After I stood up from the Dentist’s chair, his hygienist went over a list of horrific things that could occur. I listened, but didn’t accept what she was saying personally.
The same thing happened during Breast Cancer treatment. The doctor’s went over a list of side effects that could happen. I tentatively listened, but didn’t receive any of it.
A friend had surgery and the doctor told him depression could set in afterwards. If he received those words, he might feel depressed.
I asked my daughter to choose what kind. She sat down in front of the computer and looked at the website. Walking into the kitchen I said, “Pick one out and put it in the cart. I’ll handle the rest.” Then she snagged me with…
“I wish everything in life was that easy.”
She’s had a rough couple of weeks.
This weekend, I spent some time being mindful of what might make her life a little bit better. Earlier this week, we had started a puzzle on the coffee table thinking it would help, but it was really challenging. Puzzle is gone.
She loves my bedroom makeover I wrote about in Under the Bed. Especially the faux fur body pillow case I bought at Target. There was a white faux fur one I thought she’d like, but didn’t get.
I must really love that girl go to Target on a Saturday afternoon for a pillow case.
A couple of weeks have passed since purchasing mine and they had added more choices. Having so many choices makes deciding difficult, but follow your heart darling! I didn’t choose the white one. A pale pink, faux fur one spoke to me today.
While at Target I looked for something to put our cotton balls in. We have this ginormous bag of cotton balls and it’s a wrestling match with the bag to get one little ball out. This looks like something that can hold a lot of balls!
A woman was walking in Target as I was walking out. Her t-shirt said, “Tough as a Mother.” I smiled and thought, “Truth.”
My daughter loves that I cross stitch.
She saw a pattern on Etsy that made her smile, so I downloaded it. She knew I needed light avocado green thread to get the cross stitch started, but didn’t know the rest of the colors. While out running errands, she stopped at the craft store and came home with that one color.
After the week she had, I know what it took for her to walk in and find that one. I went this morning and bought the rest of the thread.
But my most favorite find was this. I’ve never really thought about my toilet brush, or the holder. I’m sure the one we have now is a cheap plastic one we’ve probably had for years. That’s disgusting now that I think of it.
It’s a Unicorn! I sent her this picture with the message, “They may not lick our windows, but they will clean our toilet!” She said, “Bahaha….Is that a toilet cleaner brush???” I’m happy at 20 years young, she knows what one is!
I’m grateful that our life is pretty all the way down to the toilet bowl brush. We live simply, but every little thing we have is pretty. Especially our hearts for one another. Pretty is important.
The dogs become quiet and the house falls into a deafening stillness. The birds are singing in the front yard even though there is no bird feeder.
The squirrels left, but the birds stayed.
It’s been a little more than a week since I began praying over my daughter everyday. These are serious prayers that will bring breakthrough. I’m already beginning to see cracks in her armor.
She hasn’t been anxious or depressed that I’ve seen. The only thing she has mentioned is, she is tired. I believe it’s from carrying the burden for so long.
I’m using Stormie Omartian’s book, “The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children.” My daughter sees it laying out and it relocates day to day, so she knows it’s being used. I didn’t have to announce my mission. She knows I’m on a spiritual war path.
The only thing I’ve mentioned to her was something I read in the book. Omartian writes, “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.” (Proverbs 12:25)
If you want to pray but not sure where to begin, a good start is Stormie Omartian’s books. She has one for every topic and has written one for Emotional Wholeness and Wellness. I will use that one next.
That book has a chapter for anxiety and depression, but my daughter will have to pray that for herself.
As a parent we are living examples and do for them until they are ready to do for themselves.
To breathe in the early morning was to sit on the front porch with coffee and watch the birds feed from the bird feeder. Now my yard is still and quiet.
The bird feeder sits on the floor by the back door. The squirrels took the joy out of having a feeder. They are relentless in their pursuit of free food.
I was spending time and brain cells trying to out maneuver them, but this time darling, I knew to let go. The battle wasn’t worth the fight.
Then I saw a battle that needed a fight.
My daughter had a rough week with anxiety and depression. She was able to work through it, but it hurts my heart watching her have to.
God spoke to me during my battle with the squirrels. It was like He said, “Hey Barb. What would happen if you put as much energy into praying for your daughter as you are battling these squirrels? I’ll take care of the birds.” (Matt. 6:26)
When my daughter was learning to manage depression/anxiety, I was pondering what to do to help. My Mama worked a puzzle on the kitchen table at least once a month. I don’t know her exact philosophy behind this, but it brought us together as a family. You couldn’t walk by without stopping to help, and visit with Mama.
My daughter and I have a ginormous coffee table, so I went and bought a puzzle. One I could leave laying out for days while we worked on it. We would spend hours sitting there together with 1,000 pieces scattered across the table. We talked about anything and everything.
To make something beautiful out of the chaos. This is how life can feel at times.
We had a love/hate thing going on with the puzzle. You couldn’t sit in front of it without trying to get a piece to fit, but our favorite pieces were the last few. We felt accomplished when those final pieces would snap into place!
Life is much like a puzzle. We get to take the pieces and fit them together into something beautiful.
My darling. This is the day you walked through with grace.
Last December, he ripped out your heart, and threw it away. It was so unexpected. No warning of the words he said. You crumbled to the floor, and I held you while you screamed.
He decided to take a road trip with a buddy to California. They drove through Texas, and stopped in Austin today. You have an appointment scheduled in Austin this afternoon. Were your hands shaking on the wheel while driving?
To add to the injury, he is posting on social media from the same places you shared together. I don’t know what he is thinking by doing that, but you are not phased.
You wonder why you can’t hate him. Like that would be easier to do. We carry no hate in our hearts, and we don’t let that word slide from our lips. You know the power of words. They are like seeds that take root. You will just slowly unlove him with more time.
When he walked away, we moved, and you finished high school. You are enjoying the summer months, and making plans for the fall. You are trying to discover who you are now, and better yet, who you want to become. I’m so pleased by who you are, and am excited to see who you become, and what you do in this world.
#Ambassador
Life may not make much sense today. It may feel like a cruel joke, but I’m watching you. He can’t hurt you anymore my love, and he’s only passing through. There’s that grace.
The pain people cause, is a reflection of the pain they are in. Let him post all he wants. There’s a part of you that is happy not to be in those pictures anymore.
You know how you have good days, and sad days?
This morning we sat on the front porch, and you wept while sharing this news. We talked about how tall the weeds are in our yard, and embraced them as our friends. I prepared myself for a sad day, but it hasn’t been a sad day at all.
Watching you today, you look like a Queen that has been set free. Yes my darling, you are free to be!
She told me, “I’ve been struggling with depression all year.”
My immediate thought was, “Not my daughter.”
She came clean on Instagram, and wrote a post about it, thanking people for their prayers and support. I downloaded the post, and saved it to my phone, but when she deleted it from her account, it disappeared. There are glad days and sad days, and today is a sad one. Everyday is different.
This is one of my favorite pictures of her. We had just moved into this house, and you can see the sparkle in her eyes.
Sparkle.
She doesn’t follow my Blog, or read it unless I ask her to.
I feel this needs to be written, so she can read it one day.
We have fought many battles, and won with God by our side. She will overcome, but let’s mark today as, the battle begins.
Letitgocoach 