Tag: #chemokills

Feel the Music

This song came to mind as I was driving to my mammogram appointment Thursday.

As I mentioned in “Test of Faith“, Seymour saw me as ‘suffering in silence’, during the Chemo part of my Breast Cancer Journey. I did get quiet during The Red Devil part, but I want to assure you, I saw every message, email, and text come into my phone.

It was laying on the bed beside me, and would sometimes wake me up with the vibration.

My daughter’s bedroom is across the hall, and I heard her playing this song, as it floated across into my room. Those last two doses of Red Devil had me under a spell, and this song described exactly how I felt physically.

In the song, he is talking about leaving/dying, which I knew I wasn’t, but I was thinking. “This has got to be what dying feels like.”

It’s not that we want to be alone, and thanks to you, we don’t feel alone. I would pick up my phone, and look at it with one eye closed, trying to focus on the screen, but it hurt my eyes. I could see, and feel the love, but could not physically respond for several days.

Friends were reaching out, but I couldn’t respond.

I dedicate this song to the loved ones that want to help, but don’t know how. Your presence is known, even if it’s not acknowledged. We’re just soggy from the Chemo.

PS. Twenty-One Pilots remade this song as a tribute to ‘My Chemical Romance’, who is the original artist.

Let’s Get Fried

My daughter and I arrived home yesterday to a house that was 98 degrees inside. I had set the thermostat on 82 before we left, and it should’ve stayed around that temperature.

Upon further investigation, a snake had coiled himself around the A/C fan. Fried my fan, and himself in the process. The part was ordered, and then began the cooling of the house.

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Last Tuesday was not Chemo as usual.

They started a new Chemo called, “The Red Devil.” After that day, I don’t recall much for the next 3 days. Just like that snake, I was fried. It took a full 5 days to feel somewhat like the living again. Needless to say, I had a talk with God Monday morning, explaining to Him that if this was the plan, it really sucked.

Standing in my backyard, talking to the A/C man, he pointed to my port and said, “I know what that’s for.” His name is Micheal, which is one of my favorite John Travolta movies.

He told me about his girlfriend that went through some vicious Chemo, but survived. I found it so odd, because he kept saying over and over again, “I’m here to encourage you.”

We both knew he was there by Divine Appointment.

Before he left, he prayed over me, and reminded me that, “It is done.” Micheal knew the Bible like I know my favorite back road, and he kept professing God’s word, encouraging me down this path. The path that I was reevaluating as truly mine. As he turned to leave, he told me, “God is not mad at you.” Like he knew the stern talk I had with Him that morning.

God had it all planned. He knew when I was going to be able to drive home, and let that snake fry. (I find it rather humorous He sent a snake to do the job) He sent Micheal, who noticed my port, my bald head, and my frustration immediately, and said, “I want to pray over you before I leave.” I felt I had lost a week of my life but, it had prepared me for today.

It is a cool 80 degrees in my home right now, and getting cooler. The men strapped a box fan on top of the A/C unit, to pull the hot air out of the house. Then my landlord brought over an LG floor unit, which I highly recommend. That thing will cool! We haven’t had a cool evening in Texas in months, but the last two evenings have been unusually cool here.

I have fought many a devil in my day, but for some reason, I don’t feel the need to fight this red one today. It’s obvious the path has already been cleared, and as He says, “It is done.”