Worth the Fight

A form of letting go is to ‘let it be.’

To breathe in the early morning was to sit on the front porch with coffee and watch the birds feed from the bird feeder. Now my yard is still and quiet.

The bird feeder sits on the floor by the back door. The squirrels took the joy out of having a feeder. They are relentless in their pursuit of free food.

I was spending time and brain cells trying to out maneuver them, but this time darling, I knew to let go. The battle wasn’t worth the fight.

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Then I saw a battle that needed a fight.

My daughter had a rough week with anxiety and depression. She was able to work through it, but it hurts my heart watching her have to.

God spoke to me during my battle with the squirrels. It was like He said, “Hey Barb. What would happen if you put as much energy into praying for your daughter as you are battling these squirrels? I’ll take care of the birds.” (Matt. 6:26)

God got my attention.

The yard is still and quiet.

The bird feeder sits by the back door.

Pick your battles. Choose what’s worth the fight.

A Full Heart

Cleaning house is like therapy for me. It might be a few days before I get around to it, but once I do, I find my center. Just doing something with a positive outcome like mopping, vacuuming or dusting, brings things into focus.

The shower has the same effect.

Maybe God has something about cleaning because He has me in one spot for a moment and I’m able to listen. Mopping the floor today, I was enjoying the beauty of the wood. Each slab is unique and has it’s own design. I don’t have it covered up with a rug, but it did bring to mind a rug I used to have.

It’s at my ex husbands house, where I left a lot of stuff. He’s not using it, so for an instant, I toyed with the idea of asking him for it. It is a hugely expensive rug, rolled up collecting dust. It amuses me when I think of a material object from the past that I would like to have today.

It never works though. They just don’t fit where I am.

I completely understand the draw of holding onto the past. Whether it’s material objects, or people, it’s comforting. Pondering this today, I can’t think of  anything from my past that would bring me joy in my present.

The past is the past for a reason. It’s not healthy to live there and it’s next to impossible to move on and grow. When I was able to let go and clear my heart and mind, there was room for growth.

The more you clear the clutter of your past, the more room you have for new possibilities, and that leads to a full heart.

Wish Me Goodnight

I fell asleep texting Mr. Smith lastnight. We were talking and I dozed off and felt bad for doing that. Woke up in the middle of the night searching the bed for my phone. He knew what had happened, but he still wished me goodnight.

I have only had three long lasting relationships in my life. Some would say the first one doesn’t count because I was young and stupid. They all count and prepare you for what’s next. Each one gives you a sense of what is good for you.

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I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not the easiest person to love. Being an independent woman and following God’s path, there is not a lot of needs. Maybe every man wants to feel needed, but I have learned to need God.

What I want and what God wants for me are two different things. The same applies to my relationship with Mr. Smith. He is not love on demand and he will Make Me Wait. What I want and what he thinks I need are two different things, just like between God and me. Mr. Smith is good for me.

I tease him frequently that he doesn’t treat me right and he watches while I have my fits. I have had many a fit before God too and He watches and waits for me to get done. Sometime I feel like the child in public putting on a show trying to get their way. This usually mean a big time out for me.

God and Mr. Smith have my best interests at heart. Mr. Smith can touch me through technology or in person. He knows the little things are important and even though I fell asleep, he still texted me our goodnight message. Waking up and seeing that filled my heart into this day. A full heart is what God wants and that’s good for Mr. Smith and me.