God, Mr. Smith

Excuse Me While I Rest

I woke up late. Actually, I woke up at 6:00 am, like normal, but I fell back to sleep. I haven’t been taking care of myself. Thanks to last years Chemo treatment for Breast Cancer, I now listen to my body, and how it feels. Once is enough on that one!

Stumbling into the kitchen, all I wanted was my coffee. Which, by the way, I have been drinking too much of recently. (My friends just fell over) If you’ve been with me the past few weeks, you have probably thought, “Did she really just say that out-loud?” Oh!!! But Wait!!! There’s more!!!! If I slow down.

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I walked into the kitchen, and noticed the coffee pot sitting there empty. I was so tired lastnight while preparing it, I forgot to push the button that allows it to automatically brew. It was ready, but it couldn’t fulfill it’s purpose because I missed the most important step! (Cussing) God was showing me, and it was early! Crap!

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A friend sent me this Meme days ago. My year of Breast Cancer taught me so much, I’m gonna write a book! God was right there, refining me through the fire! He has big plans, and for once I was still enough to hear Him! I love Connie Moore.

I finished Radiation earlier this year, and rested for a couple of months. It felt like it was time to start sharing, but I’ve always been overzealous. On April 17th, I wrote, Hey Satan! Dat You? God said, “Write that down Barb. That’s the day you got your fire back!” Not only have I walked through the fire, but I have become the flame!

The silhouette of a warrior woman with storm clouds in the background.

I’ve been waiting a long time to use this Meme. God gave me someone two years ago that shows me how to wait. He’s patient, and his love never fails, and he’s still here today. Thank you Mr. Smith for being my God-given rock!!!

Do you know the first time God told me, “Write That Down?” March 17th. I’m a slow learner, but by looking at the what God had done so far, I knew this.

I have people in my life to love me, and protect me from myself. (My daughter, Connie M., and Mr. Smith) I knew Satan would be pissed, and come after me. But here is the most important thing I knew! I got this the first time!!!!

I told Mr. Smith I wouldn’t write today, but here I am! He is laying it on me, as I finish this up! He has always told me, “But Barb… You don’t listen.” He just referred to me as a Jackass, for being so stubborn!!! I need people like that, and I love Mr. Smith.

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I really want to be that bright, green, check mark. The rest will be in the book.

God, Present Moment, When she became the fire

Let’s Get Real

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Today, I changed the tagline on this Blogsite. God spoke to me like He often does while I’m driving. It now reads, “Helping Readers ‘grow a pair’, one Blog at a time.”

I hear, “That is not something a Godly woman should say”, then you may not be ready to follow me. If you can’t follow my Blog which is FREE, then I don’t expect you to buy my book either. This is where my daughter screams, “What a savage!!!

God told me three years ago, “You’re gonna write a book.” I just laughed, and said, “Right?” God starts at the beginning. Psalm 51:10 says, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right and steadfast spirit within me.” This Blog has been my “cleansing” of the heart. Wow! I hope God doesn’t leave me now! 

“Let your character [your moral essence, your inner nature] be free from the love of money [shun greed—be financially ethical], being content with what you have; for He has said, “I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you [assuredly not]!” (Hebrews 13:5)

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How many times have I told my daughter, “My eyes feel like they’re gonna fall out of my head!” God gave me this gift, and my fingers have been bleeding since 2014!

But to be steadfast. Let’s look that up. The Merriam Webster definition says:

Steadfast-1. a Firmly fixed in place. IMMOVABLE. b not subject to change. 

Let’s compare that to what my God says. Corinthians 15:58 says, “Therefore, my beloved brothers and sisters, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord [always doing your best and doing more than is needed], being continually aware that your labor [even to the point of exhaustion] in the Lord is not futile nor wasted [it is never without purpose]” I’ve been right here, but wait! It’s gets better!!!!

Hebrew 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” God ain’t changing, so between the two of us, guess who needed to change?!

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My ex husband would say, “It’s always all about you Barb!” Thanks Bill!

That pissed me off, but that was over 300 Blogs ago. Two weeks ago, I reached that same level of frustration. It felt just like the day I had the balls to say, “I’m leaving!” (Book)

Finally!! Amen!!!

Psalm 139:14 says, “I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.

Here is the final part of our definition of Steadfast.

Firm in belief, determination, or adherence :  loyal her followers have remained steadfast. (You) And they all said, “Today, she changed the tagline on her Blog….”

Feel the Music

Feel the Music

The video says it all. I am supposed to have childlike faith, and then life happens. I’m going back!

Feel the Music

Feel the Music

I know I have been sharing a lot of Christian music recently, but that is what I have been listening to. Allow me to show you how God is trending in my life.

Music was not a part of my life for a season. Four years ago, I had this phone I absolutely loved, and it had free music on it. You may recall, it’s the phone I used to play my praise and worship music on the pier in Praise Him Anyway

My phone carrier stopped offering the free music feature. I just never took time to reload something else on my phone. Hey Satan! Dat You? When my daughter received this stereo for Christmas, music was back in our home. God wants us to hear, and feel the music.

Psalm 95:1 says, “Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.”

Well…This week, I have been singing so much, and so loudly, my throat is sore.

It all started when my daughter hooked up that sub-woofer. It was more than just hearing it like before. The bass made my chair vibrate as I was writing!

This is song number three this week, but every time it comes on the radio, I jump up and start singing along with it. I’ve danced so much, my dog tries to dance along with me. If my 12-year-old dog gets excited, my hope is God does too. I’m Coming Out!

Through this song, God is saying, “If you could only let your guard down. You could learn to trust me somehow. I swear, that I won’t let you go.” God Uses Scraps.

I do trust Him. He used my Cancer Journey to show me I could trust Him with my life. Literally! If you look at my posts from this week, you can see my guard coming down. He gave me the name Letitgocoach, and I want to live up to that name. He hasn’t let me go yet, so why should He start now? I’m finally to the point of not letting Him go either.

God, When she became the fire

God Uses Scraps

The saying, “Big Hot Mess”, has new meaning to me. I just watched a video by Steve Harvey, and he broke it down simply. Let’s see if I can do the same.

I like simple. There is nothing fancy about me, but I’m happy. I had fancy, but my life was not a happy life. I could walk through my home, and see pretty things, but I couldn’t look in a mirror.

You see, my then husband and I were living above our means. We were buying all these beautiful, expensive things, and putting them on credit cards. That will be in the book I’m writing, but I haven’t needed to use a credit card in 5 years. Lesson learned.

Steve Harvey used to work for Ford Motor Company. He was a foundry which builds the engine block. The block is the foundation of the engine. You have to have a solid block before adding pieces to the engine. It all begins with scraps. Twenty something years later, Steve is a spokesman for Ford.

Ford uses scrap metal to build their engine blocks. The scraps are laying in a junk yard, and look useless. Are you underneath a pile of junk? Like some of the things that are happening in your life right now feel overwhelming? You may be in the furnace being melted, so God can use you!

hotmessWhen I was willing to let all that stuff go. To walk out of the glass house I had built for myself, it was like God said, “Yay! There you are. Let’s get to work!!!”

You see, I was a mess. I felt like a car that had been wrecked. I was so tired of keeping up with the Jones’, and I didn’t even know anybody with the last name Jones!

All the pieces of my past. Everything I had been through were piling up. I was my own personal junkyard, and the pile was getting pretty intense! Then here comes God.

Steve Harvey showed a video of how an engine block is made. They would dump all that scrap metal into a fiery furnace, and it would melt down into liquid form. A machine would pour the liquid into a mold, and here comes my favorite part…A giant claw would come by and grab the mold! Have you been melted down, and then grabbed by God?

Well, hold on tight baby cuz this is where it gets good!!!

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Going through Breast Cancer last year changed me. I had been writing for three years, and felt like I was doing okay with it. Those three years were my ‘push ups’.

Can you do pushups? They start out small, but the more you do them, the better it gets. What starts out with 5 pushups, goes to 10 pretty soon, and as long as you keep doing it, (like writing, and publishing each Blog), you are at 100 before you know it.

Well, I had written over 350 posts, and found out I have Cancer. I wrote less last year, but when I could think, I wrote. God was refining me. He used what I was going through not only to encourage others, but to melt me down, and pour me into His mold for me.

When I first started writing, I was covered in junk. Writing has been a very healing process, but you see, I was choosing what to write. I was picking up a piece from the top of the pile, and writing about that. I would ask God to bless it and write it.

Then after doing so many pushups, I was getting stronger but not becoming more brave. I was not brave enough to share the really good stuff. The stuff that was painful to share. That is where Cancer came in. Through Cancer, God made me brave.

Steve mentions in the video that once the hot liquid becomes solid, his job was to hit it with a sledgehammer. Wait….I’m having a Pat Benatar moment.

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After about 3 weeks into Chemo, I would come home and pass out. It started off slow and was a gradual buildup of the toxins invading my body to kill that major toxin. Once I had more of the bad stuff in me, than good, God would hit me with his mighty hand.

Like a sledgehammer.

People would ask me what it felt like to have Chemo. I would sorta laugh and tell them, “It feels like being hit by something a lot bigger than me!” My God is big!

Steve would hit the block with a sledgehammer, to make sure it was solid. To make sure there were no air holes, or loose pieces. Then here comes the best part. If it passed the test….wait, did you get that? Let me write it in bold for ya….”If it passed the test…“, the block would continue down the conveyor belt and start receiving additional pieces.

Am I preachin good? We have to be solid before God will add anything else!!!

If you have made it this far into what I’ve been trying to share, you are a Badass! This is probably one of my longer ones, but it has been spirit led. I will not put any restraints on what God wants me to share. No more picking what to write from the top of the pile.

I know you have already spent a good chunk of your time with me, and I am grateful, but if you can spare 30 more minutes, here is the video by Steve Harvey. Be blessed.

God, Present Moment, Small Town Charm, When she became the fire

Praise Him Anyway

I have done a lot of things that make me look like an idiot. Probably one of my all time favorites was when I would praise and worship God on a pier.

I woke up this morning, snagged a cup of Joe, and stepped outside. I love to stand on my front porch, feel the cool breeze (for now), and just soak in the moment. The sun breaks through these two ginormous oak trees right in front of me. It’s like God’s way of saying, “Good Morning.” I walked inside, flipped on the stereo, and stepped back outside.

This moment brought back memories of McDade.

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This pier is where I stood and worshiped God. This picture was taken on a crisp, and frosty morning, but that didn’t stop me from going down there. I still remember the warmth of my feet, breaking through the frost, as I jumped up and down, and danced around. That pier was completely thawed by the time I was done, and so was my heart.

The wooden spool is where I sat my coffee, and laid my phone, which was playing the music to worship Him. I miss that pier. My heart was longing for that feeling this morning, but all I have now is a front porch. Plus, there is a road in front of my house!

I still live out in the country, but since we moved to this little farmhouse in Dale, I haven’t enjoyed that outside ‘praise and worship’ moment. This morning, I could feel, and hear the music coming through the screen door, as I stood on the porch. Instinctively, my feet started bouncing to the beat because guess what song was playing?

Yep. It was the one I shared yesterday in our Feel the Music series. I sat my coffee down, and raised my arms high in the air, and sang along with Tenth Avenue North, “I have this hope…”  The feeling that came over my body, was like a drug!

My heart began to swell, and it felt like mild electrical waves flushing through my veins. I had goosebumps from head to toe, and it’s just the most exhilarating feeling ever!

I heard a car coming, so I withdrew. It was the same feeling when I would hear a car coming down the driveway in McDade. I lived on 40 acres, so the only car that drove by was my landlord. He was probably thinking, “We really need to size her up for a little white jacket that ties in the back.” What would this person coming down the road think, if they saw me dancing around my porch? In my pajamas no less!

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This is a picture of my daughter taken in McDade. She is gazing out the window, on a rainy day, looking at the pier. That is how we treat God sometimes. We can feel in our heart what He wants us to do, but let’s just stand here a minute and think about it.

The Bible is full of stories where God asked followers to do things that made them look like idiots. My favorite is Noah. I just love his heart! Let’s build an ark, and wait for the rain. The people in this town already shake their heads at me. It wouldn’t surprise them at all to see me building an Ark in my front yard. I say, “Let them think”.

They know I’m a writer that lives with my daughter. I wear pajamas way too late in the day. Sometimes the entire day. I had Breast Cancer and walked around bald-headed last year, but….”She’s always happy.” They know what they see, but you can’t see God.

You have to feel Him.

Is God prompting you to do something that will make you look like an idiot? That’s a good sign. Do it! The irony of all this is…My landlord is a custom cabinet maker. He works with wood, so all the wood suppliers know where I live. I have a large cattle gate on the side yard, so I look forward to the day the wood supplier pulls up, and I can say, “Back it in boys!”

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God, Present Moment, When she became the fire

I’m Coming Out

I’ve probably had way too much coffee, and half priced Easter chocolate to be writing this. That is my disclaimer.

About a month ago, I was standing at the counter of our local store, waiting to checkout. A more mature gentleman was standing behind me, and I turned around to wish him a ‘Good Morning.’ He said, “Is it?” I said, “Well, God woke me up to another day, so yes.” He looked at me with disgust and said, “Oh, you must think you have it easy then.”

That really pissed me off, but I was nice. I smiled at him with my most gleaming smile and said, “No Sir. There isn’t anything easy about that.” treatsWhen people ask me what faith, or religion I am, I just say, “I love God. We have a fascinating relationship.” Then comes the awkward moment. They don’t know how to respond. I just want one person to exclaim, “SAME!!!”, as we bump knuckles, or high five or whatever is cool nowadays.

It hasn’t happened yet, but that man made me ponder. Following God, and doing what He wants me to do, is not easy. It’s much easier to ignore all signs He gives me, and just keep forging straight ahead. Until I wake up in the dessert dying of thirst.

God is my life. He gave me life, and I am honored He wants to use me through writing. I’m different though. You won’t see a bunch of scriptures in my posts. I’m not gonna spoon feed you. You’re a grown being, or at least you can read, cuz you’re reading this, so I feel confident you can read your own Bible.

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As God followers we really do need to grow a pair. My daughter will tell you I have balls, but you haven’t seen that side of me. It has become hidden over time. I might tell you some painful truth, or you may gasp at my language. “She can’t be a Christian! She cusses!” God showed me this box I had placed myself in, and I’m comin’ out!

Now is your chance to duck, and run. There is nothing easy about following God, but He does make my life easier. If I scare you off, I apologize in advance. I’m not scared anymore.

God, Quality of life, When she became the fire

I’m Not Made of Butter

You know those survival shows where you can only take one thing with you? Mine would be a really good candle, coffee, or butter. I know…Don’t pick me as your partner.

We talked yesterday about Satan, and how he loves to mess with us. Hey Satan! Dat You?

So, maybe this week we will whack Satan around, because I can see he has been all up in my business. Like…encouraging me to spread myself too thin.

A week ago, I snapped. I just blew!

I live an extremely sweet, simple life, but what had I done? I had joined 10 or so social media sites thinking more is better when trying to reach people for encouragement. I have one word to sum that up. “Bullshit.”

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I missed that memo! I am an Encourager, and I am on this earth to love people. I had myself spread so thin over these social media sites, that I was failing at doing that one thing really well.  To write.

Last month I published 26 pieces on this Blog. This month? Up until yesterday, I had published 5.

Last Tuesday night, I sat down on the edge on my bed, and deleted my social media accounts. All of them except Facebook, and Instagram. I’ve had a LinkedIn account for 10 years! Bye bye. How did I feel the next morning? A little lighter, and almost giddy.

I enjoy Instagram because of the photos. My gift is not photography, but I can snap a pic, and write about it. My daughter is the photographer, and I’m hoping God will combine our gifts at some point. Wouldn’t that piss Satan off? To combine our gifts into an unstoppable outreach of encouragement!

Look at the areas of your life that God is blessing, and focus. God has given each of us at least one gift. His hope is we will use it for His Glory, not ours.

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Feel the Music

Feel the Music

My daughter received a stereo for Christmas from her Dad. This monster, is a dream come true for most. She hooked it up herself, but there was one piece she missed.

The sub-woofer.

My daughter is all about the bass. She will hear a song, and say, “Dat bass thoooo!!!” She got the cord she needed from her Dad, and hooked it up right before she left on Friday.

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You will note this sound system is against an outside wall. I walked into the kitchen after she left, and that entire wall, all the way past the kitchen was vibrating! Dat bass thoooo!

The house was literally thumpin! (My dog is getting used to it.)

To feel the music. This song just came on, and it has a lot of bass, so here ya go! The Mac says it best. “I feel it in my heart, I feel it in my soul. That’s how I know.” This is one of our favorite videos too. We would so do this. Tell me what you know!

God, Present Moment, When she became the fire

Hey Satan! Dat You?

When someone asks, “Are you okay?”, do you tell them the truth?

I’m really good at wearing the happy mask. Isn’t that what people expect?

I unloaded on a dear friend yesterday. She listened and laughed, because she knows me better than anyone. She has known me since my daughter was a baby, and has watched me overcome much. She told me, “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come!”

It’s funny because I’m the opposite of what the world sees as anything spectacular. She told me about the time she came to my first house in Texas. It was so elaborately decorated, she felt uncomfortable. Like walking into a magazine instead of my home. She thought, “I don’t belong here”, upon entering. Well, neither did I.

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I cannot lie to her. She knows me too well.

My rant was about some areas in my life that I wasn’t happy with. Writing being one of them. I was frustrated by looking at the numbers again. This is the one area that Satan knows he can get me. Writing this Blog for three years, and I only have a handful of followers? Come on now. What the hell? She just continued to giggle.

This woman pretty much raised me in my walk with God, so she knows the numbers are not reliable. She doesn’t hit the ‘like’ button, or make a comment, but she reads every Blog. I am guessing a lot of people are like that, because the views I receive outweigh the follows. Am I the only one that struggles with the numbers?

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Satan would love to shut me up. He would love for me to stop doing this thing that brings me the most joy. “Look at the numbers Barb. Nobody cares what you have to say.” he says. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m gonna write until God tells me something different. God hasn’t told me to stop, but Satan? Everyday.

If he can get us discouraged, he wins. Well….Not Today Satan, Not Today.

Barbara is a Writer, a Certified Letting Go Coach, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com