That Was Bad

I haven’t mentioned my Chemo treatment recently. It has been running along smoothly, so I haven’t had much to say. God reminded me yesterday, why I’m here, because that was bad.

I am here to shed a positive light on Chemo. Talk about a complete change of mindset. My initial reaction was sheer terror. God has shown me so many things through this, and the first thing was trust. I had to trust Him on this path, and that He was going to perform His miracle through this. I still believe that, but He shows me I have a part. To ask questions.

By placing my trust in God, I tend to not ask many questions. God always uses physical pain to grab my attention. He doesn’t put me in pain. Let’s be clear, but if I am experiencing physical pain, He will use that for all it’s worth. Then it becomes a match of tug of war, but I eventually surrender. I have a high tolerance for pain, but do have a limit. God will win.

Yesterday, was my seventh treatment. I only have five more, and then I get a two week break before starting four treatments over a twelve week period. Lesson One. Don’t get too comfortable where you are. God doesn’t like complacency. I remember my mission today.

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Yep, this is one of my favorite Memes. Yesterday, as I was curled up in the fetal position in my Chemo chair, I wasn’t feeling much like a Badass. The complete opposite actually.

Of course I waited to say anything, thinking my body was just overreacting. Lesson Two. Listen to your body. By the time the nurse came over, all I could say was, “I don’t feel good.” Then I started sobbing. By then it was too late.

Come to find out, the insurance company had changed one of my premeds. I will call them today, and find out the reason, but I am thinking they found one to make more money with. My thighs started aching severely, but I tried to walk it out. Then, I couldn’t walk, because it felt like someone was stripping out the veins in my legs, and I started having severe abdominal cramps to boot.

The nurse stopped the premed, and gave me saline to help flush it out. She also gave me an anti-nausea medicine, because I had been looking around for the nearest empty trashcan.

It was the premed, because once she stopped it, the pain ceased immediately. Then I just got pissed. How dare they change my meds without consulting me first? It never dawned on me to ask if I was getting the same medicines every week, but I will now. Ask questions.

That was yesterday, and today is a new day. I feel fine, just a little worn out physically. Chemo can be a beautiful thing, so have no fear. They had me on the perfect dosage of meds, and I felt great! I actually felt better during Chemo, than I did before Chemo. I guess because it is fighting the bad guy and is winning. Have faith in God, but question man.

 

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

You Are Sexy

I came home from Chemo treatment today, and it wasn’t long, I was ready to rest. It’s important to listen to my body now, more than ever. There is one area I have been struggling with though. The changes on the outside are messing with my sexiness.

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I sent my man this pic today, letting him know I was going to rest. It reminded me of a picture I sent him early on in our relationship. He had gone to Colorado for a week, to a family reunion. The pic was like this one, except I was wearing white.

You can tell by my eyes, I miss him. Even though, I just saw him hours ago. He went to listen to the doctor, and he sat through Chemo with me. He sat across from me, and watched me sleep. How exciting is that? He said I was cute in the chair.

His response to this pic today was one word. “Sexy.”

That is all I needed to hear. He is such a magnificent, “Beholder.” Talking over the weekend, he swears I haven’t changed. He still sees me as the woman he fell in love with.

I see less hair, and I’ve lost a little weight. I now know how men feel about that receding hairline. My hair was grey in front, so when Mr. Smith shaved it super short, the grey patches look very interesting. They are vague, so it looks like nothing is there. Just fuzz.

I have a Blog in mind to tell you what God did in that doctor’s office today, but this has been on my heart and mind. He doesn’t see what I see. Ladies…give your man a break. We are much too hard on ourselves. The Letting Go Lessons has a chapter focused on Negative Sexuality. It is the very last lesson, and it took me months to look at it. Best lesson ever!

The first picture I sent to Mr. Smith, while he was in Colorado, he liked. He liked it so much, I think he sent it to his Mother, and showed everyone at that reunion! I was so embarrassed, but he saw nothing wrong with it. The eye of the Beholder Beauties. It’s not what we see, it’s what they see, even if we think it’s not so pretty. You are still sexy, even during Chemo.

Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was what stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com