How You Leave

When you leave a relationship/marriage, it’s important how you leave. When the day came for me to leave, I was thoughtful. We had spent half our lives together and I didn’t want it to look like a wreckage. He already felt like his world was ripped apart.

We have to show life how we want to be treated, so life knows how to treat us in return. Do the next right thing.

It was my choice to leave. He was in denial, and it took time for him to be okay with how things landed. The amount of time is per person.

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My daughter and I discussed what to take with us. We didn’t need a lot of ‘things’, to make a new life.

We chose a few furniture pieces we loved, and wanted to live with. We still have those foundational pieces, but after we left, you couldn’t tell.

The cabinets held the most difficult choices.

We had collected a lot of beautiful things in our time together, but I wanted to leave some beauty. We collected pottery by Bill Campbell, and had full place settings by him. I left them in the cabinet. We had professional grade cookware, but I only took half.

We had two of a lot of things, so I left the one he liked best, all the way down to the measuring cups.

I couldn’t bring myself to pack up in front of him, so I waited until a few days before the move was scheduled, and packed. He stayed away during the move, but he hired movers to get us moved safely.

The moving truck arrived at our new home before my daughter and I did. They were on a schedule, so they unloaded the truck without us being there.

My daughter still talks about that day, and laughs about what we walked in on. Everything that was on the truck, was sitting in the middle of the house!

It looked like a big ball of furniture and boxes!

The movers looked at us and said, “We didn’t know where you wanted everything.” We didn’t know either, but in time we unraveled that big ball and created a world we wanted to live in, and we do!

Recently, I was at my ex husbands home, and he was at the kitchen sink washing some of those pieces that were left. He thanked me for leaving them, and especially his favorite measuring cup.

Time does heal. They just don’t tell you how long.

Be mindful of how you leave.

Please Pay Attention

I am guessing when you live in a 1940’s farmhouse, you need to leave the water running with more force so it doesn’t freeze. I left it running slowly lastnight, but awoke to frozen pipes again.

This is really testing my character. Like so many things in life, I know patience and waiting will resolve the issue. The sun is out, and it’s going to be warm today, so we wait. It’s the patience part I’m having to work on this morning. I’m finding gratitude even without water.

I haven’t talked much about my divorce, mainly because it’s going in the book I’m writing, but I wanted to touch on one thing in particular this morning. Actions.

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My then husband was very hurt when I left. I refused to live in mediocrity, and I took our daughter with me, so he had a right. After almost four years you would think the hurt would have healed for him, but it hasn’t. He did things to create chaos in my newfound life, but I chose not to react to his actions. Once I stopped reacting to his actions, the game was over.

Hurt people will hurt people.

The only residual left from my married life is the IRS. Again, he didn’t do what was right, so the IRS has a way of haunting you about that. I am working with them, and believing God to make things right. Just like the thawing of these water pipes, it will take time and patience.

I pray for my ex husbands heart. That God will heal the hurt he carries inside, but it is up to him to receive my prayer, and allow healing to take place. When the time is right, he will heal. One thing I know is, his actions will be used by God to make me better, and stronger.

He did something rather sneaky last year, that will effect my new year. Somehow he got ahead paying child support without my realizing it. He bundled some of the payments, where instead of one monthly, he did three at once. I wasn’t paying close enough attention.

In November of 2016, he sent me a text informing me that he was ahead on payments, so I would be without child support for a while in 2017. I didn’t respond. I just sat still until I found peace. He knows this action has the ability to make my life difficult, but I know I’m going to grow through it. God has never let me down, and He’s not going to start with this.

It’s how we react to other people’s pain that fuels the fire, or extinguishes it. I also believe when people do things out of hurt, those things have a way of coming back to bite them.

I am guessing it’s not just me; he does hurtful things in other areas of his life. My daughter has a good heart, and she enjoys doing things that bring people joy. This brings her joy.

Our holiday schedule per the divorce allowed me to have her home for Christmas Day. My daughter made a decision to split the day between him and me. She knew it would cause disruption in the plans we had for that day, but everyone was willing to make adjustments.

We knew what she chose to do was good, and from her heart. So, she spent half of Christmas day with me and the ones I love, and drove to her Father’s house that afternoon. He was unaware of her decision, because she wanted it to be a surprise. Well, it was a surprise alright.

She got to his home, and rang the doorbell, and he was completely shocked when he opened the door and saw her standing there. She said, “Merry Christmas Daddy!” Can you imagine? He sent me a text that evening, thanking me for allowing her to come. I had nothing to do with it, accept to help make it possible for her. She is a big girl, and makes her own decisions.

I am grateful she makes them from the heart, and they are good. His text went on to say, “It was the nicest thing that has happened to him in a very long while.” I believe we know why.

Keep your side of the street clean, your heart pure, but please pay attention.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she has Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Permission to Rest

I love living in the country, but don’t like all the critters. My daughter found a Scorpion clinging to her bedroom curtain last night right before bed. I caught it, and killed it, which we learned that skill three years ago. Then she walked in my room, and saw one crawl under my bed, right as I was going to sleep. I jumped outta bed, and then it just pissed me off.

To sleep or not to sleep?

I started praying, and asked angels to stand around us as we slept. It was my second Chemo treatment yesterday, and I was determined to get some rest. I knew I was going to have to lay down, in my comfortable bed, and trust God to protect me. He has for years, and I’ve only been stung once by those nasty creatures, and that was during the day. I had to trust.

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I slept for five hours, which was better than none. My Chemo was scheduled for Tuesday of this week. I had a full weekend, and then drove into town to pick up my daughter on Monday. I was not looking forward to driving back into town, an hour away, on Tuesday.

It has been pouring rain here in Texas, so that made the thought of driving even more daunting. I called to see if I could have one more day. That is all I wanted, and they obliged. It was rescheduled for Wednesday. Just having that one day, Tuesday, made all the difference for me. I got things done, and prepared myself mentally, and spiritually for Chemo. I was not backing out of this path I’m on. I just wanted a little more time for me.

blog2I posted this on my Letitgocoach Facebook page a couple of weeks ago, and it got a lot of shares, and likes. If we’re going to move some mountains, we have to get some rest.

This is something I learned with letting go. I had not given myself permission to rest, until a couple of years ago. Before my divorce, I always felt guilty if I took a nap. There were a million things that needed my attention, or so I thought. What I learned is, those things will wait. My health and well being are priority today. Just a 30 minute nap, and I will move mountains.

I have always been healthy. I love Yoga, buy food from local Farmer’s, drink plenty of water, and take my liquid nutritional product. We live in a toxic world, so we need to pour good things into our bodies. When I found the lump in my breast, I knew I had forgotten my core for a while. Slaying my way through a divorce, putting life and it’s happenings before me.

Our body is our temple, and God only gave us one. Today, I take care of it, and give it permission to rest.

 

 

 

Women Love Him

I just saw a post on my Facebook feed and it made me smile. What to do after your kids go to sleep was the question. The one thing I didn’t do that I will do now is love my man. We women give everything to our kids and wonder why the husband doesn’t pay attention to us. You have to give attention to receive. Love that man or somebody else will.

blogI scrolled a long ways to find this picture. Tasteful nudity. Just beautiful! This is what every woman wants to look like to her man. You know what? In his eyes, you do.

It’s the eye of the beholder ladies. You have worked all day or spent the day at one too many water parks with the kids. You are not feeling very sexy. To him, you are beautiful.

I poured all my time and energy into becoming the perfect Mom, or what the world saw as perfect. Today, I am divorced. We took care of others before ourselves. The love died and then we did the same as our parents. We tried to stay together for the kid’s sake. The kids knew we were miserable and started thinking it was their fault. How crazy is that?

Take care of your kids, but take time for one another. When the kids are asleep or at Grammy”s that should be your time together. Paint that room that needs it or lay at opposite ends of the couch and rub one another’s feet. Anything as long as it’s together.

Do you know where I found this picture? It is on my man’s timeline. He posted it one night as we were chatting, so it would pop up in front of me. I still remember the way it made me feel when I saw it. We started dating and he described us as, I am yours and you are mine. He knew I liked pretty and that is way past pretty to me.

Ladies, go find your man and give him love. They don’t ask for much. Just some love and attention. Can you imagine what your life would be like if you gave him the same attention as your kids? You wouldn’t be looking for a hobby.

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 15 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Let It Go Coach and helping others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is working on her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com