It was cool in the house this morning, so I reached over and grabbed my cape. When it was time to manage a Chemex of coffee, I tied the cape around my neck. It’s draped around my shoulders as I type.
Between living in Texas, and going through Chemo, I get chilled easily. If it’s below 60 degrees, I’m cold.
I read once, when you feel a need for comfort, wrap something around your shoulders. All of the shows that have an ambulance in the scene, have the injured person sitting at the back of it wrapped in a blanket. The EMT’s know this secret.
My cape is actually a lightweight blanket.
It comes in it’s own pouch, so my cape travels well. I take it to the grocery store, and movie theater. Anywhere I might get chilled, my cape comes along.
The brand name is ‘Caffeinated Sloth’. You know my love fest over coffee, and the Sloth is a most intriguing animal, so imaging a Sloth on Caffeine makes me smile. I happened upon this blanket in a local coffee shop, and became friends with the owner.
She is a delightful soul, and you can purchase your own cape here. I bought the Retro Paisley for $20.
I bought this for Mother’s Day.
Today, I don’t feel a need to change the world, but I do want to make a difference. I love how this sign reads, ‘nice tiara’, as if there are some ugly ones laying around. On second thought, a nice tiara might be a marvelous addition while I wear a cape.
My daughter’s favorite part is, “I will live as all good actors do when they are on stage-only in the moment. I cannot perform at my best today by regretting my previous act’s mistakes or worrying about the scene to come.”
My favorite is, “I will embrace today’s difficult tasks, take off my coat, and make dust in the world.” Make dust in the world. Let’s replace dust with ‘glitter’, because that is why I’m here. To sprinkle some glitter over someone’s day.
Here are today’s seeds:
I will remain aware of how little it takes to make this a happy day. Never will I pursue happiness, because it is not a goal, just a by-product, and there is no happiness in having or in getting, only in giving.
We are designed to live happy lives. If we sit in stillness, and devoid outside interference, we find happiness. It’s when we allow people, places and things to influence our surroundings that happiness becomes more difficult to see and feel. We don’t pursue happiness. It’s in our hearts.
I will run from no danger I might encounter today, because I am certain that nothing will happen to me that I am not equipped to handle with your help. Just as any gem is polished by friction, I am certain to become more valuable through this day’s adversities, and if you close one door, you always open another for me.
Trusting God. I didn’t want to go through Chemo last year. It went against everything I believed in! Every doctor confirmed it was the best route to stop the Cancer growth, and then shrink it down for removal. There is a saying out there that says, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” Today, I compare every obstacle to Chemo.
I didn’t know I could get through until I did.
We are called Diamonds for a reason. There is polishing through adversity. We can go it alone, in our own free will, or follow God. The choice is easy, but oh that wild ride!
The saying, “Big Hot Mess”, has new meaning to me. I just watched a video by Steve Harvey, and he broke it down simply. Let’s see if I can do the same.
I like simple. There is nothing fancy about me, but I’m happy. I had fancy, but my life was not a happy life. I could walk through my home, and see pretty things, but I couldn’t look in a mirror.
You see, my then husband and I were living above our means. We were buying all these beautiful, expensive things, and putting them on credit cards. That will be in the bookI’m writing, but I haven’t needed to use a credit card in 5 years. Lesson learned.
Steve Harvey used to work for Ford Motor Company. He was a foundry which builds the engine block. The block is the foundation of the engine. You have to have a solid block before adding pieces to the engine. It all begins with scraps. Twenty something years later, Steve is a spokesman for Ford.
Ford uses scrap metal to build their engine blocks. The scraps are laying in a junk yard, and look useless. Are you underneath a pile of junk? Like some of the things that are happening in your life right now feel overwhelming? You may be in the furnace being melted, so God can use you!
When I was willing to let all that stuff go. To walk out of the glass house I had built for myself, it was like God said, “Yay! There you are. Let’s get to work!!!”
You see, I was a mess. I felt like a car that had been wrecked. I was so tired of keeping up with the Jones’, and I didn’t even know anybody with the last name Jones!
All the pieces of my past. Everything I had been through were piling up. I was my own personal junkyard, and the pile was getting pretty intense! Then here comes God.
Steve Harvey showed a video of how an engine block is made. They would dump all that scrap metal into a fiery furnace, and it would melt down into liquid form. A machine would pour the liquid into a mold, and here comes my favorite part…A giant claw would come by and grab the mold! Have you been melted down, and then grabbed by God?
Well, hold on tight baby cuz this is where it gets good!!!
Going through Breast Cancerlast year changed me. I had been writing for three years, and felt like I was doing okay with it. Those three years were my ‘push ups’.
Can you do pushups? They start out small, but the more you do them, the better it gets. What starts out with 5 pushups, goes to 10 pretty soon, and as long as you keep doing it, (like writing, and publishing each Blog), you are at 100 before you know it.
Well, I had written over 350 posts, and found out I have Cancer. I wrote less last year, but when I could think, I wrote. God was refining me. He used what I was going through not only to encourage others, but to melt me down, and pour me into His mold for me.
When I first started writing, I was covered in junk. Writing has been a very healing process, but you see, I was choosing what to write. I was picking up a piece from the top of the pile, and writing about that. I would ask God to bless it and write it.
Then after doing so many pushups, I was getting stronger but not becoming more brave. I was not brave enough to share the really good stuff. The stuff that was painful to share. That is where Cancer came in. Through Cancer, God made me brave.
Steve mentions in the video that once the hot liquid becomes solid, his job was to hit it with a sledgehammer. Wait….I’m having a Pat Benatar moment.
After about 3 weeks into Chemo, I would come home and pass out. It started off slow and was a gradual buildup of the toxins invading my body to kill that major toxin. Once I had more of the bad stuff in me, than good, God would hit me with his mighty hand.
Like a sledgehammer.
People would ask me what it felt like to have Chemo. I would sorta laugh and tell them, “It feels like being hit by something a lot bigger than me!” My God is big!
Steve would hit the block with a sledgehammer, to make sure it was solid. To make sure there were no air holes, or loose pieces. Then here comes the best part. If it passed the test….wait, did you get that? Let me write it in bold for ya….”If it passed the test…“, the block would continue down the conveyor belt and start receiving additional pieces.
Am I preachin good? We have to be solid before God will add anything else!!!
If you have made it this far into what I’ve been trying to share, you are a Badass! This is probably one of my longer ones, but it has been spirit led. I will not put any restraints on what God wants me to share. No more picking what to write from the top of the pile.
I know you have already spent a good chunk of your time with me, and I am grateful, but if you can spare 30 more minutes, here is the video by Steve Harvey. Be blessed.
This song came to mind as I was driving to my mammogram appointment Thursday.
As I mentioned in “Test of Faith“, Seymour saw me as ‘suffering in silence’, during the Chemo part of my Breast Cancer Journey. I did get quiet during The Red Devil part, but I want to assure you, I saw every message, email, and text come into my phone. It was laying on the bed beside me, and would sometimes wake me up from the vibration of love.
My daughter’s bedroom is across the hall, and I heard her playing this song, as it floated across into my room. Those last two doses of Red Devil had me under a spell, and this song described exactly how I felt physically. In the song, he is talking about leaving/dying, which I knew I wasn’t, but I was thinking. “This is what it feels like when people die.”
It’s not that we want to be alone, and thanks to you, we don’t feel alone. I would pick up my phone, and look at it with one eye closed, trying to focus on the screen, but it hurt my eyes. I could see, and feel the love, but could not physically respond for several days.
Thank you for the love, as I laid there and let God fight my battle.
I dedicate this song to the loved ones that want to help, but don’t know how. Your presence is known, even if it’s not acknowledged. We’re just soggy from the Chemo.
PS. Twenty-One Pilots remade this song as a tribute to ‘My Chemical Romance’, who is the original artist.
A year changes you a lot. It’s hard to believe that a year ago, the lump in my left breast was so painful, I could hardly breathe. Fast forward to this moment. I have one more Radiation treatment left. That lump is not there anymore, and this Breast Cancer Journey is ending.
Every ending has a new beginning. Sitting here at my laptop, I’m not certain what that looks like, but I know it will come. My daily routine will have a hole to be filled.
My daughter didn’t sleep well lastnight because Numi was in her room. She wouldn’t settle down, and go to sleep like she normally does in the hallway, so tonight Numi will have different sleeping arrangements made for her. A good night’s sleep is very important. It sets the tone for the following day, and tomorrow is a day of celebration.
There were parts of this journey that taught me to celebrate something as simple as breathing. I couldn’t have coffee during Chemo, but today I am savoring a cup of freshly ground drip. Each day is a celebration. It has taken time, but it’s almost over.
My daughter and I live in a very small town. We found out recently, that people ride by and look to see if our vehicles are here. They know when we’re home, and when we’re not home. I’m sure they mean well, but in today’s world, that could be considered ‘stalking.’
There is a man who lives in this little town that seems to know everybody’s bizness. He knew when I was going through Chemo, when I had my surgery, and he knows I’m going through Radiation. He didn’t hear it from me, but somehow he knows these things. I wonder how?
His wife has had Breast Cancer, and from what I gather talking with him, she is battling it again. He didn’t go through doctor’s to heal her. He knows people from years ago that cured Cancer naturally. He stopped by my house yesterday, and handed me a bottle of dark liquid.
How do we discern the right path? I believe there are signs along the way.
God has healed me, and He used everything I went through to do so. Will the Cancer return? I don’t know, but will cross that bridge if it appears. I thank God everyday for healing me, and I haven’t asked Him to send backup. In other words, I haven’t prayed this man into my life.
That was the first sign for me. Another sign is, whatever he just handed me is illegal. He told me he could go to jail for giving it to me. That was a big red flag because I don’t do illegal.
I would love to meet his wife one day. To see her, and hear her story. He said she has lost 40 pounds, and is healthy as a horse. Going through Chemo, I lost 20 pounds, and I didn’t feel healthy. I felt very frail, and missed that extra weight. Slowly, I am gaining it back, and 20 pounds kept me in the safe zone. Losing anything more than 20, I would be skin and bones.
As if I hadn’t heard enough, he just had to throw this in. This liquid tastes like death itself. For it to work, I will need to cut out ALL sugar, wheat and pasta. Welp, that did it for me!
I love wheat! My man has taught me how to make our own pasta, and I cannot imagine my life without chocolate. So, he was handing me something illegal that tastes like death, and I may lose 40 pounds because I would have to stop eating! I eat healthy, but love my treats. Everyday just happens to be an occasion to celebrate with a piece of dark chocolate, or two.
When people come into our lives, there is always a reason. I haven’t quite figured out the reason behind this man, but God will show me in time. He is pretty comfortable barging into people’s lives, so maybe no one has told him ‘no’ before. God knows I have learned how to do that too. Whatever the reason behind it, I know it will be for my good, and God’s glory.
Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she had Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com
There are some parts of my past I will not forget. Parts of the past can still be pretty.
I haven’t been writing much, but I’m going to be writing as often as I feel this month. Just because I haven’t written, doesn’t mean there are no Blogs in me. It’s just slowing down long enough to feel the words, and put them on this page. This is what I experienced today.
The Marriott Bed. There is nothing quite like it.
My favorite part of traveling was staying at the JW Marriott. My favorite part of the room, was the bed. If you have never slid into a Marriott bed, put it on your bucket list. It’s a must.
It’s the time of year where we are thinking of buying for others. Many are Christmas shopping, or wondering what to buy for those close to them. It is difficult to think of buying for myself, and I would much rather buy for others. Is it difficult for you to buy for yourself?
After I posted my Blog Make It Pretty this morning, I walked across the room and knew today was the day. That moment was the exact moment I needed to click the button.
You see, I have slowly been pulling together my dream bed.
It all started with the right headboard. I walked up to one of my favorite Vintage Shops over a year ago, and there it sat on the porch of the shop. It was handwoven rattan, thick and sturdy. The shop owners had just got it in, and when he saw my face, he loaded it into my truck. That was the start of my bed. He didn’t know what to charge me, so he asked for $50.
I brought it home. Next came the perfect mattress, and the bed was taking shape.
Living in Texas, you don’t need a heavy blanket on your bed. I like layers. For my birthday last year, I bought really good sheets. That was my present to me. I brought good sheets from my former life, but these were the first sheets I had bought for me, and my bed. Maybe you think this is silly, but self care shouldn’t come to a screeching halt during the holidays.
It’s getting colder in Texas, and I saw the weather toward the end of the week where it’s going to be freezing at night. I have been looking at the goose down comforter from the Marriott Bed, for months. I knew this would be a big investment, but I have been dreaming about it for years. This afternoon, I went online to the shopping cart and clicked the button.
It had been sitting in my cart just waiting for the right moment. Mainly it was waiting for me. I never knew how important this bed was going to be until I went through Chemo.
It was very peaceful laying in that bed for a few days after Chemo. I didn’t have to leave.
Do you have something inside you that you’ve always wanted?
My life is simple today, and I don’t feel the need to go stay at a JW Marriott. That bed though, is one piece of my past I will gradually, and over time, bring into my present life.
Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com
When I was willing to let all that stuff go. To walk out of the glass house I had built for myself, it was like God said, “Yay! There you are. Let’s get to work!!!”
