Be the Love

My daughter left Saturday for Boston, and will not be home until Wednesday. Her father took her to see Harry Styles in concert. If you don’t know who Harry Styles is, he was the member of One Direction with the massive head of hair. If you don’t know who One D is, I don’t know what to say.

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Harry!

Here are some things I learned while she’s been gone.

*Kick up the self-care a notch. Take the Yoga class already!

*Buy the t-shirt you fell in love with the minute you saw it.

*Go to the coffee shop that re-opened, and encourage the owner.

*Start a Google search, and follow the trail. It leads to a book you wish to read during this quiet time. Call the local bookstore to see if they have it. They have ONE. Drive.

*On the way to the bookstore, stop at places you haven’t stopped in forever. Encourage the owners of the business, and the people working there. Tell them, “I appreciate you.”

*Smile at people. Be kind, and leave them with a smile.

*Hug someone when they least expect it.

*If you invite chaos into your life, take it back, and leave it.

*Use your voice if your heart is not happy. It may begin an avalanche, and your world may fall apart for a bit, but it will fall back together even better than before. Trust me.

*Clear off the giant coffee table, and use it to work a puzzle.

*Just be what you want to see. If it’s love, then be the love.

Feel the Music

I woke up this morning pondering the men that have passed through my life. I’ve loved them all, and still do on a certain level. As I began making changes last year, the tagline to this Blog changed, and I’m still standing firm in these words. “Let it all go, and see what stays.” God stayed.

Hoping in my truck earlier today, this song began playing on the radio. Maybe it doesn’t pertain to only the men, but everything I have let go of to bring me to this space today.

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days,
I get a little bit stronger.

Thank you God for pulling me through, and making me stronger.

Waiting to Bloom

It’s odd, how you pack up your belongings, and move into a new space. It’s the same stuff you’ve had, but it finds new places to nest. This house doesn’t have a mudroom, so the dogs are fed in a breezeway. Three weeks later, they know which cabinet holds the food, and which drawer has treats.

In Bénisse Cette Maison, Laura Jinkins commented, “I am happy for you and your new adventure. I am especially happy that after such a short period of time, your new abode already feels like HOME.”Looking at her Blog this morning, she has made her house even more of a home.

Making small changes, prepare us for bigger ones.

Laura moved rooms around, and repainted them, giving her home a whole new look, and herself a new work-space. She will be inspired in her freshly painted, private space.

When your heart finds a home, your belongings follow.

Last year, my daughter had been looking at houses online for months, before finding this one. She knew it was going to be a challenge to find a home that would feed both our hearts. I enjoy quiet, and peaceful, and she longed to be near her friends, and all her favorite shops. We knew the area we desired, but where, oh where, was the house?

We drove out to the lake area, over an hour away from where we were living at the time, to look at a house on the market. It was an older home, and the best thing about it was the front door. We walked through, and went from room to room, trying out figure out how to make it work, but it wasn’t right. My daughter was getting discouraged.

If it doesn’t feel like home before you move, keep looking.

As we were driving away from that house, my daughter received an email notification of another house nearby. We stopped by, and what I saw outside, spoke to my heart.

arbor

Arbor with walk leading to the front door.

I stood inside this Arbor, looking at the vine, and pondered, “Would we bloom at the same time?” There is another vine growing along the fence at the end of the driveway.

The landlord assured me his landscape guy would come, and clean up the weeds clinging to everything. I said, “No. These are not weeds. They are flowers waiting to bloom.”

My daughter and I are freshly planted, and when the time is right, just like these vines, we will be ready to bloom.

Bénisse Cette Maison

Letting go of what is comfortable. Even though I knew there was more, where I stood felt okay, and it was easy. There wasn’t anything wrong, except my heart wanted more.

2017 was a year of following my heart, and believe me, my heart and mind were conflicted. What was logical thinking, didn’t feed my heart, and when my heart soared, my mind told me I was bonkers. It was time to set my heart free.

Richard Rohr says, “Houses are meant to move out of”.

I pondered that quote for what seemed like a long time, until it took root in my heart. My mind kept pointing out all the positive aspects of where we were living, but my heart wasn’t happy. The thought of moving was uncomfortable. We had lived in a country setting for a few years, and it was peaceful. No complaints, unless you asked my heart.

I mentioned that quote to a man in our community, and he was flabbergasted! He quickly opposed it, and said, “Oh No! Houses are meant to be lived in, and filled with family and friends!” I was living in my house, but it wasn’t filled with family and friends. They lived an hour away. For two years, my daughter had been driving an hour each way, every weekend to see her Dad. She was tired.

A couple of friends came to visit, and showed me what my heart was missing. Connection, and love in real-time.

This house had it’s season, and was meant to move out of.

I came across a picture of our porch, right after moving in.

before

6/2015

We had been in this house less than a year, when I found out I had Breast Cancer. My Breast Cancer journey was in 2016, so 2017 was a year of healing, growing, and discovering the woman Cancer left behind. I let go of a lot last year, which I will slowly write about, but there were some major heart-strings tied to this little country home.

This home was perfect for healing, and offered privacy.

Here is the last picture taken of that little house of healing.

after

11/29/2017

My daughter and I have moved away from country living.

We spent the month of December packing up everything except the Christmas tree. On January 2nd, we moved into our new house. It’s been a week now, and it feels like home.

blessthishome

Bless this home.

Give from the Heart

Do you ever feel led to buy something, and not sure why?

I was in an antique book shoppe, and found a copy of one of my favorite books. It was beautiful, and I wanted it, but I already owned a copy. So, I left the shop without it.

Not getting the book bothered me for weeks, but I didn’t need it. Then God revealed it wasn’t for me, I was just supposed to buy it. It was to be mailed to one of my dearest friends. I called the shop, thinking it might be gone by now, but it was still there, and has been mailed to my friend.

This happens to my daughter too. She was in a coffee shop in Austin, TX, and saw a newly released book about brewing the perfect coffee, at home. She felt led to buy it, but we know how to brew coffee in numerous ways, so it wasn’t for us. She brought it home, laid it under the Christmas tree, and waited for God to reveal who it was for.

Our favorite coffee shop is Chaparral Coffee in Lockhart. It’s right down the road from our house, and we go there frequently. The coffee is excellent, but we love the people who work there. They take such good care of us, and we feel loved. The book was to be given to the owner, Austin.

You never know what day and time he works, but we trusted that today was the day! God had it all lined up.

We walked in with the book, and there he stood behind the counter. We ordered our drinks, and he made them in our favorite house mugs. I paid for the Chai Lattes before giving him the book. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to give us our drinks. He loved the book, and was very thankful.

We had just caught him before his shift ended, but as he was leaving, he walked over, and stood between us, as we sat on stools. Wrapping an arm around our shoulders, he squeezed us and said, “Merry Christmas girls! Take those cups with you.” We were stunned, but hugged him back.

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You just can’t out give God when you give from the heart.

Follow the Light

There was a beautiful sunrise this morning.

Walking out onto the front porch, I actually did a double take when I saw it. It gave me peace, and knowing, that if God can do something that breathtakingly beautiful each morning, then He has a beautiful plan for our lives as well.

I read a Blog post recently, where the Blogger had posted a picture of his work space. He encouraged the reader to post a picture of theirs. We probably all have the desk, and chair setup, similar to his, but my favorite place to Blog, is sitting in the middle of my bed. As I type this I realized, I’m at my desk. This new day is streaming through the den windows.

It’s all about the light for me, and following the light.

The bed Blog doesn’t happen until later in the day, when the light is dancing around the room. There is just something about sitting in that light while writing. My fellow Blogger stated he sits at his desk 14 hours a day. Well, you can just add that to my list of the don’t wants.

Life is happening outside, and we have windows and doors that allow glimpses of it to come in. My hope is you are not spending your life staring at a screen, or sitting at a desk. I have spent a lot of my life doing both of those, but that is not for me anymore. Where is the light dancing in your life?

i-love-my-life

In Six Months

Once you have Cancer, it doesn’t completely leave your mind.

I said no to going to see my Breast Surgeon. Instead, I called the imaging center, and asked them to send the films to my Oncologist. If I had to choose who to go see, it would be him. His office called and he agreed with the Radiologist. He’s not concerned, but wants to see me in six months.

6months

When I left the imaging center, those words were playing on a loop in my mind. “See you in six months.” How would I live my life the next six months? What have I been putting off doing? I listened to my heart the whole way home.

As soon as I walked through the door, I bought concert tickets to see Noah Gundersen.

My daughter has seen him in concert, and he is one of our favorite artists. He’s not very well-known, so the tickets are cheap. She wants me to see him in concert, and she asked for these tickets as part of her birthday in August.

She had a priority list of things she’d like for her birthday, and we did everything on her little list, except the tickets. He’s playing in Houston, so that meant spending the night. I called my co-worker, and asked if I could work her hours. She said yes, so I made the extra money to enjoy the upcoming concert, and we will spend the night in Houston.

My daughter thought maybe I cancelled my appointment because of money. I said, “No darling. We have the money, but we are going to see Noah, and cherish the moment.”

 

Full of Stars

When my daughter was small, I imitated Martha Stewart.

She doesn’t remember much of the grand lifestyle, but the one thing she remembers, and misses, are the stars on the Christmas tree every year. I find it humourous this would be the one thing to stick with her. The stars were made of paper, and sold in a kit created by Martha Stewart.

stars1

During my mammogram appointment, they asked me to lay on a table for the sonogram. I did so, and looked up to a view of paper flowers hanging from the ceiling. They were simply beautiful, and reminded me of these stars.

When I left my marriage, Christmas ornaments were not a priority, so the box of stars were left behind. There is no telling where they are today, but the great thing about a material object is… It can eventually be replaced.

A year ago, I searched, found and purchased a kit on Etsy.

It has been 20 years since making them, so I had to follow the instructions, and refresh my memory. It went smoothly until the part came where the paper stands up in fours points. I couldn’t get it to do it, and it was very frustrating.

God placed people in my life who taught me patience.

I’ve been sitting in the middle of my bed making stars.

My daughter will have a Christmas tree full of stars again.

stars2

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My Darling Daughter

This Blog began 4 years ago by a suggestion from my daughter. We had moved, and packing up in haste had caused me to lose track of my journals. My daughter said, “What goes on the Internet, stays on the Internet.” This will be here for her and her children, when I am no longer here. Which by God’s grace will not be for another 50 years.

My daughter has a happy Mom, and is quick to notice otherwise. She spent the younger years of her life seeing me unhappy. If I’m unhappy today. she is quick to say, “Is this what you left a 25 year marriage for?” Listen to the heart.

My darling daughter… I hope you always follow your heart.

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When Brett visited in 2017, and you drove him to this Milo field.

We laugh all the time. You have your favorite quotes by me written in your phone. CPS would have been here years ago if they read them. This is my favorite look on you. All natural, and with no makeup, You turned 18 last week, and believe this world doesn’t look your way unless you to look like this.

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Instagram famous.

I asked you to send me some birthday pics, and you sent these. Which girl looks happier? Release the happy one.

I have studied this picture of Brett and you. He is the love of your life right now, but years from now, will he still be? Will you be married, and have puppies instead of children?

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The cool kids.

Looking into your eyes, I can’t see you, but you are in there.

The authentic self is hanging on by a thread. Don’t wake up one year before your 50th birthday, like me, and decide to follow you heart. Let it lead and guide you down a path of happiness.

Breaking Heart Strings

July has taught me what makes the heart happy, and sad.

Making up my bed this morning, and catching a glimpse of the Happiness sign, I stopped making it up, and changed the sheets. That made my heart happy. They will feel good tonight.

Detachment is a word commonly used in Letting Go. Today, I saw the word, ‘Unattached’, and that felt softer. Detachment always left me feeling cold, and that’s not me.

I imagined strings attached to my heart, and they would attach to another heart, or circumstance. Anything that made the heart happy. When something occurs that made the heart sad, a string would break, and fall away. Over time with repetition, the heart becomes unattached. What used to excite the heart doesn’t phase it now. The strings are gone.

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