Reasons or Excuses

I splurged yesterday. My daughter and I had pedicures. I believe if you take care of your feet, your entire body will thank you. I woke up this morning, looked at my toes, and smiled.

I am really into beauty right now. Noticing what’s around me, and enjoying it’s natural state. I spent years buying what I thought was beautiful. There are boxes somewhere full of handmade pottery from NC artists. I think my life was such a mess, I tried filling it up with beautiful things. Maybe covering it up is more accurate. All of that has been scraped away.

My marriage was so ugly, we invested in art. I recall hiring an artist from Austin TX to create two paintings for a living room we were remodeling. He spent time with us, and got a feel for the space we were creating. It’s funny, but I don’t recall telling him we liked water. When he came to us with the finished work, it was a hauntingly accurate portrayal of us.

One painting was rather dark, but had potential. It was a lake view, with foliage around it, but the sky was overcast and cloudy. That described my husband at the time. The other painting was almost an identical lake view, but the sky was noticeably different. It had light breaking through the clouds. That one was mine. The artist painted what he felt from us.

Roi James005

Those were painted over 10 years ago, and I left them when I left. They are worth a small fortune today, but my happiness, and well being are worth far more than anything there.

gDRFmG1469717712

I found this artist this morning, and it made my heart soar. She makes art from flowers, and twigs, so I made it into a Meme. It portrays how natural, and simple, beauty is to me today.

Speaking to a lady yesterday brought back memories of when I left. How it felt, and how it happened. My marriage changed once I got sober. When you think about it, I was drinking on my wedding day, so it makes sense to see that person in a different light without the drink. The more sober I got, the less we had in common. It got to the point the only thing we had in common were our two kids. That was not a reason to stay, but it was a good excuse.

I had a lot of excuses not to leave. To me they were valid reasons, but knowing what I know today, they were only excuses. We had ruined our credit, and had a home foreclosure on record. I thought no one would rent a house to me with my bad credit. Life happens, and credit gets ruined. It doesn’t bother me. My credit score is not who I am in God’s eyes.

All I wanted was a chance to be happy. I knew God had a better plan for me, than what I had gotten myself into. I cannot recall all the feelings associated with that time in my life, because of God, and letting go. The feeling of dread was constant. I dreaded everything because there was no love. No reason for being there anymore because love was long gone.

I stopped looking for reasons, and just started moving. I knew that God would open doors, and close doors, to direct my path. It’s easy to look at what lies ahead, and let that stop you.

You need to tell all that crap how big your God is.

Have faith. When my daughter and I started looking at houses, I’m sure there were Realtors who frowned at my credit. I was going to be a single Mom, and didn’t have a lot of money anymore. When people care about you, and not your bank account, life gets real good quick.

All I had, was who I was. People I have rented from called friends of mine, and past employers to see how I had treated them. That was all they needed. I am a good person.

Do your best, and let God do the rest, has always worked for me. May it work for you too.

 

mescarf (135x240)

Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

That Was Bad

I haven’t mentioned my Chemo treatment recently. It has been running along smoothly, so I haven’t had much to say. God reminded me yesterday, why I’m here, because that was bad.

I am here to shed a positive light on Chemo. Talk about a complete change of mindset. My initial reaction was sheer terror. God has shown me so many things through this, and the first thing was trust. I had to trust Him on this path, and that He was going to perform His miracle through this. I still believe that, but He shows me I have a part. To ask questions.

By placing my trust in God, I tend to not ask many questions. God always uses physical pain to grab my attention. He doesn’t put me in pain. Let’s be clear, but if I am experiencing physical pain, He will use that for all it’s worth. Then it becomes a match of tug of war, but I eventually surrender. I have a high tolerance for pain, but do have a limit. God will win.

Yesterday, was my seventh treatment. I only have five more, and then I get a two week break before starting four treatments over a twelve week period. Lesson One. Don’t get too comfortable where you are. God doesn’t like complacency. I remember my mission today.

blog

Yep, this is one of my favorite Memes. Yesterday, as I was curled up in the fetal position in my Chemo chair, I wasn’t feeling much like a Badass. The complete opposite actually.

Of course I waited to say anything, thinking my body was just overreacting. Lesson Two. Listen to your body. By the time the nurse came over, all I could say was, “I don’t feel good.” Then I started sobbing. By then it was too late.

Come to find out, the insurance company had changed one of my premeds. I will call them today, and find out the reason, but I am thinking they found one to make more money with. My thighs started aching severely, but I tried to walk it out. Then, I couldn’t walk, because it felt like someone was stripping out the veins in my legs, and I started having severe abdominal cramps to boot.

The nurse stopped the premed, and gave me saline to help flush it out. She also gave me an anti-nausea medicine, because I had been looking around for the nearest empty trashcan.

It was the premed, because once she stopped it, the pain ceased immediately. Then I just got pissed. How dare they change my meds without consulting me first? It never dawned on me to ask if I was getting the same medicines every week, but I will now. Ask questions.

That was yesterday, and today is a new day. I feel fine, just a little worn out physically. Chemo can be a beautiful thing, so have no fear. They had me on the perfect dosage of meds, and I felt great! I actually felt better during Chemo, than I did before Chemo. I guess because it is fighting the bad guy and is winning. Have faith in God, but question man.

 

mescarf (135x240)

Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com