A Year

I went to see my Breast Surgeon this morning for a follow up visit. She said, “You look great! You cannot even tell you’ve been through an all out war!” All I could say was, “God is good.”

She always hands me a list of my next steps. She wants me to wait a few weeks, and have a mammogram, but let my breast heal from the radiation. She said, “If you wait one month, you will have your mammogram exactly a year from when you had that first one.”

The journey began around March 7, 2016. You can read about it here.

 

I had to stop Googling first thing. That will scare the crap outta ya. Instead, I found Blogs written by women walking a similar path. This one woman was ahead of me on the Cancer path, and she was a comfort. She gave an in-depth description of the Chemo I would be receiving fondly known as The Red Devil. She is a truth-teller, and that is all I needed.

The last Cancer post I read, was written by a woman that was nearing the end of her journey. She was looking forward to it being over and feeling that sense of elation. I thought I would feel that too, knowing that the worst is behind me. It has been different for me.

It’s like everything in my life is more vividly colored, more intense. I notice things now, that I had missed before. I am more in-tune to my heart, and listen to my body, and soul.

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There is no rush, but I don’t want to miss a thing. It’s like, I was on this darkened path, but then gradually it became less dark, until I stepped out of the damp, darkness, into the light.

I have a myriad of feelings, but elation, “Whew! That’s over!”, hasn’t been one of them. This quote sums it up, “New Year, New Feels, New Chances, Same Dreams, Fresh Starts.

When I have my next mammogram, it will show nothing, which is better than something.

It’s been a year.

meBarbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

The Oldtimers

I just finished reading a Blog written by a young lady. Younger than me anyway, and she truly learned just by living her life. I was amazed at the wisdom in such a young mind.

On the other end of the spectrum, I thought of the oldtimers. These were the souls sitting in my AA meetings well over retirement age. I would sit and listen to them share their life lessons, and soak up every word. They would share the good times, and the bad, and I could learn what to do, and what not to do in sobriety. Similar to listening to a parent.

Have you ever thought, “I wish I had listened to my mother/father?”

I know I have. One of my brother’s never listened to anyone, so he learned life the hard way. He told me over Christmas that thanks to his wife, he was still alive. Now, he could tell us some stories, because I’m pretty sure he did everything ‘the rule book’ of life said not to. He is pushing 60 years old now, but he is full of wisdom, and blessed to be alive.

The longer you are on this earth, the more you learn. Adding years to my age doesn’t scare me. I believe what would scare me is if I kept it all to myself, and didn’t share my life with others. That they may read something they needed to hear to help determine their path. I don’t look back and see mistakes or have regret. They were all a part of life, and I learned.

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Life’s Icing

I am back in my little Farmhouse. The drives get longer, even though the route doesn’t change. The drive out of here to the lake seems short, but the drive back in seems long.

My daughter is not here yet. It took her a while to pack up and leave her Dad’s. The house is still, and rather chilly from being closed up. Seymour messaged me asking if I was okay. I told her, “There is nothing in my life that cannot be fixed with a cupcake, and icing.” I love icing.

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We had a celebration at Smith’s families house yesterday. We celebrated birthdays, and the end of my Radiation treatment. They presented me with this plate of cupcakes. This is a very beautiful thing to me. They gave me icing, and they represent the icing in my life.

My daughter gives me icing all the time. I am watching her grow, and mature, and she is quite the young lady. She does things for us, and she keeps me ‘in the know’ of what’s going on, so I can maintain my ‘Cool Mom’ status. I used to watch her make a coffee pour over, and then asked her to teach me. She now has me hooked on the pour over method.

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The above picture shows me using a small one made by a local potter. It has holes in the bottom, and allows the coffee to drip through. It’s a soulful experience, almost meditative.

Mr. Smith gave my daughter a beautiful one for Christmas, but I have not graduated to that one yet. It’s made of glass, and brass, which is a scary thing for me before coffee, much less while making it. My daughter, and Smith put icing on my life with simple actions. After spending 17 years teaching her, she is now teaching me new things.

I love reading other people’s Blogs, making comments of encouragement, and receiving comments on what I write. To have these beautiful souls in my life, but then receive a loving comment? That is icing in the Blogworld.

Friends send me comments throughout the week.  Seymour sent me this.

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Thank you Seymour. 

I was messaging another friend over the weekend, she said this, and it was a light bulb moment. “Sounds to me that you are climbing mountains in the direction your heart is leading you.” I hadn’t thought of this next phase of my life as climbing a mountain before, but that is how it feels. My heart doesn’t take me to a valley. It’s always reaching higher.

And when I reach the top of this mountain, it will be covered in icing.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

So Why Leave

If I sit in the presence of Mr. Smith long enough, the conversation tends to grow deep. Not from me, but from him. I listen, become more quiet, until no words can form. I feel it.

This morning, we were sitting on the back porch, coffee in hand, watching Stork fly in over the lake. I feel a sense of peace when I see Stork. He has always revealed I am in a safe space. This morning, I felt my layers being peeled back one by one, and it was a gentle process. Smith was pointing out how I visit on the weekend, and then I pack up and leave.

Smith asked me to marry him months ago, and I said, “Yes.” Looking at our lives since then they haven’t changed much. I have two lives. The one with Smith on the weekends, and the one with my daughter during the week. My daughter visits some, but that is all it looks like is a weekend visit. My heart has been torn between these two worlds for a while.

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Smith has never loved me like I imagined I would be loved. He loves me better.

This morning was one of those times where he gently dug down to the heart of the matter. No more skimming over the surface, and the end result was a feeling of rawness. I thought I was holding it together pretty well, living this double life. But, I don’t have to ‘hold it all together’ anymore. I don’t have to be the man, and the woman, because he is the man.

Standing in the middle of the room was the elephant covered in glitter.

It’s always been my daughter, and me. Even when I was married to her father, it was really just the two of us. There comes a time where you don’t know which way is home. I have two houses, but which one feels more like home? Bringing three lives together, and enjoying one life. People say it’s a hard thing to do, but from where I sit, it’s harder not to.

So, the question is…why leave?

me

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Just Trust Me

I wrote this two years ago today. I find it interesting how time goes by, and our lives change. This Blog refers to something from my past coming back to haunt me, but I don’t even recall what that was. It must not have been that bad, because I’m here loving life.

Another thing I noticed is, now when people ask me what I do, the first thing I tell them is, “I write.” That has come to the forefront for me, and my job is in the background. I also trust God more now, than a couple of years ago.  Time goes by, we make choices, and here we are.

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I’m sitting here before I retire for the evening and just wanted to write. I love to write. People ask me what I do and I tell them about my jobs and then I add, “I’m a writer.” They find my job status interesting enough. Helping people with their businesses is a stretch and grow for me, but they always look up at me with a smile when I add the ‘writer’ part. It’s like they want to ask all of the questions rolling through their mind, but are hesitant. It’s fun.

trustI found myself coming full circle today on trusting God. There was a season in my life, not that long ago, that I trusted Him just to wake me up the next day. He always did. Not knowing what direction my new life should go, I trusted Him for every step and sometimes every breath.

Making decisions with…

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Choose Your Mood

Thank you Seymour for being our Guest Blogger today. Enjoy!

wonderwomanYou ever have one of those days, weeks, months….lives….where you wake up just feeling like a grouch every morning?  Before you even get out of bed you are frustrated with the tasks of the day and feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of your schedule?  Haven’t made it to the coffee pot yet you just want to kick the dog and go back to bed and pull the covers over your head?  Well, good news, you are in great company.   Too many of us today experience this type of daily anguish.  We live at a break neck pace seldom taking time to regroup, refresh and rejuvenate ourselves.  All this leads to a chronic state of feeling out of sorts with the universe and makes us tired, troubled and frankly, quite irritable.

So, you’re thinking to yourself.…gee, that’s all true but it’s all well out of my control.  I challenge you to rethink that mind share and consider for a moment what your life would feel like if instead of waking feeling out of sorts with the world every day, you woke up and couldn’t wait to embrace the day.  The demands of your day haven’t changed yet you approach them with a vision seen through a totally different lens.  Just as a lens alters the convergence of light rays, as for magnification, or in correction of visual defects, you have the power to change the way you experience things and alter your mood.

Just like choosing what you are going to enjoy for breakfast, you are empowered to choose how your mind is going to control your day.  Happiness is, in fact, a choice.  One that is far too seldom selected by the vast majority of people but I challenge you to consider how your day would be altered if you subscribed to this philosophy for just one 24-hour period.  You owe it to yourself (not to mention those around you) to live with joy in your life.  Try it for just one day….make the commitment to yourself that regardless of your circumstances, you are going to approach each task with enthusiasm and the heartfelt pleasure that accompanies doing something well.

You’ll likely discover that your feel good state of mind is contagious and that those around you begin to notice your new approach to life and want some of it.  Imagine what it would be like to actually enjoy your daily activities and complete each day with a sense of fulfillment and completeness.  Pretty simple equation.  Change the viewing and you will change the doing.  You can do it.  Give it a go.

connieConnie is a novice writer after spending 40 years in Corporate America in Sales and Sales Leadership roles.  She loves encouraging people through the sharing of kindness and life’s experiences.  She is a Certified Coach through the International Coaching Federation and has spent her life mentoring those who wish to grow both professionally and personally.  She loves life, people, dogs and horses and volunteers as a rider/walker for disabled children who learn life skills through equestrian events.

Hope and Love

It was 5 am when I heard a distinctive sound. Numi was about to throw up in my room. I scooted her outside, thanked God for waking me up, and protecting my row of shoes.

My phone was blinking, letting me know I had mail. It was a comment on my Blog, and it touched my heart so deeply, I’m shaking as I type this. God was at work early this morning.

A woman found my Blog during the night, and read Blog after Blog, after Blog.

She left a comment, but then had a change of heart and asked me to delete it. I will do as she asks, but her comment will be forever imprinted on my soul. I needed to hear her words.

God works through people. They tell us what we need to hear. That is my hope while I write. That God will work through me, and you will read something you need to hear.

This woman validated what I have been doing the past three years. I’ve posted so many Memes on social media, I told my daughter yesterday, “My life is a Meme.” She laughed and disagreed, but from all those Memes, I could run some of my favorite ones through my mind at any time. I am mindful when talking with friends, or I’ll give them a quote from a Meme.

You can laugh along with me here, but it’s true. So, what God has called us to do, which is encouraging others, is a gift. People are reading our words, seeing our Memes, and it helps keep them going. What I want this woman to know is, the comment she left this morning will help keep me going. When you leave a comment, your words fill me with hope and love.

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One of my all time faves.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com