My Daughter · Quality of life

Do For Themselves

I always know when it’s time to write.

Whether it be in a journal, my book, or here.

The dogs become quiet and the house falls into a deafening stillness. The birds are singing in the front yard even though there is no bird feeder.

The squirrels left, but the birds stayed.

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It’s been a little more than a week since I began praying over my daughter everyday. These are serious prayers that will bring breakthrough. I’m already beginning to see cracks in her armor.

She hasn’t been anxious or depressed that I’ve seen. The only thing she has mentioned is, she is tired. I believe it’s from carrying the burden for so long.

I’m using Stormie Omartian’s book, “The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children.” My daughter sees it laying out and it relocates day to day, so she knows it’s being used. I didn’t have to announce my mission. She knows I’m on a spiritual war path.

The only thing I’ve mentioned to her was something I read in the book. Omartian writes, “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.” (Proverbs 12:25)

This gave her food for thought.

If you want to pray but not sure where to begin, a good start is Stormie Omartian’s books. She has one for every topic and has written one for Emotional Wholeness and Wellness. I will use that one next.

That book has a chapter for anxiety and depression, but my daughter will have to pray that for herself.

As a parent we are living examples and do for them until they are ready to do for themselves.

Letting Go · Quality of life

Worth the Fight

A form of letting go is to ‘let it be.’

To breathe in the early morning was to sit on the front porch with coffee and watch the birds feed from the bird feeder. Now my yard is still and quiet.

The bird feeder sits on the floor by the back door. The squirrels took the joy out of having a feeder. They are relentless in their pursuit of free food.

I was spending time and brain cells trying to out maneuver them, but this time darling, I knew to let go. The battle wasn’t worth the fight.

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Then I saw a battle that needed a fight.

My daughter had a rough week with anxiety and depression. She was able to work through it, but it hurts my heart watching her have to.

God spoke to me during my battle with the squirrels. It was like He said, “Hey Barb. What would happen if you put as much energy into praying for your daughter as you are battling these squirrels? I’ll take care of the birds.” (Matt. 6:26)

God got my attention.

The yard is still and quiet.

The bird feeder sits by the back door.

Pick your battles. Choose what’s worth the fight.

My Daughter · Quality of life · Single Mom Syndrome

Puzzles and Life

Meet Andy at the Blogsite Growing Pains. He wrote a piece that reminded me of a topic I was going to write about, and forgot. The puzzles of life.

When my daughter was learning to manage depression/anxiety, I was pondering what to do to help. My Mama worked a puzzle on the kitchen table at least once a month. I don’t know her exact philosophy behind this, but it brought us together as a family. One couldn’t walk by without stopping to help, and visit with Mama.

My daughter and I have a ginormous coffee table.

I went and bought a puzzle that spoke to my heart.

One I could leave laying out for days while we worked on it. We would spend hours sitting there together with 1,000 pieces scattered across the table.We talked about anything and everything.

To make something beautiful out of the chaos. This is how life can feel at times.

We had a love/hate thing going on with the puzzle. You couldn’t sit in front of it without trying to get a piece to fit, but our favorite pieces were last few. We felt accomplished when those final pieces would snap into place!

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In the Blog I read this morning, Andy’s puzzle fell and shattered. It wasn’t his fault, and he was distraught when he walked into the room and saw it scattered across the floor. He saw it as all their hard work being lost, but when he told his wife, I love her response.

She said, “I guess we have more work to do.”

That is what I wanted to reveal to my daughter.

What she is learning to manage will take work, but with every piece the puzzle will come together, and it will be beautiful.

Much love to you. xx Barb xx

My Daughter · Present Moment

Free to Be

My darling. This is the day you walked through with grace.

Last December, he ripped your heart out, and threw it away. It was so unexpected. Two years of your life, gone, just like that. No warning of the words he said. You crumbled to the floor, and I held you while you screamed.

He decided to take a road trip with a buddy to California. They drove through Texas, and stopped in Austin today. You have an appointment scheduled in Austin this afternoon. Were your hands shaking on the wheel while driving?

To add to the injury, he is posting on social media from the same places you shared together. I don’t know what he is thinking by doing that, but you are under impressed.

You wonder why you can’t hate him. Like that would be easier to do. Because you are my daughter. We carry no hate in our hearts, and we don’t let that word slide from our lips. You know the power of words. They are like seeds that take root. You will just slowly unlove him with more time.

When he left, we moved, and you finished high school.

You are enjoying the summer months, and making plans for the fall. You are trying to discover who you are now, and better yet, who you want to become. I’m so pleased by who you are, and am excited to see who you become, and what you do in this world. Two companies already see the greatness within, and asked you to be their Ambassador!

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Be our Ambassador photo.

Life may not make much sense today. It may feel like a cruel joke, but I’m watching you. He can’t hurt you anymore my love, and he’s only passing through. There’s that grace.

The pain people cause, is a reflection of the pain they are in. Let him post all he wants. There has to be a part of you that is happy not to be in those pictures anymore.

You know how you have your good days, and sad days?

This morning we sat on the front porch, and you wept while sharing this news. We talked about how tall the weeds are in our yard, and embraced them as our friends. I prepared myself for a sad day, but it hasn’t been a sad day at all.

Watching you today, you look like a Queen that has been set free. Yes darling, my Queen B, and you are free to be!

My Daughter

The Battle Begins

She told me, “I’ve been struggling with depression all year.”

My immediate thought was, “Not my daughter.”

She came clean on Instagram, and wrote a post about it, thanking people for their prayers and support. I downloaded the post, and saved it to my phone, but when she deleted it from her account, it disappeared. There are glad days and sad days, and today is a sad one. Everyday is different.

This is one of my favorite pictures of her. We had just moved into this house, and you can see the sparkle in her eyes.

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Sparkle.

She doesn’t follow my Blog, or read it unless I ask her to.

I feel this needs to be written, so she can read it one day.

We have fought many battles, and won with God by our side. She will overcome, but let’s mark today as, the battle begins.