Tag: #changes

The Right Time

To change as gracefully as the seasons.

I had to smile at myself as I was trying to make the bedroom blinds hang level. Gently releasing the left cord and then the right, back and forth until it fell into a level edge. I thought, “Wow Barb. If only you could do that in real life.”

Just by pulling the right cord.

My circumstances are changing, but it’s not happening fast enough for me. The first glimpse was last Christmas and it was like God whispered, “Get ready. It’s coming.”

I know I’m being ridiculous. We don’t end a day in Winter and wake up to an immediate Spring. (We sorta do in Texas, but you catch my drift) It happens gradually my darling. Each day and night becomes a little bit warmer, until we arrive in a new season.

I made this comment to my daughter. “By the end of March my life will look totally different.” It just fell out of my mouth and I don’t know whether to be excited, or scared.

circumstances

 

It’s not my job to hurry change or slow it down, but today I want to. Just like the blinds, I wanted to hold one cord in each hand to feel that sense of control with this change. I wanted to see the sun streaming in instead of looking at the clouds.

I want, I want, I want, is not how it works, thankfully. I’m not in charge and today I can be grateful for that. Have Faith in what you know. The sun is still shining above the clouds. I don’t have to see it to know.

The dominoes are lining up, and a gentle breeze will begin their fall, at the right time.

Two of Everything

When my daughter and I first began living this life together, you could look around and see two of everything. The house has two bedrooms. There’s two overstuffed chairs in the den. Two blankets on a nearby shelf readily available.

We created a life for two.

built

It’s time to open my heart for more.

I have these two bowls. They each have a plate that matches and I bought them years ago.

While shopping, I pay attention to other bowls that might match. The shape is so hard to find. They are shallow and wide. I wasn’t overly focused on the color, as long as they complimented one another. Then it happened. Strolling by a shelf full of bowls, that color caught my eye.

There was only one on the shelf.

bowls

My daughter and I always use place-mats, cloth napkins and real dinnerware. We set the table for every meal, but maybe that’s not normal for most. What’s normal to us may look like a lot effort to others.

Today my darlings, if you set down at our table and see a bowl that fits, but doesn’t quite match…that’s the extra effort. I’m adding to the two of everything.

It Was Time

“Do you want a new Christmas stocking?”, she asked. I hadn’t thought about it till that moment.

secret

I haven’t had a new Christmas stocking since the divorce. The one I brought with me is laying in a box of unused Christmas items. These items that at one time, we enjoyed having, but they no longer resonate. That was my stocking.

Letting go of what you once were makes room for the new.

stocking

My new Christmas stocking is completely different than the other one. This is how my daughter sees me today. She knew before I did that it was time.

Be at Home

I spent some time over the weekend looking at the changes in my life.

I went to see a neighbor yesterday and it was like stepping back in time. Her husband was sitting on the couch watching a football game. I had forgotten it’s football season. This time last year, I was sitting on a couch watching football.

Later, I was driving into town and saw an abundance of firewood for sale. This time last year was all about the firewood. Where I was, there was a fireplace. This year, I asked my landlord if he would be willing to to knock down a wall and put one in this little house. He said, “No.”

Hey, you don’t know until you ask.

My other neighbor told me I could buy a fireplace. He saw a little heater that resembled a fireplace, so I did some research.

fireplace

This is what I came home with.

I actually like this little guy better than the real thing. With the flip of a switch you have instant cozy, no mess and no wood to buy.

We have heard it said, ‘Home is where the heart is’, but today my darlings, this heart is home.

Pause and Rest

I walked out on the front porch with coffee in hand. It was early morning, but the temperature was already warm. August in Texas.

My daughter gauges my well-being by the amount of glitter on the porch. This morning, you could tell it has not been maintained and every potted plant was struggling. I sat down with my coffee and gazed at the yard, knowing what it needs.

It needed a good drenching.

I’ve been working a lot. Having three part-time jobs is taking it’s toll on my body, mind and spirit. My work load has intensified and some days I work two jobs on the same day. On Thursday, I worked all three. Bossman at the Pizza place said, “Everybody wants a piece of Barb.”

The key is to not run out of pieces.

I walked over and grabbed the hose.

♥ ♥ ♥

What you just read has been sitting in drafts since last week. That’s as far as I got with it, but this morning, I was right back at the same spot.

Sitting on the porch with coffee. Looking at the little bit of glitter scattered across the porch and covered by debris. The yard was coughing at me from lack of water. My daughter didn’t have to ask how I was doing this morning. She took one look at me and said, “You’re tired.”

But the great thing about this is….awareness. There was a time in my life that I would have just pushed through, but not today. You work at a slower pace. I turned the phone off for 30 minutes to allow myself a moment to catch up.

Awareness and knowing when to pause.

I stopped typing this post last week and left it in drafts, but knew I’d come back to it. I don’t have to quit. I’m just practicing pause and rest.