Be the Mama

I try not to rush anymore, but recently I found myself getting sucked into life’s frenzy.

This morning it was time to stop.

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Photo by Riccardo Bresciani on Pexels.com

I’ve been watching my daughter.

At 19 years old she has wisdom and discernment, and makes sound decisions. I’ve stepped back to let her practice running her own life. Watching how she manages it, and giving her plenty of space. She’s been adulting very well except for this one thing….

She’s exhausted.

Mentally and physically.

Time For a Change

I took a long look at how busy she has been. We both have, but I could also feel a disconnect. We are more than roommates. We actually do this life together, but when she came home Monday from her Dad’s, she sat down and fell asleep in her chair.

Her visits with her Dad haven’t changed since the move, even though the distance has.  He’s only ten minutes away now instead of an hour, but she still packs her duffel bag every Friday, and heads to his home. Stays the weekend and comes back here on Monday. She has three days before doing it all again.

I’m Still the Mama

She communicates with her Dad, and they make their own plans, until this morning. While she slept, I texted him and told him she is staying home this weekend. It was time to step in and be the Mama.

When she awoke, I told her what I did, and she looked mortified that I had stepped in, but you know what else I saw? Relief. And a slight smile.

This weekend she doesn’t have to be an adult.

Today was a good day to step in and be the Mama.

One More Day

The words that come out of my daughter’s mouth during conversation is like visiting with Yoda.

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Tomorrow is my birthday.

I rolled out of bed with the Rolodex of this year, flipping through my mind. What have I accomplished? Am I on target with my goals?

She knows I do this twice a year.

The day before my birthday, and December 31st.

This morning she said something that shifted my perspective back to ‘the now’. She said,

Tomorrow you will not be a whole year older. You will just be one more day.

Thank you my darling daughter.

Attitude Is Everything

The first house my daughter and I lived in didn’t have a washer and dryer. That was not a deal breaker, we were just excited about our new life.

Once a week we went to the Laundromat.

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Photo by Bianca Jordan on Unsplash

I had to make a choice to see this as a positive.

We lived in the country and the nearest Laundromat was 30 minutes away, but we learned a lot!

We valued clean clothes more than before since we didn’t have a washer/dryer readily available. We learned to include other errands along with the Laundromat. She would wash her clothes while visiting her father, and bring them home clean.

Of course my plan was to buy a used washer and dryer, but the laundry room in our home was tiny! It would only accommodate a small stackable unit and I knew I would not want to use that for years to come. The great thing about the Laundromat is you can wash and dry 6 loads of laundry in record time.

My daughter began growing weary of our trips to the Laundromat, but remained grateful. We believed our next house would have a washer and dryer, but that was dependent on our attitudes in the moment.  I believe you have to be happy where you are, before you can move forward.

After a year and a half of using the Laundromat, the next house we moved into had a washer and dryer. They weren’t new, but we loved them!

When we came to look at the house we live in now, the first thing both of us noticed was…

 

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A brand new washer and dryer!

Every journey has to start somewhere, and becomes more beautiful over time if we keep the right attitude. Yes lovey. xx Attitude is Everything.

Free to Be

My darling. This is the day you walked through with grace.

Last December, he ripped out your heart, and threw it away. It was so unexpected. No warning of the words he said. You crumbled to the floor, and I held you while you screamed.

He decided to take a road trip with a buddy to California. They drove through Texas, and stopped in Austin today. You have an appointment scheduled in Austin this afternoon. Were your hands shaking on the wheel while driving?

To add to the injury, he is posting on social media from the same places you shared together. I don’t know what he is thinking by doing that, but you are not phased.

You wonder why you can’t hate him. Like that would be easier to do. We carry no hate in our hearts, and we don’t let that word slide from our lips. You know the power of words. They are like seeds that take root. You will just slowly unlove him with more time.

When he walked away, we moved, and you finished high school. You are enjoying the summer months, and making plans for the fall. You are trying to discover who you are now, and better yet, who you want to become. I’m so pleased by who you are, and am excited to see who you become, and what you do in this world.

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#Ambassador

Life may not make much sense today. It may feel like a cruel joke, but I’m watching you. He can’t hurt you anymore my love, and he’s only passing through. There’s that grace.

The pain people cause, is a reflection of the pain they are in. Let him post all he wants. There’s a part of you that is happy not to be in those pictures anymore.

You know how you have good days, and sad days?

This morning we sat on the front porch, and you wept while sharing this news. We talked about how tall the weeds are in our yard, and embraced them as our friends. I prepared myself for a sad day, but it hasn’t been a sad day at all.

Watching you today, you look like a Queen that has been set free. Yes my darling, you are free to be!

Working From Home (SMS)

I walked into the bathroom, and there was the eye cream laying beside the sink. My daughter had left it for me, even though she normally takes it with her on the weekends. She knows I love that eye cream because it has shimmer in it, and it was a small, selfless act that showed great love.

My daughter returned home last weekend, and excitedly walked into her room. Normally, I spend the weekend doing small things all around the house to make our lives better, prettier, and more balanced. Her room might receive a new candle, or fresh flowers depending where I go that weekend. Last weekend, I stayed home and relaxed.

She said, “There is something different about my room, but I don’t know what it is.” Little does she know, I didn’t touch her room last weekend. It was exactly as she left it.

I’m working from home 7 days a week now, and it’s been an adjustment on many levels. We can still take time to care for one another, it’s just finding a balance. This weekend, I mopped the entire house, and you can feel the difference. I took the time to care for my daughter, even though she wasn’t here, but she will see it when she returns home.

I needed to strike a balance between work, and being present. The first week of the job, my daughter ran the errands, and figured out what was for dinner. She has enough to do, so this couldn’t last. This small act helped bring balance into our lives, and it was found in the kitchen!

How do you get away from the work when working from home? Step away, and walk into another room.

When I ran into an obstacle with a client, and needed to pause, I made cookies. By the time they went into the oven, God had revealed the solution. If the phone became quiet around 4:00, I started dinner. Choosing recipes I could walk away from if the phone rang. Some days, I let it go to voicemail, but returned the call after my break.

My daughter thanked me several times for cooking, and especially the cookies. She didn’t realize cooking was saving my sanity, and being therapeutic.

When she returns today, her sheets have been washed in the Tyler wash we have come to love. A candle is lit in her room, so it smells like home when she walks in. Just like leaving the eye cream for me to enjoy; taking the time to do small things for her, brings a smile to working from home.

Single Mom Syndrome

Money is a huge factor for a single Mom.

We often stay in an unhealthy relationship for financial security. That is highly overrated. When you become unhappy enough, you will find a way out. Be ready to walk through some fire though.

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You let go of what you have, to get what you want.

My daughter and I had each other, and that was enough.

Since moving into our new home, people said, “You need to download the Nextdoor app.” I took a look at it, but didn’t like how it showed your address. You can take your house number off, and it reveals only your street. Being a single Mom, try to protect our exact location. The app is a fun way to connect with neighbors, and buy/sell things.

We haven’t bought a piece of furniture in years, but I spent the weekend rearranging our living room. I read articles on ‘How to make the most of small spaces.” Oh yes lovely. The houses we’ve shared since, are less than 1,000 square feet.

A whole new level of togetherness.

When you move into a new home, you sit things where you think they belong. As you settle in, you make it a home. We have been here since January, so it’s time to fine tune it.

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Our new addition, and I’ve been staring at it for days.

I learned the hard way, don’t buy things to add to your life because you like it. It’s no longer just you, it’s all about us.

This piece already had some things going for it.

  1. It is my daughters favorite brand. (Threshold)
  2. It’s a good combination of both of us. She leans toward modern, and sleek. I enjoy wood for warmth.
  3. The price was $40, and it looks brand new.
  4. Finding it on Nextdoor, the local was nearby.

We went to go look at it together. I can tell by her face, if she likes something, or not. She liked it and said, “If it makes you happy, then get it!”

This Is Normal

The life my daughter and I share is not normal. We care for one another at a very high level. We watch each other, and learn how to do so. We are now down to the details.

I bought a new toothbrush holder, and noticed the openings are large enough to hold more than a toothbrush, so I put my razor in it. I recently noticed she had followed suit. Her razor now stands beside her toothbrush too.

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To love one another like God loves us. Unconditionally.

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Fresh flowers in the house as often as possible is normal.

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She makes her famous crepes when I need some extra care.

At a young age I told her, “Everything has it’s place. When you take something from it’s place, you need to put it back when you’re done using it.” We know where things are.

When my daughter visits her Dad for the weekend, I want it to feel like home when she returns. Her room is never messy, but I go in and change her sheets, open the blinds, add fresh flowers if we have them, and light a candle.

I don’t have to ask her to do things. She knows when she’s away from home, this feels good to come home to. She has been shown to uncover the beauty.

When I am gone for the day, she goes in my room and makes the bed, opens the blinds, and lights my candle. Not because I asked, she just knows what that feels like.

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She surpasses me. I didn’t take time to make cookies throughout her life, but she knows I love them. After a long day on Thursday, I walked into the house to these.

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And yes, I made a coffee pour over to go with them!

Our kids are watching. What are we showing them?

My daughter is now watching me stretch and grow myself. This year, I’ve been doing the hard stuff. Cleaning house in more ways than one.

My daughter has gifts and talents to make this world a better place. We are called to use everything God has given us, so I am walking through every door He is opening.

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All of the notes I left for her when she was a child have come full circle. She left this on the fridge for me last week.

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I told her, “I am happy for us, that this is normal.”

Be a Friend

Going with the flow is sometimes difficult.

It’s so worth it if you can allow it to happen.

I was sitting at my desk, planning parts of my day. I had typed up a message, but hadn’t hit send yet, when my daughter walked up, and stood at my desk. I looked up at her, and grinned, knowing that she wanted something.

She asked if I could take her to pick up her car from the shop. It was ready. I deleted the message, and said yes. I had been playing message tag with this gentleman all week, over a piece of furniture I have for sale. It can wait.

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My daughter gave me this for Christmas.

Opening the pantry in search of a bottle of water, I find one bottle of water sitting there. My daughter and I drink water by the case! She left the last one for me. It’s what we do. We leave the last of something for the other person, but I have been known to become selfish over the last piece of chocolate.

Unfortunately, my daughter believes it’s normal how we treat one another. She expects the same treatment from friends, but they weren’t raised in our home. She wants to make new friends since our move, and she asked me yesterday, “Mom? How do you make friends?”

I believe we show people how we want to be treated.

My daughter went to one of her favorite coffee shops, to take a break from studying. Her friend texted her, she shared her location, and invited her to meet. Her friend walked into the coffee shop, and sat down with her.

Twenty minutes later, my daughter was home.

Their meetup was brief, because my daughter cut the visit short. She revealed her friend was on her phone the entire time,  and actually face-timing another friend. After several minutes of seeing that her friend had no plan of getting off her phone, she excused herself, and came home.

Maybe our standards are too high in today’s world?

Yesterday, my daughter received a text from a friend. He was hosting a Bible study, and asked her to come. I encouraged her to go, not only for herself, but to be there for him. She was apprehensive not knowing the other people she may see, but wanted to see her friend.

I believed she saw her answer to her question from earlier in the day. The best way to make friends, is to be a friend.

My Daughter Writes

…and she writes.

Simply Semloh

I’ve been staring at this empty canvas/shell of a blog for months, mostly wondering how to begin and how to introduce myself. I’ve had other forms of “social media” for years, but starting something new.. and trying to put who you are into a few words is more difficult than I remember. So I will just start by saying hello, and introducing some of the people, places, and the things that make me who I am.

Who I am is:

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Processed with VSCO with m5 preset Who I love

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In the blogs I write I will tell you more about the people and places in these pictures but this post is just an ice breaker, something to get the ball rolling and to let you know a little about me.
So, thank you for stopping by and now this “blank canvas” is a little less blank.

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It’s Pretty Ugly

I took a friend to meet Stephanie today. You may or may not recall but, Stephanie is who gave me the courage to care for plants. Everyone needs a Stephanie in their life.

Getting out of my truck, this caught my eye. It has been hanging there for some time, and I have walked by it a countless number, but today it spoke to me.

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My daughter is still in shock that I brought it home!

She asked, “How much was it?” I cheerfully replied, “Stephanie let me have it for 9 bucks!” My daughter looked confused. This was so unlike me to buy something that wasn’t pretty.  I have already received $9 worth of joy from it.

Some days look pretty, but some days feel ugly, and it’s okay to have both.