Feel the Music

Thank you for joining me this evening.

I felt led to start this Feel the Music series on Monday, but became distracted and didn’t publish. So, it makes sense to share this one that has been on my heart since yesterday!

angel

Have you lost a loved one? What shape is your Angel?

I lost my Mum, but I couldn’t tell you the date. There is no anniversary of her passing in my mind. She is with me in my heart, but I think she would want to whoop my butt, if I allowed her passing to stop me from living this beautiful life. Let it out lovely.

Mama always said, “There’s more room out than there is in,” but she was talking about gas. My Mum was a piece of work! Don’t be sad because they’re gone. Be happy because they were a part of the journey! My Mum is in heaven, and she may be sad seeing the state this world is in. But while I’m on this earth, I hope she is saying, “Keep going Barbie.”

So I’ll sing Hallelujah, you were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you’d be there holding me up
Spread your wings as you go
And when God takes you back
He’ll say Hallelujah, you’re home

 

First and Last

I woke up this morning to the sweetest Meme awaiting approval on my Facebook Timeline. She posted it my personal page, but I met this woman on my Letitgocoach Facebook Page.

tycoach2This is not the first time, and I hope it won’t be the last. To hear it is oh so sweet.

The appointment with my Oncologist went very well on Monday. We basically thanked one another for being there, and said our good-byes. He said if anything comes up where I need him, to just call. Well, let’s just say, “Thank you Doc, but I hope this is the last time.”

I have my mammogram tomorrow morning. This will be the first one in exactly one year. The first time I had one it showed the lump in my breast, and was extremely painful! They are not supposed to be painful lovely. I had waited until I couldn’t wait any longer to go have the mammogram. I remember standing there, hugging the machine, and sobbing.

This one won’t be painful, unless I have a really sucky technician. My hope is that I have the same one I had the first time, so she can see what God did in that year.

I’m a completely different woman from the first time, but it won’t be my last.

My surgeon wants me to have one every 6 months for two years. I looked at her like, “Gosh! Will this journey ever end?” The journey continues, and I’m just better than I was at the first. Thank you God it wasn’t my last.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

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Feel the Music

After publishing Use Your GPS, I  thought of my drafts folder. I knew of one that was waiting on me, because I had written it lastnight. I feel led to post it, so here’s to obedience!

I  believe evenings can be hard on the heart. The day is coming to an end, and you are slowing down. I don’t know your story, but you are sitting in mine. Music is a healer of the heart for me. When I hear a certain song, I can just feel it in my heart, like it’s trying to help.

 

Driving home yesterday afternoon, I heard Big Daddy Weave singing this on the radio.

If I told you my story
You would hear hope that wouldn’t let go
If I told you my story
You would hear love that never gave up
If I told you my story
You would hear life but it wasn’t mine

If I should speak then let it be

When I hear a song I believe God wants me to share, I will post it in the evening when we tend to be at our weakest. It will be a song I heard that day, and I thought of you. When you see, “Feel the Music”, my hope is that you can forget everything for 5 minutes, and just feel.

Use Your GPS

We have a fenced yard, and there has been a plastic bag blowing around it for a week. The wind blows it to a different location, and it sticks to the fence. Everytime my little dog goes outside, he sees it, and charges toward it barking his little head off. I may not know much about the direction of my life, but at least I know, that’s the same plastic bag!

I don’t have a good sense of direction. When I am planning to drive somewhere, the GPS gets plugged in. Even if I have driven there before, I will still turn it on, and click ‘recent destinations.’

path

I get distracted easily. While I’m writing this Blog, I’ll think, “I’ll pull up messenger, and say ‘Good Morning’ to Seymour.” The conversation starts, and an hour later…”Oh yea! I was writing a Blog!!!” If you are a Blogger, do you have unfinished pieces in your draft folder?

I do. They start out good, like something I believe God wants me to share, but then I get distracted by everything going on around me, and I lose it. Maybe we should just hit ‘Publish’, on those unfinished pieces, and see if they sound complete to others.

When we stop writing our story, WordPress saves it as a draft, kinda like God.

It’s unfinished, and we pause to reflect on where we are. We have an internal GPS that we need to follow. I will use the Tom Tom I had plugged in yesterday as an example.

future

It was cloudy yesterday, so my GPS didn’t have a clear signal. When it announced an upcoming direction to take, it started stuttering. I laughed, but that upcoming direction makes me stutter sometimes too.

I love the ‘rerouting’ capability of the GPS. My daughter and I were driving the other day, and while I was using the GPS, it wasn’t telling me where to go. I asked, “Why is it so quiet?” My daughter said, “Because you passed your the street, so she keeps rerouting.” I get quiet too.

How many times have I driven by somewhere God wanted me to turn?

God is our GPS. Sometimes where He wants us to go, is uncharted territory, and it makes us stutter. My Tom Tom has gotten me lost before, by giving me wrong directions, but those times landed me right where I needed to me. Feeling lost doesn’t last. If we continue not to listen, or stay distracted too long, God is always there. He just clicks, ‘Reroute.’

 

me

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Face Your Fear

I have to get ready soon, for an appointment with my Oncologist. Today will be the first time I’ve seen him since finishing Chemo last September. I get to tell him ‘thank you’, and ‘goodbye.’

They say he won’t tell me, ‘Congratulations! You are Cancer free!’ Thanks to my Breast Cancer Journey, I feel more free today in many ways. My current hair color is a good example.

I don’t need proof today, or all the reasons the Cancer is gone. I know it was God.

My daughter dyed my hair this weekend, and it didn’t turn out quite as we planned. My hair is naturally a dark color, so she bleached it, but that got it to a pale orange stage. When she added the purple it literally looked orange, and purple, so yesterday we tried it again.

I was okay with the pale orange and lavender mass, but felt we could do better. She sat me down, and we went through the entire bleaching, toning, and conditioning process once again. In our minds, we were trying to achieve the look in the picture of Repeat If Desired.

fear

After all of that, she dried my hair, and I just sat with it for a minute. She pulled out half a dozen jars of hair color for me to choose from, and asked if I still wanted purple. I didn’t realize I had so many other choices! My daughter has played with the color of her hair a lot, and she showed me a picture of what she looked like with each one. I couldn’t decide.

Which one was best for me? The one that interested me most was a dark green. It was so dark it looked black in the jar. She said that would take my hair back to a very dark color, with just a tinge of emerald, but we had been through so much! Did I want to go back?

I have not been a bleached blonde in my life, that I can remember, so this is new to me. I told her I was going to sit with it for a few days with it just being bleached, and see if I wanted a color. It’s already a color to me, and drastically different than what I had two days ago.

When I was going through Chemo, a lot of people there wore wigs. I never wore one, and just walked around bald. I told her when I walk into the Cancer Center on Monday, people will probably think it’s a wig! It doesn’t matter what people think, I know it’s real.

Maybe that would scare some people, knowing they can’t take it off their head at the end of the day. To be honest, it scared me a little bit too, but which is scarier? Having hair this color, or no hair at all, because I was hairless for a while. It’s not about the hair darling.

It was all about the journey that got me here. Sitting in a small bathroom, with my daughter for two days. Listening to some of our favorite songs, and talking about life. Giving her the freedom to be creative, and trusting my hair in her hands, are just some of the memories captured by this color. I can always shave my hair, but it’s those moments that remain.

 

From a Distance

I spent the morning messaging a very good friend. It was a sweet time of connection, and we do this most mornings. She has become my very best friend, and I told her so today.

I saw her typing on messenger, and it was taking a while to pop up on the screen. So, I went to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup, and am really glad I did, once I read what she wrote.

Today has been an emotional day. Ed Sheeran’s new album was released, and my daughter downloaded it, and started playing it early this morning. Being the cool Mom that I am, I per-ordered the gift set of the album for her, but I am not sure it was solely for her.

God knows when you are walking through moments of tenderness.

He will send His angels to watch over you. They may come in the form of a friend, music, or whatever He chooses that you will recognize. God created our heart, and He knows how to soothe it. Thank God to the person who created Kleenex that doesn’t leave your nose raw.

My friend’s words touched my very soul, and I wasn’t sure I was worthy of them. She lives about an hour away, but she has been watching me from a distance, and knows me very well. We are like soul sista’s, and are capable of finishing one another’s sentences and thoughts.

This is what she said. I told her I was going to make a Meme out of it.

conniequote

I can only hope it poured out of her heart, in reflection of what I give to her, because I could have easily written it about her too. She took the time to write it out, and I took the time to make it a keepsake. The perfectionist in me wanted to reformat the entire Meme, to make room for our signatures. Words are meant to fill an empty space, and these filled up the Meme, and my heart. I see her signature, even from a distance.

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

Permission to Grow

Let me start by saying, I love seeing God walk through my life. I was mopping earlier, and had a revelation. Does that ever happen to you? When you are focused on a task, He whispers. It used to happen while vacuuming, but this house has carpet in only one room. He knows it gonna take longer than one room for me to hear Him, so it’s while mopping.

I am of the belief that change starts from within. If you have a situation in your life that your gut, or instinct feels unease about, look in the mirror. How long do we allow it linger before addressing it? I purchased a couple of online courses this year, and didn’t complete them. These courses were offered on a donation basis, so there again, not a lot of money.

There was a time I thought you had to invest a lot of money for it to be meaningful. If you have read any of my Blogs, you know I no longer believe that. The lesson is always worth the price, no matter how large, or how small. We just need to complete the lesson.

I saw a shift in my writing after we returned home from Missouri. It’s like I have this new, non Cancerous body, but God is still trying to get down to the good stuff. Authenticity.

The shift started with Be Engaged, published five days ago. From there I went onto being a Rule Breaker, revealing some Perspective, and some More Perspective, which brought me to today concerning Boxes. My friend Connie left a comment under Boxes. I realized the Amaryllis wasn’t the only thing that needed Permission to Grow.

a-tree-does-not-ask-permission-to-grow I’m not a tree, so I need to give myself Permission to Grow.

My best guess as to why I didn’t complete those lessons is…I was uncomfortable. They hit something within that I wasn’t ready to see. So, I grabbed my planner, and wrote that in there. Complete the lessons! Then of course my mind was flooded with all the ‘what if’s.’

I’m going to stifle the ‘what if’s’ today, and roll in obedience to God. Whatever it is I wasn’t willing to see before, I am ready to see now. To begin any change, acceptance is a good place to start. During Chemo, I gave myself Permission to Rest, and now it’s time to grow!

me

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com