The Right Time

To change as gracefully as the seasons.

I had to smile at myself as I was trying to make the bedroom blinds hang level. Gently releasing the left cord and then the right, back and forth until it fell into a level edge. I thought, “Wow Barb. If only you could do that in real life.”

Just by pulling the right cord.

My circumstances are changing, but it’s not happening fast enough for me. The first glimpse was last Christmas and it was like God whispered, “Get ready. It’s coming.”

I know I’m being ridiculous. We don’t end a day in Winter and wake up to an immediate Spring. (We sorta do in Texas, but you catch my drift) It happens gradually my darling. Each day and night becomes a little bit warmer, until we arrive in a new season.

I made this comment to my daughter. “By the end of March my life will look totally different.” It just fell out of my mouth and I don’t know whether to be excited, or scared.

circumstances

 

It’s not my job to hurry change or slow it down, but today I want to. Just like the blinds, I wanted to hold one cord in each hand to feel that sense of control with this change. I wanted to see the sun streaming in instead of looking at the clouds.

I want, I want, I want, is not how it works, thankfully. I’m not in charge and today I can be grateful for that. Have Faith in what you know. The sun is still shining above the clouds. I don’t have to see it to know.

The dominoes are lining up, and a gentle breeze will begin their fall, at the right time.

Redefining Self Care

Self-care began as a weekend treat, but now it’s a part of my everyday life. My neighbor saw me sitting outside and asked, “What are you doing Barbara?”

Me: “Staring at a page with a question in the middle of it! It says, ‘I want to say thank you to myself because…'” He just nodded his head and said, “Okay Barbara!” 🙂

It didn’t phase him one bit. He thought it was normal for me to be doing that. I still haven’t filled in the page. How often have I said, ‘thank you’ to me?

thankyou

I can recall a handful of times.

This month I can feel a shift.

I show up for myself everyday, no matter what happened the previous day. To just continually show up and remain present. “Be still and know that I am God”, is one of my favorite verses. A season of stillness is where I am and so thankful to be aware and acknowledge it.

And be good with it.

I can begin filling in the page with, “Thank you Barbara for being still and standing calmly in place.” Just by showing up every day, no matter the circumstances, is redefining self care.

The End Result

My daughter and I went to Houston this week, and saw Noah Gundersen. It was a lovely venue, and Noah is not very well-known yet, so the crowd was small and intimate. Getting there was a struggle. We exited the interstate, were stopped by a red light in a major intersection in downtown Houston, and the car stopped running. It completely died.

She starting crying, but I remained calm, and called AAA.

I was grateful to be with her. God does this all the time in our lives. When one is weak, the other is strong. When she is having a low day, I am on top of the world, and vice versa.

Our circumstances didn’t look very good, but God is faithful. He gives us the tools we need to get out of any situation we’re in. A man pulled up beside us, got out of his van putting himself in danger, wanting to push her car out of the busy intersection. AAA showed up at that point, got us out of the intersection, and the man went back to the safety of his van. We had to stay calm and trust the journey.

Today’s reading in Jesus Calling says, “Put more energy into trusting Me, and enjoying my presence. Don’t let your well-being depend on your circumstances. Instead, connect your joy to My precious promises.” November 5th.

The car was towed to a mechanic, and there was a lady there having her tires checked. She noticed us stepping out of the cab of the tow truck, and asked if she could give us a ride to the hotel. She was a delight, and it surprised her when I gave her a big hug for the rescue. I don’t believe she was accustomed to being hugged, so this small act of kindness caught her off guard. I was grateful for her, and to be standing safely in front of the hotel. It was beautiful!

It took longer to get through our circumstances than it did to drive to Houston. Our hotel was 5 miles away from where the car broke down, but we couldn’t leave. Plus, the Astros had won the World Series the night before, so it was chaotic! What we face may look daunting, but give it a little wink, and trust the journey. The end result is worth it.

noah
Front and center with Noah.

The First Sentence

I opened a letter from the imaging center where I had my most recent mammogram. The words filled the entire page, but after that first sentence, I didn’t need to read anymore.

“We are pleased to inform you that the results of your recent breast imaging exam(s) show no signs of Breast Cancer.”

This last letter was the opposite of the first one I received exactly one year ago. The first letter told me the exam saw Cancer, and the last one said, “End of story.” There was a beginning, and an end, but my story is far from over.

Some of the journey is documented here, but who you see today is the woman on the other side. How did I survive? Through love, and God. That is also what you read about here.

demons

In the same way the first sentence of that letter caught my attention, so will the first sentence of a Blog. I’ve been reading a lot of Blogs recently, and they show me who I used to be. I’ve had the privilege of being a lot of what I read. The Entrepreneur, Motivational Speaker, Stepford Wife, Preacher/Teacher, and those roles helped create who I am today.

Even though I may not fully see her yet, I know where she’s been. I don’t write long Blogs, because after about 500 words, I lose interest, and imagine you would too.

Do you ever wonder why you’re here? I have been thinking about that a lot, and I don’t really know why. All I know is, God opened this door three years ago, and here I stand.

Seeing who you’re not anymore, helps you along the path of who you want to be.

Every circumstance has strengthened my character, and my relationship with God. Sitting here I am reminded of the first sentence of an Ed Sheeran song. “I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe.” Been there, done that. Today, I can tell you how good it feels for my body to breathe.

 

Quitting My Circumstances

My daughter spent most of the day in her room. She hasn’t done that in years, or not since we moved out on our own. She walked out of her room and asked, “So, when are you going to quit this job?” Her Mother was unrecognizable, sitting in a vat of misery. So, that’s what I did.

Since taking this job, which began as helping someone out of a tight spot, I have noticed a few things about myself that I didn’t like. I have been a Virtual Assistant by trade, but this job escalated way beyond that. I won’t bore you with all the details, but let’s just say I was under micromanagement. I can do my job, but the person who hires me has to let me.

The last email of many I received today caught my eye. He had listed all my responsibilities, and wanted to ensure this was a pleasant experience for both of us. I had agreed to answer the phone, return voicemail, and schedule appointments. Very basic. This list was not basic, so I hit reply, and told him he needed a full time assistant. He needed someone else.

Then I told him, “This is not pleasant.”

My world got very quiet after that reply was sent. It was so good to hear the silence.

I walked across the room to my personal laptop and pulled up my Letitgocoach Facebook page. While I had been sitting in a daze, God had been on Facebook. I had 99+ notifications in a two hour time span. I clicked on them, and to my surprise, this one lady had liked and shared over 50 of my posts. I pulled up her page, just to see if what was happening was real.

It was like God was saying…”See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19. Taking this job was not a new thing. It was old because I have gone down this road before. The only thing that has changed from the last time I helped, is me.