Tag: #Godsplan

Set Me Free

I want to show you my hair.

As you may have read in Repeat if Desired, we were trying to bleach it to white. Then my daughter was going to put lavender on it, but it has evolved into something on it’s own.

My hair grows fast, which I learned Thanks to Chemo. By the time we got it to the lightness we wanted, it had grown out of the style we were shooting for. So, we shaved the sides, and back.

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This entire process has set me free from the stigma placed on hair. We have had so much fun with it! I told her today, “When you homeschool, and my hair becomes the project?”

God works like that. We started out with a style and color in mind, but over time it became something we could not have done if we tried. My daughter just keeps experimenting with it. There is nothing she can hurt. It’s only hair, and during Chemo I was bald for months!

What we have in mind, and what God has in mind are two totally different things. Even when things don’t look exactly the way we intended, He will use it for His glory. It just sets me free!

And It’s Over

It has been a day of celebration for me. No more Cancer, and no more treatment!

Just three more days, and my 30 days of writing will come to an end. God knows I have a thing about 3 days. He always shows me something in that amount of time.

I am curled up on my bed, and sitting on one of my favorite blankets

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Just look at that Mama. It is an awesome cloud of gentle goodness! This is the blanket I took to Chemo with me each week, and wrapped myself in it during the treatment. A friend gave it to me for that reason. She wanted me to have some type of comfort in that uncomfortable position. It gave me great comfort, and still does.

Have you ever met someone online, and hit it off with them immediately? Now, I know some of you probably have some horror stories about that, but I have a few girlfriends I have met through social media, but not in person. It feels like we have known each other forever, but we haven’t. Just kindred souls it would seem.

Today I got to meet one of them face to face. It was my last Radiation treatment, and we met for lunch afterwards. She started my day, celebrating my journey on Facebook, and then she met me in person to continue the celebration. We met at a lovely restaurant, and had the place pretty much to ourselves. We shared an appetizer, and then this happened.

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Before we could decide what to order for lunch, the waitress brought these.

The manager had given us a serving of each one of their desserts. Now, everyone knows I love cake, and I had mentioned that we would be eating cake today, but this?

It is just like God to give me more than I was expecting. It was beautiful sitting there chatting with Seymour, (her pen name) and willingly placing myself in a sugar coma!

My daughter stayed home today while I was away. She did her schooling, and even took a Grammar and Composition test, which I will check once I’m done typing. I have learned to take advantage of the quiet moments. To do things in that moment, that generally flow better, opposed to when there are distractions. The house looks and smells beautiful.

That is what we do. We care for one another, and bring beauty in focus. She cleaned the kitchen, tidied up the house, did her schooling, and probably 100 other little things I have yet to notice. Her best girlfriend is spending the weekend with us, so they are at dinner now. She got pushed for time, and was distressed that her closet had landed on her bed.

After she left, I went into her room, and hung everything up. Then I lit a candle and closed the door. When she walks into her bedroom, her bed will look inviting, and her room will smell like the peach candle. We do this type thing for each other all the time, and I love it.

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This is her mug, but I borrowed it for today. It’s holding one of my favorite red teas, and I brought it to the bedroom to enjoy in closing. Thank you for sitting here, and sharing in my day of celebration. The Cancer treatment is over, but thank God the journey continues.

Cry It Out

I just needed to write. There is something about it that pulls all the frazzled ends back into my tapestry of life.

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This is one of my favorite pictures, and I used it in a Blog written one year ago. To think of it today reminds me, this has been my year of waiting. I don’t mind waiting. God has given me plenty of practice, so I’ve become relatively good at it. It helps when you know what you’re waiting for. This week it was a call.

A week ago Monday, I had a call from my breast surgeon to see when I wanted to schedule the lumpectomy. We talked about Chemo, how I was doing, and when was my last treatment scheduled.

It felt like two doses of The Red Devil had been harder on me than the first 12 weeks combined. I still had two more doses to go, and in all honesty I wasn’t sure my body could take it. She said, “Maybe we can go ahead and do surgery then.” A light came on at the end of the tunnel.

She had to talk with my doctor, but she felt confident the lump was plenty small enough by now to be removed. So, the waiting began. I didn’t expect it to take this long, but 10 days later I received the verdict from my doctor. He said, “No.” That was when I had to cry it out.

I don’t know what God’s plan is, but it broke my heart when He said, “No”, to that plan.

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Did I mention the part where I got so pissed off, I called and left a message with my nurse that I wasn’t coming to Chemo next week? I was nice, but it happened, and it got her attention! She called me right back, so I didn’t have to wait long at all on that call.

So, I’ve gotten disappointed, angry, and cried, all within two hours time. I’m over it.

I try not to let my emotions get the best of me. I have always tried to keep it all under control, and let things like this just roll down my back. It normally works because I know a large part of life is a test.

If I can look at it as a test, and God as my teacher, it really inspires me to pass that test. I felt like I was failing the test, but then I realized, this test isn’t over.

I will know it’s over when God gets the glory from this journey. He gets the glory every morning when I wake up, but He is a Master at showing off in my life. He knows I love spectacular endings, so that is what I’m waiting for. I don’t see it yet, but I know its there.

You’re Not Alone

My daughter went to visit a girlfriend Friday evening, and she’s coming home today. I was all alone, but I wasn’t lonely. There is nothing wrong with alone time, and sometimes it’s much needed. We are the only person we actually have in this world, so we need to like us.

I read a comment earlier by a lady on Facebook, and it took me back in time. She has been in an unhappy marriage, for 30 years, and just couldn’t take it anymore. I remember that feeling. Once I made the decision to leave, it was like everything lined up in the Universe, and it all fell into place.

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I believe this Meme to be true.

I couldn’t see any way out of that marriage. All I saw were roadblocks, and impossibilities. I had no money to speak of, and no family to help, but God had a way. The first thing on my list, was to find a place to live. My daughter found a house for rent an hour away from where we lived. It was like the owners were just waiting for us.

We moved in 30 days later, and my daughter and I relearned how to relax, and enjoy life.

That became part of my mission. To show people they can have a beautiful life after 50. I believe some think 50 years old is too late to start over, but it’s not. If anything it’s rather sweet to have all this life experience, and start your life over. I’ve done less stupid things.

Doing what I see possible, hands the baton to God to do the impossible.

Stress is worrying God can’t do His job .

When we depend on Him, and trust His plan, there is no stress. Unless we decide to stress ourselves out with the unknowing of it all. As I was sitting alone yesterday, I reminded myself, everything I need comes from God, not man. He promises to never leaves us, or forsake us, and I believe our part is to never leave Him.

Something else I thought of as I sat alone, was a song by Phillips, Craig and Dean. “You Are God Alone“, is the name of the song. I love the lyrics, and will share some of the with you.

You are not a god
Created by human hands
You are not a god
Dependent on any mortal man
You are not a god
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that’s just the way it is

[Chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

From before time began, God was God alone.

He is not in need of anything from us, because He is God. I love the way it says, “That’s just the way it is.” No explanation needed. Even in my alone time, I am not alone.

Live and Learn

I’m learning so much, just by living this life God has given me. Seeing what each day brings, and instead of ignoring it, walking through it. It’s not easy, but well worth it.

I found myself frustrated earlier in the week. Things were not going my way, and you would think, I’d be over that by now, and just go with the flow. When that occurs, I have a chat with God, and usually wind up in tears.

He is just trying to get me to trust Him more and more. I leave the house in a few hours, to get the rest of my hair shaved off.

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Not sure why it has taken me so long to ‘let go’ of my hair. It wasn’t even good hair like in this Meme. It was just hair. Let me encourage you, if you are going through this Breast Cancer Journey, or any journey that messes with your outer shell, let it go.

My hairdresser/friend wanted to do that in the very beginning, but no, I thought I wasn’t ready.

Listen to the people God places in your path. God knows you can handle it, or you wouldn’t be there.

So now, I have a million little one inch hairs everywhere! All over my pillowcases, and sheets, and just about everywhere really. I handed my daughter a cup of coffee yesterday, and even that had a one inch hair laying in it.

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This Meme is from one of my favorite pages, Wild Woman Sisterhood. This is how I feel at this moment. God has sent women from all over to embrace me on this path. I am blessed.

Women I have never met before, and some don’t even know my name, besides Coach. I am Letitgocoach, but I am also a child of the one true King, that has Cancer for a little while.

I will be mentioning these women throughout these posts, but let’s start with the most recent. Talking to her this morning via messenger, I was sharing I would be shiny bald this afternoon. She wants to send me a scarf, the same blue as my eyes. We exchanged addresses, but Amazon wouldn’t ship to my PO Box. She is going to have it shipped to her first, and then send it on to me. God is going to give her a chance to hold it, and bless it.

I met her through Facebook, just like the majority of the other brave souls lighting the way. When I started that page two years ago, it was my mission to encourage others, and lift them up on their journey. It still is my mission, but through this journey, they are lifting me. Is it how I envisioned? No, but I wouldn’t change a thing. It is all part of a greater plan.

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The Journey Begins

I wrote this two weeks ago from today, and trashed it.

God wants me to share this in hopes of helping others. It’s not about me and what I’m going through. It’s about the journey and the miracle in store. We see what’s in front of us, but the journey is where it can all change.

Unpacking my suitcase this morning, I saw these.

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Why is there a stack of doctors cards from a cancer center? Oh yeah…They say that’s me.

If you are lost on this journey, you can pick up the beginning here.

On Tuesday, March 22nd, I sat in a little room, waiting for the doctor to walk in. The journey so far has been about the waiting. It was a huge test to keep me waiting for an hour, but he knew what he was doing. He walked in, introduced himself, sat down and said, “So Barbara, what brings you here to see me today?”

Later on I realized, he wanted to see if I could say it.

I don’t recall my exact words, but they were calmly coming out of my mouth something like this. I told him about the mammogram; the biopsy, then the call from my doctor using the ‘C’ word, and rushing me to see him. So, basically, they are telling me I have a mass in my breast, the size of a golf ball. It’s cancer, and I want it gone. What’s the plan?

Let me just stop and say….When God gives you a season of calmness and quiet…Take it!

Don’t question it. Enjoy it, because I had that, and it prepares you for the next season.

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A sea of phone calls coming in daily. My phone has rang more in the past three weeks, than it has in the past three years. God has it all planned and is opening every door before me.

Chemo is the plan. We start there he says. I’m more worried about the port they are going to stick under my skin, right above my breast, than the actual Chemo. I’ve always been in perfect health. I’ve been in the hospital twice, and that was for having babies. God has always protected me and He’s not going to stop now. My part is to keep moving forward.

As we ponder Easter week, what I am going through is nothing compared to what Jesus did.

Thank you Jesus for everything you did for us, and continue to do for us, while we wait.

Live Like That

I was noticing how delightful it is when our actions line up with God’s plan. Keep a steady, consistent hand on your passions, and don’t give up, especially when you feel like it.

It’s easy for life to cover up our dreams. We come to a realization when we’re not sure of our purpose anymore.

My daughter had stopped playing music, and doing covers which is a part of her dream. She had become discouraged without me realizing it, until one day I didn’t hear the guitar playing anymore.

Dreams do not become real overnight.

We want them to happen quickly, but thank God they don’t. If God had given me everything I wanted, when I wanted it, I’d be overwhelmed. God is patient, and we learn patience by practicing waiting.

My daughter is slowly reaching out toward her dreams again. If it takes a baby nine months to be ready for birth, it makes sense to lay your hand to your dream for at least that length of time. I give it a year.

Any worthwhile venture is going to take time.

I applied a yearly goal to this Blog and my Letitgocoach page. At the end of the year, God shows me if I’m on the right path. My views will increase drastically on this Blog, and someone on Facebook will share a part of my page to touch more people. I’m encouraged so, I keep going in that direction.

The opposite is true when He is done with a certain dream. If we are not supposed to be spending time in a certain area, it will go nowhere. It will feel like a huge struggle and not bring us joy.

Today I am wearing a shirt that says, “Do what you like and like what you do.” Let’s change ‘like’ to ‘love’, and live like that.