Feel the Music

angel

Have you lost a loved one? What shape is your Angel?

I lost my Mom, but I couldn’t tell you the date. There is no anniversary of her passing in my mind. She is with me in my heart, but I think she would want to whoop my butt, if I allowed her passing to stop me from living my life.

My Mom was a piece of work. Don’t be sad because they’re gone. Be happy because they were there! My Mum is in heaven, and she may be sad seeing the state this world is in, but while I’m on this earth, I hope she’s saying, “Keep going Barbie.”

So I’ll sing Hallelujah, you were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you’d be there holding me up
Spread your wings as you go
And when God takes you back
He’ll say Hallelujah, you’re home

Grabbing Life’s Moments

It’s noon, and I’m sitting here in my pajamas.

It has surprised me how many people are born on this day. My daughter’s best friend shares her birthday with Valentine’s Day. These two girls are so different, but have a bond that is worth celebrating. For me, Valentine’s Day is just another day on the calendar.

Each day should be a celebration of love.

My daughter announced this morning that she would love to surprise her friend Abby today with a visit for her birthday. My immediate reaction was, “What’s stopping you?”

Her friend lives 1.5 hours away, so they don’t get to see one another much. She made the comment lastnight, that she gets to see Abby, about as often as she sees her boyfriend.

Something about that is just not right, considering she has to fly to see her boyfriend. I had to suppress the Mom in me this morning, when my daughter mentioned her idea of surprising Abby with a visit.

She didn’t get any school done while we were away, which I knew would be the case. She has plenty of school to do, but it’s not going anywhere without her.

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I bought this card for my daughter, and it was the bling that drew me to it. She doesn’t expect anything from me on Valentine’s Day, because we love each other everyday.

Her friend will be shocked that she drove all the way out there to help make her birthday special. Her schoolwork will wait one more day, but this moment won’t. She will eventually graduate, but I hope she never graduates from grabbing life’s moments.

It’s Almost Over

A year changes you a lot. It’s hard to believe that a year ago, the lump in my left breast was so painful, I could hardly breathe. Fast forward to this moment. I have one more Radiation treatment left. That lump is not there anymore, and this Breast Cancer Journey is ending.

Every ending has a new beginning. Sitting here at my laptop, I’m not certain what that looks like, but I know it will come. My daily routine will have a hole to be filled.

My daughter didn’t sleep well lastnight because Numi was in her room. She wouldn’t settle down, and go to sleep like she normally does in the hallway, so tonight Numi will have different sleeping arrangements made for her. A good night’s sleep is very important. It sets the tone for the following day, and tomorrow is a day of celebration.

There were parts of this journey that taught me to celebrate something as simple as breathing. I couldn’t have coffee during Chemo, but today I am savoring a cup of freshly ground drip. Each day is a celebration. It has taken time, but it’s almost over.

People Mean Well

My daughter and I live in a very small town. We found out recently, that people ride by and look to see if our vehicles are here. They know when we’re home, and when we’re not home. I’m sure they mean well, but in today’s world, that could be considered ‘stalking.’

There is a man who lives in this little town that seems to know everybody’s bizness. He knew when I was going through Chemo, when I had my surgery, and he knows I’m going through Radiation. He didn’t hear it from me, but somehow he knows these things.

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His wife has had Breast Cancer, and from what I gather talking with him, she is battling it again. He didn’t go through doctor’s to heal her. He knows people from years ago that cured Cancer naturally. He stopped by my house yesterday, and handed me a bottle of dark liquid.

How do we discern the right path? I believe there are signs along the way.

God has healed me, and He used everything I went through to do so. Will the Cancer return? I don’t know, but will cross that bridge if it appears. I thank God everyday for healing me, and I haven’t asked Him to send backup. In other words, I haven’t prayed this man into my life.

That was the first sign for me. Another sign is, whatever he just handed me is illegal. He told me he could go to jail for giving it to me. That was a big red flag because I don’t do illegal.

I would love to meet his wife one day. To see her, and hear her story. He said she has lost 40 pounds, and is healthy as a horse.

Going through Chemo, I lost 20 pounds, and I didn’t feel healthy. I felt very frail, and missed that extra weight. Slowly, I am gaining it back, and 20 pounds kept me in the safe zone. Losing anything more than 20, I would be skin and bones.

As if I hadn’t heard enough, he just had to throw this in. This liquid tastes like death itself. For it to work, I will need to cut out ALL sugar, wheat and pasta. Welp, that did it for me!

I love wheat! My man has taught me how to make our own pasta, and I cannot imagine my life without chocolate. So, he was handing me something illegal that tastes like death, and I may lose 40 pounds because I would have to stop eating! I eat healthy, but love my treats.

When people come into our lives, there is always a reason. I haven’t quite figured out the reason behind this man, but God will show me in time. Maybe it’s just that people mean well.

A Better Way To Live~Day 7

One week ago, I celebrated 16 years of sobriety. The first thing I do each morning is to thank God for waking me up sober. Each day is truly a gift, and waking up without a hangover, is an absolute miracle.

Each day is a special gift from God, and while life may not always be fair, you must never allow the pains, hurdles, and handicaps of the moment to poison your attitude and plans for yourself and your future. You can never win when you wear the ugly cloak of self-pity, and the sour sound of whining will certainly frighten away any opportunity for success. Never again. There is a better way.

 

I had to let go of the person I was so familiar with, and open my heart and mind to who I could become. There was no room for negative thinking, or feeling sorry for myself for all the years spent drinking. The pain and hurt caused by my actions were in the past, and I was ready to make amends and embrace the present.

By accepting there is a higher power greater than myself, I was willing to follow His plan for my life. After all, my plan had placed me where I was, and that was not desirable anymore. It was time for a new life, and a new me. Thank you God for waking me up sober, and thank you for my new life.

*Quote taken from “A Better Way to Live”, by Og Mandino.