Letting Go, Moving On, Present Moment

The Don’t Wants

To discover what I want, I journey through the don’t wants.

Earlier this week, I walked into the kitchen wanting coffee.

I had set the machine up the night before, but instead, there was black liquid oozing all over the kitchen counter. The pot wasn’t fully engaged to allow the hot liquid to flow. The basket inside was filled with water, and grinds were everywhere. It was not pretty, so after cleaning up the mess, the coffee maker went into a cabinet. The don’t wants.

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This is pretty.

Really good coffee beans deserve to be fresh pressed.

When our hearts are happy, we know what we want.

 

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Now my morning coffee is relatively ceremonial.

We recognize our wants, when we realize our don’t wants.

Letting Go, Present Moment, Quality of life

Shades of Pink

Once my daughter painted her room, it prompted a change in mine. My bedroom is already a color, and it’s a pleasant neutral, so this is not a need. It’s been a slow burning want.

My favorite color has always been Red, but I surprised myself.

Walking into my room with two paint samples. One was a good, solid red, and the other was a pale version of red. After trying each on the wall, I chose the softer one. It feels good.

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Courtesy of Shades of Pink

This morning, this photo came up on my Facebook news feed.

It was posted by one of my favorite pages called Shades of Pink. I have settled into no social media apps on my phone. Checking it via laptop a couple of times a day is sufficient.

Melody Beattie’s words that resonated today are:

“Stay open to every opportunity.” (Doing that)

“If you’re tired, rest. If you’re sad, cry.” (Did that)

“Let destiny have it’s way with you.” (Thought-provoking)

Right before falling asleep lastnight, I read this. “Maybe that relationship that made you doubt yourself so much came along to help you learn to listen to and trust your inner voice.

I’m not bold Red. Presently, I am various Shades of Pink.

A Better Life, Quality of life

The Seeds of Success by Og Mandino

letting-seed-growGod, I thank you for this day.

I know I have not accomplished as yet all you expect of me, and if that is your reason for bathing me in the fresh dew of another dawn, I am most grateful.

I am prepared at last, to make you proud of me.

I will forget yesterday, with all it’s trial and tribulations, aggravations and setbacks. The past is already a dream from which I can neither retrieve a single word nor erase any foolish deeds.

I will resolve, however, that if I have injured anyone yesterday through my thoughtlessness, I will not let this day’s sun set before I make amends, and nothing I do today will be of greater importance.

I will not fret the future. My success and happiness does not depend on straining to see what lurks dimly on the horizon, but to do, this day, what lies clearly at hand.

I will treasure this day, for it is all I have. I know that’s it’s rushing hours cannot be accumulated or stored, like precious grain, for future use.

I will live as all good actors do when they are on stage-only in the moment. I cannot perform at my best today by regretting my previous act’s mistakes or worrying about the scene to come.

I will embrace today’s difficult tasks, take off my coat, and make dust in the world. I will remember that the more productive I am, the less harm I am apt to suffer, the tastier will be my food, the sweeter my sleep, and the better satisfied I will be with my place in the world.

I will free myself today from slavery to the clock and calendar. Although I will plan this day in order to conserve my steps and energy, I will begin to measure my life in deeds, not years, in thoughts, not seasons.

I will remain aware of how little it takes to make this a happy day. Never will I pursue happiness, because it is not a goal, just a by-product, and there is no happiness in having or in getting, only in giving.

I will run from no danger I might encounter today, because I am certain that nothing will happen to me that I am not equipped to handle with your help. Just as any gem is polished by friction, I am certain to become more valuable through this day’s adversities, and if you close one door, you always open another for me.

I will live this day as if it were Christmas. I will be a giver of gifts and deliver to my enemies the gift of forgiveness, my opponents, tolerance, my friends, a smile, my children, a good example, and every gift will be wrapped with unconditional love.

I will waste not even a precious second today in anger or hate or jealousy or selfishness. I know that the seeds I sow will harvest, because every action, good or bad, is always followed by and equal reaction. I will plant only good seeds today.

I will treat today as a priceless violin. One may draw harmony from it an another, discord, yet no one will blame the instrument. Life is the same, and if I play it correctly, it will give forth beauty, but if I play it ignorantly, it will produce ugliness.

I will condition myself to look on every problem I encounter today as no more than a pebble in my shoe. I remember the pain, so harsh I could hardly walk, and recall my surprise when I removed my shoe and found only a grain of sand.

I will work convinced that nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. To do anything today that is truly worth doing, I must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in with gusto and scramble through as well as I can.

I will face the world with goals set for this day, but they will be attainable ones, not the vague, impossible variety declared by those who make a career of failure. I realize that you always try me a little first, to see what I would do with a lot.

I will never hide my talents. If I am silent, I am forgotten, if I do not advance, I will fall back. If I walk away from any challenge today, my self-esteem will be forever scarred, and if I cease to grow, even a little, I will become smaller. I reject the stationary position because it is always the beginning of the end.

I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts today. I know that the world is a looking-glass and gives back to me the reflection of my own soul. Now I understand the secret of correcting the attitude of others and that is to correct my own.

I will turn away from any temptation today that might cause me to break my word or lose my self-respect. I am positive that the only thing I possess more valuable than my life is my honor.

I will work this day with all my strength, content in the knowledge that life does not consist of wallowing in the past or peering anxiously at the future. It is appalling to contemplate the great number of painful steps by which one arrives at a truth so old, so obvious, and so frequently expressed. Whatever it offers, little or much, my life is now.

I will pause whenever I am feeling sorry for myself today, and remember that this is the only day I have and must play it to the fullest. What my part may signify in the great whole. I may not recognize, but I am here to play it and now is the time.

I will remember that those who have fewest regrets are those who take each moment as it comes for all that it’s worth.

This is my day!

These are my seeds.

Thank you, God, for this precious garden of time.

Present Moment, Quality of life, Uncategorized

Different Is Good

When I’m at the lake, the coffee maker usually wakes me up. It’s set on a timer to start brewing, but this morning that didn’t happen. I slept in because I forgot to add the water.

Chef saved the coffee by adding water. He had to go to work, so I put on my favorite CD at the moment, Jennifer Nettles, “Playing With Fire,” and enjoyed my coffee listening to her.

This year has been so different. Not only walking through Breast Cancer, but my daughter and I were apart for Thanksgiving. This was when having two separate lives showed up. She felt led to be with her father, and I wanted to be with Chef and his family. I missed her terribly, but it was nice cooking with Chef, and having Thanksgiving with my new family.

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I have spent twenty something years cooking the entire Thanksgiving dinner myself. This year I was only responsible for two dishes. The dressing, and some sweet potatoes. Mr. Smith, (Chef) had everything else under control. We were going to cook the entire dinner for his family. It’s funny looking at it now, but I was so nervous about cooking the dressing!

His Mother has always made the dressing, and I was in charge of making something they had certain memories of. Keeping it Grandma’s Dressing recipe, all I could do was my very best. Thanksgiving morning, Mr. Smith went to his families home to put the turkey in the oven, and I started making my dressing. Why was I so nervous about making this one dish?

Meanwhile, my daughter had volunteered to cook Thanksgiving dinner for her Dad, and brother. She called me stressed out about cooking the ham. Being a mother, I just wanted to step in and help her, but I couldn’t. This was something she chose to do, and at 17 years old, I had faith that she could. After the call, I had a good cry, and let it go. Later on she sent this.

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She did all of this. I love the way she put the pottery I left behind to good use. This picture reflects what she saw over the years, and she duplicated it amazingly well at her young age. She make it look like Thanksgiving, even though we were apart. I was filled with joy for her.

The expectations we place on ourselves can be brutal. My daughter and I both have a bit of perfectionism we struggle to let go of. The dressing turned out well, and we had a beautiful Thanksgiving. Chef did an amazing job in his Mother’s kitchen, pulling the entire meal together in record time. It’s incredible to watch him, and he only burned his fingers twice.

Maybe your holiday’s look different this year, but I am finding that different is good.

Letting go of expectations of myself, allows me to enjoy what’s in front of me instead.

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Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

Letting Go, Quality of life

Reasons or Excuses

I splurged yesterday. My daughter and I had pedicures. I believe if you take care of your feet, your entire body will thank you. I woke up this morning, looked at my toes, and smiled.

I am really into beauty right now. Noticing what’s around me, and enjoying it’s natural state. I spent years buying what I thought was beautiful. There are boxes somewhere full of handmade pottery from NC artists. I think my life was such a mess, I tried filling it up with beautiful things. Maybe covering it up is more accurate. All of that has been scraped away.

My marriage was so ugly, we invested in art. I recall hiring an artist from Austin TX to create two paintings for a living room we were remodeling. He spent time with us, and got a feel for the space we were creating. It’s funny, but I don’t recall telling him we liked water. When he came to us with the finished work, it was a hauntingly accurate portrayal of us.

One painting was rather dark, but had potential. It was a lake view, with foliage around it, but the sky was overcast and cloudy. That described my husband at the time. The other painting was almost an identical lake view, but the sky was noticeably different. It had light breaking through the clouds. That one was mine. The artist painted what he felt from us.

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Those were painted over 10 years ago, and I left them when I left. They are worth a small fortune today, but my happiness, and well being are worth far more than anything there.

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I found this artist this morning, and it made my heart soar. She makes art from flowers, and twigs, so I made it into a Meme. It portrays how natural, and simple, beauty is to me today.

Speaking to a lady yesterday brought back memories of when I left. How it felt, and how it happened. My marriage changed once I got sober. When you think about it, I was drinking on my wedding day, so it makes sense to see that person in a different light without the drink. The more sober I got, the less we had in common. It got to the point the only thing we had in common were our two kids. That was not a reason to stay, but it was a good excuse.

I had a lot of excuses not to leave. To me they were valid reasons, but knowing what I know today, they were only excuses. We had ruined our credit, and had a home foreclosure on record. I thought no one would rent a house to me with my bad credit. Life happens, and credit gets ruined. It doesn’t bother me. My credit score is not who I am in God’s eyes.

All I wanted was a chance to be happy. I knew God had a better plan for me, than what I had gotten myself into. I cannot recall all the feelings associated with that time in my life, because of God, and letting go. The feeling of dread was constant. I dreaded everything because there was no love. No reason for being there anymore because love was long gone.

I stopped looking for reasons, and just started moving. I knew that God would open doors, and close doors, to direct my path. It’s easy to look at what lies ahead, and let that stop you.

You need to tell all that crap how big your God is.

Have faith. When my daughter and I started looking at houses, I’m sure there were Realtors who frowned at my credit. I was going to be a single Mom, and didn’t have a lot of money anymore. When people care about you, and not your bank account, life gets real good quick.

All I had, was who I was. People I have rented from called friends of mine, and past employers to see how I had treated them. That was all they needed. I am a good person.

Do your best, and let God do the rest, has always worked for me. May it work for you too.

 

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

Present Moment, Quality of life

Not My Plan

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I have so enjoyed my three week break from Chemo. It caused me to be pensive, and think about what I want to do next. Yes, I know by now, my plans are not necessarily His plans.

Did I plan on getting a divorce 3 years ago? Better yet, did I plan on my marriage becoming unrecognizable 15 years in, and me staying an additional 10? No, that was not my plan.

Did I plan on moving to the country with my daughter when she turned 13, and raising her alone? Nope. That wasn’t my plan either.

Did I plan on being diagnosed with Breast Cancer near the beginning of 2016, and spend a year focused on that? Well, that was not my plan, but maybe my worst nightmare.

You know what? All these things, and more, have put me exactly where I need to be.

Catching glimpses of my new self during this break, I often pondered what I would be like with Chemo completely out of my system. The doctor assured me there would be no lasting effects of Chemo Brain. My mind would clear back up, once the Chemo was gone.

My daughter says, “You may not be as physically strong as you once were, but you have a new strength.” The physical strength will be simple enough to get back, once this journey is complete. I enjoy that she noticed the new inner strength.

Everything we go through in this life, takes a certain measure of strength. Where I get into trouble is depending on my own strength to get me through. That doesn’t work very well.

God wants us to depend on Him, and pull from His strength. I can feel the difference, and I would much rather trust, and rely on Him to pull me through. Just like trying to plan my life. I can look at what He has given me, writing being one, and use it to the best of my ability.

Allowing myself to be used by Him through my writing is even better. That is when my plan, coincides with His plan, and my options are endless. Let’s roll with that plan.

Breast Cancer Journey, Quality of life

My Secret Weapon

In 1999, I joined a liquid nutritional company. I realized even then, we were not getting everything we needed from food, and I was no longer in my invincible 20’s. I was with that company, and enjoyed their products for many years. Even had a joint business with my then husband, but when I decided to leave him, he decided to keep my part of the business.

I left anyway, knowing full well if God wanted this company in my life, it would come back around. I let it go, but did not enjoy running out of product. This product brought my body up to it’s optimum health, and gave me a feeling of well-being. Striking out on my own with God, my daughter, and going through an emotional divorce, I really missed that product.

IMG_20160509_135624964In March of 2016, a dear friend of mine that I met through this company, contacted me. (God works through people.) My position in the company had expired, but she was offering me to join her, and bring me back in. I had a lump growing in my breast, so it was time for this friendship, and product. God knew I would need it too, and I rejoined the company in March.

March was when I went to the doctor to confirm the lump. My doctor lined up a series of other doctors for me to meet to receive the medical attention we thought necessary.

It all happened so fast that March was a complete blur to me. Everyone was recommending Chemo, and I was looking at them like they were an alien. I remember telling one doctor, “I have spent half my life pouring health, and good things into my body, and you want to shoot me full of poison?” It was not pretty, but the cancer was aggressive, so Chemo it was.

This product has been a Godsend. I know it has played a huge part in my well being during Chemo. With my body taking in relative poison, to kill the lump, Body Balance has poured in goodness. My energy level, and clarity of mind have improved immensely. My doctor told me, “I don’t know what you’re doing, but your blood cell count looks better at the end of Chemo, than at the beginning.” That is not the norm. I  give the glory to God and Body Balance.

My friend that reached out to me to rejoin, knows I’m a single Mama, and she can relate to that. She helped educate me about Cancer, and Chemo, and been a huge support for me.

To love me from afar, she has mailed me extra Body Balance, so I don’t run out again. I would like to pay it forward. If you, or someone you love, would like to try a bottle for free, connect with me at Letitgocoach@gmail.com. It will make a huge difference in their fight against Cancer. I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer, and I believe sharing is caring.

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

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Present Moment, Quality of life

Is It Real

With modern technology today, we are only limited by our minds. Scientists are creating things we don’t know about, and probably don’t want to know. We have tools like Facebook, and other social medias, to encourage, and reach people, but it’s outreach is limited by the people in charge. This is a huge controversy today among encouraging pages, but is it real?

I enjoy reaching people through social media, but I had to learn some lessons. At one time, I was too wrapped up in the numbers, which is easy to do. Then God did something crazy.

To show me that He is still on the throne, and I better have a sense of humor, He did this.

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Months ago, I posted this. It was cute even though the information is dated. I just thought it would cheer somebody up. Well, do you see how many people it reached? Over 10 million.

That was unreal. It is still floating around out there, because I still receive notifications of people liking it, and commenting. It brought so many people joy, and they had a lot of fun with it. The one Meme, that I slapped up there just for fun, God took it and ran with it. I couldn’t control any of it. I tried to keep up with the comments, but there were too many.

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Learning I have Breast Cancer, has caused me to pause and look at my life. Was it as beautiful as it could be? No. It had become off balanced, and things had been overlooked, or neglected. Was everything in order? Was the kitchen clean?

My daughter and I have lived in this house for over a year. When we moved in, we sat things in their designated room.

Yesterday, I looked at my bedroom, which should be my haven, but it was a mess. I wasn’t happy with how it was arranged, so I moved everything around. God has provided everything I need for a beautiful life, it just needed some time, care, and consideration.

After the big pieces were moved, which takes patience thanks to Chemo, I was ready to beautify. I wanted new drapes for my room, but didn’t feel led to go buy any. I have always loved the ones in the den, so I swapped the bedroom drapes, with the den. There is a large painting hanging in the den that has always brought me joy. It’s now in my room too.

I added more color to the bed, with down stuffed pillows, that had been laying on a shelf. Just little things from around the house, that I love, but they were in the wrong room.

My room is now a happy, serene haven once again, and my kitchen is clean. I won’t get so wrapped up in the virtual world, that I lose site of my world. It is beautiful, it is real, and that I can share.

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

Breast Cancer Journey

Things I Love (Thanks to Chemo)

God knows when to talk with me. It’s either in the shower, or while vacuuming. Both are a mindless movement where He can get my undivided attention. Hence, the title of this Blog.

Taking a shower, and relishing in the fact they’re so quick now. I hop in, lather up, rinse, and step out. Ten minutes max, depending if I take time to stand there under the rain head.

I will save a small fortune on shampoo, and hair products, during Chemo. There is less to pack to go away for a weekend. The hairdryer alone, took up a lot of space. Not to mention, all the hair products, and a ginormous can of hairspray. The same amount of time it took to style my hair, is now used more productively. Like getting out the door on time, or earlier.

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The first week of Chemo, I dropped 10 pounds. What girl wouldn’t love that!

Years ago, I drove to Austin, TX once a week for 6 weeks, for laser on my chin. Standing in front of a mirror every morning, plucking the chin hairs out of my chin, was not my idea of fun. Genetics in action. I was advised to shave the area, just like a man would, and come in for laser. It worked for a while, and then they switched machines, and it stopped working.

I just kept shaving my chin, up until a week ago. No more chin hair! Love that!

I hardly have to shave anywhere now, and I am loving that. Sliding into a pair of shorts, at a moments notice is now awesome. Don’t haveta check my legs for hair because there is none. This might actually get me somewhat excited for swimsuit season. I’m digging it.

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No matter what life brings Beauties, it’s how we see it that matters most. Look for the unseen, and strengthen your Faith. God will use it, but be warned, Satan will too!

Look for the good in everything. Some days are easier than others, but that’s when God sends people into your path. Following this Breast Cancer Journey, has brought so many amazing people into my life. Like never before! I feel loved, and I get to love them back!

I still feel a little awkward when I see people today, that saw me a month ago with a head full of hair. The best response to date was from a vendor at The Farmer’s Market on Saturday. He looked at me and said, “Is everything okay with you health-wise? Because the last time I saw you…you had hair.” I appreciated his candor. His mother died from this.

My hairdresser/friend that shaved my head twice, didn’t charge me anything. I told her, “God is going to bless you for all the good you do for others.” She said, “I don’t even haveta look for the blessings anymore. They’re just there.” This is where I am, and have always wanted to be. I love that.

mescarf (135x240)Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was what stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

Breast Cancer Journey

Live and Learn

I’m learning so much, just by living this life God has given me. Seeing what each day brings, and instead of ignoring it, walking through it. It’s not easy, but well worth it.

I found myself frustrated earlier in the week. Things were not going my way, and you would think, I’d be over that by now, and just go with the flow. When that occurs, I have a chat with God, and usually wind up in tears. He is just trying to get me to trust Him more and more. I leave the house in a few hours, to get the rest of my hair shaved off. It itches now.

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Not sure why it has taken me so long to ‘let go’ of my hair. It wasn’t even good hair like in this Meme. It was just hair. Let me encourage you, if you are going through this Breast Cancer Journey, or any journey that messes with your outer shell, shave it baby. My hairdresser/friend wanted to do that in the very beginning, but no, I thought I wasn’t ready.

Listen to the people God places in your path. God knows you can handle it, or you wouldn’t be there.

So now, I have a million little one inch hairs everywhere! All over my pillowcases, and sheets, and just about everywhere really. I handed my daughter a cup of coffee yesterday, and even it had a one inch hair laying in it. She’s had enough of it too. Excepting where we are on our journey, and doing the next right thing, not only benefits us, but those we love. blog2This Meme is from one of my favorite pages, Wild Woman Sisterhood. This is how I feel at this moment. God has sent women from all over to embrace me on this path. I am blessed.

Women I have never met before, and some don’t even know my name, besides Coach. I am Letitgocoach, but I am also a child of the one true King, that has Cancer for a little while.

I will be mentioning these women throughout these posts, but let’s start with the most recent. Talking to her this morning via messenger, I was sharing I would be shiny bald this afternoon. She wants to send me a scarf, the same blue as my eyes. We exchanged addresses, but Amazon wouldn’t ship to my PO Box. She is going to have it shipped to her first, and then send it on to me. God is going to give her a chance to hold it, and bless it.

I met her through my Facebook page, just like the majority of the other brave souls lighting the way. When I started that page two years ago, it was my mission to encourage others, and lift them up on their journey. It still is my mission, but through this journey, they are lifting me. Is it how I envisioned? No, but I wouldn’t change a thing. It is all part of a greater plan. Not mine, but His. Glory to God!

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was what stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com