Letting Go of One Connection, for Another

Some days require a do-over. The dogs were up way too early. I hadn’t had enough coffee to deal with their playfulness. I let them get some of their energy out, and in their houses they went. It was that easy to find some peace.

I drove down to the corner store to grab a cup of coffee. Walking in, I notice a table full of people. They are usually there in the mornings, and this brought a smile to my face. We said our, “Good mornings”, as I took a look at their table.

There were no cell phones in sight. The newspaper was opened to the crossword puzzle, like it was a team effort to fill it in. They were laughing, talking, and enjoying time together.

As I was walking toward the door to exit, an elderly man walked in and said, “Good Morning Ms. Barbara.” I gave him a hug, and he grunted like I squeezed him too hard.

Getting into my truck, I spot two women on horses. They are prancing through the grass in front of the Post Office. I wished I had my phone to take a picture, but it was at home.

Once I returned home, I drank my coffee, and called a friend. We spent an hour talking, and making a game plan for the week. We are meeting tomorrow to implement some small changes in her life to regain her independence.

I let the dogs outside, and stood on the porch. It was almost time to drench the Boston Ferns. They are ginormous! Denver, one of our dogs, acted like he was listening intently to something. I could barely hear a woman’s voice, and then I heard two women talking. It was the women on horses!

They came to a halt, and turned the horses around, bringing them up to stand by my front yard gate. What a beautiful sight. They said, “Good Morning! We love your ferns. They are huge!” I smiled and thanked them for their kindness. They asked if I rode, and I told them, “Yes. I used to.” They said, “We have one more horse that needs a rider if you’re interested.” I laughed, thanked them, and will ponder it.

Life is happening right in front of us, and I am connected.

 

Shades of Pink

Once my daughter painted her room, it prompted a change in mine. My bedroom is already a color, and it’s a pleasant neutral, so this is not a need. It’s been a slow burning want.

My favorite color has always been Red, but I surprised myself.

Walking into my room with two paint samples. One was a good, solid red, and the other was a pale version of red. After trying each on the wall, I chose the softer one. It feels good.

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Courtesy of Shades of Pink

This morning, this photo came up on my Facebook news feed.

It was posted by one of my favorite pages called Shades of Pink. I have settled into no social media apps on my phone. Checking it via laptop a couple of times a day is sufficient.

Melody Beattie’s words that resonated today are:

“Stay open to every opportunity.” (Doing that)

“If you’re tired, rest. If you’re sad, cry.” (Did that)

“Let destiny have it’s way with you.” (Thought-provoking)

Right before falling asleep lastnight, I read this. “Maybe that relationship that made you doubt yourself so much came along to help you learn to listen to and trust your inner voice.

I’m not bold Red. Presently, I am various Shades of Pink.

I Bled Out

A few months ago, my daughter said, “You’re always staring at that phone!” She looks at hers too, but mainly to connect with friends. I was checking all my Social Media accounts.

Something was going to change, and it was me.

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I’ve done pretty much the same thing the past few years.

I’m finding balance between people and technology.

Is the phone a tool, or a lifeline? How do you use yours?

It helps us stay connected to those we love, but I became loved out. I allowed my phone to be shut off for 3 weeks, and I didn’t miss it. The only thing I missed was calling my sister, and hearing her voice. I even printed out some of my Blogs, and mailed them to her to let her see what I’ve been doing.

I use a laptop, or pen to paper to write. No phone.

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God has given me two more Blogs, but WordPress is where I began. The WordPress community is an actual community. When someone outside of WordPress reads your Blog, they cannot like, or comment without opening an account. If they are not already in WordPress, they have to join. No likes or comments from friends outside WordPress. ‘Social’ Media?

Do you know how much of you is in your phone?

Do you know it’s big business to sell contact information?

How would you feel if it fell in water and you lost it all?

Can you leave the house without it, and enjoy yourself?

These are just a few things I learned without my phone. Why did I turn it back on? My landlord tried contacting me, and when I didn’t respond, he was worried something was wrong. I told him it was shut off, and he couldn’t fathom it.

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This is our kitten and his name is John Cena.

My daughter named him, and it’s fun yelling JOHHHHHHN CEEEEENA all day. He knows his name, and walks into view when we call him. Unless, he is asleep somewhere.

He isn’t allowed in our bedrooms, but yesterday, I was sitting in bed, writing in a journal, and dozed off. When I awoke, John Cena was not only in my room, but in my bed! His paws wrapped around my ankle, and using my bare foot as his pillow. I just sat there wishing I had my phone to snap a pic.

My daughter said, “It’s a good thing you had your phone in the bed, so you could snap that pic.” I didn’t have my phone. Luckily, John stayed put while I found it. I bought my daughter a small plaque that says, “I love you more than my phone.” It feels good to say that, but even better to feel it.

The ‘Love’ Button

Do you use Facebook to love on people? They don’t make it easy anymore, because they control how many people your post will reach. Maybe they should hand me that button!

This made me think of the Wizard of Oz. You remember the man behind the curtain? He was controlling what Dorothy and gang were seeing as this all-powerful Wizard. He was running a machine that projected an image of the wizard. So, somebody behind the Facebook machine has set the algorithms to reach only a certain amount of people.

For example, Letigocoach Facebook page has drastically dropped in reach. Thank God that page was created, and grew before Facebook put a cap on it. Today, when I post it be like, “Letitgocoach continues posting encouragement! Almost 2 Billion people would could be reached, but we’re only going to allow 5,000.” Well, high-five Facebook!

Your new ‘love’ button in the comments section will work!

The love button! Not only can you ‘love’ what people post, but now you can express ‘love’ in the comment section as well. Way to go Facebook! Let’s spread some love!!!!

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Aren’t we here to spread love? God can use Social Media!

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WordPress needs a ‘love’ button. When reading a Blog on WordPress, often times it’s more than just a ‘like’, which is the only option available. In the comment section below, I’ve began writing, “LOVE button needed”, just to let the writer know, it’s more than a ‘like’. Maybe if we all started doing this, WordPress would see it, and add the ‘love’ button.

God has protected me on Facebook. The Letitgocoach page has been there for years, and not one person has left a hateful comment. That’s probably God protecting them. “Don’t do it Mama! Don’t do it!”, as my daughter would say.

We all need love. Even in the form of a button. Love flows through the fingertips, so it makes sense to press a button. People press every kind of button on Facebook! Hah! (Good one) The most lovable people have been placed in my life thanks to God working through Social Media. Often times we post to one another’s page as an expression of love.

Mah people know Facebook is uninstalled from my phone. (Boundaries) The only way these loving gestures are seen is by logging onto a laptop. Early this morning I logged on, and the pic below was on my timeline. God sent this woman through Facebook. She is a Coach, and a beloved friend, but she lives in Nevada, so we met thanks to Facebook.

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Because this is stunning, just like you! ~Sarah Reno Baker~

The photo, and her words took my breath away! PRETTY!

It’s difficult to accept compliments, so after seeing this on my timeline, I clicked the ‘love’ button underneath, and sent her a private message. The picture was breathtaking enough, but the words Sarah wrote in the caption below the pic, rendered me speechless. My finger reached up and pressed the heart. Let’s give God some Glory for the love button!

Be Engaged

I took a week off from Blogging. I’ve been writing. You just haven’t seen it yet.

When you don’t see me here, I am reading books, other people’s Blogs, and writing my thoughts in a journal. Writing makes me feel more alive. Looking at January, when I challenged myself to write for 30 consecutive days, I felt exhilarated just by writing everyday. I see other Bloggers writing everyday this month, and they are starting to feel the same way.

It hits you about halfway through. This is what brings me joy! So does coffee.

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As you know, my coffee taste has changed this year. The Keurig is in a cabinet, and the coffee pot will be soon. My daughter has me hooked on the beauty of a pour over. So yes, life is too short for bad coffee. If I’m gonna drink it, I am going to savor every single moment of it.

To be engaged in the process, and the drinking of it. We can also look at relationships in much the same way. Are you engaged? Not the marrying kind, but to be ‘greatly interested.’

I am reading a book by Brene` Brown entitled, ‘Daring Greatly.’ It’s about the courage to be vulnerable, and allowing that to transform you and other areas of your life. Vulnerability starts with trust, and we can always hope when we step out with our vulnerable thoughts, or deeds that they will be embraced, and reciprocated. It’s the good stuff of the relationship.

I find it interesting that Brene` sees disengagement as ‘betrayal’. Long before the more obvious betrayal of cheating, or lying, disengagement occurs first. She defines disengagement as, “Not caring, of letting the connection go, of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship.” When that happens the more obvious reasons slip in.

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I know you are loving my coffee Memes. Seymour sent me a post yesterday saying the coffee bean should be my birthstone. I couldn’t agree with her more. She constantly makes an effort to be engaged. I have several people in my life that do this, and some have stopped.

The great mystery of disengagement is there is no valid reason for it. We look for reasons, and can convince ourselves of various ones, but disengagement doesn’t always have one. Brene` describes it as being the, ‘Most dangerous form of betrayal in terms of corroding the trust connection.’ So, we don’t lose trust and step away. We step away and then lose trust.

This is one of a few things I have been pondering during my week off from Blogging. I hope this encourages you to be engaged. Be fully interested in what goes in your cup.

 

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

So Why Leave

If I sit in the presence of Mr. Smith long enough, the conversation tends to grow deep. Not from me, but from him. I listen, become more quiet, until no words can form. I feel it.

This morning, we were sitting on the back porch, coffee in hand, watching Stork fly in over the lake. I feel a sense of peace when I see Stork. He has always revealed I am in a safe space. This morning, I felt my layers being peeled back one by one, and it was a gentle process. Smith was pointing out how I visit on the weekend, and then I pack up and leave.

Smith asked me to marry him months ago, and I said, “Yes.” Looking at our lives since then they haven’t changed much. I have two lives. The one with Smith on the weekends, and the one with my daughter during the week. My daughter visits some, but that is all it looks like is a weekend visit. My heart has been torn between these two worlds for a while.

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Smith has never loved me like I imagined I would be loved. He loves me better.

This morning was one of those times where he gently dug down to the heart of the matter. No more skimming over the surface, and the end result was a feeling of rawness. I thought I was holding it together pretty well, living this double life. But, I don’t have to ‘hold it all together’ anymore. I don’t have to be the man, and the woman, because he is the man.

Standing in the middle of the room was the elephant covered in glitter.

It’s always been my daughter, and me. Even when I was married to her father, it was really just the two of us. There comes a time where you don’t know which way is home. I have two houses, but which one feels more like home? Bringing three lives together, and enjoying one life. People say it’s a hard thing to do, but from where I sit, it’s harder not to.

So, the question is…why leave?

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Look and See

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My favorite part of this Breast Cancer Journey, is the people God has placed in my path. Friends I’ve had for years, and new ones, love on me. I salute all you Beautiful Souls that give us care in the Cancer Centers. You make a difference in peoples lives every single day.

I don’t know where you are in your journey. Mine is nearing the finish line, and God is finishing up with a bang! There is one thing He drilled home quick. “It’s not about me.” I always love hearing that. “This is not about YOU Barbara.” No God. It’s about the journey.

Try not to rush the journey lovely. One day it will be over, and you will want to look back at everything you learned. If you are pushing yourself through, you are missing all the beauty.

You might be wondering, “What beauty?” Oh love, the beauty is YOU.

When your hair starts to fall out, go ahead and shave it off. You don’t need it, and I love feeling the air touch my naked scalp. I tried to hide it in the beginning with scarves, but living in Texas that was too hot and itchy for me. I pulled up my big girl pannies, and walked outside with a bald head. At that point, I stopped worrying what other people think.

I told myself in the beginning, I was wearing the scarf for them. Didn’t want to shock them seeing a bald headed woman in public. Well honey, if you think that will shock them, you aren’t on Goggle enough. There are a lot of things more shocking than a bald head. It’s actually an exhilarating and freeing part of the journey when your eyes aren’t hiding anymore.

This entire journey involves a lot of waiting, and a lot of the unknown. Get good with that.

It would be very stressful to face every stage of the journey, and bulldoze my way through. That would be ME making it happen as quickly as possible, and not giving God a chance to work. Running on the fear of it all, and not resting in His peace. I had to take a lot of my old behaviors, and flush them down the toilet for this. I wasn’t going to rush anyone, including me.

When people asked about my hairless head, I would tell them I didn’t have a choice. It was done for me. This usually opened a door for me to share how extraordinary this has been. This has been an amazing journey, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. My God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. He will do the same for you, if you look and see.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. She is in the midst of writing a book which you can help support with Patreon. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

To Embrace Change

When I was a child, I would watch my Mother dust the bottom of our furniture. The legs of every chair, and up underneath the piece. It was very odd, and I swore I would never do that!

My daughter saved a baby lizard the other night from his doom. It was stuck up under a chair, so she released him, and took him outside. It was a mystery to me how he was stuck, and then she told me he was in a cobweb. That is when I remembered what Mother was doing. Dusting the cobwebs. Have you noticed they come around right before Halloween?

Just like the cobwebs are a sign of the changing season, I made a lot of changes to my environment over the past few days. My little dog wasn’t sure about them though. The first thing I noticed was his behavior around the furniture being moved in the den. His main concern was his rug was now moved. What’s funny is, I moved the rug with him in mind.

We have hard wood floors, which is another reason for the cobwebs. No carpet to hide in. My little dog Mochee doesn’t like laying on the hard wood, so he has always laid on the rug in front of the front door. This puts him far away from where my daughter and I usually are.

In our favorite chairs! When I rearranged the furniture, I put that rug in front of our chairs. Now, when we are in our chairs, he can lay in front of us. He was distraught when he saw that the rug was moved. He paced back and forth looking at the new design, but he just wasn’t sure. I watched him do this for quite a while. It doesn’t take much to entertain me.

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Then he got it. The room had changed, but the change had his best interests at heart. When we make a change, it will most likely effect someone else in our life. I enjoy change, and my daughter has grown to enjoy it too. They can see it makes life better, but it’s up to them to embrace it or not. Mochee laid down on the rug, but watched the front door from afar.

Once I rearranged the living area, I kept on moving stuff. I rearranged artwork, moved accessories to a new spot, and found better uses for things I had that were not being used well.  I was sorta concerned about my daughter getting home while I was out running errands. She might have walked in and thought she was at the wrong house. That’s change.

Embrace it. Don’t let your life get stale. Keep things moving, and in good working order. Use everything God has given you to the best of your ability, and above all, enjoy the beauty.

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Show Me Love

My daughter and I have the most amazing relationship. She is my very best friend, and my hero. She just celebrated her one year anniversary, dating a guy that lives in Missouri. I’ve been sitting here pondering how she at 17, can have a better relationship than most adults.

Some things I see them do is they accept one another for who they are. Flaws and all. They also communicate constantly. If something is bothering her, no matter how trivial, she tells him, and they talk it through. They have their own lives, but they make one another a priority in it. Her philosophy is, “Treat him the way I want to be treated in return.”

That has worked for us for years. My daughter and I never fight, and have not even raised our voices to one another. We treat one another the way we want to be treated. I firmly believe children copy what they see. When the time came to leave her father, one of my reasons was, I didn’t want her to grow up and think what she saw was a healthy marriage.

I wanted her to see love.

They give true meaning to the word ‘relationship.’ It’s a work in progress. They are grounded within themselves, so they don’t look to one another for completion. They enjoy their lives, but being together makes life that much sweeter. Watching what they have is like seeing everything love is. I believe we’ve lost sight of that in today’s techie world.

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In this pic, she is super made up. She is a natural beauty, and doesn’t need all this makeup, but it was prom, and they sent me this silly moment. They tried to make me feel included.

They met online, so I will give technology kudos for that, but that’s about it. If a problem ever arises it is thanks to social media. Some girl will make a comment about one of his pictures with a million heart-eye emojis. This gives my daughter a twinge of insecurity, but I always remind her, “Who is his girlfriend?” Then I threaten to beat that girl with my stick.

This boy is coming to visit on Wednesday. He has never visited us, so this is very exciting! All those airline miles her father and I collected over the years came in handy. Her father has flown with her to see him once every 90 days. They are going to ACL is Austin, TX which is exciting enough, but the anticipation of seeing each other face to face is pretty intense.

She is beyond excited, and has it all planned. She is picking him up from the airport, and has an itinerary planned for each day he is here. She wants to show him the best in Texas, but what she may not know is, he’s going to be ecstatic just being in the same room as her.

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Maybe you are reading this and thinking, “Oh, young love.” I am writing this and thinking, I want what they have. It can be like this at any age. When you love someone they should be an intimate part of your life, even if you’re not together. They call to hear one another’s voice, and rarely text. They write letters and mail them to each other. Their hearts overflow.

Will they last? Only God knows that because He has her life plan. Even if they don’t, to be able to have such an amazing relationship at such a young age. What a gift! She has told me before, “I live in amazement of your daily life.” Well my darling daughter, I get to live in amazement of you and yours. May God continue to bless you in all you do, and in who you love.

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Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

Go With It

We have in our minds what the perfect relationship should be. I know I had a list, do you? There are certain qualities I think we should look for but we should probably burn the list. Have my ideas brought me success in the past? Nope.

I was talking to a lady yesterday that wants a long term relationship. She obviously has a list of what that should look like because she keeps trying. She is divorced, like me, so how did that list work in the past? Let see if we can get this.

blog1God places people in our lives for a reason. Divine intervention is what I see. Are they all relationships? Yes, but on all different levels. Some will be long term and some short term if we allow them to evolve naturally.

It’s what we choose to learn from the relationship that makes it healthy or not so much. Seeing it for what it is and nothing more. To go with it.

Toward the end of my marriage, we stopped communicating. It wasn’t worth it because it always ended in the same fight. He would bring up behaviors from the past, and I  believe that can be blinding. If you are so focused on the past, you cannot see the person standing before you.

I’m not the same person I was yesterday, so how can I be the one from years ago?

Communication was at the top of my list for future relationships. That is what I was looking for. If someone was a talker I was happy, but here is what I learned. They can talk but not listen. Do you have relationships like that?

It makes sense to me now that the one person who wants to talk through everything is the quietest person I know.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer, Entrepreneur and a Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and will only eat cake with real buttercream icing. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name given. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com