The Act Itself

I’ve *challenged myself to be kind this year.

The hardest part so far is not knowing how the act of kindness was received, or if it was spotted at all.

It seems there’s more to it than the act itself.

I love my two neighbors! After Christmas, I left a note in one of their mailboxes wishing them a beautiful season. We are newly getting to know one another, and as you know, I Scare People!

Once I do these small acts, doubt sets in.

Was it the right mailbox? Will the mail lady see it has no postage and take it? Silly stuff!

I blew it big time yesterday. I left a small gift under the counter of a friends workplace who needed some kindness. I told her boss it was there, and to let her know. He was distracted at the time, so what did I do? Texted her to make sure she found it. 😦

I have to do this with zero expectation.

My neighbor got her note, and left one in my mailbox in return. The note was tied around a bar of candy. How did she know it was one of my favorites? She most likely had peace about it.

chocolate
Love, love, love!

So, even in this, I need to trust God more.

My Bible verse this morning was, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

Coincidence? No way.

God is big into the finest of details. The note my neighbor left for me had a sticker on the back of the envelope. When I saw it, I just stopped and stared.

grow
The back of the envelope with sticker.

Yes Lord, it’s all about growth. Not the act itself.

*Credit for this challenge goes to Donna Cameron of A Year of Living Kindly.

Bénisse Cette Maison

Letting go of what is comfortable. Even though I knew there was more, where I stood felt okay, and it was easy. There wasn’t anything wrong, except my heart wanted more.

2017 was a year of following my heart, and believe me, my heart and mind were conflicted. What was logical thinking, didn’t feed my heart, and when my heart soared, my mind told me I was bonkers. It was time to set my heart free.

Richard Rohr says, “Houses are meant to move out of”.

I pondered that quote for what seemed like a long time, until it took root in my heart. My mind kept pointing out all the positive aspects of where we were living, but my heart wasn’t happy. The thought of moving was uncomfortable. We had lived in a country setting for a few years, and it was peaceful. No complaints, unless you asked my heart.

I mentioned that quote to a man in our community, and he was flabbergasted! He quickly opposed it, and said, “Oh No! Houses are meant to be lived in, and filled with family and friends!” I was living in my house, but it wasn’t filled with family and friends. They lived an hour away. For two years, my daughter had been driving an hour each way, every weekend to see her Dad. She was tired.

A couple of friends came to visit, and showed me what my heart was missing. Connection, and love in real-time.

This house had it’s season, and was meant to move out of.

I came across a picture of our porch, right after moving in.

before
6/2015

We had been in this house less than a year, when I found out I had Breast Cancer. My Breast Cancer journey was in 2016, so 2017 was a year of healing, growing, and discovering the woman Cancer left behind. I let go of a lot last year, which I will slowly write about, but there were some major heart-strings tied to this little country home.

This home was perfect for healing, and offered privacy.

Here is the last picture taken of that little house of healing.

after
11/29/2017

My daughter and I have moved away from country living.

We spent the month of December packing up everything except the Christmas tree. On January 2nd, we moved into our new house. It’s been a week now, and it feels like home.

blessthishome
Bless this home.

Try It Again

I woke up this morning with purple hair. My daughter bleached it, and colored it purple. We went kinda light with the bleach, so it’s more of an orange, and lavender mass.

It doesn’t matter to me how many colors it is. Just a few months ago, I was bald, so I’m grateful just to have hair. My daughter had a blast doing it, and thanked me many times.

It was a moment between us that we won’t soon forget. Mainly because everytime she looks at me, or I walk by a mirror, the hair serves as a reminder of the moment. She is already studying the outcome, and saying what she would do different if she was to try it again.

I filled the coffee pot lastnight, and set it to automatically make the coffee this morning before I woke up.

I woke up before the coffee maker was set to go off, so I hit the button manually. Shortly, I heard it beep like it was ready but, it didn’t look ready. There was half as much liquid to the amount of water I poured in the night before. I lifted the lid to look at the basket of grounds, and they were flooded. The water had not properly drained through the basket into the pot.

I was half asleep when I walked into the kitchen, and paid no attention to the position of the pot. You have to engage the pot completely into the maker for it to work properly. There is a lever that the pot presses against to create a seamless flow.

try-again-this-time-with-god-saviorfeed-13623356

I could have settled for what the coffee maker gave me, which was full of grounds. Did I want to pour into me coffee liquid, or grounds? I dumped that pot out, and made a fresh one that I would be happy with.

I thought, oh I can still drink it. “It’s not that bad”, or ‘It’ll be okay.” God is not in the ‘Okay’ bizness.

Ephesians 3: 20-21 in the Message: 20-21 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

I enjoyed my fresh pot of coffee, and my hair color is fun. It’s good to know when there is an area in my life that doesn’t bring me happiness, I get to try again. This time with God.

Chocolate and Chemo

I woke up this morning wanting to put the brakes on my life. Just for a few days. Everything happened so fast. The list of who I’ve seen and what has been done is huge. Tomorrow, I get my port placement inserted very early. Austin is growing on me.

I went to see my doctor today. He is delightful, and has a sparkling attitude. He was going over the results of the MRI, with this puzzled look on his face. He said when they did the mammogram and ultrasound, they saw three other small satellites floating around the one mass. After reviewing the MRI, which is significantly more detailed, there were none.

No satellites. Just the one mass alone.

He looked puzzled, but it was no surprise to me. I flat out told him, “God is healing me!”

He smiled, nodded his head, still looking at the MRI and said, “Yes. We need God.”

Then I went to learn all about Chemo.

I had my book ready to take notes, but didn’t need it. On her lap was this large binder filled with pages , which were all going home with me. I put my book away. She started flipping through all the pages, and at first it was mild. She was telling me what I could expect from the medicines.

It was all good until she started talking about some negative effects of the combined Chemo. My face was priceless I’m sure as I looked at her and said, “Rebuke.”

I’m just walking up to doors on this journey. Tapping to see if they open. When they do, I walk through and see what the person on the other side has in store. God has lined up the most wonderful people for me. My doctor laughs and says, “You’re gonna be just fine.”

The lady in the Chemo department is excited about me being there. I noticed about 3/4 of the way through her stack of pages, she just stopped and put them up. She said she didn’t see any need to go over the rest because I was gonna be just fine. As I was leaving, she told me, “We’re gonna have fun! I’m so glad you’re here. We need you.”

God has me right where I’m supposed to be. After we left Austin, I stopped and bought this.

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A bowl full of chocolate that I best enjoy now, because chocolate and Chemo don’t mix.

Live Like That

I was noticing how delightful it is when our actions line up with God’s plan. Keep a steady, consistent hand on your passions, and don’t give up, especially when you feel like it.

It’s easy for life to cover up our dreams. We come to a realization when we’re not sure of our purpose anymore.

My daughter had stopped playing music, and doing covers which is a part of her dream. She had become discouraged without me realizing it, until one day I didn’t hear the guitar playing anymore.

Dreams do not become real overnight.

We want them to happen quickly, but thank God they don’t. If God had given me everything I wanted, when I wanted it, I’d be overwhelmed. God is patient, and we learn patience by practicing waiting.

My daughter is slowly reaching out toward her dreams again. If it takes a baby nine months to be ready for birth, it makes sense to lay your hand to your dream for at least that length of time. I give it a year.

Any worthwhile venture is going to take time.

I applied a yearly goal to this Blog and my Letitgocoach page. At the end of the year, God shows me if I’m on the right path. My views will increase drastically on this Blog, and someone on Facebook will share a part of my page to touch more people. I’m encouraged so, I keep going in that direction.

The opposite is true when He is done with a certain dream. If we are not supposed to be spending time in a certain area, it will go nowhere. It will feel like a huge struggle and not bring us joy.

Today I am wearing a shirt that says, “Do what you like and like what you do.” Let’s change ‘like’ to ‘love’, and live like that.