Tag: Breast cancer

Keep Choosing Her

I woke up this morning to the smell of Mrs. Meyers from cleaning house, and not just the usual dusting and vacuuming. No my darling, I was on my hands and knees scrubbing corners.

Being on my hands and knees reminded me of my drinking days. I was a falling down, blackout drunk.

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I posted this on my Letitgocoach Facebook page, but seeing it again this morning, it spoke to me as a sober woman. Sobriety is a choice, and when you have family history of alcoholism, the odds of drinking increase.

Recently, I offended a friend of mine.

She lost her sobriety after taking care of her Grand-kids for a week. That would be a tempting time to drink, but no, I’m not giving up sobriety. She asked if I’d ever been tempted to drink, and I told her, “You would think so when the doctor told me I had Breast Cancer, but you can’t drink during Chemotherapy.”

She compared having Cancer, to a bad day.

Hey, anyone can stop drinking, but living sober is an act of God. It’s not easy, but by His grace the only choice to continue being a sober woman, is to keep choosing her.

God’s Not Done

I often ponder God’s plan for my life. It would be comforting to know I’m on the right path and if I’m really doing what God wants me to do.

Well, there’s one thing I do know. Either way, He’s going to use it for our good and His glory. What we do is all part of a greater plan.

Recently, I was thinking of my Chemo treatments for Breast Cancer. It was scary enough having Breast Cancer, but Chemo was the worst physical experience I’ve ever been through. Toward the end of my treatment I wasn’t sure I was going to make it, but God pulled me through.

It felt like Chemo was killing me, but God was using Chemo to kill the Cancer, not me.

Looking back I can say, “Breast Cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me.” It brought me heart to heart with the King himself.

I woke up this morning at 5:30 am.

It’s a new day, so God’s not done.

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How God Works

My daughter is coming home today! She has been gone for a week. Her father took her to Denver, CO to see snow. I believe she saw some, and I’m sure she had fun, but she will be glad to be home.

I’ve been listening to Ed Sheeran’s new album, Divide, the entire time she’s been gone. It’s been a healing experience for me, and very nourishing. Letting the album play has created a more peaceful space for her to walk into. Not that is wasn’t peaceful before, but now it’s more so.

I will run the vacuum, and go to the grocery store before she gets here. What used to be mundane chores, I look forward to them today. It’s the people I will meet while out doing what needs to be done. Stopping by a couple of my favorite shops along the way, maybe buying a candle, or some flowers, and spending time with the people that run the shops.

God has used me in the craziest instances while I’m out and about. Once, on my way out of the grocery store, I spotted a lady in front of me. She had a cart full of groceries, and was trying to safely maneuver it to her car, while talking on the phone. She sounded rather stressed, and said to the person on the phone, “I forgot Ziploc bags!”

I rarely buy Ziploc bags, but that day, I had bought two boxes. I pulled my cart along beside hers, and handed her a box of mine. She almost dropped her phone!

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That is how God works, if we are attentive to our path and who He places in front of us.

My to-do list today, looks much different from years ago. I don’t have things that ‘need’ to be done, or ‘have’ to be completed. I ‘want’ to run the vacuum. It brings me great joy when my daughter walks in and says, “Gosh! The house smells so good!” Candles…lots of candles.

I’m going to one of my favorite shops for a candle. My friend is part owner of the shop, and has limited time. She’s trying to run her life, and help a friend through breast cancer. Her friend just had a double mastectomy!

People need replenishing. John 14:4 says, “But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

Spending quiet time with God replenishes me. I have time, and my friend doesn’t. She may not have time to sit at the well, but I can bring her a drink from it.

The Silver Bracelet

My heart is heavy this fall morning in Texas. My best friend in the Chemo room, went to be with the Lord this week. She is healed, happy and whole, but we all miss her smiling face.

When I walked into that room to begin my treatment in April, and God knew I needed a friend. Someone special, that I would connect with immediately. That would be Vicki Davis.

I think I drove her crazy with my positive outlook on life. Nothing she could say would dampen my spirit. She tried to be grumpy with me because she had been down a very long road with this disease. I would smile at her, and just love on her until she smiled in return.

We had an immediate bond, and were good for one another. She showed me what true strength looked like, and I showed her I could love her no matter what. I marveled at everything she, and her body went through, hoping for a cure.

She was growing weary in her fight, and I asked her, “How much can the human body take?” She said, “We will see!”

We were scheduled for Chemo on the same day, Tuesdays, at about the same time. When you are sitting in a Chemo chair, you can either laugh, cry, or sleep. We chose to laugh. Anyone who has heard my laugh knows, it’s loud. Vicki had a laugh that matched. Both of us laughing was quite disruptive.

One time, we sat in a semi private part of the room, away from everybody else. You could look across the room and see everyone lined up sleeping through their treatment. Vicki and I were trying to outdo one another with stories of stupid things we had done in our lives.

We busted out laughing at the same time, and startled the sleeping souls lined up across the way. Like a row of dominoes, they jumped, looked around, relaxed and then smiled. They were relieved it was just us having more fun than we should have been. That was life with Vicki.

My last day of Chemo, as I was getting ready to leave, I felt a tug at my heart. It was time to let go of something very precious to me. I was given a bracelet last Christmas by another lady God placed in my life. Little did that lady know, I would be wearing it during Chemo treatments, a few months later.

My Chemo was coming to an end, but Vicki’s wasn’t quite over yet.

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It was engraved with one of my favorite verses, and encompassed my wrist as a reminder of what I was supposed to be doing. Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”

It was a challenge for Vicki and me to sit still in those chairs. It was long hours, but being with Vicki made the time fly by. On my last day of Chemo, the nurses saved a chair for me to sit beside her.

I gazed at her resting in her chair, and sat down in mine. There was silence between the two of us, but the love was always there. Her IV bag was almost empty, as the nurse had just hung mine. I got out of my chair, kneeled down beside her, slid the bracelet off my wrist, and onto hers.

Her eyes opened as she smiled at me groggily.

She touched the bracelet, and regretted not having her reading glasses, so she could see it more clearly. I told her what is was, and what it said, and that I wanted her to have it for the remainder of her journey.

That was not even three weeks ago. It was her last Chemo that day too. Thank you God for bringing her home.

To Be Brave

I have not thought of myself as brave. I can be a Badass, but that occurs when something, or someone pushes me too far. My daughters says, ‘At that point, you better run.’

People are calling me brave for traveling this Breast Cancer Journey , but the ones who are brave, are the ones who went before me, and shared their story. This lights my path, and helps ease my fear of the unknown. Those people are brave.

No matter what you’re going through, you are not alone. The enemy wants to keep you in solitude ashamed of what your outward appearance looks like during this battle. Put that stinkin’ devil under your feet! I knew God wanted me to share this journey, but at first I was afraid. I’m more afraid of being disobedient to God than anything else.

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Surround yourself with people who will love you through it. Mr. Smith shaved my hair down to almost the skin this weekend. It was falling out anyways, but it took time and patience from a good man, to get me there. He is a chef, so he tied a bandanna to resemble a Chef’s cap. Be brave Beauties.

P.S. Another fear of mine was the port for Chemo. You can see the stitches in this pic. I love wearing tank tops when it’s warm, but there again, the scarring. My daughter said, “Own that tank top Mama. You look like you got into a bar fight, got stabbed in the chest, and won!”