Tag: #divorceover50

Learning To Live

We are getting much needed rain here in Texas. I have three chickens in the side yard that have not witnessed rain in a long time.

When it began pouring from the sky, they freaked out and started running around. They have a coop to provide shelter, with the door standing wide open, but are huddled up against the house instead. They are called chickens for a reason.

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Maybe we forgive, and forget how things feel.

Forgiveness has to come first, or the forgetting will not take place. It will haunt us and make us miserable until we forgive. God wants us to forgive others for wrongdoing, but we often forget to forgive ourselves.

The house my ex-husband lives in is the same house we shared. When I left, I only took a few things, so you couldn’t tell at first glance, that anything was missing. The furnishings remained the same as I left them, with a few replacement pieces. I don’t know how he has lived there. I guess he hasn’t. It has just been sheltering from the storms of life.

I saw that house as a slow brewing storm.

My ex-husband blames himself for the dissolve of our marriage. It’s not true, but that is how he sees it. Recently, I sent him an email asking him to forgive me for hurting him. I don’t know that he can because he is going to have to find forgiveness for his soul first. He needed to leave that house.

His favorite Bible verse is Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” His life is not reflective of his favorite verse. When you are stuck in the past, there is no future.

I started praying for God to move and show my ex His goodness. It was passed time for him to leave that house, and all the haunting memories it stored. Last weekend, my ex took our daughter to look at a house he saw in the newspaper. She showed me pictures of it, and it’s the perfect house for him! He is moving in November!

When my ex and I first met, he lived in a condo on a lake in Virginia. This house is reminiscent of that condo, and is overlooking a lake! God is restoring the years lost, by placing him in the last place he was his happiest. Now he can have a beautiful shelter, surrounded by God’s goodness and start the forgiving process. Let the healing begin.

Just Being Me

There is a reason it feels good to be loved when we are going through pain. That is why we go to a funeral home, to see the family of the deceased, to show them we care and help them through their loss.

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I love the way SC Lourie writes. It’s like her very soul breathes and forms words on paper. Plus, she begins each writing with the word, ‘darling’, in the opening line. Being from Texas, I find that to be sweet.

Do you ever feel accused of changing?

We do change, but I believe it’s a peeling process. God creates us to be whole and promises that we are enough. The outside world comes at us and our being can become hidden. Do we allow the world to change us, which is stealing our natural state of being, or do we continually look inside and release new parts of what was already there?

I believe love is very healing. No matter what has happened in our past, if we can come to terms with who we really are, and love ourselves, healing begins. To let go of every negative feeling and thought, and what other people think and say about us. To get to know your one true self and be good with sitting in your own skin.

I look back at this journey I began a couple of years ago, and it’s miraculous seeing the life I have today. It’s not what I did so much as what I gave up. Letting go of past hurts, peoples words and opinions of me.

If they’re talking about the person they once knew, I’m not her anymore. I was in there all along, but time, love and patience is bringing her out to bloom. I had to stop being what others wanted me to be, and just be me.

Change Your Life

You have the power to change your life. God doesn’t want us to have a mediocre life. Our lives should reflect His goodness and plan for us. Every word that falls out of our mouths serves as a compass.

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Pay attention to your thoughts and words.

I have seen it continuously in my life where words became reality. When my ex husband told me. “We are going to have a marriage just like our parents did,” something inside me rose up and said, “Not gonna happen.”

I saw our lives flash before my eyes where we would spend ten more years together only to walk away complete strangers.

When I refused to settle for that life, a space opened for God to move. He had everything lined up, I just had to look. The right house and location, everything fell into place without much effort from me. It was there waiting for me to become willing to step out and trust. My life is completely different today and is still changing.

Everyday my life is new. Each day is different because I am willing to follow God and continue to change. Yesterday, on my drive, I was listening to Joel Osteen. After listening to a couple of teaching CD’s, there was one more calling my name. Pushing the buttons on the CD player, prompting it to queue and load, it gave me an error message.

I tried some more buttons and continued getting error messages with every button pressed. I spoke out-loud rather loudly, “All I want, right now, is for this CD player to work,” determined to listen to the last CD. Suddenly, the screen read, ‘Load’, queued up and began working perfectly.

The teaching was about the power of words, which is what I’m sharing today. When we speak out-loud, the words gain power in your life.

God heard my cry, He knew my heart, the CD player started working. Power is in positive and negative, so it depends on what you say. If your life is a mess, be mindful of your words, and your life will follow. Everyday, speak out-loud the life you want to have, so God can hear, and line things up for your good.

What She Sees

My parents were not the ideal married couple, but they were good parents.  I don’t recall seeing them kiss passionately or hold one another in a timeless hug. It was a duty for them and after we were all grown, they divorced.

At 50 years old, my mother was free to be herself. She did just that and never remarried. I want more for my girl.

I read an article this morning about a 50 year marriage. The author wrote about her parents and the lessons she learned watching their love. Reading the article made me realize, that is all they did. They expressed their love to one another for a lifetime. When the man was asked to go out after work, he replied, “Why should I do that when I have everything I need at home?” How simply honest is that? You can click here, to read the article in it’s entirety.

I chose to break the cycle of my parents marriage. My ex husband and myself had grown up watching similar marriages by our parents, and the day he told me, “We are going to be our parents,” was the day I said, “Nope.” Hearing those words started a change in me that changed my life.

My daughter was 12 when I started praying for God to open a door. I refused for her to go through her teenage years seeing a broken marriage. My ex and I never showed any type of affection toward one another. We avoided being in the same room and the same bed. It was not a marriage.

God’s timing is always good. It took time and patience, but a door was opened for me to leave and take her with me. She just turned 16 this month and is becoming grounded in herself. She knows one day she will be able to share the love she has inside with the right person.

She won’t settle for just any kind of love.