Love, my daughter

My Darling Daughter

This Blog began 4 years ago by a suggestion from my daughter. We had moved, and packing up in haste had caused me to lose track of my journals. My daughter said, “What goes on the Internet, stays on the Internet.” This will be here for her and her children, when I am no longer here. Which by God’s grace will not be for another 50 years.

My daughter has a happy Mom, and is quick to notice otherwise. She spent the younger years of her life seeing me unhappy. If I’m unhappy today. she is quick to say, “Is this what you left a 25 year marriage for?” Listen to the heart.

My darling daughter… I hope you always follow your heart.

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When Brett visited in 2017, and you drove him to this Milo field.

We laugh all the time. You have your favorite quotes by me written in your phone. CPS would have been here years ago if they read them. This is my favorite look on you. All natural, and with no makeup, You turned 18 last week, and believe this world doesn’t look your way unless you to look like this.

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Instagram famous.

I asked you to send me some birthday pics, and you sent these. Which girl looks happier? Release the happy one.

I have studied this picture of Brett and you. He is the love of your life right now, but years from now, will he still be? Will you be married, and have puppies instead of children?

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The cool kids.

Looking into your eyes, I can’t see you, but you are in there.

The authentic self is hanging on by a thread. Don’t wake up one year before your 50th birthday and decide to follow you heart. Let it lead and guide you down a path of happiness.

Letting Go, Love, Moving On

Ready to Bloom

healI was on my way to an AA meeting yesterday, and stopped by to see Stephanie. She is my plant Guru. I’m not sure she realizes the magnificent healing she has brought to my life through these plants she encouraged me to bring home. It was time to buy my first one that would bloom. I spotted a pot that made me smile, and the plant we chose is big!

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Yes. I blew my Saturday budget on a pot and plant. No regrets.

She told me it is a good plastic one, but it looked real!

On the way home, I stopped at a small Farmer’s Market.

There is something about people sitting in 100 degree heat, that deserve our attention. A young lady was sitting at a table filled with bottles of honey. We began talking, and she invited me to her church. I listened as she told me more.

What made my ears perk was a study they have on Wednesday nights. It’s by Beth Moore, entitled, “Believing God.” I did this study years ago, and it was enlightening.

Believing God is what I’ve been doing, but it would be nice to do the study again. She is going to text me a reminder, but I was standing there because of the label on her honey.

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Aren’t we supposed to Bee Love? I believe so.

As I was walking away she said, “I am looking for a mentor! A Godly woman I can model my life after.” I didn’t respond, but Wednesday night I will be at that study. I hear you God.

This journey  began with my daughter wanting Boston Ferns.

As I was leaving Stephanie’s, she said the main thing people ask her is how to grow a Boston Fern. The thought intimidated me too, but they are huge now! I told her about mine, and she said, “If you can grow a Boston Fern, you are the bomb!” All I did was care. I hugged Stephanie and said, “You make my life more beautiful.” She exclaimed, “That made my day!” She helped give me my beautiful life back.

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Double bloom Pink Hibiscus and Mochee.

God knows when we are ready to bloom. Can you feel it?.

Letting Go, Moving On, Unbecoming 2016

Breaking Heart Strings

July has taught me what makes the heart happy, and sad.

Making up my bed this morning, and catching a glimpse of the Happiness sign, I stopped making it up, and changed the sheets. That made my heart happy. They will feel good tonight.

Detachment is a word commonly used in Letting Go. Today, I saw the word, ‘Unattached’, and that felt softer. Detachment always left me feeling cold, and that’s not me.

I imagined strings attached to my heart, and they would attach to another heart, or circumstance. Anything that made the heart happy. When something occurs that made the heart sad, a string would break, and fall away. Over time with repetition, the heart becomes unattached. What used to excite the heart doesn’t phase it now. The strings are gone.

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A Better Life, Letting Go, Moving On

The Sad Shelf

When my daughter and I go to a garden center, we take a look at the sad shelf. This is the shelf of plants, drastically reduced in price from over-watering. They all look sad.

Maybe that is why I started caring for plants. If I could care for them properly, and give them a healthy environment, then I could do the same for me. The plants and I are growing.

The people traveling with us on our journey should add to our happiness. If we are not surrounded by happiness, it’s time to take a look at the people we allowed onto our path.

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There is a role for everyone we meet, but how healthy are they? How well they care for themselves, is how well they care for you. The sad shelf is not a pretty place to be.

Present Moment, Quality of life

Try It Again

I woke up this morning with purple hair. My daughter bleached it, and colored it purple. We went kinda light with the bleach, so it’s more of an orange, and lavender mass.

It doesn’t matter to me how many colors it is. Just a few months ago, I was bald, so I’m grateful just to have hair. My daughter had a blast doing it, and thanked me many times.

It was a moment between us that we won’t soon forget. Mainly because everytime she looks at me, or I walk by a mirror, the hair serves as a reminder of the moment. She is already studying the outcome, and saying what she would do different if she was to try it again.

I filled the coffee pot lastnight, and set it to automatically make the coffee this morning before I woke up. I do this sometimes while I wait for my daughter to get up and make me a pour over mug. I know how to make a pour over, but for some reason hers taste better.

I woke up before the coffee maker was set to go off, so I hit the button manually. Shortly, I heard it beep like it was ready but, it didn’t look ready. There was half as much liquid to the amount of water I poured in the night before. I lifted the lid to look at the basket of grounds, and they were flooded. The water had not properly drained through the basket into the pot.

I was half asleep when I walked into the kitchen, and paid no attention to the position of the pot. You have to engage the pot completely into the maker for it to work properly. There is a lever that the pot presses against to create a seamless flow. The pot wasn’t sitting where it was supposed to be to receive that continuous flow. Are we still talking about coffee?!?

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I could have settled for what the coffee maker gave me, which was not good coffee. Holding the pot up to the light revealed it was full of grounds. Did I want to pour into me coffee liquid, or grounds? I dumped that pot out, and made a fresh one that I would be happy with.

I thought, oh I can still drink it. “It’s not that bad”, or ‘It’ll be okay.” God is not in the ‘Okay’ bizness. Ephesians 3: 20-21 in the Message: 20-21 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

I enjoyed my fresh pot of coffee, and my hair color is fun. It’s good to know when there is an area in my life that doesn’t bring me happiness, I get to try again. This time with God.

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Better Life, Present Moment, Quality of life

What A Cock!

I am on a mission to uncover a more authentic me. The incomplete lessons I mentioned in Permission to Grow, are on my schedule for the weekend. I don’t think we need to hurry through any lesson because we miss out on the meaning. Is what you read here all of me, or only the parts of me I want you to see?

Maybe you don’t know of my love for chickens. This time of year farm supply stores have an abundance of baby chicks, bunnies, and ducks for Easter. The children love them, and my daughter was no different. The first time we stepped inside a farm supply store, she was 5 years old. Seeing all the babies, there was no way I could deny her a few baby chicks.

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What I thought I was buying for her, turned into a long time passion of mine.

For years I had chickens, and loved having fresh eggs everyday.

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Even eggs were pretty to me. I had chickens that laid a variety of colors. Some of my most healing moments were spent cleaning the chicken coop while listening to music. It was where I would escape to while building up the courage to leave my 25 year marriage. Being there brought me peace in the most difficult time of my life. Chickens got me through it.

They all brought me joy, but there was one that always followed me around. Her name was Reese. She knew my life was in turmoil, and she would show up throughout the day like she was checking on me. She wouldn’t come in the house, but she would get as close as she could. Here she is sitting in a planter by the front door. She laid her daily egg in that pot.

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Isn’t she beautiful? She was a Polish hen. I had to have at least one that wore a crown.

I say was because none of my chickens are with me anymore. I brought them with me to our new life on 40 acres, but we had possums that would come at night, and try to get into the coop.

I tried everything to keep them safe, and moved the coop closer to the house, by the back door, thinking a possum wouldn’t come that close to the house. One night we heard a ruckus outside, and I flung open the back door to see a possum inside the coop with Reese in it’s mouth. Trying to keep what I loved, had put them in danger. Reese died from my choice.

Me being the Redneck that I was, I yelled to my daughter, “Shoot it!!!” She ran and got her rifle and shot that possum right between the eyes. Both of us stood there and sobbed.

I won’t have anymore chickens. I won’t put another life in danger, for my happiness, including my own. I worried over those chickens every night, so the joy was already gone. I was now in ‘protection’ mode to see if I could keep them safe, because they were mine.

What did you think this Blog was going to be about when you saw the title?

I have a ginormous metal cock sitting in my front yard. It has brought joy to many people as they ride by. It reminds me of the joy I had with chickens, but it’s also the basis of many a joke. I am a lover of the manly kind too, and could write some things that would probably change your opinion of me. I am hoping to get to the root of why that bothers me.

Over the weekend, a group of bicyclist were coming up the road. I spotted them right when I stepped out on the front porch. They didn’t see me immediately, but they saw the cock. One of them yelled, “What a cock!”, and they all laughed. I thought it was hilarious, but one of them said, “And the lady heard us too.”

It struck me as odd, out of all the words he could have said, he chose the word, ‘lady.’ I am a lady, and wear it like a well weathered cloak at times. To get to the more authentic me, to discover who I am today, maybe I need to let go of some of that lady. The word that came to my mind when I heard, “What a cock”, was….Aspirations.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Quality of life

Choose Your Mood

Thank you Seymour for being our Guest Blogger today. Enjoy!

wonderwomanYou ever have one of those days, weeks, months….lives….where you wake up just feeling like a grouch every morning?  Before you even get out of bed you are frustrated with the tasks of the day and feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of your schedule?  Haven’t made it to the coffee pot yet you just want to kick the dog and go back to bed and pull the covers over your head?  Well, good news, you are in great company.   Too many of us today experience this type of daily anguish.  We live at a break neck pace seldom taking time to regroup, refresh and rejuvenate ourselves.  All this leads to a chronic state of feeling out of sorts with the universe and makes us tired, troubled and frankly, quite irritable.

So, you’re thinking to yourself.…gee, that’s all true but it’s all well out of my control.  I challenge you to rethink that mind share and consider for a moment what your life would feel like if instead of waking feeling out of sorts with the world every day, you woke up and couldn’t wait to embrace the day.  The demands of your day haven’t changed yet you approach them with a vision seen through a totally different lens.  Just as a lens alters the convergence of light rays, as for magnification, or in correction of visual defects, you have the power to change the way you experience things and alter your mood.

Just like choosing what you are going to enjoy for breakfast, you are empowered to choose how your mind is going to control your day.  Happiness is, in fact, a choice.  One that is far too seldom selected by the vast majority of people but I challenge you to consider how your day would be altered if you subscribed to this philosophy for just one 24-hour period.  You owe it to yourself (not to mention those around you) to live with joy in your life.  Try it for just one day….make the commitment to yourself that regardless of your circumstances, you are going to approach each task with enthusiasm and the heartfelt pleasure that accompanies doing something well.

You’ll likely discover that your feel good state of mind is contagious and that those around you begin to notice your new approach to life and want some of it.  Imagine what it would be like to actually enjoy your daily activities and complete each day with a sense of fulfillment and completeness.  Pretty simple equation.  Change the viewing and you will change the doing.  You can do it.  Give it a go.

connieConnie is a novice writer after spending 40 years in Corporate America in Sales and Sales Leadership roles.  She loves encouraging people through the sharing of kindness and life’s experiences.  She is a Certified Coach through the International Coaching Federation and has spent her life mentoring those who wish to grow both professionally and personally.  She loves life, people, dogs and horses and volunteers as a rider/walker for disabled children who learn life skills through equestrian events.

Breast Cancer Journey, Present Moment, Quality of life

Surviving The Storm

I have a bowl of candy corn sitting on the dining room table. When I wake up, I eventually make my way to that bowl and eat a piece. I don’t buy it year round, or stock up at the end of the season. It’s one of life’s little pleasures for me that I wait for and enjoy while it’s here.

As I’m typing this, the sky is just starting to get light. I sat outside in the porch swing this morning at 5 am. It was dark, quiet, and cold to me. That is how you know a new season is coming in Texas. You put on jeans and a flannel to sit outside, instead of shorts and a tank.

Even though it was dark, I knew it was a new day. In time, the sky would turn blue, and there would be color coming over the horizon. It won’t stay quiet because all God’s creatures will begin announcing the new day. I love sitting and listening to the quiet.

How do you know there is a new season coming over the horizon in your life?

You can feel it.

Just like the change in air temperature this morning on my skin, I can feel a new season is approaching. My last Chemo was a week ago, so thank God that is over. As I sat in the porch swing this morning, my mind was showing me snippets of myself from this year. There was a time not so long ago, the pain in my breast would wake me up and I would sit outside.

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Once I went to the doctor, and received my diagnosis of Breast Cancer, the pain subsided. There has been no more pain, but to get me to the doctor, God used pain. To get me on this path of healing, there was pain involved. Maybe you are going through something painful right now. Let me encourage you to surrender to that pain, and trust that God has a plan.

My mind showed me pictures of sitting in the Chemo chair. Sixteen times at least, and each time took three to five hours. There was one time, my body had an allergic reaction to one of the premeds. They had to unplug me from that, and give me meds for the reaction, and start all over again. That day I closed the place down, and sat in that chair for eight hours.

As you can imagine, the first lesson I learned was how to sit still. I’ve never been good at it. Oh, I could sit still if it was my choice, but to sit still with no choice was very hard for me.

After I came home full of Chemo, my body would just shut down. It would lay in bed for days, and not want to move. I had to tell it what to do. Drink water, and go pee. Sit up and eat something. Three days was as long as I could go without a shower. Just standing in the shower was a major feat. I had to teach my body every week what to do to stay on this path.

Now that the Chemo is over, my body can finish healing. It knows the drill by now, and is expecting to get hit with more Chemo after three weeks. I’m so excited to see how it feels to not get hit. To feel my body continue to heal, and start gaining the weight back that it lost. To feel strength come back into what used to be muscle. To stay out of bed more than in it.

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So, what about the heart? God showed me this week I have closed my heart off as to protect it. My body has been in survival mode for months, so it would seem, my heart followed suit.

Just like teaching my body that everything’s going to be okay, I had to tell my heart that this morning too. I could feel the hardness melt away, and it open up again. I can feel it beating.

The storm will cause us to hit the pause button on our life, and just try to survive. I am not the same person physically, mentally, or spiritually after Chemo. I believe I am better, and will continue to grow. We can either sit in the darkness, usually alone, or wait patiently for it to be light. Today I can feel the warm of the light not only on my skin, but also in my heart.

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Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

A Better Life

A Better Life~Day Two

Early to bed, and early to rise has been my trend recently. I’m diggin’ it. There is nothing like watching God run His paintbrush across this Texas sky first thing in the morning.

I did this series a year ago, under the category, “A Better Way To Live.” My daughter was wondering why I was doing it again. Reading the ones I wrote from a year ago, my writing has changed a good bit. Those barely skim the surface of the topic, so I see where today, my writing goes deeper, and is more heartfelt. It needs to go deeper still, but I’m getting there.

Suggestion #2.

Today, and every day, deliver more than you are getting paid to do. The victory of success will be half won when you learn the secret of putting out more than is expected in all that you do. Make yourself so valuable in your work that eventually you will become indispensable. Exercise your privilege to go the extra mile, and enjoy all the rewards you receive. You deserve them!

We all go through a dry season with our jobs. I have a part-time job that allows me to work from home three days a week. My boss, who is also a friend of mine for the past 15 years, is easy to work with. He knows I’m going through Chemo, and is very accommodating to the days I don’t have a brain. You have to have a brain to do this job. I’m customer service to Day Traders.

I’m very grateful for this job for many reasons. It allows me to work remotely, and I get to choose my schedule. If I want to travel, I pack up my laptop and go. The job has been kinda dry lately, and not very challenging. At first, I got frustrated with the monotony, but then God showed me the blessing in that. It doesn’t take a lot of thought to do the job well.

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I changed my attitude, and saw the blessing of the job being simpler than normal right now.

Today I can do my job with excellence, and be grateful for what it is. I believe where suggestion two fits in is more toward my writing. I write for God. Even though I don’t see a physical paycheck for writing, my rewards are worth far more than money. He rewards me everyday in the little things that make my heart soar. My every need is met and then some.

My love is writing, but my job brings reliable income. Writing occurs when my heart is so full, it has to flow onto a page. It’s not planned, or scheduled…it just happens. I have several posts sitting in a draft folder where I had to write it out, but didn’t publish. The more I pour out of my heart, the larger the space I have to be filled with more love.

God gave me this job years ago so I could stay at home, and home-school my daughter. He knew I would leave my marriage, and my daughter and I would need each other afterwards.

She has pretty much taught herself high school, and this gave me the opportunity to write. I saw a quote once that said, “Your story could be the key that unlocks someone else’s prison.”That is my hope. That you will find something here that feels like a key to your prison door. If God can work through me to do that, then that will be reward enough for me.

Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Quality of life

May We All

Driving down the road the other day, I heard a song come on the radio. I recognized the voice, but not the song. It was that kind of song that you cannot sit still while listening to.

My boys, Florida Georgia Line, have a new one out. I haven’t listened to these guys in a while. They are more redneck than country, and I think you either love them, or you don’t. I’m going to give them credit for hanging on to their individuality, in a world full of haters. They have stayed true to who they are, and this song was on my mind early this morning.

The voice I heard in the song as I was driving was none other than Tim McGraw. This is probably what made me listen to the lyrics more intently. If there is one thing this year has taught me, it’s to take absolutely nothing for granted. Not even breathing. So, Florida Georgia Line, and Tim McGraw, break it down where every country heart can understand.

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May we all do a little bit better than the first time
Learn a little something from the worst times
Get a little stronger from the hurt times
May we all get to have a chance to ride the fast one
Walk away wiser when we crashed one
Keep hoping that the best one is the last one
Yeah you learn to fly and if you can’t then you just free-fall

May We All. (Click to watch and listen)

They talk about the little things in life throughout the song. God has definitely pulled me back to that this year. Can you see the little things, or are you looking for the big things in life? Is it your job, or climbing the cooperate ladder? Maybe it’s the upcoming social engagements during the holidays? Is it the car you have sitting in the garage, or the one you’re wanting to buy?

I’ve had all of that, and I’m here to tell you it doesn’t last. Those things didn’t bring me happiness either. Happiness for me today, is calling my sister, and talking and laughing for an hour. Sitting in my porch swing, breathing in the country air, and listening to the quiet.

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I get to spend everyday with my daughter. She is growing up way too fast, and will leave the nest far too soon, but we have made more memories the past three years then ever before.

She doesn’t remember the time we rented a sailboat in the Florida Keys with a captain for the day. Nor all the fancy hotels we stayed in when she was a child. She doesn’t recall the Mercedes I drove her to private school in, but she will tell you about the time I tried to rescue her cat.

Her cat was stuck in a tree for three days. It was in the woods, across a field, when we lived on 40 acres a couple of years ago. I could hear it howling for help every time I walked outside. So, we pulled on our boots, and started praying for God’s favor and protection, as we walked across this field toward the howling cat. By the time we got there we were scared.

Not as scared as the cat though. It was way up high in the tree, and I knew there was no way to reach it. All of a sudden we felt a mist of water coming straight down on us. I thought it had started to rain until my daughter busted out laughing. The cat was so scared, it started to pee, and was peeing all over us! That was enough for me. Kitty came down on her own.

We still laugh about that story, and we have lots of memorable times that have happened since we’ve been on our own together. She has them written down, and reads them off when we need a laugh. It’s amazing some of the things we’ve been through that have turned out to be the best moments of our lives! These are the things she remembers, and they didn’t cost a thing. Just my time.

 

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Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com