Wait For It

I forced myself to stop Blogging.

When I challenged myself to post a Blog a day in December, over time I hit a stride. That groove of posting everyday became a daily ritual, but was it fulfilling?

On into January, I was still posting everyday, but began to slow the pace. After posting The Mindless Activity I made the decision to stop for one week. That’s not easy once an action becomes ingrained.

It was as if I had created a new daily habit, but I don’t wish to become a daily Blogger.

I thought about it everyday, but told myself to wait. I’d hit the pause button and let the Blog ideas go. I knew from past experience not to pause too long. It’s very difficult to come back to it, with that struggle of paused to restart.

Some wait too long and don’t come back. That’s not for me, but I do want to hit a stride that works. Timing means a great deal while writing. To wait for that stillness, that deafening silence once the dust settles from the day or the week. Even if it drops to once a week, I’m going to wait for it.

Loved Me Back

You should hug yourself for being here.

Not only do you have an active WordPress account, but you read posts daily. I challenged myself to post daily the month of December. Might have skipped a couple of days right before Christmas, but if so, it was by choice.

It’s sweet to be here by choice.

Every post was not loved by either of us, but that wasn’t the purpose of the challenge. It wasn’t to pull more traffic, or get more likes. We need time and space to enjoy one another’s posts. It was just to check my Blogging heartbeat.

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This is my 5th year Blogging and it was my favorite. It took this long to figure out what works for me. I’ve read that Blogging becomes truly fascinating around the 10 year mark, so the way I see it…I’m halfway there.

If this is your first day, week, month, or year…welcome. It only gets better, if you love it. You have to love it, or you won’t enjoy it, and there’s so much here to love. What you pour into it is what you’ll get back.

And yes, my darling.

This is the year it loved me back.

Surprise Yourself

It’s been a little over a week since my Blogging everyday began. The idea surfaced during Thanksgiving holiday. From there it hovered around the back of my mind until the idea became something I really wanted to do.

Listening to Lewis Capaldi inspired me.

When I found his version of It’s the Climb, that song fueled the idea. When we have an idea, or feel led toward an accomplishment, it’s not the end result for me. It’s when the idea turns into a solid decision and it moves you.

Show me a decision and I’ll show you a direction.

There have been surprises along the way as with any journey. It hasn’t been easy and I wanted to re-evaluate this idea after day three. I don’t wish to become a daily Blogger, so I had to kick that mindset to the curb and simply enjoy the daily activity of it.

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People Mean Well

My daughter and I live in a very small town. We found out recently, that people ride by and look to see if our vehicles are here. They know when we’re home, and when we’re not home. I’m sure they mean well, but in today’s world, that could be considered ‘stalking.’

There is a man who lives in this little town that seems to know everybody’s bizness. He knew when I was going through Chemo, when I had my surgery, and he knows I’m going through Radiation. He didn’t hear it from me, but somehow he knows these things.

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His wife has had Breast Cancer, and from what I gather talking with him, she is battling it again. He didn’t go through doctor’s to heal her. He knows people from years ago that cured Cancer naturally. He stopped by my house yesterday, and handed me a bottle of dark liquid.

How do we discern the right path? I believe there are signs along the way.

God has healed me, and He used everything I went through to do so. Will the Cancer return? I don’t know, but will cross that bridge if it appears. I thank God everyday for healing me, and I haven’t asked Him to send backup. In other words, I haven’t prayed this man into my life.

That was the first sign for me. Another sign is, whatever he just handed me is illegal. He told me he could go to jail for giving it to me. That was a big red flag because I don’t do illegal.

I would love to meet his wife one day. To see her, and hear her story. He said she has lost 40 pounds, and is healthy as a horse.

Going through Chemo, I lost 20 pounds, and I didn’t feel healthy. I felt very frail, and missed that extra weight. Slowly, I am gaining it back, and 20 pounds kept me in the safe zone. Losing anything more than 20, I would be skin and bones.

As if I hadn’t heard enough, he just had to throw this in. This liquid tastes like death itself. For it to work, I will need to cut out ALL sugar, wheat and pasta. Welp, that did it for me!

I love wheat! My man has taught me how to make our own pasta, and I cannot imagine my life without chocolate. So, he was handing me something illegal that tastes like death, and I may lose 40 pounds because I would have to stop eating! I eat healthy, but love my treats.

When people come into our lives, there is always a reason. I haven’t quite figured out the reason behind this man, but God will show me in time. Maybe it’s just that people mean well.

Please Pay Attention

I am guessing when you live in a 1940’s farmhouse, you need to leave the water running with more force so it doesn’t freeze. I left it running slowly lastnight, but awoke to frozen pipes again.

This is really testing my character. Like so many things in life, I know patience and waiting will resolve the issue. The sun is out, and it’s going to be warm today, so we wait. It’s the patience part I’m having to work on this morning. I’m finding gratitude even without water.

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My then husband was very hurt when I left. I refused to live in mediocrity, and I took our daughter with me, so he had a right. After almost four years you would think the hurt would have healed for him, but it hasn’t.

Hurt people will hurt people. Just like the thawing of these frozen pipes, it will take time and patience.

I pray for my ex husbands heart. That God will heal the hurt he carries inside, but it is up to him to receive my prayer, and allow healing to take place. When the time is right, he will heal.

He did something rather sneaky last year, that will effect my new year. Somehow he got ahead paying child support without my realizing it. He bundled some of the payments, where instead of one monthly, he did three at once. Going through breast cancer treatment, I wasn’t paying attention.

In November of 2016, he sent me a text informing me that he was ahead on payments, so I would be without child support for a while in 2017. I didn’t respond. I just sat still until I found peace. He knows this action has the ability to make my life difficult, but I know I’m going to grow through it. God has never let me down, and He’s not going to start with this.

It’s how we react to other people’s pain that fuels the fire, or extinguishes it. I also believe when people do things out of hurt, those things have a way of coming back to bite them.

I am guessing it’s not just me; he does hurtful things in other areas of his life. My daughter has a good heart, and she enjoys doing things that bring people joy.

Our holiday schedule per the divorce allowed me to have her home for Christmas Day. My daughter made a decision to split the day between him and me. She knew it would cause disruption in the plans we had for that day, but everyone was willing to make adjustments.

We knew what she chose to do was good, and from her heart. So, she spent half of Christmas day with me, and drove to her Father’s house that afternoon. He was unaware of her decision, because she wanted it to be a surprise. Well, it was a surprise alright.

She got to his home, and rang the doorbell, and he was completely shocked when he opened the door and saw her standing there. She said, “Merry Christmas Daddy!” He sent me a text that evening, thanking me for allowing her to come. I had nothing to do with it. She makes her own decisions.

I am grateful she makes them from the heart, and they are good. His text went on to say, “It was the nicest thing that has happened to him in a very long while.” I believe we know why.

Keep your side of the street clean, your heart pure, but please pay attention.