Leaving the Throne

It was one year ago I saw her post with a picture of the ragged bible and went looking for my Bible. It was sitting on a shelf of books collecting dust, but it had a cover on it which I wrote about here. This year, I took the protective cover off in hopes that it would begin to look used. Let’s just say it’s been a process.

When I brought it down from the shelf, I laid it on the windowsill and I picked it up every now and then to read. It got moved from the windowsill to the bedside table. This table is on the far side of the bed, so basically it laid in a corner. I’d wake up and gaze at that Bible seeming so far away, but not completely out of reach.

I’d grab my phone and do a meditation instead.

A while ago, the Bible made it to the table on my side of the bed. When I sit up in the morning, I still grab my phone, but I grab the Bible along with it. I look at Instagram to see if this same woman with the ragged Bible from a year ago has posted a verse to read. She calls it a ‘Faith Read’ and posts the chapter and verse.

In my previous post, my daughter loved the picture of the woman sitting on the pier. It is a beautiful photo, but I found it on Google. I dug up the photo below and this was my pier. I stood there almost every morning, waiting to see the sunrise and to praise and worship God. This pier got me through everything life threw.

This pier is where God showed up every time I did.

Not quite as blissful looking as Google’s.

While driving into town, I heard a song on the radio. It was an old Philips, Craig and Dean song and it took me back to this pier. It was the song I sang when I wasn’t feeling the whole ‘just show up’ thing. You are God alone, gives me peace and comfort in knowing no matter what we see today, He is still on the throne, and He’s not leaving the throne.

Google Can’t Laugh

I bought the most obnoxious wreath. I had to warn my daughter that my crazy was unleashed and sent her this picture.

wreath

She’s in England and I was going to let it surprise her when she walked up to the front door, but couldn’t resist sharing it.

Today, I’m not sure when she’s coming home. Her flight from England was canceled. I have to let it go and lay it at His feet. God has a plan, I just can’t see it yet.

She messaged me this morning and asked if I was okay. Of course I am, but I told her, “Google doesn’t laugh with me.” (We have a Google Home Mini) My daughter has the app on her phone and she loves reading my history of what I’ve asked. Now, I’m wondering what all I’ve asked! 😂

About a week ago, the power went out. I found myself saying, “Hey Google? Is there a wreck nearby?” My daughter just screamed out laughing. We both did. FYI…If the power goes out, little Google Home dies. I’m still laughing while typing this.

crazy

We laugh all the time. It’s not something we try to do, it’s just part of living this life together. It’s fun! When I asked Google, “Hey Google? Can you laugh?”, it said, “Sorry. I haven’t learned that yet.”

Poor Google. You need to learn to laugh.

Dear Team at Google. Google can’t laugh.

Be a Stopper

I’m not very good at quitting. As soon as that thought entered my mind, another thought followed. ‘You don’t have to quit, but you can stop.’

I’m good at stopping.

♥ ♥ ♥

In speaking with a co-worker he said something that has been rolling around my mind for a week. We don’t know each other very well, so he had no idea my love for memes. I noticed he never posted a meme on his Facebook page. It was always a photograph with a description of the event.

He said, “People being encouraged by a saying on a meme. That is the most ridiculous thing ever!”

His comment knocked me back for a moment, but I quickly realized I’ve had that thought before.

At the time, I was scheduling an encouraging meme to post automatically the next morning. A lady thanked me for starting her day with something positive, but then I wondered…’Why are you looking through your phone for encouragement?’

I’ve done it too. Whenever I needed encouragement I’d scroll through my own Facebook page. Hah!

In 2017, I taught myself how to make memes. If you google Letitgocoach, and click images, you will see some, but once I learned, I was ready to learn something else. Making memes is a nice tool to have, but they’ve lost their sparkle in my life.

♥ ♥ ♥

Smith and I stopped seeing one another. We had a beautiful journey, but we stopped several times. The time between stops got longer until we knew our journey had come to a close. It was a sweet ending and then I saw a meme he posted on Facebook. He announced his single status in a joking way.

He used a meme and it was humorous, but I thought it ironic that the end of our relationship was summed up in a meme. I’m not hurt by it. I know it’s his way to lighten the seriousness of the situation with humor, so I’m happy he can do that.

I may not be a quitter, but I’m a good stopper.

Dare to Believe

Is there a dream in your heart?

They say a dream will never leave you, unlike an ‘idea’ we soon forget. You will have ideas toward your dream. Stepping stones. Jot them down.

That dream that God placed in my heart…It’s still there. When I need encouragement toward my dream, I pull it up in my mind and see it instantly and clearly, although God showed it to me years ago.

It’s always the exact same, like watching a rerun.

pexels-photo-943627

I am my own worst enemy for my dream. I could quit it at any given time.

Go Back to the Beginning

“If you’re not willing to begin at the beginning, you’ll never end up at the ending.”~Christine Caine

The end of August, I stepped off the beaten path and changed the name of this Blog, but a week ago, I changed it back. I didn’t think up the name Letitgocoach. It was the only name available on WordPress with the words, ‘let it go’. God knows what He’s doing, even when we don’t.

Someone in my life at the time laughed at that name. He thought it was absurd. Let them laugh.

They may look at you like you’re a nut, but to an Oak tree, you’re everything.

Hold Onto the Dream

Now that you are daring to dream, there is something else you need to encompass.

BELIEVE.

Sounds simple right? It is, but you are going to go through tests. Pass those tests. Just get through them to the very best of your ability. Every test will make you stronger, better and quicker for the next one.

Dreamers can live in a lonely world.

Listen to motivational speakers. Read uplifting books, and Blogs. Look at people who have already achieved a similar dream, and learn from them.

Keep people in your life who love you, motivate you, encourage you, inspire you, enhance you, and make you happy.

I continually let people walk out of my life.

 

Let Go of the Plan

I would venture to guess no football team won the Super Bowl their first year of playing. It takes years of dedication. The same with Olympic Gold Medalists. They have that dream at a young age.

How long have you had your dream?

Maybe it’s not happening as quickly as you planned, but continue laying your hand to it. Use your gift, let go of those pesky expectations, and believe.

Success is when our preparation, and God’s timing meet on the journey.

Over the years, God has given me success. At some point in the journey I’d always ask, “What is keeping me from everything you have for me?”

Each time I felt like it was my impatience.

God is the light and we are the shadow.

Life is a journey. The destination is the dream.

Dare to Believe.

 

 

Quiet is Good

My life is quiet. I created it that way on purpose.

Some people cannot embrace the quiet. They have to stay busy. The stillness of life is a beautiful thing. Have you practiced just sitting in it?

Sometime last year, I took all the apps off of my phone that made noise. I have an undying love for Google, so the Google family of apps stayed.

My phone may be quiet, but my mind is not.

I’m always thinking, and this was disturbing my sleep. It would take so long for my brain to shut off, I started dreading bedtime. Plus, I would wake up the next day tired from trying to get some sleep!

I tried a lot of things to prepare my mind for bed.

My daughter recommended Melatonin, but that just knocked me out. This is the same daughter that told me, “You look tired.” I longed for a good night’s sleep. That feeling of drifting off to dreamland.

The other night, I laid in bed and listened to my breathing. In my mind, I heard my Yoga instructor say as if to remind me, “It’s all in the breath.”

I’ve been practicing Yoga and meditation all year.

I’ve been doing both of them wrong.

Yoga was a form of exercise for me, but that is not it’s main purpose. That is more like a fringe benefit.

I could never get my mind quiet long enough to meditate. Guess what? I’m not supposed to. It’s okay to be mindful of your thoughts during meditation.

thoughts

This is when I tried Headspace for 10 days straight.

My daughter mentioned I was ‘sighing’ a lot, but it wasn’t a sigh. It was controlled breathing. I was sorting through my thoughts with each breath.

Two nights ago, guess how I fell asleep?

By counting my breath. Just being aware of my breath, and counting each inhale and exhale.

I felt myself drifting off to sleep. Quiet is good.

Learning with WordPress

I knew nothing about Blogging when I began, but here are some things I learned with WordPress.

What should be the name of your Blog?

When I opened a Medium account in August, it automatically connected to my gmail account, so it used my real name. Use your real name if you can.

When starting this Blog, I used Letitgocoach, because I thought it would reflect that stage of my life. Six years of Social Media later, I’m known as Letitgocoach, so will probably use that pen name in writing a book. We will see if Google can let it go.

Don’t delete pictures from your media library.

This one still causes me to sigh. Whatever you delete in your media library, disappears from the Blog you used it in. I have a years worth of Blogs with this weird little broken link icon instead of a picture.

When inserting a photo, or meme, leave off any alignment. Click the + button on your toolbar, choose ‘media’, and then ‘add new’, to upload your photo. Once inserted, you can click on the photo to see options. This is where you choose, ‘no alignment’, and type in a caption, or photo credit.

 

Make your Blog easy to read.

I love reading, and following new Bloggers. While in my Reader, I click on the ‘Search’ option, and it pulls up a lot of newbies. There is no easy way to say this but, break up the page. It’s easier on the eyes, and more enjoyable if it’s not a 1,000 word paragraph.

Before clicking publish, I click ‘Preview’. This allows me to see what the post will look like on a Desktop, Tablet, or Phone to ensure it’s easy to read.

The Pingback. How to tag another Blogger, or insert a link in your post.

While reading a Blog post, and you see an underlined, or highlight word, it may contain a link. I will say ‘hello’ to my friend Kat. If you click on her name Kat, it will take you to her Blog.

You can place a link under any word in your post.

Highlight the word, and click the piece of chain link looking thing on your toolbar. In a new browser window, go find the Blogger’s site you want to tag. Copy their link, or any web address you want to use, and go back to your post. Paste the link in the URL window.

You should see your highlighted word in the box below. If not, you can type in your ‘link text.’ If you are referring to a previous post, you can choose it from the list. I click the box ‘”Open link in new window’, so it does. Click ‘add link’ and you’re done.

If you’ve been nominated for an award, and noticed all of the nominees highlighted, or underlined, this is how they did it. You will want to reciprocate.

This is some of what I’ve learned Inbarbsworld. If you want to learn everything there is to know about Blogging, I recommend Renard, in Renard’s World.

What A Year

I went to see my Breast Surgeon this morning for a follow up visit. She said, “You look great! You cannot even tell you’ve been through an all out war!” All I could say was, “God is good.”

She always hands me a list of my next steps. She wants me to wait a few weeks, and have a mammogram, but let my breast heal from the radiation. She said, “If you wait one month, you will have your mammogram exactly a year from when you had that first one.”

The journey began around March 7, 2016.

I had to stop Googling first thing.

That will scare the crap outta ya. Instead, I found Blogs written by women walking a similar path. This one woman was ahead of me on the Cancer path, and she was a comfort. She gave an in-depth description of the Chemo I would be receiving fondly known as The Red Devil. She is a truth-teller, and that is all I needed.

The last Cancer post I read, was written by a woman that was nearing the end of her journey. She was looking forward to it being over and feeling that sense of elation. I thought I would feel that too, knowing that the worst is behind me. It has been different for me.

It’s like everything in my life is more vividly colored, more intense. I notice things now, that I had missed before. I am more in-tune to my heart, and listen to my body, and soul.

sacred

 

I have a myriad of feelings, but, “Whew! That’s over!”, hasn’t been one of them. This quote sums it up, “New Year, New Feels, New Chances, Same Dreams, Fresh Starts.

When I have my next mammogram, it will show nothing, which is better than something. It’s been a year.

One More Day

I am going to post two Blogs today. It doesn’t happen often, but I have another one in me. If you are reading this, you may want to read the one from this morning, “Which Way Home.” A change of events occurred after posting that one, and I got my one more day.

Note to self. Do not let the dog outside as you’re loading up your truck.

Mr. Smith has a Min Pin, (miniature Doberman Pincher), that decided to race out the door as soon as I opened it. I didn’t think too much about it because he usually comes back in a few minutes. Once I finished loading my truck, I noticed the time was moving closer to my Radiation appointment, and he hadn’t returned. I was going to have to go look for him.

My left breast has a deep burn going on after 21 treatments. I started putting pure Aloe Vera on it yesterday, and thought, it would be nice to have one more day to keep it covered in Aloe. Thanks to Mr. Smith’s dog, I got my one more day. He came home an hour later.

img_20170116_144233930_hdr

There was one thing I wanted to do while Smith was at work. To clean up my room.

Smith gave me this room to enjoy as I write, and tinker with stained glass. It got covered up with boxes from Christmas, and the table was full. I love this room and the view! By taking one more day to soothe my soul, I would also have it to heal my burned boob. I took a shower, put on Aloe , my Yoga pants, a comfortable t-shirt, and walked into the room.

I tore down all the empty boxes, and have them ready to be picked up. Then it was time to organize all this glass. Smith’s grandmother used to work with glass, and I am blessed to have all her leftover pieces. The tool caddy needed to be put together completely, so I did that as well. While looking at what I had in the caddy, I realized two things I would need.

While doing a Google search for the items, I felt my heart prompting me to look through the box of glass. Pulling out all of the pieces, and getting down to the bottom of the box. There is where I found the items I needed. The tool caddy is complete, and the room is cleaned, and organized. Sometimes the body and soul just need that one more day.

Learning With Chemo

but

“A writer needs to write”, they say.

This is true. I think of something to write about almost everyday, but it rarely ends up here. As a writer, I get focused on sounding eloquent,  or making sure there is true meaning to my words. They also say, “Write. Even if it doesn’t make any sense.” My life doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I have a sister who is ten years older than me. Ten years ago, she went through the same kind of Breast Cancer I have. It even occurred the same time of year. The doctors know more now, so my journey is easier than hers.

She started sharing a list of things not to do during Chemo. I just laughed and said, “Oh, I’ve already done all of that. Thanks though!”

*The sun is not your friend.

I used to love to soak up the sunshine, and just feel it penetrate my skin. I did that after one of my Chemo Treatments, and paid the price for two days. I felt really sick from the sun.

*Google is not your friend.

Do not Google your symptoms, or any side effects. I love Google, and use it all the time, but not for Chemo. They list every side effect imaginable, and there are some horror stories out there. I was terrified of the thought of Chemo, and then I read a comment, “Cancer doesn’t kill. Chemo does.” I was done with Google, and would call my doctor if needed.

I believe God has given me a relatively easy path through this, so I can share with others.

There will be things you need to modify. It’s all about your body, and what it’s going through. It’s time to listen to, and be kind to your body. Pretty much every little thing you did before Chemo, you will be grateful for afterwards. I have a lot of gratitude for what it has shown me, and you can read more about that here.

You will get through this, and be better for it.

It’s ‘body over mind’ time Beautiful Souls.

*No heavy lifting or strenuous work.

I drug my 50 lb. fully loaded trashcan down to the street just like before. Once was enough. I thought my heart would explode.

When your body says, “Stop”, just stop and stretch out across your bed. It needs to rest.

The main thing is to pour more goodness into the body, than poison. Chemo stays in your system for 48 hours, and then leaves, so be careful the day of, and two days after. Eat small meals of goodness. Fruit, veggies, good cheeses, with crackers. Do you buy those Goldfish crackers for your kids?

Eat them all. Parmesan Goldfish will be your best friend, and taste delightful right after Chemo.

I drink a ton of liquid nutrition. It has been my very best friend, and you can find that here.

If you, or someone you know is going down this Chemo path, please feel free to share. The path may not look beautiful at first, but this is one journey I won’t soon forget.

 

 

Barbie to Her

I have put off writing this because I’m still moving from the drive. I enjoy being in control, but when I ponder the past few weeks, there is no evidence of that. I wanted this month to be a time of reflection, but God had other plans.

I knew as soon as I saw her number come up on my phone. It was laying on my desk, next to my laptop, and I just stared at it while it was ringing. When I answered she was sobbing, and then I knew God had heard our plea for help.

Mama did not wake up that morning my sister conveyed. This had been a long ride for all, but especially my sister.

I loved my Mama. She was a kick butt, independent, strong minded woman that would hug the breath right outta ya.

Until she was diagnosed with Dementia. She labeled this piece for me to have because she knew she might not recall.

barbie

I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was I had to get to my sister and make sure she was okay. The airline wants you to pay them in gold bricks the month of December, so driving it was. From me to her was 20 hours of driving time, and I had not driven that far before.

My sister’s ex husband heard the news, and posted his condolences on my Facebook page. He referred to me as Barbie, so my friends probably wondered, ‘Who is Barbie?”

That was my nickname growing up.

My full name is Barbara, so I guess my family thought it was cute to shorten it to Barbie. They are the only ones that call me Barbie. People have tried after finding out about it, but it doesn’t sound right. It’s one of those things you respond to from a family member because it fits. I am not her today.

My family still sees me as little Barbie which is humorous to me. They have no interest in changing their vision; they don’t know I write, and have not read this Blog. The last thing they heard was I got a divorce which was almost 3 years ago. They don’t know Barbara.

I miss my Mama, but I have missed her for years.

She is in heaven completely healed, and I’ll always be Barbie to her.