You Are Loved

Two days ago, I posted this meme on Letitgocoach Facebook page. I thought it’s sweet, but didn’t realize the impact it would have. People are drinking it up like water.

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I was thinking, to find our true selves, it really is in the unbecoming. To peel off the layers of what has adhered to us. What this world has told us we should be and how we should act.

Who I am in private, when nobody’s watching, is who I truly am.

Do I like her? I love her.

Do other people like me? Some do, but I’ve been single since March and I see myself embracing the New Year single. I’m on that part of the journey to walk alone, but I don’t feel alone. My higher power is leading the way. Whenever I have moments of loneliness, someone reaches out, and that moment fills with love.

I’m grateful to this community.

You reassure me I am loved. When I hear notifications from the WordPress app coming in on my phone, it sounds like love. WordPress is the only app I have set to receive notifications, so I know it’s you!

Thank you for being here. You are loved.

Feel the Music

I’ve had the stereo on everyday since my daughter’s been gone. At first it was for extra sound. Then I began to feel God’s love through the music.

This song says, there’s never been a moment that I was not loved by Him, but it doesn’t always seem that way. My daughter is on a very long and full flight home today, but she made the comment, “I feel so alone.” I know she’s not, and I pray that God will place someone in her path to bring her comfort.

So where could I go that I could wander from your sight
And where could I run and never leave behind
Your all consuming
Heart pursuing
Grace extending
Never ending love
Your love
There’s never been a moment, no

We might lose sight of Him, but He never loses sight of us. I hope you can feel His love in the music.

Enjoy your Sunday beautiful souls.

Much love to you! ~ Barb xx

I Scare People

I love on people. That’s what I do. It’s scary to some.

I refer to almost everyone who crosses my path as ‘lovely’. If you’re a man, you will be called, ‘darling’. If I see you in person, you’re going to get a hug. In today’s world, this can be misinterpreted as flirting.

This is why it took so long for me to reply to comments. If you comment on my writing, you’re going to receive a bucket of love dumped on you. That’s just who I am, so consider yourself warned.

It’s my way of giving to the world through love.

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Photo by Nathan Lemon on Unsplash

I have a male Blogger friend with a lovely wife.

He commented on one of my posts, but when I responded, he was very quick to tell me how much he adored his wife. Haha I knew he was married, and respect what they have. Once he saw it’s who I am we became friends, and I adore him to this day.

What this Blogger did for me is immeasurable.

He let me practice responding to his comments.

We became soulmates in this virtual community. All of our comments were not published because they would be misconstrued. We encouraged one another to become our authentic selves. He hasn’t Blogged all summer, so I hope he’s writing a book.

Even though he’s not here, what he taught me is.

To the waiter in the restaurant, I say, “Thank you darling.” To the cashier behind the counter, “Have a glorious day lovely!” I can feel them being lifted up.

And to the soul reading this, ‘Welcome to my world’, but don’t be afraid. You’re supposed to feel loved.

Humble and Kind

I woke up this morning thinking of these words. Humble and kind. They go hand in hand. When I stay humble, kindness  seems to pour out of me. I learned this lesson the hard way years ago.

Then of course, living in Texas, these words reminded me of a Tim McGraw song.

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“When the dreams you’re dreamin’ come to you. When the work you put in is realized. Let yourself feel the pride, but always stay humble and kind.” Do you have a dream you’re dreamin’?

My dream is for people to feel loved. To encourage them through whatever life is throwing their way. I have to believe by starting this Blog in 2014, God will use it to reach people. To let them know that life is a beautiful thing, even when it doesn’t look, or feel very beautiful.

I believe it’s easy to get wrapped up in the likes, follows, and numbers attached to it all. This was a struggle of mine, because I like statistics, but numbers are not always accurate. What about the silent numbers. The people who are in so much pain, that silence is all they have.

I have been touched by those people, so I know they are there. They won’t hit ‘like’, or make a comment, but they breathe in what you’re saying. I’ve received private messages from these wounded souls, and I treasure those messages. The souls without a number attached.

My week has not been pretty. Having frozen water pipes over the weekend, and then running out of gas were unexpected events, but both those things could be easily fixed, with time. I want you to know, that whatever you’re going through will be fixed with time.

As I say this to you, I am also saying it to myself. My left breast is burning from the radiation.

I pointed this out to one of my radiation technicians yesterday, and she said it was normal with where I am on this journey. I have reached my limit with the radiation, so my skin will stay burned until it’s over.

A couple of weeks, after my last treatment, it will go back to normal. This translates to me that I have two more weeks of feeling the burn, but it will end.

We live in an “I want it now”, society. It’s funny how the lessons show up quickly, but the good things take time. I have spent a lot of time on this Breast Cancer Journey, but so have the people around me. The pace is slow, and is physically and emotionally stretching, but I’m gonna take my own sweet time. Even through the frustration, I will stay humble and kind.

Thank You Chemo

God knows when to talk with me. It’s either in the shower, or while vacuuming. Both are a mindless movement where He can get my undivided attention.

Taking a shower, and relishing in the fact they’re so quick now. I hop in, lather up, rinse, and step out. Ten minutes max, depending if I take time to stand there under the rain head.

I will save a small fortune on shampoo, and hair products, during Chemo. There is less to pack to go away for a weekend. The hairdryer alone, took up a lot of space.

The same amount of time it took to style my hair, is now used more productively. Like getting out the door on time.

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The first week of Chemo, I dropped 10 pounds. What girl wouldn’t love that!

Years ago, I drove to Austin, TX once a week for 6 weeks, for laser on my chin. Standing in front of a mirror every morning, plucking the chin hairs out of my chin, was not my idea of fun. Genetics in action.

I was advised to shave the area, just like a man would, and come in for laser. It worked for a while, and then they switched machines, and it stopped working.

I just kept shaving my chin, up until a week ago. No more chin hair! Love that!

I hardly have to shave anywhere now, and I am loving that. Sliding into a pair of shorts, at a moments notice is now awesome. Don’t haveta check my legs for hair because there is none. This might actually get me somewhat excited for swimsuit season. I’m digging it.

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No matter what life brings Beauties, it’s how we see it that matters most. Look for the unseen, and strengthen your Faith. God will use it, but be warned, Satan will too!

Look for the good in everything. Some days are easier than others, but that’s when God sends people into your path. Following this Breast Cancer Journey, has brought so many amazing people into my life. Like never before! I feel loved, and I get to love them back!

I still feel a little awkward when I see people today, that saw me a month ago with a head full of hair. A vendor at The Farmer’s Market looked at me and said, “Is everything okay with you health-wise? Because the last time I saw you…you had hair.” I appreciated his candor. His mother died from this.

My hairdresser/friend that shaved my head twice, didn’t charge me anything. I told her, “God is going to bless you for all the good you do for others.” She said, “I don’t even haveta look for the blessings anymore. They’re just there.”

Box of Love

When I began Blogging, my thought was, this is for my daughter Bailey. To have a place to go and read about our journey together. What goes on the Internet, stays on the Internet, is our motto.

This guy in Missouri has been talking with her for a while now. His name is Brett, and he works at Starbucks. His name starts with a B, like all our family members, and he works at a coffee shop. Brett bought Bailey a reusable cup from Starbucks.

This one cup is how the box of love began.

He started dropping stuff in the cup when he came home from work. The items were random things he had laying around his room that he thought Bailey would like. Guitar picks and a cool guitar capo. The capo was so unusual; it took us a minute to figure out what it was. He wanted to tell her, ‘You Rock,’ so he taped a rock to a piece of paper and put it in the cup. There was more he wanted to send, so the cup went into a box, and he started adding to the box.

He wrote messages on index cards. The cards were in a stack, as she went through and read each one, her smile growing larger all the while. I noticed how she pulled each item out and looked at it like a mysterious treasure. Knowing that his hand touched it, his thought was behind it, and the t-shirts smelled like his cologne.

It was a box of love and light.

The joy that each item brought her was priceless, even though the only money he spent was on the postage. The box took some time, effort and thought, which is important to any relationship. Brett showed us you can put love in a box, and send it, but the secret is not to keep it in the box.

A Happy Moment

We met in the kitchen, staring at one another with that wide-eyed look of, “What do we do?”

It had been eight years since I had heard that noise requiring attention. It was almost 4 am, and this had been going on for a little while. The high-pitched cry, squeal and whining noise coming from the next room, had woken us up, and it was time for action. Not sure what type, we were going to have to dive in and start marking things off the list until happiness resumed.

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This picture is my daughter, Bailey, and it describes her perfectly. She took this a couple of days ago, and when she showed it to me, my heart melted. I could see she wasn’t a little girl anymore and she was growing into a beautiful young lady. Wearing her Vintage, Polo golf hat and resting her arm on her treasured Taylor guitar.

She’s been wanting a puppy for months. We have been talking it through, and praying for the right time and the right dog to enter our lives. We knew that a neighbor’s Australian Cattle Dog, had given birth to a litter around Thanksgiving, so we went to look at them. Need I say more?

The sounds that woke us up in the middle of the night was her new puppy. We went through a series of activities trying to meet his basic needs. I finally held him close up against me and he fell asleep. All he wanted was to feel loved and secure. Just like us.

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As I walked by her bedroom door this morning, I peeped in looking for the pup. He was sound asleep with her in the bed. Coming into the den with coffee in hand, it occurred to me that she could handle this.

Proverbs 22:6, “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” She’s old enough now to do so many things without my assistance. My hope is that she will pass me and do more! It’s a hard to admit, but at the same time, it’s a happy moment.