This Quiet Season

I sat in my bed this morning, and had a talk with God. He has a plan, but I just wanted to share my requests.

I’m in a quiet season of my life. It’s been this way for months, but I’m learning to sit with it. After He healed my Breast Cancer last year, I was ready to be His mighty foot soldier again, but He has other plans.

In a quiet season, you do quiet things.

Come sit with me, and help with this puzzle.

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I sat down in front of it this morning, and asked to find this one piece. It would be completely dark green, so you would think it would be easy to see. Scooping up a handful of pieces from the box, I looked in my hand, and there it was. The piece I asked for.

My natural response was, “Thank you God”, because I had gone through these pieces last night and couldn’t find it, but today is a new day. He was ready to reveal it to me today, and knew I needed that small piece of encouragement while sitting in this quiet season. When life is quiet, God is there.

If God can show me one missing piece to a 1,000 piece puzzle, then I can trust Him to show me the missing pieces of my life.

Trust Him I will, because the puzzle laying on this table will come together one piece at a time, very similar to life. My friends tell me, “He’s preparing you for something”, but I don’t know what that is.

If I overly focus on finding a piece, I miss the overall picture. The box the puzzle came in reveals how beautiful it can be!

I’m good with taking my time and enjoying the process of finding every missing piece. It will come together with time, in this quiet season.

I’m Not Going

I’m not going to my appointment today.

There are two ways God knows He can get my attention. Money, and physical pain. God also knows I’m continually on the lookout for the next right thing being done. What happened yesterday, was not the next right thing for me.

My health insurance ran out in March of this year.

When I made the appointment with my breast surgeon a couple of weeks ago, the lady on the phone assured me that the cost of the appointment could be broken down into payments afterwards. A lady from the surgeons office called yesterday to tell me that the appointment would need to be paid in full at the time of service. Sorry, but no.

That is not what I was told when I agreed to come in.

That decision has placed me on a new path this morning.

Thank you for your love and prayers. Forgive me for not going.

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And It’s Over

It has been a day of celebration for me. No more Cancer, and no more treatment!

Just three more days, and my 30 days of writing will come to an end. God knows I have a thing about 3 days. He always shows me something in that amount of time.

I am curled up on my bed, and sitting on one of my favorite blankets

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Just look at that Mama. It is an awesome cloud of gentle goodness! This is the blanket I took to Chemo with me each week, and wrapped myself in it during the treatment. A friend gave it to me for that reason. She wanted me to have some type of comfort in that uncomfortable position. It gave me great comfort, and still does.

Have you ever met someone online, and hit it off with them immediately? Now, I know some of you probably have some horror stories about that, but I have a few girlfriends I have met through social media, but not in person. It feels like we have known each other forever, but we haven’t. Just kindred souls it would seem.

Today I got to meet one of them face to face. It was my last Radiation treatment, and we met for lunch afterwards. She started my day, celebrating my journey on Facebook, and then she met me in person to continue the celebration. We met at a lovely restaurant, and had the place pretty much to ourselves. We shared an appetizer, and then this happened.

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Before we could decide what to order for lunch, the waitress brought these.

The manager had given us a serving of each one of their desserts. Now, everyone knows I love cake, and I had mentioned that we would be eating cake today, but this?

It is just like God to give me more than I was expecting. It was beautiful sitting there chatting with Seymour, (her pen name) and willingly placing myself in a sugar coma!

My daughter stayed home today while I was away. She did her schooling, and even took a Grammar and Composition test, which I will check once I’m done typing. I have learned to take advantage of the quiet moments. To do things in that moment, that generally flow better, opposed to when there are distractions. The house looks and smells beautiful.

That is what we do. We care for one another, and bring beauty in focus. She cleaned the kitchen, tidied up the house, did her schooling, and probably 100 other little things I have yet to notice. Her best girlfriend is spending the weekend with us, so they are at dinner now. She got pushed for time, and was distressed that her closet had landed on her bed.

After she left, I went into her room, and hung everything up. Then I lit a candle and closed the door. When she walks into her bedroom, her bed will look inviting, and her room will smell like the peach candle. We do this type thing for each other all the time, and I love it.

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This is her mug, but I borrowed it for today. It’s holding one of my favorite red teas, and I brought it to the bedroom to enjoy in closing. Thank you for sitting here, and sharing in my day of celebration. The Cancer treatment is over, but thank God the journey continues.

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she had Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is going through Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

Cry It Out

I just needed to write. There is something about it that pulls all the frazzled ends back into my tapestry of life. I should probably stop thinking, and just write.

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This is one of my favorite pictures, and I used it in a Blog written one year ago. To think of it today reminds me, this has been my year of waiting. I don’t mind waiting. God has given me plenty of practice, so I’ve become relatively good at it. It helps when you know what you’re waiting for. This week it was a call.

A week ago Monday, I had a call from my breast surgeon to see when I wanted to schedule the lumpectomy. We talked about Chemo, how I was doing, and when was my last treatment scheduled.

It felt like two doses of The Red Devil had been harder on me than the first 12 weeks combined. I still had two more doses to go, and in all honesty I wasn’t sure my body could take it. She said, “Maybe we can go ahead and do surgery then.” A light came on at the end of the tunnel.

She had to talk with my doctor, but she felt confident the lump was plenty small enough by now to be removed. So, the waiting began. I didn’t expect it to take this long, but 10 days later I received the verdict from my doctor. He said, “No.” That was when I had to cry it out.

I don’t know what God’s plan is, but it broke my heart when He said, “No”, to that plan.

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Did I mention the part where I got so pissed off, I called and left a message with my nurse that I wasn’t coming to Chemo next week? I was nice, but it happened, and it got her attention! She called me right back, so I didn’t have to wait long at all on that call.

So, I’ve gotten disappointed, angry, and cried, all within two hours time. I’m over it.

I try not to let my emotions get the best of me. I have always tried to keep it all under control, and let things like this just roll down my back. It normally works because I know a large part of life is a test. If I can look at it as a test, and God as my teacher, it really inspires me to pass that test. I felt like I was failing the test, but then I realized, this test isn’t over.

I will know it’s over when God gets the glory from this journey. He gets the glory every morning when I wake up, but He is a Master at showing off in my life. He knows I love spectacular endings, so that is what I’m waiting for. I don’t see it yet, but I know its there.

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You’re Not Alone

My daughter went to visit a girlfriend Friday evening, and she’s coming home today. I was all alone, but I wasn’t lonely. There is nothing wrong with alone time, and sometimes it’s much needed. We are the only person we actually have in this world, so we need to like us.

I read a comment earlier by a lady on Facebook, and it took me back in time. She has been in an unhappy marriage, for 30 years, and just couldn’t take it anymore. I was in a marriage for 25 years, and I remember that feeling. Once I made the decision to leave, it was like everything lined up in the Universe, and it all fell into place. It wasn’t easy, but so worth it.

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I believe this Meme to be true. I couldn’t see any way out of that marriage. All I saw were roadblocks, and impossibilities. I had no money to speak of, and no family to help, but God had a way. The first thing on my list, was to find a place to live. My daughter found a house for rent an hour away from where we lived. It was like the owners were just waiting for us.

We moved in 30 days later, and my daughter and I relearned how to relax, and enjoy life.

That became part of my mission. To show people they can have a beautiful life after 50. I believe some think 50 years old is too late to start over, but it’s not. If anything it’s rather sweet to have all this life experience, and start your life over. I’ve done less stupid things.

Doing what I see possible, hands the baton to God to do the impossible.

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Stress is worrying God can’t do His job . When we depend on Him, and trust His plan, there is no stress. Unless we decide to stress ourselves out with the unknowing of it all. As I was sitting alone yesterday, I reminded myself, everything I need comes from God, not man. He promises to never leaves us, or forsake us, and I believe our part is to never leave Him.

Something else I thought of as I sat alone, was a song by Phillips, Craig and Dean. “You Are God Alone“, is the name of the song. I love the lyrics, and will share some of the with you.

You are not a god
Created by human hands
You are not a god
Dependent on any mortal man
You are not a god
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that’s just the way it is

[Chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

From before time began, God was God alone. He is not in need of anything from us, because He is God. I love the way it says, “That’s just the way it is.” No explanation needed. Even in my alone time, I am not alone. My hope is that you know, even if you feel alone, you’re not.

 

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

The Journey Begins

I wrote this two weeks ago from today, and trashed it. God wants me to share this in hopes of helping others. It’s not about me and what I’m going through. It’s about the journey and the miracle in store. We see what’s in front of us, but the journey is where it can all change.

Unpacking my suitcase this morning, I noticed this and snapped a pic.

IMG_20160324_074910543Why is there a stack of doctors cards from a cancer center? Oh yeah…They say that’s me.

If you are lost on this journey, you can pick up the beginning here.

On Tuesday, March 22nd, I sat in a little room, waiting for the doctor to walk in. The journey so far has been about the waiting. It was a huge test to keep me waiting for an hour, but he knew what he was doing. He walked in, introduced himself, sat down and said, “So Barbara, what brings you here to see me today?” Later on I realized, he wanted to see if I could say it.

I don’t recall my exact words, but they were calmly coming out of my mouth something like this. I told him about the mammogram; the biopsy, then the call from my doctor using the ‘C’ word, and rushing me to see him. So, basically, they are telling me I have a mass in my breast, the size of a golf ball. It’s cancer, and I want it gone. What’s the plan doctor?

Let me just stop and say….When God gives you a season of calmness and quiet…Take it!

Don’t question it. Enjoy it, because I had that, and it prepares you for the next season.

IMG_20160323_150422675_HDRA sea of phone calls coming in daily. My phone has rang more in the past three weeks, than it has in the past three years. God has it all planned and is opening every door before me.

Chemo is the plan. We start there he says. I’m more worried about the port they are going to stick under my skin, right above my breast than the actual Chemo. I’ve always been in perfect health. I’ve been in the hospital twice, and that was for having babies. God has always protected me and He’s not going to stop now. My part is to keep moving forward.

As we ponder Easter week, what I am going through is nothing compared to what Jesus did.

Thank you Jesus for everything you did for us, and continue to do for us, while we wait.

 

Live Like That

I have missed writing this week, so had to stop and do so. I was noticing how delightful it is when our actions line up with God’s plan. Keep a steady, consistent hand on your passions, and don’t give up, especially when you feel like it.

It’s easy for life to cover up our dreams. We come to a realization when we’re not sure of our purpose anymore.

My daughter had stopped playing music and doing covers which is a part of her dream. She had become discouraged without me realizing it, until one day I didn’t hear the guitar playing anymore. Dreams do not become real overnight.

blog1We want them to happen quickly, but thank God they don’t. If God had given me everything I wanted, when I wanted it, I’d be in a world of pain. God is patient, and we learn patience by practicing waiting.

My daughter is slowly reaching out toward her dreams again. If it takes a baby nine months to be ready for birth, it makes sense to me to lay your hand to your dream for at least that length of time. I give it a year.

Any venture worthwhile taken is going to take time. I applied a yearly goal to this Blog and my Letitgocoach page. At the end of the year, God shows me if I’m on the right path. My views will increase drastically on this Blog, and someone on Facebook will share a part of my page to touch more people. God encourages me so I keep going that direction.

The opposite is true when He is done with a certain dream. If we are not supposed to be spending time in a certain area, it will go nowhere. It will feel like a huge struggle and not bring us joy.

Today I am wearing a shirt that says, “Do what you like and like what you do.” Let’s change ‘like’ to ‘love’ and do that.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer, Entrepreneur and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was what stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com