A member of Fearless Warrior reached out to me wanting to know my whole story. She had read the About page on my Blog and said, “There’s a gap between leaving your marriage and where you are now.”
I tried to summarize the woman she knows today on a Zoom. There’s over 800 published posts between where it began and what you’re reading now. With every click of the publish button, I left ‘that me’ on the page. Each new day brought a newer me, so I told her, “It’s all in the Blog.” Writing is my therapy.
About a week ago, I found this meme and it pretty much sums up my life. When we leave a broken marriage, unhealthy relationship, or anything that’s not suited for our needs, there’s going to be a gap. It’s up to us how we choose to fill the void.
The options are endless, but you know I like to keep things simple. Instead of pulling something or someone from the outside in, I poured what I already had on the inside out. When I chose everyday to love my life, one day life decided to turn around and love me right back.
In Fire and Rain I was on a mission to find the perfect bench for the firepit area. The bench purchase was a little outside my comfort zone, but I wanted to enhance the sanctuary vibe encompassed by the yard. Well…Tada!
Once the bench was in place, I wanted a little table, or outdoor pouf to sit between the chair and bench. This is the worst time of year to find outdoor furniture, but I drove to all my favorite stores to see my options. Instead of furniture I saw stacks of unopened boxes of Christmas trees. 😮
The table in the photo was at Target, in the Magnolia section with no price tag. (There’s 3 things right there that scare my wallet.) I found an employee to scan it for me, and when she told me the price, I laughed out loud, and exited the store. The next morning the table was still on my mind, but I continued to Google ‘outdoor side table’. I saw one at Urban Outfitters that looked similar, but with shipping it would cost more than the one at Target, so I followed my heart back to Target and gave the table a home.
This entire process brought up the thought of ‘what a year can do’. There’s a noticeable difference in what the yard looks like now compared to last year, but it took an entire year to get it here. We want immediate change, but lasting change occurs gradually over time. I wouldn’t have made these furniture choices a year ago, but I’ve been pondering the possibilities for months. It’s a foundational start, but more time will pass before it’s complete.
I don’t invite people to my home very often, but this year I want them to feel invited in. This space was created to connect and soak up some calm amid the chaos.
As you may know, I’m trying to date again. My daughter and I were talking about all the men I’ve met that haven’t lasted a week. We still laugh about the one who stared at my hair during our first meetup, and asked, “What’s your natural hair color?” I guess it’s hard to discern through all the strands of grey. 🙂
I keep telling my daughter that God knows my heart and He has the one for me, although some days it does feel like I’m sorting through a lot of men.
I had coffee with my neighbor, and she’s using dating apps. She’s actually the person who gave me the courage to try again. During our conversation I realized she and I want the same thing. We’re holding out for that spark. She went on to say, “I know it’s out there Barb because I’ve had it many times before!”
So have I, and this song reminds me of that spark.
Maybe you were one of the 20 people who viewed The Girl Almighty post about not finding a man of faith to date. I removed the post and reverted it back to drafts, because I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. Being able to share this song with you today gives me an inclination that I’ll be able to share more about my dating ventures in future posts.
During the Texas snow/ice storm, I saw a post on Facebook that made me smile. It was a photo of a front yard covered in tree branches, and said, “It’s raining firewood.”
I needed to see that because the most unnerving part of that week for me was the location of our home. The house is surrounded by ginormous oak trees and rests beneath their canopy. We’d hear the crack of a branch, then boom onto the roof, and the branch would slide and fall to the ground. I did a lot of meditating that week, and thanked God for metal roofs.
Once the snow had melted away, I stepped outside to look at the front yard, and was in agreement that it had rained firewood. The yard was covered with sticks, twigs and a few branches, but I looked at the sticks as, ‘kindling’, and the branches were easily broken into firewood. No healthy branch breaks. It was a good day for a fire, as I removed the cover from the firepit.
God knows my heart and knows I love to sit near a fire. I gathered up all the sticks and laid some in the pit. There were so many I had to start a pile of them nearby, along with the smaller broken branches. The larger branches were laid aside for future use. I sat by the fire for hours that day, and just pondered God’s goodness and grace. If it’s gonna rain, let it rain firewood.
This little farm house has been our ‘Safe Haven’ for almost two years. Last December, I wrote out my goals for 2015. A new house was not on the page, but everything I listed was going to lead us to more. God knows your heart, and He knows when it’s time to move.
We have to let go of where we are, so God can move us to where He wants us to be. Bailey and I started talking about what our next house would look like. It would be a little bit larger, have a washer and dryer, a bathtub (we have a shower), and a fenced yard for Augustus, Bailey’s Blue Heeler pup. We would still be on acreage, because we love having land. Long gone are the days I look out my window and see another house.
Bailey found an ad for a little house on 5 acres about an hour away. Most every ad we had seen was out of our budget, but this one met our criteria. We drove out to meet the couple who owned it, and take a look. It was a beautiful, old farm house that had been restored to like new condition. The owner had put a lot of himself in that house to bring it up to what it is today.
We stepped through the little wood gate onto the lush, green lawn, and almost bumped our heads on the branch of a giant Oak Tree. (Disco Ball) The next thing I saw was a clothesline. I love hanging sheets outside! That wasn’t on my list, but it must have been on my heart.
We walked in the back door and entered a large mud room. The man who rebuilt this house is a carpenter by trade, so he had filled this room with custom cabinetry! Underneath the cabinets stood, a washer and dryer. On into the kitchen were more custom cabinets and a sweet pantry. Looking into the main living area was a mass of hand rubbed, hardwood flooring. It didn’t surprise me much when we got to the bathroom and there sat a large tub. I was so overwhelmed with God’s goodness by then, it was like walking through a dream.
God had this ready and waiting for us. Once we started talking about it and became willing to move, everything fell into place seamlessly. The glory goes to God! We asked, but it was already there waiting.