chef, and his wife Donna has done a little bit of everything. We had an instant connection, plus, they make the best cold brew coffee!

roger
Cold brew and Chocolate Biscotti. On my way!

When my daughter and I moved here in January, I was pondering what should come with me. Do I really want to continue doing everything this year, in this new chapter, that I had been doing last year? Was it a fruitful path?

I had a job offer last week. It would still be working from home, but the company would have their calls forwarded for me to answer the calls. The owner knows I have phone skills, and will pay good money for them. A friend of mine busted out laughing when I told her my initial response.

I don’t know. I think I want to harvest seeds from the Hydrangea flower, and grow them to sell to my neighbors.

The company didn’t really have a response to that. Haha

Don’t sweat it lovelies. I’m going to go speak with them in person today. For me it really is about face to face. When I typed the first sentence of this post, is sounded like I was referring to the WordPress community, but I continued on.

I love this community, but over time I find myself letting go of virtual community. My phone still has no social media apps on it, and I’ve closed all my accounts except Facebook. I came across a Blog this morning that explains the technology addiction perfectly. You can read it here.

Do I want to continue Blogging? That has been the big question this year. I’ve posted more this week, than I posted the entire month of April. January through April, I posted one a week, and that used to be daily, so there’s progress.

Maybe I will go see Roger and Donna this morning, and take a book I’ve been reading with me. It’s a gorgeous day outside, and I just want to be out there, instead of in here.

It’s time to unplug from the computer, and plug into life.

“Technology is an option, not a lifeline.” The Robot Rebel

Don’t Be Sad

My daughter saw me standing in the backyard, staring off into space. I felt her small presence beside me as she lifted up her hand and slid it into mine. She said, “Mommy? Are you ever going to smile again?” Seems like a lifetime ago.

blog It doesn’t seem real when I think of it now, but I remember her voice like it was yesterday. My daughter, at a young age, knew the depths of my sadness. She brought it to my attention like, the secret is now out. I didn’t smile anymore and hadn’t even noticed. She knew so now my time was up.

I got sober and found out I was pregnant. My daughter is what we call a sobriety baby. My marriage was over from what the alcohol had done, but God gave me a gift for giving Him my addiction. Being pregnant that first year was so good for me. I clung to the women and the men left me alone.

I stayed in that marriage for almost 25 years, hoping it would work. When you’re drunk the day you get married and get sober 12 years into it, chances are you’re gonna change. Just like my drinking, I had to hit bottom on the happiness meter too. When other people notice how sad you are, it’s bad. Don’t wait. It’s time to do something.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 15 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Let It Go Coach and helping others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is working on her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com