The Bigger Plan

I had the plan. It was on my list for 2019.

Teeth fixed. √

Every time I’ve stepped into this plan of having my teeth fixed, it’s not gone as planned. Not my plan anyway. I was trying to save this one tooth and my Dentist was scheduled to remove the old filling and replace it with new. That was the plan and what I was prepared for in my mind.

He’s removed all the bad teeth and he’s stabilizing to replace. After he removed the filling, he decided it best to pull the tooth. The left side of my face was completely numb and I couldn’t feel a thing, but once he sat back in his chair, I knew what he meant.

Now Barb.

I freaked.

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I asked him to give me a minute and he left the room to check on another patient. Time to get my mind right, so I began taking deep breaths in and out. When he came back in I was ready to close my eyes and pray.

This wasn’t my plan, but it’s working toward the bigger plan. After he extracted the tooth, he announced that we could proceed with building the replacement teeth once the gum has healed. That’s great news!

There is growth in the process.

The Dentist has put me in this situation before and the first time it happened, I got up and left. At least I stayed still this time and it’s behind me. Onward to the bigger plan!

Here and Now

Today is one of those rare days where I feel I’m right where I need to be. I spent the better part of yesterday cleaning my home, and rearranging items to make them more eye pleasing. I bought a lamp.

I’ve always been drawn to light.

I didn’t need a lamp, but this lamp replaced one that wasn’t giving off the right light for the space it was in. I had gone to this store to find a storage container when I saw the lamp. I walked out of the store carrying the lamp and no storage container. 🙂

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Shout our to Little Fears for Lucy hanging in the background.

I love the streams of light.

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When my daughter and I moved out of the country and into this sleepy little lake town, I wasn’t sure it was the right move. It took time for it to feel right.

One year later, I’m working part time at the local pizza place. A young couple sitting at a table asked, “Why are you here?”, like I looked out of place.

My response was, “To bless others.”

He quoted a scripture and we began talking about God and what He is doing in our lives. I mentioned this Blog and my hope to bless others through writing. He told me this town I live in is for writers.

He began telling me some of the history of the town and it used to be considered a haven for writers. His neighbor rents his house to writers throughout the year when they need a quiet space for inspiration.

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When I first began at the pizza place, I asked God, “Why?” Three months later I’m able to relax and have meaningful conversations with patrons. They bless me just as much as I bless them.

God puts us in places that makes us wonder ‘why’, but we need to trust it’s part of a greater plan.

It may not make sense, and it will be uncomfortable at first, but today I know we’re right where we need to be.

Room for Improvement

I just can’t help myself.

Sitting on the front porch in the early morning, with coffee, I look around for what can improve.

This morning I saw a plant that wasn’t happy.

It looked very sad sitting in the pot it was planted in. I thought about throwing it away, but instead plopped it in the yard. Maybe it didn’t like the pot?

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Speaking of pots. I found one over the weekend that makes me want to go back to the store and buy a few more. It’s follows the Queen Bee theme.

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After I freed the sad plant into a hole in the yard, I wondered if God looks at us in a similar way each morning? I bet He sees room for improvement.

I think that’s good, that He is always willing to help us be better than we were the day before. I’m also very grateful that He doesn’t look at us like I did that sad plant and contemplate throwing us away. Sometimes we just need to be planted elsewhere.

Over the weekend, I listened to some old Joyce Meyer CD’s. She is the only person that can yell at me and make me feel better. She said something yesterday and I made a note of it.

My lovely, you need to hear this today.

We cannot do much without God, and He won’t do anything without us. Do what you can and God will take it from there.

♥ ♥ ♥

Enjoy your day and be on the lookout for room for improvement.

This Quiet Season

I sat in my bed this morning, and had a talk with God. He has a plan, but I just wanted to share my requests.

I’m in a quiet season of my life. It’s been this way for months, but I’m learning to sit with it. After He healed my Breast Cancer last year, I was ready to be His mighty foot soldier again, but He has other plans.

In a quiet season, you do quiet things.

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I sat down in front of it this morning, and asked to find this one piece. It would be completely dark green, so you would think it would be easy to see. Scooping up a handful of pieces from the box, I looked in my hand, and there it was. The piece I asked for.

My natural response was, “Thank you God”, because I had gone through these pieces last night and couldn’t find it, but today is a new day. He was ready to reveal it to me today, and knew I needed that small piece of encouragement while sitting in this quiet season. When life is quiet, God is there.

If God can show me one missing piece to a 1,000 piece puzzle, then I can trust Him to show me the missing pieces of my life.

Trust Him I will, because the puzzle laying on this table will come together one piece at a time, very similar to life. My friends tell me, “He’s preparing you for something”, but I don’t know what that is.

If I overly focus on finding a piece, I miss the overall picture. The box the puzzle came in reveals how beautiful it can be!

I’m good with taking my time and enjoying the process of finding every piece. It will come together, in this quiet season.

This Is Normal

The life my daughter and I share is not normal. We care for one another at a very high level. We watch each other, and learn how to do so. We are now down to the details.

I bought a new toothbrush holder, and noticed the openings are large enough to hold more than a toothbrush, so I put my razor in it. I recently noticed she had followed suit. Her razor now stands beside her toothbrush too.

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To love one another like God loves us. Unconditionally.

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Fresh flowers in the house as often as possible is normal.

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She makes her famous crepes when I need some extra care.

At a young age I told her, “Everything has it’s place. When you take something from it’s place, you need to put it back when you’re done using it.” We know where things are.

When my daughter visits her Dad for the weekend, I want it to feel like home when she returns. Her room is never messy, but I go in and change her sheets, open the blinds, add fresh flowers if we have them, and light a candle.

I don’t have to ask her to do things. She knows when she’s away from home, this feels good to come home to. She has been shown to uncover the beauty.

When I am gone for the day, she goes in my room and makes the bed, opens the blinds, and lights my candle. Not because I asked, she just knows what that feels like.

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She surpasses me. I didn’t take time to make cookies throughout her life, but she knows I love them. After a long day on Thursday, I walked into the house to these.

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And yes, I made a coffee pour over to go with them!

Our kids are watching. What are we showing them?

My daughter is now watching me stretch and grow myself. This year, I’ve been doing the hard stuff. Cleaning house in more ways than one.

My daughter has gifts and talents to make this world a better place. We are called to use everything God has given us, so I am walking through every door He is opening.

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All of the notes I left for her when she was a child have come full circle. She left this on the fridge for me last week.

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I told her, “I am happy for us, that this is normal.”

From the Heart

Do you ever feel led to buy something, and not sure why?

I was in an antique book shoppe, and found a copy of one of my favorite books. It was beautiful, and I wanted it, but I already owned a copy. So, I left the shop without it.

Not getting the book bothered me for weeks, but I didn’t need it. Then God revealed it wasn’t for me, I was just supposed to buy it. It was to be mailed to one of my dearest friends. I called the shop, thinking it might be gone by now, but it was still there, and has been mailed to my friend.

This happens to my daughter too. She was in a coffee shop in Austin, TX, and saw a newly released book about brewing the perfect coffee, at home. She felt led to buy it, but we know how to brew coffee in numerous ways, so it wasn’t for us. She brought it home, laid it under the Christmas tree, and waited for God to reveal who it was for.

Our favorite coffee shop is Chaparral Coffeein Lockhart. It’s right down the road from our house, and we go there frequently. The coffee is excellent, but we love the people who work there. They take such good care of us, and we feel loved. The book was to be given to the owner, Austin.

You never know what day and time he works, but we trusted that today was the day! God had it all lined up.

We walked in with the book, and there he stood behind the counter. We ordered our drinks, and he made them in our favorite house mugs. I paid for the Chai Lattes before giving him the book. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to give us our drinks. He loved the book, and was very thankful.

We had just caught him before his shift ended, but as he was leaving, he walked over, and stood between us, as we sat on stools. Wrapping an arm around our shoulders, he squeezed us and said, “Merry Christmas girls! Take those cups with you.” We were stunned, but hugged him back.

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You just can’t out give God when you give from the heart.

Take A Chance

 

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I woke up at 4 am this morning.

Normally, I can go back to sleep, but I decided to get up . I start Radiation today on the breast that had Cancer. My guess would be, I’m nervous about the unknown. How will it effect me physically? Once again, trusting God to go before me.

This has been a year of unknown. When I found out I had breast cancer, everything moved quickly. The doctors were shooting me through the appropriate hoops, to receive the care they thought best. They had it all mapped out…a plan for the cure. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone would hand you a plan for your life? Here it is honey…all mapped out for you.

God has a plan. A couple of verses I remind myself of at times like this are, Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”, and Isaiah 55:8, “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.”

God doesn’t hand us the full life plan all mapped out like the doctors did for this year. All I know to do is take it one day at a time, and sometimes one moment at a time. I believe if God showed us His plan for us all at once, it would scare us, and we probably wouldn’t believe it. I walked this Cancer path in disbelief for a while after the doctors revealed it.

When I started this Blog a couple of years ago, I thought I would write my most personal feelings, but I haven’t. There is a certain level I hit, and then I stop myself from revealing anything too personal. It’s the same way in relationships. I stop myself from giving my all.

I went to the Farmer’s Market this weekend, and saw my friends that are vendors at the market. These are wonderful women, who have taken care of my daughter and me, on days I wasn’t sure I could. We love one another, and laugh together, but this weekend I was in for a surprise. God was getting ready to show me some truth I wasn’t sure I was ready to see.

I have been steadily working on writing a book, and one of my friends asked about it. She asked what the title was going to be, and I told her I wasn’t sure yet. I told her, “I will probably sign it as Letitgocoach, instead of my real name because that is what people know me as.” We were standing in front of another ladies table at the time, and her expression grew deep in thought.

“Letitgocoach?”, she asked. “I enjoy the postings on that Facebook page. Is that you?!!!”

This Facebook page was my baby, and I started it about the same time I started this Blog.

I had seen my friend’s name on my page, liking and commenting on some of the posts. It was fun for me to respond to her sweet comments, but I just assumed she knew it was me.

I am believing that somebody out there needs to hear this today! Are you playing it safe?

I say we drop below that level of comfort and do the things that scare us. Take a chance.

It’s So Quiet

God found a home for our Blue Heeler on Saturday. I have been wrestling with finding him a new home for months. We knew he deserved more than we could give him, but to let him go?

After years of practice, it still gets to me. The actual physical and emotional part of it. I could see God’s hand all over the situation, so that helped. It’s been a very quiet morning.

By now Gus, the Blue Heeler, would be making a squeaking noise to get out of his kennel. It has surprised me how much I accommodated this dog. I was loading the Keurig lastnight before bed, until I realized I didn’t need to do that anymore. I used to get it ready, so the next morning all I had to do was push the button. Not making noise means not waking Gus.

He was actually my daughters dog, but both of us cared for him. It was going have to be her decision to let him go. All I could do was point out what I saw, and plant seeds.

Accepting Gus for his true self, and seeing he deserved more than we could give. He’s a working dog, and needs a job. Someone rents the acreage behind us to use for cattle. The cows would come up to our fence and Gus would start barking, and running the fence line trying to herd them. He knew what he was, and the day I saw that, it broke my heart.

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I envisioned Gus with a man that drove a truck. He would be a good truck dog. Someone with a ranch, so he would have plenty to do. Gus knows his purpose, and should fulfill it just like us. Praying for our hearts desire for Gus, my daughter placed an ad for him. We knew if it was meant to be, God would send the right person, and God being God, He did.

The day the ad was placed, a man responded.

He had been looking for a Heeler for a while, and wanted one that was instinctual. He lived an hour away, but was happy to drive and meet Gus the next morning, and bring his wife. He asked, “How early is too early for you?”

They came early Saturday morning, and not surprisingly, he was driving a big truck. It was love at first sight for Gus, and them. He started throwing the ball for Gus, and I mentioned how I thought he would be good with a Frisbee. He runs after the ball, and jumps high in the air to catch it.

The man walked over to his truck, and pulled out a brand new Frisbee.

God showed us things that morning assuring us that this was his new family. I texted them over the weekend, and Gus had already been to a park, and walked around the neighborhood twice. They also have a weekend ranch with lots of livestock.

They sent me a picture of him laying on a pretty rug surrounded by new chew toys. I had already warned her ahead of time about the dog hair. He found his people.

What are you holding onto today, that both of you would be happier by letting go?

The Silver Bracelet

My heart is heavy this fall morning in Texas. My best friend in the Chemo room, went to be with the Lord this week. She is healed, happy and whole, but we all miss her smiling face.

When I walked into that room to begin my treatment in April, God knew I needed a friend. Someone special, that I would connect with immediately. That would be Vicki Davis.

I think I drove her crazy with my positive outlook on life. Nothing she could say would dampen my spirit. She tried to be grumpy with me because she had been down a very long road with this disease. I would smile at her, and just love on her until she smiled in return.

We had an immediate bond, and were good for one another. She showed me what true strength looked like, and I showed her I could love her no matter what. I marveled at everything she, and her body went through, hoping for a cure.

She was growing weary in her fight, and I asked her, “How much can the human body take?” She said, “We will see!”

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God has us scheduled for Chemo on the same day, Tuesdays, at about the same time. When you are sitting in a Chemo chair, you can either laugh, cry, or sleep. We chose to laugh. Anyone who has heard my laugh knows, it’s loud. Vicki had a laugh that matched. Both of us laughing was quite disturbing.

One time, we sat in a semi private part of the room, away from everybody else. You could look across the room and see everyone lined up sleeping through their treatment. Vicki and I were trying to outdo one another with stories of stupid things we had done in our lives.

We busted out laughing at the same time, and startled the sleeping souls lined up across the way.

Like a row of dominoes, they jumped, looked around, relaxed and then smiled. They were relieved it was just us having more fun than we should have been. That was life with Vicki.

My last day of Chemo, as I was getting ready to leave, I felt God tug at my heart. It was time to let go of something very precious to me. I was given a bracelet last Christmas by another lady God placed in my life. Little did this lady know, I would be wearing it during Chemo treatments, a few months later.

My Chemo was coming to an end, but I thought Vicki’s wasn’t quite over yet.

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It was engraved with one of my favorite verses, and encompassed my wrist as a reminder of what I was supposed to be doing. Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”

It was a challenge for Vicki and me to sit still in those chairs. It was long hours, but being with Vicki made the time fly by. On my last day, the nurses saved a chair for me to sit beside her.

Vicki was growing weary in her journey, and she had every right to be. I gazed at her resting in her chair, and sat down in mine. There was silence between the two of us, but the love was always there. Her IV bag was almost empty, as the nurse had just hung mine. I got out of my chair, kneeled down beside her, slid the bracelet off my wrist, and onto hers.

Her eyes opened as she smiled at me groggily.

She touched the bracelet, and regretted not having her reading glasses, so she could see it more clearly. I told her what is was, and what it said, and that I wanted her to have it for the remainder of her journey.

That was not even three weeks ago. It was her last Chemo that day too. Thank you God for bringing her home.

Back to Chemo

I fell asleep early lastnight. Netflix continually lost the audio of the show I was trying to watch, so I just gave up, and shut everything down, including me. Perks of adulthood.

I woke up around 3:30 am, and remembered what day it is. My three week break from Chemo is coming to an end. Today is the Monday before Chemo Tuesday. There are so many feelings that go along with that thought.

My first thought was, this is #2, out of four, so I’m almost halfway done. I am learning so much along this path, and one thing is, God is big.

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I’ve had  this Meme for a while.

Just pondering it’s meaning, and today I see what it means to me in so many ways. There are no surprises to God. He knows our life story, because He is the Author, so me going through Chemo is no big shock for Him.

Looking back, I can see how everything just fell into place. My daughter and I have lived on our own, with God’s guidance, for almost 4 years. It was my job to keep her safe, and care for her the best way I knew how. Living life together, one day at a time, has brought me an extreme amount of joy.

Today, it would seem, our roles have reversed thanks to Chemo.

I didn’t know I would be battling Breast Cancer this year, but God did. It gives me great comfort knowing He has already gone before me to fight this battle, and God always wins.

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John 13:7 says, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

My daughter started driving the day she got her permit. We were leaving the DMV, and she asked, “Can I drive?” That was about a year ago. She learned to drive with my Ford F150, and I told her, “If you can drive this truck, you can drive almost anything.” It was hard for me to sit in the passenger seat at times, but she never put a scratch on it. She’s an excellent driver.

Daddy stepped in at Christmas, and gave her a car. Actually, he bought her two. The first one he bought, was her dream machine. A canary yellow, 2010, Chevy Camaro SS. I was amazed, and told him, “Uh, No.” She had been dreaming about this car, and he had searched the ends of the earth to find it. It was the hardest thing ever for me to say no.

He then bought her a more sensible car. Still sporty, but safer. Great gas mileage, and a thumpin’  sound system which is vital to her. He still has the Camaro parked behind his office. I am sure she drives it every chance she gets, but she now sees why it was a no. It’s way too much car for her at this age.

IF she hadn’t started driving when she did, I wouldn’t have a live in driver to Chemo.

What started out as something that had to be done, has turned into something she wants to do. She wants to drive me, and care for me in this way. It was very difficult for me to allow this to happen, but I knew I couldn’t drive myself. Chemo has helped me surrender to areas of my life that I couldn’t before.

I have to let people care for me.

Today, I will clean house, and restock the fridge.

Even though I don’t know how I will feel after Tuesday, I can prepare. Healthy snacks are a must after Chemo. I think I’ll buy flowers too. The last time I encountered The Red Devil, I slept for 3 days. It took another 2 days to feel somewhat human again, and 6 days to have a clear thought.

I may not know much of God’s plan, but I know He has one. I would have never imagined Chemo would be a part of it, but this path is only temporary. He is teaching me patience, because we are nowhere near done yet.