Tag: fear of the unknown

Meet Big Red

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I enjoy living in this peaceful little lake town, but I’ve not taken advantage of the lake part. Lake Travis is less than a mile away from my home so…

I bought a paddle board. Meet Big Red.

He sat in my dining room until I took him out for the first time this week. It was love at first flight.

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The lake is full of people and activity on the weekends, so I take him out during the week.

Big Red and I have big plans, but the first time was just to get over that little bit of fear I had to just do it. You know the scenarios that run through your mind before attempting anything new. It sounded more difficult in my mind than it actually was.

The hardest part was getting him in and out of my truck bed gracefully. He’s ten feet long and weighs 40 lbs. Accomplishing that alone was a workout.

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It’s work, but there’s an immediate reward.

As soon as it hits the water and I climb on top I find my Zen. I’m going to teach myself to do Yoga on him eventually, but right now we’re just learning.

Thanks YouTube!

I’ve been looking at boards for months, but couldn’t find a color that resonated. When I began seeing red, Google took all my searches for boards and a red board randomly popped up on my phone.

Was it random? Nothing is random.

There will be more to come, but I just wanted to introduce my WordPress family to the newest member of my family. My darlings, meet Big Red.

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To Be Brave

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I have not thought of myself as brave. I can be a Badass, but that occurs when something, or someone pushes me too far. My daughters says, ‘At that point, you better run.’

People are calling me brave for traveling this Breast Cancer Journey , but the ones who are brave, are the ones who went before me, and shared their story. This lights my path, and helps ease my fear of the unknown. Those people are brave.

No matter what you’re going through, you are not alone. The enemy wants to keep you in solitude ashamed of what your outward appearance looks like during this battle. Put that stinkin’ devil under your feet! I knew God wanted me to share this journey, but at first I was afraid. I’m more afraid of being disobedient to God than anything else.

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Surround yourself with people who will love you through it. Mr. Smith shaved my hair down to almost the skin this weekend. It was falling out anyways, but it took time and patience from a good man, to get me there. He is a chef, so he tied a bandanna to resemble a Chef’s cap. Be brave Beauties.

P.S. Another fear of mine was the port for Chemo. You can see the stitches in this pic. I love wearing tank tops when it’s warm, but there again, the scarring. My daughter said, “Own that tank top Mama. You look like you got into a bar fight, got stabbed in the chest, and won!”

Doing It Afraid

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Lastnight was the first night since the port placement that I didn’t sleep sitting up. I was tired of that position, so I curled up in a ball on my left side, and woke up with no pain.

I was scared to lay that way. The left side is where the tumor, and port live for now. It felt so good to lay the way I would normally sleep. God had His arms around me through the night.

This entire journey, has been ‘doing it afraid.’

I was terrified what the mammogram would show. Then came the biopsy, where I laid on the table and wept. It hurt like hell. It wasn’t the procedure itself, I believe it was the doctor. If you have the right people in your path, this should not be painful. They are there to ease your pain darling, and care for you.

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So today was the day beauties. The day the bandage was to come off from the port placement. I was so scared to pull it off. Having no clue what it was going to look like underneath. Let me just say, I’ve always been a wuss when it comes to bandages and needles. Welp…That is fading fast. Every part of the journey makes us stronger and better.

The fear of the unknown is what it was. Not knowing for sure what it was going to look like once the bandage was off. It was nothing like I had imagined. It was merely stitches, in skin, and a slight lump where the port is resting. As I stood before the mirror, pulling at the adhesive, repeating, “God help me,”  it was nothing to fear at all. He had it all planned.

Tomorrow I start Chemo, but at this point, there is less fear. God has traveled this road before me, and He will be there tomorrow as well. Thank you for your love and prayers.