Full of Stars

When my daughter was small, I imitated Martha Stewart.

She doesn’t remember much of the grand lifestyle, but the one thing she remembers, and misses, are the stars on the Christmas tree every year. I find it humourous this would be the one thing to stick with her. The stars were made of paper, and sold in a kit created by Martha Stewart.

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During my mammogram appointment, they asked me to lay on a table for the sonogram. I did so, and looked up to a view of paper flowers hanging from the ceiling. They were simply beautiful, and reminded me of these stars.

When I left my marriage, Christmas ornaments were not a priority, so the box of stars were left behind. There is no telling where they are today, but the great thing about a material object is… It can eventually be replaced.

A year ago, I searched, found and purchased a kit on Etsy.

It has been 20 years since making them, so I had to follow the instructions, and refresh my memory. It went smoothly until the part came where the paper stands up in fours points. I couldn’t get it to do it, and it was very frustrating.

God placed people in my life who taught me patience.

I’ve been sitting in the middle of my bed making stars.

My daughter will have a Christmas tree full of stars again.

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My Darling Daughter

This Blog began 4 years ago by a suggestion from my daughter. We had moved, and packing up in haste had caused me to lose track of my journals. My daughter said, “What goes on the Internet, stays on the Internet.” This will be here for her and her children, when I am no longer here. Which by God’s grace will not be for another 50 years.

My daughter has a happy Mom, and is quick to notice otherwise. She spent the younger years of her life seeing me unhappy. If I’m unhappy today. she is quick to say, “Is this what you left a 25 year marriage for?” Listen to the heart.

My darling daughter… I hope you always follow your heart.

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When Brett visited in 2017, and you drove him to this Milo field.

We laugh all the time. You have your favorite quotes by me written in your phone. CPS would have been here years ago if they read them. This is my favorite look on you. All natural, and with no makeup, You turned 18 last week, and believe this world doesn’t look your way unless you to look like this.

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Instagram famous.

I asked you to send me some birthday pics, and you sent these. Which girl looks happier? Release the happy one.

I have studied this picture of Brett and you. He is the love of your life right now, but years from now, will he still be? Will you be married, and have puppies instead of children?

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The cool kids.

Looking into your eyes, I can’t see you, but you are in there.

The authentic self is hanging on by a thread. Don’t wake up one year before your 50th birthday and decide to follow you heart. Let it lead and guide you down a path of happiness.

Breaking Heart Strings

July has taught me what makes the heart happy, and sad.

Making up my bed this morning, and catching a glimpse of the Happiness sign, I stopped making it up, and changed the sheets. That made my heart happy. They will feel good tonight.

Detachment is a word commonly used in Letting Go. Today, I saw the word, ‘Unattached’, and that felt softer. Detachment always left me feeling cold, and that’s not me.

I imagined strings attached to my heart, and they would attach to another heart, or circumstance. Anything that made the heart happy. When something occurs that made the heart sad, a string would break, and fall away. Over time with repetition, the heart becomes unattached. What used to excite the heart doesn’t phase it now. The strings are gone.

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I Planted Weeds

Earlier this week, I went to see my friend Stephanie.

She gave me the courage to try my hand at plants again.

I took one look at her wrought iron fencing, and fell in love.

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It’s a weed, but look at how delicate the greenery is. It has tiny red flowers that bloom in the shape of a trumpet. Walking into the shop, I found Stephanie and asked her about it. She said it comes up every year, but this was my first time seeing it. She saw the look in my eyes, and said, “Come on! Lemme get the water hose, and I’ll dig you some up!”

She gave me plenty to bring home and plant, and I planted it along the fence facing the bedroom windows. I am not sure how I went from nurturing and growing plants, to planting weeds, but I like it. To lay across my bed, and gaze out the window at it will be peaceful. It just needs to take root to grow. Her’s were growing under rocks, so they are tough.

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I’ve been reading Melody Beattie a lot lately. She is ahead of me on this journey of finding yourself, but we have similar hearts. Here are some of her words that resonated with me.

“Be still and know that I am God. Stillness is a place. Become familiar with stillness. Take time to learn it’s power.” Stillness is found when being still, and becoming present in that moment.

“Find a balance that is right for you.”

“Become sensitive to your needs.”

“Inhale, receive. Exhale, give back.”

“Clear resentments from your heart.”

“Learn to be calm.”

“All you have to do about your feelings is feel them.”

“Embrace each cycle of your life.” This is where she talks about aging. I agree with Melody, that when you hit 50, you begin the second half of your life. Let’s see what that looks like.

“The answers are in your heart. Go back~think~when was your heart it’s happiest? Go back to your heart. It will always lead you home.” Home is where the heart is. I’m going home.

Timing and Expectations

My daughter has left to go visit her Father, so let the weekend begin! Let’s see how long it takes her to realize, she left her favorite CD’s in the CD player at home. Thank you Darling!

As she drove away, I turned on the stereo to listen to this song I’ve been bingeing on for a month. You can hear it on Feel the Music. This song soothes me even though it makes the house vibrate. Gotta love a good stereo, and sub woofer.

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This weekend I am taking a social media fast. Social Media and I have had a long loved, and unloved relationship. It has been good for me, and not so good. Spending the weekends, doing whatever I wanna, the timing feels right to take this break. Will let you know next week what it taught me.

Life has a lot to do with timing, and expectations. They are our teachers. I have high expectations for myself, but realize everyone’s expectations vary. We can be our own worst enemy, so my weekends are spent being extra kind to myself.

Something social media has given me are Memes. Friends tease me about my life being one, big Meme. I love them, and will eventually make a Meme compiled with all my favorite quotes, but I almost allowed a complete stranger turn me against them altogether. This happened a year ago.

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Searching for Memes to post on Letitgocoach Facebook page, I was becoming burned out over seeing the same ones. There had to be better, and more, is what I felt in my heart. I found an online software that was free, and user-friendly, and began making my own, like the one above.

My heart was right, but I had no clue what I was doing. All I knew was, they should be pretty, and say something that you don’t see everyday. Looking for Memes to share, there were times the saying was almost what I wanted, but not quite. Or, I would find the perfect one, and it would have a typo in it.

This online software was not the best, or the most popular to use, but it was simple. It had limited choices for font, and pics. It didn’t stop me though. Between my daughter’s photography, and Google, I could find pics. The software provided freedom to share whatever I felt led to share, but they didn’t look like ordinary Memes. Here’s one of the first.

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One of my first Memes.

One of my favorite meditative readings is a book by Melodie Beattie entitled, “Journey to the Heart: Daily meditations on the Path to Freedom.” Googling quotes from the book, pulled up very few Memes, but that is what I wanted to share. It wasn’t going to change the world, but it could make a difference. Then, in walked the stranger with my lesson.

My Facebook page was growing, and this guy that owns a couple of pages decided he would help me out. He sent a message, and here it is copied and pasted in it’s original format. His personal info has been omitted for anonymity. “If I may suggest, your messages are great, just need to work little on your images. Use picmonkey for editing images Pixabay for images and pintrest for free fonts and quotes.”

I thanked him for his advice, and did more research. Was his comment discouraging, or encouraging? I saw it as both.

Having done research beforehand, I knew of his suggestions, and they were not what I wanted. The one I was using was simple, and had everything right there, it just needed to offer more. Recently, I went back to his pages to see if his style had changed, and it had. The Memes were all black and white.

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From SC Lourie’s journal, “How the Light Gets Out.”

One year later, and full circle. Looking through SC Lourie’s journal, and wanting to share. I pulled up the Meme software to see if they had made any changes, or if it still existed. There it was with many new enhancements. It just took time. They know they have a good thing going, but they also know it can always be better. The one above is for my new Blog.

It’s not about being perfect, or pleasing other people. It’s about what makes YOU happy. Learning to take constructive criticism is a work in progress, but it makes me want to do better, and be the best I can be. Making memes is fun, and it’s one of the best, and free ways to advertise who you are.

Just for grins, I Googled Letitgocoach, clicked on images, and there they are! A lot of what has been posted here, or used on Letitgocoach Facebook is displayed on Google. Even some of the early ones! (slight cringe) Well, here ya go Google. Latch onto one of my faves! Much love lovelies!

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Speak Your Heart

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I woke up early not only to a brand new day, but a new year. Mornings are a magical moment for me. Today there is a little extra anticipation knowing this morning begins a brand new year.

I am excited about a new year! Not for any particular reason, but I have been pondering some changes. At the end of the year, I like to ask myself, “What will I bring with me?”

Just like packing, and anticipating the journey, you look at the what you are taking with you.

I’ve decided this year to follow my heart more.

I am an over-thinker, and I can see today where that has not been my friend. Letting my head rule my heart has kept me from doing things that genuinely make my heart happy. The ‘what if’s’, set in and take over. My mind is good at creating scenarios that have never happened. So this year will be the year of listening to my heart, and moving toward that.

A year ago, I ordered a calendar from a dear, sweet, friend of mine. Her name is SC Lourie, and she pours out her heart and soul in her work. When I first read her work, my hope was to one day be able to allow myself to write raw, and heartfelt like she does. I have a ways to go, and there is only one SC Lourie, so today I share one of her heart felt writings with you.

This is her wish for your New Year. I pasted it in a new Journal, not realizing three months later it would become my Cancer Journal. It got me through sitting in many waiting rooms.

“I hope you get all that you genuinely want this year, I really do. I hope you leave a piece of you wherever you go, and discover a piece of you wherever you find yourself. I hope you realize it’s all about love. And that you look deep into the eyes of those you adore, and not shy away from them gazing back at you. I hope you will reach out and feel your beloveds, not flinching for fear of being rejected. And I hope you speak your mind. Well, really speak your heart. Yes, I hope you honor your heart this year, all the way through.”

“I hope you don’t get so busy that you forget life is about having a good time, and I hope you choose happy again and again. I hope you realize you don’t have to follow anyone. You can do life your way, and life will honor you for it. I hope you laugh wildly with your friends, and notice some beautiful things, so beautiful you have to share them and write them down. I hope you remember your own kind of beautiful, and no longer hide in the shadows. That you’ll feel lucky enough just to be you, and feel safe in your skin, like you’ll love yourself enough.”

“I hope you are kissed on the forehead by the wind, and sprinkled with inspiration from the stars. I hope you listen to good music, and read some incredible books, and make your home around those who love you for who you are. Be brave with your cuddles. Don’t hold anything in. And make time for the people and things that make you happy. Tread lightly sweet soul. There is only magic around you, and it’s not going anywhere. You’re safe. You’re well.” by SC Lourie. Happy New Year!

 

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com