A Steady Pace

There’s a section of my drive home where the view is spectacular. The road sits high, and begins winding it’s way through the Texas Hill-country. It’s not a very long stretch of hill-country, but it’s my favorite part of the drive. The view is distracting which makes keeping my eyes on the road a challenge.

The other day I was driving home, and got to that part of the journey. It’a a five lane highway, but the traffic in the right lane was going unusually slow. The speed limit is 55, and if you drive below 50, it’s hazardous. I pulled into the left lane, and held a steady speed between 55 and 60 mph.

Cops sit on the sidelines waiting for speeders.

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Cruising in the left lane, I noticed a car speeding up on my right. It feels odd to be passed in the left lane, by someone driving in the right. The right lane was designed for slower traffic, but that was not the case that day. They were in a hurry to reach their destination, and completely missed the view.

I’m headed in the right direction of this journey, and there’s no rush. After my 55th birthday, I slowed down somewhat, and it’s quite refreshing actually after spending 30 years in the fast lane. When you slow the pace, there’s more intention in everything you do. I enjoy keeping a steady pace.

Putting It Off

I finished going through my archives.

I stopped at 2019, but will glance through those as well. Reading each post from 2014-2018 was like reliving Breast Cancer, and seeing how much I loved Mr. Smith, all over again.

It was worth going through twice.

I no longer cringe when people read my archives. I know what’s there, and am happy with the woman who emerged. Going through my archives is something I’ve put off doing for a long time.

I’m done putting things off.

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It’s funny how they start off small.

Like, taking a shower. I can put something in front of that small task all day long, until I’m sitting here at night with no shower. Running the vacuum. Every time the sunlight hits the floor I see the dog hair, but continue on with my day.

I got my nose pierced. A small thing I’ve been putting off.

Doing the big things, but ignoring the small ones. It’s time to spend the next 30 days cultivating self trust. When a small thing needs to be done, I’ll just do it, and write it down once it’s complete. Instead of a ‘to-do list’, it will be a ‘done’ list.

No more putting it off.

The Fire Pit

To step outside and smell a fireplace going or a wood pile being burned. It’s a cozy smell this time of year.

In the post, Be at Home it was mentioned our house doesn’t have a fireplace, so I bought an electric one. That’s a wonderful option for inside, but it doesn’t have that real fire smell.

It was time to fix that.

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I had visions of sitting around a fire pit with my daughter. Her boyfriend lives in England, but he’s coming here for Christmas. I could see them sitting there in quiet moments of togetherness. Maybe a neighbor would be taking a walk and stop to get warm. The possibilities are endless.

I walked outside and took the lid off the pit.

My daughter came out and helped build the fire. We grabbed our cups of tea and part of my vision came to fruition. We sat by the fire and solved all the worlds problems. We discussed Christmas presents for her boyfriend and for one another. Some of the time we talked and some we just sat.

It’s important to be able to just sit in each other’s company. To enjoy the moment for what it is.

A neighbor walked over to say ‘hello’ and gave an inquisitive glance at the blazing fire. Maybe it’s odd to build one midday. When it was time for my daughter to get ready for her evening plans, she paused and said, “Today was so nice.”

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It was a moment.

I’m covered in ash and smell like smoke.

Stepping outside to make sure the fire was out in the pit, I smelled that familiar smell. This time my darling, I knew where it originated. The fire was out but the memories were still aflame. They began today around the fire pit.

A Marvelous Option

My daughter came home Monday to our front porch sprinkled with glitter. She’s concerned about leaving me alone on the weekends now. 🙂

I explained how it all started with her.

She was walking to her car and almost slipped off the front porch. It’s in the shade and becomes slippery after a rain. I made a note to fix it.

After she left, I noticed it was time to refill the hummingbird feeder. It had a little liquid inside, so I dumped it out. The sugar water splattered onto the porch, but once it dried it looked like glitter.

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I went to a craft store and bought a can of clear spray glitter. That didn’t work out. Maybe it was a dud can, but the spray was clear with no glitter.

I went back to the store and bought glitter.

Just a container of it. Never knew there were so many options! Before my daughter arrived, I sprinkled it on the porch. Yes lovely, it’s magical!

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I’m pondering painting the steps with a clear-coat of glitter. It comes in a can to be brushed on like paint.

That, my darlings, is a marvelous option.

 

Look and See

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My favorite part of this Breast Cancer Journey, is the people God has placed in my path. Friends I’ve had for years, and new ones, love on me. I salute all you Beautiful Souls that give us care in the Cancer Centers. You make a difference in peoples lives every single day.

I don’t know where you are in your journey. Mine is nearing the finish line, and God is finishing up with a bang! There is one thing He drilled home quick. “It’s not about me.” I always love hearing that. “This is not about YOU Barbara.” No God. It’s about the journey.

Try not to rush the journey lovely. One day it will be over, and you will want to look back at everything you learned. If you are pushing yourself through, you are missing all the beauty.

You might be wondering, “What beauty?” Oh love, the beauty is YOU.

When your hair starts to fall out, go ahead and shave it off. You don’t need it, and I love feeling the air touch my naked scalp.

I tried to hide it in the beginning with scarves, but living in Texas that was too hot and itchy for me. I pulled up my big girl panties, and walked outside with a bald head. At that point, I stopped worrying what other people think.

I told myself in the beginning, I was wearing the scarf for them. Didn’t want to shock them seeing a bald headed woman in public.

Well honey, if you think that will shock them, you aren’t on Goggle enough. There are a lot of things more shocking than a bald head. It’s actually an exhilarating and freeing part of the journey when your eyes aren’t hiding anymore.

This entire journey involves a lot of waiting, and a lot of the unknown. Get good with that.

It would be very stressful to face every stage of the journey, and bulldoze my way through. That would be ME making it happen as quickly as possible, and not giving God a chance to work. Running on the fear of it all, and not resting in His peace. I had to take a lot of my old behaviors, and flush them down the toilet for this. I wasn’t going to rush anyone, including me.

When people asked about my hairless head, I would tell them I didn’t have a choice. It was done for me. This usually opened a door for me to share how extraordinary this has been. This has been an amazing journey, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. My God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. He will do the same for you, if you look and see.

Coming of Age

I am growing. Not old or up, just growing.

It took half a century to get here and my hope is that you get this sooner, but if not, I can tell you it’s well worth the ride. Looking over my life, I can see it took every step and every storm.

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The tree went up this week! My daughter and I have chosen a real tree for a few years now. She picks the tree, and I string the lights. Together we hang the ornaments.

When we first moved out together and were on our own, we didn’t have many ornaments. Half my life of collecting ornaments from all over the world, and I left them in the barn.

Our first Christmas was Martha Stewart jumbo pack from a home improvement store. We started picking up an ornament here and there, and three years later we have a tree full.

For us each ornament pinpoints a certain time in our journey. Some make us laugh, while others put us in awe of their beauty.

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There is a lady in town that makes beautiful wreaths all year round. She does it just for fun, and it brings joy to peoples lives. My daughter and I bought one last Christmas and loved it, but I left it for the couple that moved into that house.

When we moved to this house, we had no Christmas Wreath. I pondered getting one, but nothing has caught my attention.

That same lady posted a Snowman wreath on Facebook. It was too big for our little screen door. It was huge! My daughter saw it and loved it, but agreed it was way too big. I thought about asking my friend to make a smaller one for us, but let it slip my mind. Two days later a smaller version of the Snowman wreath appeared on Facebook.

Have I mentioned God knows your heart?

God prompted my friend to make a smaller version, and as soon as she posted it I saw it and contacted her. My daughter will be surprised when she gets home from her Dad’s. It’s just a little thing that she wouldn’t expect, but will make her smile.

Just like the ornaments and the wreath, it’s all the little things that add up over time to manifest into a beautiful life. I sure am to enjoying this journey, and coming of age.